My very strange ayahuasca vision involving Leo

[Flowerfaeiry]

Alrighty the time has come for for me to share about one of the visions I had while on a 4 day ayahuasca retreat. 

 

First I want to say, I had wanted to drink ayahuasca for years. Ever since I heard about it almost a decade ago. But I had a lot of hesitations, judgements, fears etc. So last year I signed up and after Covid restrictions lifted I had the opportunity to fly down to sit with mama aya. I've been back from the retreat for almost a month now. 

 

Holy shit. This was the journey of a life time. I feel like I could talk for hours about all the amazing as well as challenging things that happened while I was there. And the insights and tools I now have at my disposal to create a more amazing life. Not to mention the healing. Wow. I never really understood why ayahuasca is called a medicine. I kind of just wrote it off. Boy was I wrong about that. Some serious healing went down. Stuff involving my childhood abuse, paranoia, healing around my body. My experience was nothing short of amazing. I feel fortunate to have found a good center to go to and to be around such amazing people. 

 

Anyway, on to this vision... it was the night of the last ceremony... I had quite a beautiful experience. My previous ceremonies were more difficult. This one was, in some ways, especially in the beginning. But it turned into a really amazing and healing journey as it progressed. I had many visions that night and one that stood out was this one...

 

At some point I started being shown Leo. And I was thinking about how I'm so grateful to have found his teachings, and how much they have resonated with me over the years. And then...I was shown this fairly long vision of how Leo and I are soulmates. Yes, like we are meant to be together. So in my vision it sort of developed and then all the pieces tied together and then in the vision everything "made sense" as to how the two of us are meant to be together. So the vision continued and I was in shock. Like floored. I kept saying out loud how I don't believe it, I kept saying really? Me? I felt like the luckiest woman in the whole world. I just couldn't believe it. Yet the vision kept flowing in the direction that yes, this is true and real and I better get used to it. This vision was a fairly large part of my ceremony that night. Not the whole thing, but for the rest of the night I was just in shock about what I was shown. It's hard to explain everything but it was a very detailed vision about all the ways in which Leo and I are soulmates and it went into our future together and all that. 

 

So as the ceremony ended I was still in such shock at this vision I didn't know what to make of it. I was like, ok. If it's true I better get this vision into my body. Because at this point I trusted the vision, I thought that it was "true" in the exact way it was shown to me. I said "I love you Leo Gura" a few times out loud. After the ceremony I did some writing to process, I wrote Leo a letter that said hey, ayahuasca said we are soulmates. 

 

Anyway, the next morning the group had an integration circle and I mentioned the vision because I started to have inclings that it wasn't what it appeared to be. I asked if I can trust a vision or what. And basically the answer was, don't focus so much on if the vision is true or not but rather what are the lessons in the vision.

 

Wow. So I started to digest that. Im still digesting that. I mean guys this was such a big vision for me. I have always looked up to Leo and to think that we were soulmates felt really good. I think that I had this vision for several different reasons, and I am still making meaning out of it but here are some of the insights I've gained:

 

1) Its possible for me to have a beautiful and healing relationship with a man. For many years I have been playing with being with women. Which has been fun, but I thought that I just could not be with a man. I now know that it is possible for me to have a conscious relationship with one. My standards are much higher now. 

 

2) I have a lot of work to do before I am the type of woman I need to be in order to have the type of conscious relationship I want. I need to step more into my femininity, take better care of myself, self actualize more, become more my true self, be a more beautiful person who is engaged with life and who gives time and energy to do the things that are truly important. 

 

3) I had been giving my energy to men who are not even near the amount of quality that I am capable of and desire. Of course, this is because I too was not at that level, but already after this vision I see how I was trying to get attention from ALL types of men, and now I'm realizing wow, why would I ever want to consider being with these types of guys. This has been especially liberating for me. I'm keeping my energy more focused on myself and not having it so scattered. It's something I've been working on a bit before but I'm honing it in more and more now. This is a process of course. 

 

4) it's been showing me how much I manipulate in order to attract a man. Parts of me kept wanting to message Leo in hopes he would respond and we could get together but I would always stop and listen to the part of me that knew I did not have pure intentions and was just looking for attention. Even as i write this there are parts of me that hope just maybe the vision is true and we will get together. 

 

5) I will not want to change the person I am with. Yes change is good and couples can help eachother grow,, but I'd in the past always hoped my partner would be someone different than themselves. Not like the stuff they liked, or I would judge them on how they approached life. I now see I want a partner I won't do that with. 

 

There's a lot more too and the vision's meaning has been changing and morphing for me daily.

 

I've been on and off debating about sharing this but it's actually helped me process it a bit. Parts of me still have hope that the vision is true, but I know that part of my work is to release that attachment. Another lesson from the vision

[How to be wise]

2 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

...I was shown this fairly long vision of how Leo and I are soulmates. Yes, like we are meant to be together.

Transference is very common with spiritual teachers. If Actualized was a real space, Leo would be having a lot of fun lol. 

I myself was a mentor for a short time, and already I had three students who were not being very discrete about wanting to follow me home in the evening. I quit because I certainly didn’t want to get involved with them, but they also showed me how much more work I had to do with myself.

[Bodhitree]

4 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

...I asked if I can trust a vision or what. And basically the answer was, don't focus so much on if the vision is true or not but rather what are the lessons in the vision. ...

That’s a key lesson for any vision, regardless of its source. Thanks for that, it’s helpful to me. 

Have you considered whether the vision was telling you that it’s the right time for you to have a wise man in your life as a partner? It seems to me that that is a clear dimension of it, that aya is showing you there is time and energy for you to be together with a male. 

[BipolarGrowth]

I think affection for Leo is well deserved. He’s done a lot of good. I think a romantic relationship with Leo is probably quite low in probability. I share much of your love for him. I think it’s more likely that you’ll find someone better for you than things with you and Leo becoming a reality in this lifetime. Who knows? You two might end up in a lifelong partnership, but I would pay more attention to the love you feel for him and why you feel that way toward him. Why do you desire this? Can the beauty you see in Leo also be found in another? At the end of the day your own awakening journey can provide far more than you could ever get out of a human relationship with Leo. I haven’t gone nearly as far into awakening as many others yet, but what I have experienced is certainly beyond what a human relationship could ever be. Find a way to fully unlock the Infinite Love within yourself consistently, and this will certainly result in the highest good for both you and others. 

[Thought Art]

Lol, I've had a few "Thank you leo... omg thank you Leo... " moments on trips lol

[Space]

@Flowerfaeiry Sounds like a great experience and I genuinely appreciate your honesty here. I am also conscious of this more devotional, female-orientated approach to spirituality. But you're still lost in illusion. There is no Leo! There is no guru! There are no separate people called you and Leo. You must keep going until you recognize that you ARE the appearance we call Leo and that everything you have learnt from such an appearance is actually just you teaching yourself. 

 

[Seraphim]

Maybe you can meditate and ask spirit if it's true, ask for a sign or develop your psychic abilities so you can hear/see/feel the answer clearly.

24 minutes ago, Space said:

@Flowerfaeiry But you're still lost in illusion. There is no Leo! There is no guru! There are no separate people called you and Leo. You must keep going until you recognize that you ARE the appearance we call Leo and that everything you have learnt from such an appearance is actually just you teaching yourself.

Is it right to make that assumption? Enlightened people can enjoy relationships too. Everything is the Self, but we are still individual humans.

[Flowerfaeiry]

10 hours ago, Bodhitree said:

That’s a key lesson for any vision, regardless of its source. Thanks for that, it’s helpful to me. 

Have you considered whether the vision was telling you that it’s the right time for you to have a wise man in your life as a partner? It seems to me that that is a clear dimension of it, that aya is showing you there is time and energy for you to be together with a male. 

It was more telling me that having a man as a partner is a possibility. For awhile I was thinking that I was just too gay for that. In terms of it being the right time, in that way, sure. But okay where's my man, universe?? Just kidding. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

8 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

Why do you desire this? Can the beauty you see in Leo also be found in another? 

Yes and that was one of the things I gleaned from this vision.  It isn't so much "Leo Gura" per se... But ayahuasca used his image as a way to show me the type of man that I want to be with, and that it is possible for me to be in that type of relationship.  It's almost as if ayahuasca knew that if she just gave me a vision of some random, self actualizing man, I wouldn't have such an emotional response and not gain as much from the vision. I want to have a beautiful relationship with a man, but that wasn't something I could fathom that until ayahuasca gave me this vision as an example of what is possible. 

[Breakingthewall]

Maybe that vision wanted to show you how much charisma influences you when considering a relationship. This means one thing: I am incomplete and this person is going to complete me. the only true love is simple, disinterested, given. When you raise this relationship, don't you think that what fascinates you, in an unconscious way, is what I read is going to add to your person? In a relationship the important thing is to give. you don't know him. Even if you knew him, you should think that you don't really know him. This vision says: I'm a teenager, danger

[Flowerfaeiry]

6 hours ago, Space said:

@Flowerfaeiry Sounds like a great experience and I genuinely appreciate your honesty here. I am also conscious of this more devotional, female-orientated approach to spirituality. But you're still lost in illusion. There is no Leo! There is no guru! There are no separate people called you and Leo. You must keep going until you recognize that you ARE the appearance we call Leo and that everything you have learnt from such an appearance is actually just you teaching yourself. 

 

Thank you for recognizing my honesty. I can understand on a mind-level that there are no separate people. I have had non-dual experiences but of course, I am still lost in illusion and have a lot of growth to do in that area. While I do that, I think it is healthy to acknowledge I live in a dualistic world where people have the appearance of individual bodies and minds. I notice myself ultimately becoming lost when I try to just abandon physical reality because it is just an illusion. Both can exist. Both DO exist. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

12 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Maybe that vision wanted to show you how much charisma influences you when considering a relationship. This means one thing: I am incomplete and this person is going to complete me. the only true love is simple, disinterested, given. When you raise this relationship, don't you think that what fascinates you, in an unconscious way, is what I read is going to add to your person? In a relationship the important thing is to give. you don't know him. Even if you knew him, you should think that you don't really know him. This vision says: I'm a teenager, danger

I think that there is a sort of "completion" that happens when one is in a conscious relationship. Not that we are incomplete people, but only that we can become even more whole when we are in the right relationship. It would absolutely add to my person to have a beautiful, conscious relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. I WANT that, and there are many others who appreciate relationships for that reason as well. 

[Breakingthewall]

of course you are right, loving others is something that makes you human, happy, whole. my comment may have been wrong, even rude, but I know that it is not the same to love others than a relationship. The couple's relationship is something in which many "corrupt" factors intervene, such as physical appearance, the charisma that I mentioned, even being a man or a woman, fidelity, etc. This being the case, it is almost always a selfish relationship, focused on satisfying needs (sex is wonderful, in a relationship it is ... complicated), therefore, when expressing your inclination towards a relationship with someone who is in a position like Leo's , I couldn't help but make that comment. it can be totally wrong and mostly it's just a point of view, but looks like the person you notice must be admired by you. This is normal, but I don't like it. it's just an opinion, but for me to admire is ego, vanity. I'm totally wrong and your realization went for another path and I didn't get it? Really possible

Pd: Sorry, you have exposed yourself explaining your trip and I have given a rude opinion. It is really impossible to know or judge what of others, I have told you in case I could open your eyes to something, my sister finds again and again relationships of "admiration" and I have found a similar pattern. I can't make her see what admiration means, or what I think it means. You said that you want a concious relationship. You can't want that. It only could happens when you don't want that. Because the act of want makes you selfish, so unconscious

Edited February 25, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Lyubov]

I had the same experience my first time drinking where I interpreted every vision so literally like you did and just like you it wore off the next morning and I was left confused about what had happened. Trust me, tons of lessons in this that will continue unfold even after the trip. I have found mine to be highly metaphorical and a sort of creative way for piecing together beliefs and stuff buried away in the unconscious. It also sounds like you still need to take some more time to integrate this as well. I would not get so caught up on your crush for Leo which worked it’s way into this very complex/deep experience and keep you from realizing sooner the lessons and personal insights and growth that awaits you the more you integrate this.

Edited February 26, 2021 by Lyubov

[Flowerfaeiry]

9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I had the same experience my first time drinking where I interpreted every vision so literally like you did and just like you it wore off the next morning and I was left confused about what had happened. Trust me, tons of lessons in this that will continue unfold even after the trip. I have found mine to be highly metaphorical and a sort of creative way for piecing together beliefs and stuff buried away in the unconscious. It also sounds like you still need to take some more time to integrate this as well. I would not get so caught up on your crush for Leo which worked it’s way into this very complex/deep experience and keep you from realizing sooner the lessons and personal insights and growth that awaits you the more you integrate this.

Wow. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Yes, lots of integration still to be done with this vision. Overall super grateful for it though, as odd as it's been, I've been learning so much. 

[knakoo]

I am curious, do you have dreams with Leo in it ? 

Personally Sadhguru is the person I look up to the most and he showed up in my dreams a few times.

Edited February 26, 2021 by knakoo

[Lyubov]

12 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Wow. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Yes, lots of integration still to be done with this vision. Overall super grateful for it though, as odd as it's been, I've been learning so much. 

was it the fourth ceremony with the breakthrough? shit... same...a dude at my first retreat kept telling me just wait for the fourth. holy shit is the 4th the breakthrough one. it is almost a synchronicity or destiny feel to it how it's always the fourth or last ceremony. this caught me off guard. 

Edited February 27, 2021 by Lyubov

[Flowerfaeiry]

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

was it the fourth ceremony with the breakthrough? shit... same...a dude at my first retreat kept telling me just wait for the fourth. holy shit is the 4th the breakthrough one. it is almost a synchronicity or destiny feel to it how it's always the fourth or last ceremony. this caught me off guard. 

Yea it was. I mean, it makes sense that the last ceremony would be a big deal right? Go out with a bang. All my ceremonies were important though. Its just this one really stuck with me. Have you had more ceremonies since?