Musings

[Roy]

Had a shift in consciousness or perspective or whatever you want to call it. Nothing like a massive epiphany like I've had a few times in my life before, but something clicked "gracefully" a few days ago when I woke up and I feel simply better, usually this is precipitated by a dream but I can't remember my dream from that night.

If I had to guess it's probably because I'm sick of suffering and I think I know deep down what I have to do (generally) and something internal is pushing me (my spirit? Who knows). Anyways one of the symptoms of this shift was uninstalling all video games from my PC tonight, not sure if I'll go back or what will happen in the future with that, but it's a thing that happened nonetheless. Always knew it was coming, one day. I have other changes listed in my mind that will probably follow but we will see how that manifests, or maybe I'll get a huge ego backlash and develop some toxic habit like smoking or something lmao.

Not sure what purpose this thread will serve long term, just had to write this down and put it out to the world and this place kind of makes sense so I'm not overthinking it internally, or am I ?

One lesson I've learned (mostly) is to be persistent as a mother fucker even if you fail 1000 times or feel shitty 1000 times, if you really want something deep down emotionally past all the noise in your head perhaps that's all you need. The rest will follow.

Anyways cheers to whoever stumbles upon this.

Edited March 2, 2021 by Roy

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Roy]

Missed work today because I was up all night feeling anxious and ruminating, I guess this is what a shift does to you. But I got some errands and things done today to make up for it a bit.

While out I also made a pledge to myself to never shop at fast-food places again. I've never really been a go to customer anyways the past 10 years I'm pretty good with my health actually, I'd only go to Tim Hortons or McDonalds for coffee and snacks, but still I see what they're doing to the planet and what happens to unconscious addicted customers and their health. I simply don't want to support it anymore, the easiest and direct way is to cutting off my wallet from them. I hope they go bankrupt 

Also noticed some pretty intense urges to game again today after I got home. "Oh just install one. Playing just one is fine. Oh don't be too hard on yourself." Distraction really is the egos greatest defense mechanism. I resisted though. Maybe one day I'll treat myself again, but I've got to accomplish some other shit first.