Leo's videos are having an impact and not sure what to make of it

[Hanna Luna]

I've been watching Leo's videos pretty religiously over the past month, and I've found myself in some dark places emotionally due to the complete lack of true understanding that comes with watching his videos without really KNOWING what he's talking about (having never experienced enlightenment, psychedelics or other). Anyway, I've been doing a lot of self-inquiry, so much questioning, meditation, and through this process (inspired by the wisdom Leo provides through his videos) I've come to experience higher levels of consciousness, but with it, I've experienced varying levels of ego backlash.

 

I find that I'm constantly questioning my every thought, move, and idea. Sometimes I relish the idea that life just IS and I take in all its beauty. A few hours or moments later I may find myself having some sort of existential crisis. Is this normal? I feel as though I'm shifting between varying levels of consciousness throughout the day, every day, and the more of Leo's videos I watch/listen to, the more these varying levels of consciousness persist.

I want a perspective other than that of my own on the matter. I'm so fucking lost, and when my state of consciousness drops, my productivity and sense of purpose go with it until the next morning or until my next minor epiphany/shift in perspective.

 

For context: I'm an INTP female, 21 years old, and trying to discover the truth, though I find I may not REALLY want to know what that is.

 

All thoughts on the above are welcome! I'm looking for perspective, even if all that'll lead to is more mind-fuckery and confusion. Thank you.

Edited March 2, 2021 by Hanna Luna

[Leo Gura]

10 minutes ago, Hanna Luna said:

Is this normal?

Of course it's normal. You're just a baby and you're just starting to learn how deceptive and illusory reality is.

Existential crises are an acquired taste.

Try to enjoy the process of inquiring into reality. It's not supposed to be a negative thing. Reality is a wondrous thing to contemplate and explore. Frame it as exploration. When I was your age I was doing philosophy and I loved it. Stop trying to reach some ultimate destination and enjoy the journey. This shouldn't be too hard since you're an INTP so you should love this stuff.

[WhatAWondefulWorld]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Try to enjoy the process of inquiring into reality. It's not supposed to be a negative thing. Reality is a wondrous thing to contemplate and explore. Frame it as exploration.

This is very important. Develop a love for your explorations. You will start to realize things and open your mind to new ways of looking at the world. Perspectives you never dreamed possible will open up to you. 

19 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Existential crises are an acquired taste. 

 You got that right

[Hanna Luna]

@WhatAWondefulWorld It's really when I find myself completely unmotivated to do anything other than contemplating/self-inquiry as a result of all the varying ideas and possibilities I'm absorbing through his videos that I find it difficult to enjoy the process. It's as though I can't move forward before stumbling upon a satisfactory conclusion or answer. I guess it's a matter of finding a balance between practical self-development vs spiritual/consciousness work, and accepting that I won't always immediately stumble upon the answer.

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Hanna Luna

[Hanna Luna]

@Leo Gura

53 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop trying to reach some ultimate destination and enjoy the journey. This shouldn't be too hard since you're an INTP so you should love this stuff.

I suppose my desire to reach this ultimate destination is derived from seeing the point of consciousness you've acquired which I never could have imagined possible, accompanied by the sense of urgency I interpret from your videos. Though I love the journey, it can also feel as though I'm missing a key point or exploring ineffectively. Ahh, perfectionism at its finest.

Anyway, appreciate you taking the time to reply.  

[Nahm]

 

Quote

when my state of consciousness drops, my productivity and sense of purpose go with it until the next morning or until my next minor epiphany/shift in perspective.

(That seems to be the heart of your issue.)  Is that the same as saying when you’re feelin great you’re kickin ass, when you’re not feeling so on top of the world you aren’t gettin much done? 

 

 

[Hanna Luna]

@Nahm I suppose it is.

4 minutes ago, Nahm said:

 

(That seems to be the heart of your issue.)  Is that the same as saying when you’re feelin great you’re kickin ass, when you’re not feeling so on top of the world you aren’t gettin much done? 

 

 

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Hanna Luna

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, Hanna Luna said:

@Leo Gura

...accompanied by the sense of urgency I interpret from your videos.

Well, my job is to twist your nipple to get you to grow yourself 

[zeroISinfinity]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Well, my job it to twist your nipple to get you to grow yourself 

That's how you use this emoji. 

Nothing to hate or judge. Learn from the pros. 

[mmKay]

@Hanna Luna yup definitely it gets worse before it gets better.

This one grew me the most over time :

 

[Bodhitree]

My background is kinda totally different, so maybe my reply to this is not so much in line with what Leo teaches in his video’s, but usually this kind of feeling happens slowly. These things take time to think over and integrate, so maybe you just want to go a bit too fast. I’d take a break from all this existential skulduggery and let things settle, come to rest. 

[The Buddha]

Welcome to the club, none of us knows what the fuck to do with Leo's videos. This journey is so fucking incredible and unbelivable and u just started! I remember I was also told this when I began and I was like hell na, no way. But holy fuck, u won't even imagine. Just enjoy the ride and have fun beautiful soul!

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

9 hours ago, Hanna Luna said:

I find that I'm constantly questioning my every thought, move, and idea. Sometimes I relish the idea that life just IS and I take in all its beauty. A few hours or moments later I may find myself having some sort of existential crisis. Is this normal? I feel as though I'm shifting between varying levels of consciousness throughout the day, every day, and the more of Leo's videos I watch/listen to, the more these varying levels of consciousness persist.

Trust me when I say that we have ALL been there. If this work doesn't confuse the shit out of you, then you aint doing it right!

The road to so-called enlightenment is paved with frustration and disappointment; whenever you think that you finally 'got it', it will immediately slip through your fingers and evaporate into thin air, because you cannot grasp enlightenment. So once you realize (and accept) that there is nothing to grasp and nowhere to 'get to', you will paradoxically have gotten the whole point of existence... which is that there is absolutely no point to existence whatsoever. 

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Existential crises are an acquired taste.

Holy smoke, I think I'll print this sentence in capital letters on a T-Shirt. 

[Hanna Luna]

@Leo Gura

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Well, my job is to twist your nipple to get you to grow yourself 

Wonderful choice of words. :’D

[Nahm]

12 hours ago, Hanna Luna said:

I want a perspective other than that of my own on the matter. I'm so fucking lost, and when my state of consciousness drops, my productivity and sense of purpose go with it until the next morning or until my next minor epiphany/shift in perspective.

In the vein of your request, a perspective other than the one you’re already experiencing...

Instead of assuming your state of consciousness drops (and therefore productivity and purpose for the whole day takes a dive)...

...understand how you’re doing this, with what you’re thinking... and understand how you can also raise your emotional vibration in the opposite direction, such that you can feel amazing and be productive everyday, since you’re creating the experience, by what you’re thinking. 

Bit like the Wizard of Oz...folks looking for a brain, a heart, and courage...finding out there’s no Wizard...and addressing how they’re thinking about themself...and why it felt off...and choosing otherwise...and thus realizing the brains, heart and courage was intrinsic, within, all along. 

[Haumea2018]

15 hours ago, Hanna Luna said:

For context: I'm an INTP female, 21 years old, and trying to discover the truth, though I find I may not REALLY want to know what that is.

Well, there's your problem.  You're listening to another INTP, which reinforces your ego.

There is no truth to discover in INTP terms, i.e. a discursive, comprehensive explanation of "the truth."

That's just the INTP ego doing its comfortable familiar routines.  You're in your comfort zone, which perpetuates your misery.

INTPs need to trust and surrender, as scary as it sounds to them, in order to transcend the ego.  The mental masturbation is simply avoidance of surrender.

If you're even slightly familiar with MBTI, then realize that "salvation" comes through integrating the inferior (Fe in your case) -- not more Ti.  More Ti is a dead-end.

[zeroISinfinity]

1 hour ago, Haumea2018 said:

Well, there's your problem.  You're listening to another INTP, which reinforces your ego.

There is no truth to discover in INTP terms, i.e. a discursive, comprehensive explanation of "the truth."

That's just the INTP ego doing its comfortable familiar routines.  You're in your comfort zone, which perpetuates your misery.

INTPs need to trust and surrender, as scary as it sounds to them, in order to transcend the ego.  The mental masturbation is simply avoidance of surrender.

If you're even slightly familiar with MBTI, then realize that "salvation" comes through integrating the inferior (Fe in your case) -- not more Ti.  More Ti is a dead-end.

Love your explanation but still we all have nipples. 

[Forestluv]

@Hanna Luna Your curiosity and desire to find answers is refreshing. It is Aliveness. It is exploration and participating in one's life. With it comes both joy of discovery and frustration of missing. 

I know the intuitive sense that there is something I'm missing and desire to find it. That energy propelled me to spend thousands of hours reading, writing, conducting research in laboratories, traveling the world, living within different cultures and having deep conversations with hundreds of people with very different life experiences and relationships to reality. Without the curiosity and desire to know, I would not have been motivated to expand, learn new things and participate in a wide variety of experiences. 

For many years, my orientation was toward being grounded and knowing. I did not like ambiguity, paradox, contradictions and not knowing. Ime, to continue expanding there comes a time when one needs to become comfortable with those aspects. They can even become beautiful and exciting. A dance between grounded and groundless, between form and formless. 

[Hanna Luna]

39 minutes ago, Forestluv said:

@Hanna Luna Your curiosity and desire to find answers is refreshing. It is Aliveness. It is exploration and participating in one's life. With it comes both joy of discovery and frustration of missing. 

I know the intuitive sense that there is something I'm missing and desire to find it. That energy propelled me to spend thousands of hours reading, writing, conducting research in laboratories, traveling the world, living within different cultures and having deep conversations with hundreds of people with very different life experiences and relationships to reality. Without the curiosity and desire to know, I would not have been motivated to expand, learn new things and participate in a wide variety of experiences. 

@Forestluv Did the curiosity that propelled you to take on all of these new adventures and experiences lead to a feeling of satisfaction or lasting joy? I mean, really, I struggle to see the point of any of it sometimes. I find myself often contemplating if it'd simply be best to ignore my desire to learn and allow myself to indulge in actions/thoughts that fill my ego with excitement and joy while not swimming too deep into the ocean sea to reach a point of confusion, and dissatisfaction. However, upon thinking this, I realize that I had done this for many years, and in the end, when I'd wake up and realize how insignificant the actions I was part-taking in were (despite how easy and instantly-gratifying they were), and how dissatisfied I felt leading such a life I'd find myself depressed, and ultimately lost.  These actions were eating junk food, playing video games for 8+ hours a day, mooching off my parents, and constantly distracting myself by always stimulating my mind with instantly gratifying treats which actually left me in a perpetual state of sadness and dissatisfaction when the action would come to an end for the day, or when I found myself bored with such actions. In other words, that's not a path I want to go down. Really, I just don't know. I simply don't know.

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Hanna Luna