I have dreams/visions of space sometimes

[Snuitje]

I wanted to write this post for over a year, but fear and Resistance kept me from writing it. After the LP course craziness has dialed up to 11. I feel like this is the only place where I could share this and possibly get some "answers". I would like to know if anyone else recognizes these things and can explain this. I will make this post as short as possible.

When I was a child (age 6 - 8 or something) I wanted to Ascend. Also when I looked in a mirror (age 8 to 12 orsomething) I was asking what is looking exactly? How do I look? I knew back then I wasn' t looking from my eyes. In my teens I knew I would climb/walk the 'Stairs', at the top there sits God. At the top I would Ascend, No idea what it meant.

When I was 20 I was an atheïst, I hated most of my life, I was cursing so much I became really creative with the words hehe. I met someone who was a christian and we became friends and we talked about God and I told him I saw no point in living, this was my lowest moment in live ever. That night I went to bed and I prayed for the first time. My prayer only consisted of: God I need your help. And right at the dot my whole room lighted up for like a second and a half. I thought a car lighted up their car lights across the street but nothing happend, no sound was made and I couldn' t explain it scientifically. Then this massive "wave" happened inside me and I felt every emotion at the same time, it was crazy. When I woke up I never vowed to never curse again.

Well I went to a protestant church, but I never felt like I fitted in. It didn't feel right, even though I enjoyed it, after 2 years orso I kind of 'outgrew' the church.

I moved to a new city because I felt a calling, it was the city I always wanted to go and live. I am 27 when this happend. I also had a thought that changed my life. Before I went to sleep I had this idea that everything in my dream is me. So what would happen if I pointed at someone in my dream and say: You are me. Well this happend:

I was in an army camp, packing my bag, I was a spy I guess and had to get out. While walking to the exit I got  discovered. Magicly I had a handgun in my hand and started shooting at the guards. Then I became lucid and said to myself: Now is my chance! I pointed my finger at a guard and at that moment a child was walking from the left side of my view into my middle. I pointed at the child and said: You are me! Immediatly there was a loud screaming in the background of the dream. The child said also: You are me! I kept repeating myself: You are me and there was this intense dread. Then the guards came around me and said: You are me and everyone was screaming: You are me. Then they started chanting it and it became sort of singing it (at this point the background screaming stopped) and I spread my arms. The moment I did that I realised that I was looking at a screen. My dream was 2d projection orsomething. Like I am a beamer. When I opened my arms all the way to the side I moved from the ground upward. While going up everyone was still chanting/singing: You are me. The best I can describe this part is that I became mist/energy. Everything then turned white for like 2 seconds and I woke up. I couldn't move for like 15 minutes. I was paralyzed with fear/dread. After 15 minutes I made breakfast haha. It was at this point I knew that the dream world and this world are the same, for some reason.

Around a day later I dreamed I was in a bus. I asked a man in front of me who was looking at me: Do you know you're a program? He looked puzzled and the lights in the bus started flickering, at the same time this scream in the background occured. Then I told him I was joking and everything stopped (the flickering and the scream) I was lucid while doing this.

In another dream I said to a barman in a white shirt you are me, he looked at me and said: Yeah so? and he continued cleaning the bar haha.

I had a fantasy where God and I were sitting in space and I said to Him: What a wonderful world you have created (orsomething like that, can't remember exactly) and then He said something like: But who created me? and this shattered this fantasy that God was an external being. I was struck by fear and at the sametime realized heaven and hell are methaphors (I was 28 orso) Then I realized I was God creating everything because He couldn't exist (which is wierd but this how it happend).

I was watching Westworld Season 1 and started having questions about consciousness. I met Leo at this point and saw the first video on his channel: What is consciousness. I didn't understand anything he said, and yes I was playing video games while listening to him. I felt a calling to psychedelics and did my first 12g Atlantis in the forest. It reminded my of my dream here above, exactly the same. I am a beamer projecting on a 2d screen but it was less intens then my dream.

On my second trip I used a low dose (5g Atlantis) I was in space creating worlds, in the book the Tao of Physics there is a picture of magic diagram (page 112). It looked like that but it was in blue and red. The lines were red and the background was blue. I don't know what this means. I read this book after my trip.

Age 30 I started being serious about self-actualizing, bought a notebook for commonplace book and started meditating regularly, I was already reading into books but this only increased at this age to ridiculious amounts. Up to this day I can't stop learning, it's like I am possessed by learning.

Also between age 25 - 28 I dreamt a lot about the end of the world. Especially black holes consuming the earth and aliens destroying the earth with their tech.

Last summer I wanted to buy a new computer. I was stuck in life again and didn't know what to do. I had my computer assembled and when my mouse was at the checkout I was "overruled" and before I knew it, I bought the LP course. At this point I had watched like 90% of Leo's content, some of it twice, some of that thrice. I became very emotional when I watched in the intro video, actually the whole course was an emotional rollercoaster for me. I was like why wasn't I doing this couple years ago (I wasn't ready). Spirituality was the main thing that came forward from the course.

At the end of NLP exercise, you go 20 years into the future and I met myself. I was sitting meditating on a rock, behind him was a forest and a house. It felt so real. I could feel his energy, this calm tranquilo energy. He openend his eyes and looked at me. He smiled at me and I could see in this eyes he was happy and "made it". I don't remember anything else Leo said but at the same moment Leo said we go back now he stood up and walked into the house. And by the 3,2,1 from Leo I was back in the room and started crying from joy and disbelief I guess.

While doing the LP course I met a woman who had a couple of enlightenment experience it seems. We started talking at work (she was guest) and I asked her if she was aware of her ego. She said yes. I asked her did her ego "glitch" when this experience happend. She said yes. At this point the walls starting to move and I could feel my stomach feeling wierd. I had to get out of there. Then I couldn't think for like couple seconds, then 1 word popped up in my head which was: Turqoise (from SD). After the thought I was in space. I saw a purple star (like our sun) as a +. the ends of the + were coming towards me and it was surrounded my magenta spots. I knew exactly that it was the magenta colour. the background were stars. This lasted for like 2 seconds I think. I was back at my work and had to get out of there. I walked to my manager to tell him I wasn't feeling right. Couple seconds later I tried to explain to my manager what happend and I could barerly talk. I told I feel the sun in my stomach. I felt objects or somethings all around me, In the stuttering I told her I felt this womans energy. After that I could see a ball of energy in my stomach. The outside was just pure energy (it had a golden glow) and the inside was so empty (it was blackish/darkish). I felt the emptiness in the ball and then I felt all around me empty. This feeling is so wierd. I never felt anything like it. Thoughts that occured then: the story of the Buddha is real, The Force (from SW) is real (but not literal, not from the movie, but like the metaphor orsomething is real). This lasted for like a minute orso and some of my colleagues were shocked. I was exhausted after this event and sweating like shit. I thought I was going mental on this one. So I got her number and the next day I felt everything. Objects and people it was crazy, everything is radiating energy. It felt as if my ego was cracked. Over 2 weeks I had fear attacks (felt like my thoughts were going to a crack) and I felt like I was releasing a lot of negative energy. 5 days later I had dream:

My vision was a rectangle (like a movie with blackbars at the top and bottom) I was in space. I saw a blue and red circle of energy. They were colliding, while they were colliding this loud noise and electricity occurd. then they merged and there was this male authoritarian voice that said: UNITY. then my view moved to the left. I saw a city in white. Around 16 white glows came from the city at the same time and the city was rebuilding itself. I looked at it and I was happy. When the city was rebuilt I felt this emptiness again, but far in the background.

I met with this woman and she explained she just experienced as love. which confused me even more, while I was talking to her I realized she was a vMeme Blue person. Which to be honest kind of dissappointed me. While we were talking I realized my knowlegde was way above hers, still I enjoyed the time we spent and I am glad I met a spiritual person.

Some weeks later I had this massive emotional breakdown. My loneliness became unbearable, also I couldn't deny any longer that I was too timid towards a colleague of mine who I had to stand up way earlier. My heart told me right from the beginning she was bad news and I didn't listen. I had fear attacks everytime I dreamed about her and I couldn't stand it anymore. I finally called after month a collegue of mine and explained the situation. I really liked this girl and we seemed to click on some level very well but I was so blind to the toxicity of her. I identified her as a vMeme Red person but I said no it's okay, doesn't matter. I was so ashamed of myself. If Leo and Les Brown were standing before me I couldn't even look them in the eye, It felt as If I never listenend to anyword they said. Even though they would probaly say it's part of the progress orsomething like that. I became so weak I was laying bed and my body started to ache from everywhere. Normally I can locate fear, confusion etc. in the body but this pain was everywhere. The ball in my stomach came back and I felt sick, I thought I wasn't gonna make it. Then I was in space again. It was so peaceful. On my "right" I saw sort of "thunder cloud" with lightning, and in that "cloud" I saw a light. I could feel that light and it felt so good. I felt that I was going to bring humanity to a higher consciousness level, (it happend also after I finished the LP course) whatever that means I'm not sure. then I was back in my bed again and everything was normal again, no more pain, no more wierd dreams. no more fear.

Also went to the doctor and wanted to talk to a shrink orsomething about this. But my heart said I don't have too, which I trust, so I didn't do it. I mean this doctor, I came in like all sick and shit and 2 weeks later looking all healthy and saying i'm better haha, oh his face, priceless.

This emotional breakdown only lasted for 2 weeks, but when I was back at work, everything was different (in me). It felt like I was gone for 3 months.

After all these shananigens, my meditation increased tremendously. I could do 30 to 45 min barely but now 1 hour is normal. I am meditating daily now for one hour and every month switching techniques. I see people as childeren now. Even though I act childish at work I feel like I am the only adult there. As far as I can tell I have 2 major addictions left (fap and thinking) (I know I have more minor addictions, but these two I feel are holding me back most in life) I feel like next month I have fap under controle, thanks to journaling in the commonplace book, these last 2 months I have made kilometers on fap, and next month I feel like these cravings will go away. I find it hard to make friends now and finding "good" people, as in self-actualizers. People are so mediocre, but I know they are oblivious, I guess I can see them as asleep, and it's okay.

So, I am curious about these space dreams/vision. I think i'm part of the Indigo people even though I am quite sceptic about those new age concepts, I'm a "scientific proof" guy haha. I'm glad I finally wrote it all down here. I like to now your thoughts and if you see space shit aswell.