Manifestation

[Codrina]

I need new perspectives.

I wanted a partner in my life. A man.

So, I imagined him holding me when I sleep, imagined him kiss me while I wash the dishes, slapping my butt...all the good stuff.

I used the emotional charge I had from falling in love with a man who didn't want a relationship (and I realized he was in my life to bring out unseen aspects of myself, in interactions with men, to take me to embrace my feminine more)

I write three pages every morning. One night I had a dream. I was on a rooftop, (it felt like home) and my man just came home. He was a tall, strong man.  With long, dark hair and a long beard. He had this air of punk-rock...I grabbed his beard, played with it, and said 'My painter!'. Then kissed him.

In my dream, I was the woman and the one seeing the whole picture from afar - awareness wasn't veiled in that dream

We laid on a lounge, there on the rooftop, under the stars... I then woke up. I asked, thinking about this painter: 'Who are you? Where are you? When will you come?' As I felt he was the one I was waiting for. 

I wrote about the dream that morning, in my three pages. 

7 days later I went to a lake in my hometown. The sun finally came out. I wanted to feel it on my skin, and have a bath in the icy water. I took the opportunity to shoot a YouTube video on 'How to have an Ice Cold Bath' (part of my work)

Two days later, I edited and posted the video. That night, one of my subscribers, made a love statement in a comment: 

"I wanna be yours right now and for forever, you look like a world of fun omg can't stop smiling and being amazed :)) running that trail to the lake and then on top of that a cold bath, now that's FUN :))) be mine!"

This was a guy I had met 15 years ago. He wanted a transfer from one art class into another. I wanted a transfer from a normal high school to the Arts Highschool. Our first encounter was some five hours, sitting in a classroom, just the two of us, drawing and talking. We saw each other two years during school, as friends. Not much. We then went our separate ways.

I didn't know anything about him until about a month ago when he wrote to me, saying he saw my videos, and he appreciates my work. He asked me when I'll shoot the next, how I am...all that. He told me he is working on his master's degree in painting. He said he would like to go and fry some mushrooms outdoors with me, one day (turns out we're both vegans) I found it exciting to hear from him, back then. As I kinda liked him when I first saw him. We had a similar style. I am quite punkish myself. But that was it. He didn't write again. 

When I saw his comment on YouTube, I was amazed. I wanted to see him. I hadn't seen him in 15 years. I wanted to know how he looks. But he didn't have any pictures on social media. Except a few from 10 years ago. I did, however, said yes. I wrote him and told him to come kiss me.

He showed up at my door and I was amazed. He was the painter I had dreamed of 10 days prior to this encounter. Medium, dark hair, exact same beard, same body, same feeling...I instantly knew it was him. 

We spent some 10 minutes looking into each other's eyes, hugging, laughing. There was this strong recognition. He said something like: "I've been waiting for you for so long!" My feelings were mutual.

We spent a few hours together, hugging, kissing staring into each other eyes. 

It's been four days. We have spent a few hours each day. I have come to learn that he is a brute force of nature. And I love this about him. I find him fascinating. 

I have awakened to the nature of reality a while back. I have been working to create a life for me, that is in tune with my understanding. I gave up all drugs, for a few years now. I've built good, strong habits. Good morning routine. Plans, actions, creation. I still work to embody my understanding in the process.

He, on the other hand, has come to see the nature of reality and has taken a different path. His approach is more on the complete freedom of being. And he feels like a tornado sometimes. He rises like a dragon, he even makes sounds like one. He has a strong passion and desire to punish people for their ignorant actions. He has great compassion for animals, but not much for humans. He doesn't really want to hurt humans, but his way of waking people up is through shaking their reality, like an earthquake. He feels a lot like God's justice sword. 

On my journeys, I have shown people the nature of reality through embodying kindness, love, compassion, self-sacrifice, to such a degree, that people couldn't remain ignorant and made them rethink their approach to life. 

He, on the other side, made people rethink their approach through his violent joy, absolute freedom of being. Drugged up, drunk, composed, spreading love through force (approaching sad, stressed people on the street with some silly games, roars, buffooning around ). You know your classic punk junkie.

We talked a lot about his ways, his experiences. I can see his role.

It makes me wonder what is his role in my life. Is he my partner? He has a tough time caring for himself. And he seems to enjoy being homeless (he had some three weeks of living on the streets and he enjoyed it) Can't say that I blame him. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be homeless. To let yourself go completely into the hands of God. I have this fantasy of owning nothing but a backpack with some clothes, my laptop, my phone, my Nikon, crayons, paint, sketchbooks, taking Europe on foot, sleeping wherever, taking photos, shooting videos, drawing, writing about my experience, and showing it to people.

On the other hand, there is this dream I am currently working towards - becoming an English teacher. Teach teenagers about life, while they develop their knowledge of the English language. Continue writing, and painting. Take my part in society. 

And then I wonder if society is worth keeping.

I guess this is where he comes in. He doesn't want any part in it. He only wants to shake it to its very core. 

What do you make of this experience?

 

 

 

[roopepa]

1. Nothing in your world is real.

2. The meaning of everything is the meaning you give it.

3. You are who you say you are, and your experience is what you say it is.

- Communion with God

[SoonHei]

@Codrina feeling leads the way. thoughts/stories are just empty words/sounds uttered by you. ride the wave of feelings the thoughts/stories/affirmations/imaginations generate. those feelings is what puts your order thru to the kitchen of the universe. then you simply wait for the food to arrive.

[allislove]

@Codrina

At some point it may be seen that you don't want anything but feeling love/peace/joy which is your true nature, not related to the content of the movie, only then you can truly enjoy the movie, by being the screen. Follow your Heart.

BTW, nice creations ?

8 hours ago, Codrina said:

https://treereality.com/

 

[roopepa]

3 minutes ago, allislove said:

At some point it may be seen that you don't want anything but feeling love/peace/joy which is your true nature, not related to the content of the movie, only then you can truly enjoy the movie, by being the screen. Follow your Heart.

Felt this right at my core. Why on earth is there no tears-of-joy emoticon?

[allislove]

@roopepa thanks, appreciate the kind words. ??

[mandyjw]

9 hours ago, Codrina said:

What do you make of this experience?

Sounds like an adventure, and part of the beauty of adventure is, who knows?  This new experience will cause you to clarify what you want more, even though for now, it might be too early to determine much about what that is. Amazing read by the way. 

 

[Codrina]

@allislove Thank you. I am enjoying it. And I have seen my true nature. There is always peace and love in the background. Through tears of sorrow, through tears of joy. I love the rollercoaster of human emotion. I have created them so I can enjoy them. 

I am still to experience this human life. It is a character I manifest, that writes, and a character to answer my question. 

@roopepa I do realize nothing is real. I guess I'm still deciding where to take this character.

@mandyjw Thank you. The experience is amazing. 

@SoonHei Thank you. I will. I do love playing with words and concepts, however 

    I find myself fascinated with the destruction within creation. 

   That's why I started this thread. I was looking for new perspectives on this.

 

   Hmmm... I guess what I already know is enough  

  Thank you all

 

 

[SoonHei]

@allislove beautiful <3

we no want no cake

we is the cake

rest is all cherries on top

we seek cherries thinking it was the cake but no, we the cake

 

[allislove]

@SoonHei exactly ??