Higher conscious experiences while high

[tezk]

Yesterday I had some very interesting experiences while high.

I smoked some weed with a few friends and as part of my practice, told myself to be "as aware as possible" of the transition from sober to high. Suffice to say it was interesting. I got up and immediately felt my body become a lot more energised, aware of it's physical presence a lot more prior to smoking. I then began jerking my body to experience the transient nature of sensations, saying to myself "become as aware as I possibly can", noting the transient nature of the body. I then just let my attention move throughout my experience organically, noting anicca anicca anicca, changing changing changing. It was at this point that I realised I was becoming more conscious, and told my friends that I am experiencing something profound, just let me be and do not worry. I then went back and did the same for the visual thoughts arising and passing. Some part of me actually noted the visual thoughts automatically - I've been doing noting, particularly "see in" for mental images in my practice for a quite some time now and it's probably begun to build momentum. As I was becoming aware of the transient nature of who I think and feel I am, I began self-inquiring, quite naturally. Who am I if the sensations are constantly changing? Who am I if the thought process is transient, up arises one visual thought, and then a new thought arises and takes over that one. Then suddenly, I felt like I had cracked open the limited identity that ties me into this experience of the "world", the world of form. It’s like I am tied up into this current consciousness (the ‘reality’ of living as a human being’), as I identify with human form. And as soon as I broke free from that illusion, by looking closer at reality, my consciousness was liberated from “the world”.

A spiritual force took over my body and wanted to keep realising, wanted to keep seeing, how I am not my thoughts or sensations as they are arising and passing away - it did this by jerking and moving my body around like an animal all the while "doubling up" on the awareness of how the form that constitutes my human experience - visual thoughts and sensations - are arising and passing away, transient. This process felt so good, like I was experiencing a whole body orgasm of sensations. From this point I felt like I had left my body, experiencing intense love in the process, for all the sensations and feelings occurring in that moment. I felt like I had broken free. If you had of looked at my body from a 3rd person point of view, you would of thought this guy is going crazy and psychotic jerking around in the grass (I just let my body go to the ground and allowed it to do its thing). My body basically completely took over in a very raw animalistic way. The "world" that I usually take as reality, at this point vanished into from what I can only try to understand, into a higher conscious experience of the present moment. I remember realising this was the purpose of life. To become more conscious. For consciousness to wake up, lost in it's own dream, and that there are deeper levels of experience and love waiting within. It felt like I had just cracked the first level. I couldn't believe it, I was so god damn happy and felt a massive relief - this was the first taste of what is possible - and a confirmation that this pursuit of consciousness and spirituality is indeed a path. I remember realising this is exactly where consciousness, creativity, love, joy, intuition come from. When you access these higher dimensions of consciousness, they're inherently full of those qualities. After this initial "ascension" I came back to my body, trying to figure out how to "cause" that again. I remember my consciousness swinging into unconsciousness, thought stories, fear of not accessing that again, craving for that experience, and then into actual cold hard awareness which would then perpetuate the experience again. While going through this entire experience, I felt very calm, clear, and grounded. 

My friends then went inside (we were out smoking by a campfire). So I went and sat in front of the fire by myself. I shut my eyes and told myself "become as conscious as I possibly can". I then became extremely aware of the black screen (by shutting the eyes), and an orange pattern (from the light of the fire I assume). I then began to use my consciousness like a telescope, zooming in and out of the orange pattern present on the black screen. I could literally zoom in and out at will. As i zoomed in, the orange visuals transformed into creative fractals. When I zoomed out, I could see the black screen with very fine orange dots. 20 mosquitoes at this point had probably bitten my legs but I didn't care because what I was experiencing was so profound. The sensations in my legs were merely all just apart of this infinite stream. I thought to myself, after this very clear experience of zooming in and out, this is exactly what Leo is referring to when he talks about consciousness being a volume notch that can be turned up or down.

I then went inside and laid down on my bed sideways. I still had a tonne of energy from these experiences. It was about 4 am at this point. I intended for the same thing. "Become as conscious as I possibly can". This is where it gets even weirder. When I intended to "become as conscious as I can", it's like an intuitive-knowing part of me knows what to do to become conscious. When I intended this, over and over again, my body began to fill with energy (my awareness just absorbed into the body). My body begun jerking and twitching again on its own like earlier. This time however my ass muscles began contracting by themselves in a very consistent spaced out fashion, almost like a conveyor belt moving one product at a time, moving this elixer of energy and pumping it up my spine. I distinctively felt the lower and upper back chakras. They felt like massive orbs of energy. They felt a lot "bigger" then I conceptually imagined them to be - I haven't read too much about chakras and all that yoga stuff, but I knew this was clearly some kind of yoga/kundalini phenomena. Throughout this process, I was basically bouncing from consciousness to unconsciousness lost in stories - the unconsciousness was perpetuated by fear of losing the experience (when I went unconscious, these kundilini/yoga phenomena stopped). I then learnt that as long as I intended to "become as conscious as possible" again and again and again, not missing a beat, it would push me back into this experience with the energy going up my spine. At one point, my body was jerking so violently I had to put a conscious control so as to not do any damage to my neck.

The entire time throughout this experience I felt very grounded and calm. I realised that you cannot access these states in anxiety etc as your neurosis are the times when you're literally the most unconscious - identified with thought stories and phenomena which is ultimately ephermal.

I also realised that all I need to do is to be conscious moment by moment. On a more "meta" level exactly what Leo says. Stop getting pulled into thought stories and taking the dream contents so literally (you're losing consciousness) and go more meta - whats happening right now as I am entertaining this story - oh, i'm experiencing visual thought, auditory thought, I am outside etc. Notice where you are at all times of the day. Notice what you're doing. Notice when experiences have ceased - note them with 'gone', and the memory of it 'see in'. Become aware of when you're in thought. Become aware of when your emotions change from happy to sad, peaceful to agitated, etc. What has worked very effectively for me, and I encourage you to try it, is to just have the intention right now "to be as conscious as I possibly can" and repeatedly uphold this intention moment by moment throughout your day.

When you become conscious, you go beyond the reality of form, the world you take as “reality”. And I can understand that attachments to this state of consciousness (e.g. a beautiful relationship with something) might result in emotional hurt as you realise this person is just a figment of God imagination and a reflection of how conscious you are… the more conscious you are, the world of form seems to disappear.

While this experience was still very fresh, I imagined what it must be like being a “stream enterer” or at least higher states of consciousness integrated into sober reality - what this would feel like. You’ve trained your consciousness to become SO AWARE of reality, moment by moment, the arising and passing away of phenomena is so clear and unseeable, the transient nature of thought and sensation is too glaringly obvious. Your consciousness is so soaked into sensory experience. You're in a stream oh phenomena without identifying with anything. How satisfying and fulfilling this must be.

While writing this, my feelings and mind are getting slightly frustrated attempting to explain what happened last night in a way that makes sense. 

Wisdom bits: Keep going… there is certainly a whole new world within you that is worth exploring. You will be thanking yourself for once you’ve achieved these higher states of consciousness more permanently, the fruit will be worth the effort 100000x over.

Yooohoooo.

Techniques I've been practicing:

The Mind Illuminated (Stage 4-5)/ concentration
Awareness throughout the day. Sometimes with noting, especially of thoughts. Sometimes just intuitively - "be as aware as I possibly can". Awareness of feelings. Awareness of thoughts. Contemplating transient nature of phenomena and being aware of this. All of reality is your meditation object.
Basic self inquiry - who am I if the body and thoughts are transient?
I just begun a Kriya Yoga practice a couple of days ago.

Edited February 28, 2021 by tezk