HUGE revelations from repressed emotions

[LeoX8]

Hi there. today I started doing THE exercise from a book I'm reading (the sedona method). Basically you have to experience fully your undesired emotions and go to the core of them. In the past year I've been dealing with this sensation that was so weird yet painful in a way: I've called it summer feeling, as I associate it with the sun. in the past 3 days here in Italy the sun is shining and spring is arring, this has triggered the summer feeling in me. The closest thing that I could associate with this feeling was loneliness, but it is not actually. By diving deep in this sensation and seeing what my mind had to offer me I saw clearly has never before that inside me I am terrified as shit (litteraly shaking in front of this). As I went deeper I discovered that I was terrified of life, of living and if I started to embrace all of this repressed feelings I would have probably died. It is clear that this is an ego problem, I feel threatened by something. 

Let me clarify this point: this SOMETHING is living my life and by that I mean embracing all the aspects of life that even the ones that I do not want to see. To me this comprehends all the possible scenarios in which I FAIL at life. I know it sounds stupid but this fear was playing a crucial role in my life and I did not see it. 

When I went deeper, to the core of this fear, I saw a light: a deep desire to life my life and also have an amazing life. 

As I am trying to see how this was affecting my life, I saw a lot of negative motivation in my actions and a sense of inadequacy. A lot of decisions were driven by this fear.

Now for those who are reading: I still feel this summer feeling but it is not vanished completely. Do you have any suggestion on where to look at and dig? Or any general advice? 

I hope that you have liked my story and has inspired you a little.

Thanks in advance <3

[Nahm]

Beautiful and very inspiring indeed. Thank you for sharing. When a thought arises about yourself, and it does not feel good, it is not true. If we allow it to be, it is this simple. Inadequacy is not actually possible. You are you, however you are, you are. That is actual. “How you could be, or should be”, is a thought about what is actual, but is not actual. 

You might think of this as “comparative thinking”, believing thoughts which are of the theme of comparing how you actually are, to “this other you”, which is only a thought, and not an actual “other you”. The perfect one is the only real actual one, and you are that One. You are beautiful, whole, and loving, and not a single thought to the contrary will ever do. 

[LeoX8]

@Nahm Your words are beautiful and cristal clear as always, this made things more understandable. Thanks ?