Is a 36 year old guy with a 19 year girl appropriate?

[LastThursday]

@Preety_India indeed at 17 she may not be an adult or able to have sexual relations in some countries. Personally, that's a no from me. If they guy had been 19 or 20 himself, then so be it. And here's me thinking I was open minded!

I only mention biology because it comes into the equation, it can't be ignored. On the whole younger women are more attractive and fertile and fit, and men instinctively know this, they don't need to be taught it. Conversely, older men are more confident, have higher status, and are more stable, and women instinctively know this too. Age is definitely correlated to fertility in both sexes, and so is attractiveness, that's why wrinkles and grey hair are generally a put off - and also why there's a stigma against large age differences.

Also, I guess every potential relationship is different. It sounds like in this case the guy has questionable motivations, maybe he wants power, or at least lacks the maturity to go with older women. 

[Preety_India]

@LastThursday  I've always been attracted to men much older than me. 

It's kinda weird. 

 

[captainamerica]

@Preety_India Are they from/in an urban area or a rural area?

 

[Preety_India]

@captainamerica urban. City. 

 

[captainamerica]

 

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@captainamerica urban. City. 

 

Age differences comparable to this are quite common in rural areas in developing countries due to survival issues..can't really blame them. 

Can recall cases that I know definitely happened in an urban area. A 16-17 year old girl was having an affair with a driver, he was at least above 20 to my knowledge. One happened in my school as well  The teacher and the student(15-16) ran away together. Both the cases ended up bad it seems. 

Edited March 5, 2021 by captainamerica

[Preety_India]

@captainamerica they are not living in my country. These are my American friends. They are not Indians. 

 

 

[LastThursday]

34 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@LastThursday  I've always been attracted to men much older than me. 

It's kinda weird. 

Weird, but perhaps natural. We don't have control over most of the things we find attractive. We can only control what we do about it.

[captainamerica]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@captainamerica they are not living in my country. These are my American friends. They are not Indians. 

 

 

Thanks for the clarification.

Edited March 5, 2021 by captainamerica

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

Weird, but perhaps natural. We don't have control over most of the things we find attractive. We can only control what we do about it.

Agree. 

 

[Haumea2018]

The dirty secret is that a lot of 19 year old girls hit on older, and in some cases MUCH older men.

And of course the Twitter reaction is "waaaah, exploitation!"  It's a weird kind of puritanism in Western culture that somehow has shattered most other sexual taboos.

If they're old enough to vote, they're old enough not to be considered as exploited.  Unless, you know, you admit that political movements, causes and parties are exploiting them.

Edited March 5, 2021 by Haumea2018

[LastThursday]

3 minutes ago, Haumea2018 said:

The dirty secret is that a lot of 19 year old girls hit on older, and in some cases MUCH older men.

And the other dirty secret is of course, those MUCH older men enjoy the attention. But, being a much older man you would wisely consider your options (and probably your wife and children) before engaging.

[Haumea2018]

5 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

And the other dirty secret is of course, those MUCH older men enjoy the attention. But, being a much older man you would wisely consider your options (and probably your wife and children) before engaging.

And if the older man is single? "Married guys shouldn't cheat" is a given, but that's not what this specific issue is about.  

The problem is that we live in a nearly schizophrenic state of hypocrisy in the West, where the same people send mixed messages to our young people 24/7.

Edited March 5, 2021 by Haumea2018

[LastThursday]

@Haumea2018 I get your point, personally I don't have an opinion on the hypochrisy one way or the other.  Other people here might.

But I think the stigma arises because there is an expectation, and probably high chance, that a man in his thirties and older is already married. So the thinking goes that he's mostly likely only having an affair with someone so young; because what has she got to offer the man other than her youthful looks and body?

I also think the stigma is almost always against the older man and not the younger woman, for the reason I've just given. He's trespassing on the sanctity of marriage. The younger woman is being exploited by the older man, not vice versa.

You can argue about single older men, but they're few and far between. Amongst my many friends in their 40s and 50s, there are only two of us single blokes. Even for a single older man, the assumption is still that they're married and just looking for an illicit affair with a 19 year old.

[Preety_India]

53 minutes ago, Haumea2018 said:

If they're old enough to vote, they're old enough not to be considered as exploited.  Unless, you know, you admit that political movements, causes and parties are exploiting them.

You must be out of your mind to write something like that. 

There was nothing right about it.. 

Voting and relationships are like comparing Venus to Jupiter. 

 

Edited March 5, 2021 by Preety_India

[Haumea2018]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You must be out of your mind to write something like that. 

Your reaction is precisely because I'm right on the money, and the truth hurts.

What is the quality we associate with "the exploited"? Lack of sophistication, naivete, credulity/gullibility and lack of discernment.

Unfortunately, you offer a perfect example -- OMG someone said something on Twitter....must...believe.  Maybe in five or ten years you'd laugh and shake your head at the officious loons inhabiting social media.  It's a very sick culture that has been framed as some kind of social boon.

Your mental health would SIGNIFICANTLY improve if you cut out social media - I promise.  Just try it for 90 days, or even a month, and compare.  Guaranteed or your money back. 

It's a breeding ground for anxiety and depression.  

2 hours ago, LastThursday said:

But I think the stigma arises because there is an expectation, and probably high chance, that a man in his thirties and older is already married. So the thinking goes that he's mostly likely only having an affair with someone so young; because what has she got to offer the man other than her youthful looks and body?

Yeah, I understand that impression, but I think it flies in the face of modern divorce rates as well as men choosing not to marry in the West.  Also, 19 year old girls today aren't necessarily looking for long-term relationships (I mean, honestly even 30 years ago many of them weren't either.)   They are not some innocent little bunnies being taken advantage of - in many cases they are more sexually experienced via the hook-up culture than the older men.

And what she has to offer is a youthful spirit and fun, at least in some cases.  

Edited March 6, 2021 by Haumea2018

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, Haumea2018 said:

Your reaction is precisely because I'm right on the money, and the truth hurts.

What is the quality we associate with "the exploited"? Lack of sophistication, naivete, credulity/gullibility and lack of discernment.

People who are that young aren't old enough to understand things. Having the right to vote is only a reflection of legal status. 

Most people don't achieve emotional maturity even at the ages of 22. Go ask any psychologist and stop giving nonsense ungrounded explanations..

And yes young people are much more vulnerable to exploitation. 

What you are doing is called shaming. 

This is like blaming someone because their house got robbed 

 

[LastThursday]

19 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

An older dude's sparkling eyes and longing for youth is a daily encounter.

True that!

[outlandish]

On 3/5/2021 at 0:52 AM, Spence94 said:

I don't know why but I've always felt this to be a good rule of thumb to fall back on. Don't have get neurotic about it, you can allow for a year or two and take the person, connection, chemistry and situation into account.

It's a good intention to have in mind when you are actively looking to meet people though I think. 

Yeah agreed, it's not some kind of inviolable axiom, more like a pattern.