Did I expierence a glimpse of ego death?

[meow_meow]

So as usual I'll start my topics with my enlightenment stats:

Been meditating for ~1.5 years daily (seated, eyes closed, 35min - 1h), just a few days ago started a new technique by focusing on breath and cultivating a feeling of satisfaction when noticing that my attention is not perfectly still on my meditation object (breath)

Been doing self-inquiry 3 - 4 times a week, 25 mins, but recently stopped and will restart when I'll enter higher levels of Jhana.

So basically only scratching the surface for now,

No psychedelics.

Anyway,

Yesterday during sleep I had very vivid and weird dreams, I think it was the first time that I've ever dreamt of someone that wasnt me, I wasnt in the dream so to speak, I was only the one watching the dream about another person.
At some point something weird happened and I woke up from my dream BUT I had absolutely no feeling of ME, none! Like everything was the same as usual, same body, same sensations etc But it was not targeted or was not occuring so to speak towards the feeling for me, the feeling just wasnt there, empty.

It frightened the living shit out of me and for maybe 2 - 5 seconds I basically begged for this to not be true and my sense of self returned back to normal.
This nights experience will foreved change the way I look at self inqury and my sense of self, I'm not even really sure if I really want to experience it ever again, I actually feel kinda empatethic and loving towards that feeling me me 100x more than I did before, its crazy.

I've read a lot of trip reports that report the same sensations when experiencing ego death on psychedelics. Is that so? Has anyone else experienced something similiar during sleep?

Edited February 27, 2021 by meow_meow

[allislove]

What if you let go the ideas about ego death, glimpses, higher levels of Jhana, etc.
What if you let go the expectation that meditation should take you somewhere.
What if you start doing the meditation practice just for the sake of enjoying the experience of meditating.
What if you start relaxing attention on attention during the day as often as possible.
What if you start doing what feels good more often, like singing, dancing, cycling, walking in nature, etc.
What dreams may come.  

[Leo Gura]

@meow_meow That's not really so accurate. God-realization is much more intimate. It doesn't feel like becoming someone else, it feels like becoming fully, truly YOU. The Infinite You. It feels great. But it does take some getting used to.

Ego-death is cool but what you're really after is God-realization.

[Nahm]

@meow_meow

How is feeling / sensation, without this story about the you? 

[meow_meow]

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

@meow_meow

How is feeling / sensation, without this story about the you? 

None, I suppose. If I understand the question correctly - How is the feeling related to me without this story?

Anyway, I guess it was just a bad dream and I'm probably just exageratting things.

 

14 hours ago, allislove said:

What if you let go the ideas about ego death, glimpses, higher levels of Jhana, etc.
What if you let go the expectation that meditation should take you somewhere.
What if you start doing the meditation practice just for the sake of enjoying the experience of meditating.
What if you start relaxing attention on attention during the day as often as possible.
What if you start doing what feels good more often, like singing, dancing, cycling, walking in nature, etc.
What dreams may come.  

Dude, Yea, I undestand what you're saying but for me personally If I'll just start walking around singing and dancing I aint getting enlightened for sure. And I do actually enjoy meditation, I don't enjoy self-inqury that much because for me it requires more mental labor, but I'll work on it once I'll have some other things sorted out. 
Relaxing attention on itself sounds hard but I'll try it out, thanks.

[nistake]

I know the struggle and I contemplated this a lot. What really helped me was Adyashanti's take on it. Especially the end drove it home for me.

Quote

The ego will get anxious like "well, if I don't hold on, maybe nothing will happen".

Well, look at how much nothing has happened while you're holding on.

 

14 hours ago, allislove said:

What if you let go the ideas about ego death, glimpses, higher levels of Jhana, etc.
What if you let go the expectation that meditation should take you somewhere.
What if you start doing the meditation practice just for the sake of enjoying the experience of meditating.
What if you start relaxing attention on attention during the day as often as possible.
What if you start doing what feels good more often, like singing, dancing, cycling, walking in nature, etc.
What dreams may come.  

The highest spiritual "practise" ?

[Nahm]

35 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

None, I suppose. If I understand the question correctly - How is the feeling related to me without this story?

No...not related to you...without the story about you, at all. 

[meow_meow]

54 minutes ago, Nahm said:

No...not related to you...without the story about you, at all. 

Without the story/history about me as meow_meow who is 28 years old, has a job etc etc there wouldn't really be a me? Without me the feeling of fear would just be on its own? or in this case the feeling wouldn't even arise since there wouldn't be a me who all out of sudden dissaperared for 2 -3 seconds. Idk if I'm getting it correctly 

[Nahm]

@meow_meow

Without the thoughts, the ‘story about you’...could there even be...’fear’...?

Notice just how sneaky the thought story can be...‘did I experience a glimpse of ego death’...’my enlightenment stats’...’I’ll enter higher levels’.

Awareness is seeking to realize there is no separate self...while literally telling a story about a separate self. 

It’s quite possible that what is sought is feeling without the thought narrative of a me....and what’s being missed in the thought narrative is about feeling. See how thought is ‘hijacking’ feeling’ here? 

An alternative, let’s say... instead of ‘self inquiry’, or meditation, or any practice....would be to just check perception now. Do you see or hear that “I” which did or didn’t, does or doesn’t, experience an ego death...or a glimpse? 

Essentially...when you are talking about this one...who, what, are you actually talking about? 

“...it was not targeted or was not occuring so to speak towards the feeling for me, the feeling just wasnt there, empty.....It frightened the living shit out of me...”

Feeling was clearly present there...it was just not resonating at all with those thoughts about yourself. 

Put anther way, for consideration sake...thought is ‘saying’ ego, death, etc...while feeling is saying “nonsense”, “doesn’t resonate”. And the thoughts are being believed, and the feeling is being ignored, and this experience is then being labeled “fear” or “ego” “death”. 

Fear, ego, and death... you’ve zero direct experience of.   Feeling, is present absolutely. 

Why listen to thoughts about what isn’t even actual...while feeling is actual?

What if you listen to feeling? And recognize what you’re thinking does not resonate....? Why not listen to the Infinite intelligence, unconditional love, peacefulness, ever presence, of feeling...and let thoughts which feel terrible go...thus simply...being Happiness...?  

[allislove]

8 hours ago, meow_meow said:

Dude, Yea, I understand what you're saying but for me personally If I'll just start walking around singing and dancing I aint getting enlightened for sure.

Enlightenment is not personal, and you are already enlightened. The only thing that stops you from realizing that is identification with a person.

9 hours ago, meow_meow said:

And I do actually enjoy meditation

I meditate every day for 1 hour, it's truly a miracle.

9 hours ago, meow_meow said:

Relaxing attention on itself sounds hard but I'll try it out, thanks.

It may appear to be hard. Once it's clearly noticed it's the easiest 'thing' ever; you don't need to do anything since there is no you.

9 hours ago, nistake said:

The highest spiritual "practise" ?

?