The Key to Getting Laid in One Word: Resourcefulness

[RendHeaven]

Wow, what a beautiful share.

It's saddening to me but also understandable how women are reacting in this thread.

They simply don't understand what it's like as a man to be rejected/invisible to women your whole life. To not be sexually desired.

At the core of it, men just want connection too, and this (approaching, improving) is the most tried and true method. It works. You go from rejected/invisible to finally having female attention. This is not disputable. And to us, it really does feel like a "conquering" (of ourselves, of the world, and yes; of women). Hence, we men talk about it from our male perspective to help each other out.

But the woman's mind can't help but twist our words into some evildoing, as though we are necessarily manipulative or not compassionate enough. I've yet to find a single woman (neither IRL nor on this forum) who bothers to learn about the struggles of men with an open heart/mind, and says, "Alright, this looks manipulative and weird from my perspective, but maybe this is a necessary part of a man's journey. Maybe I shouldn't project my own biases onto his journey. Let me listen with no judgement and support him even if I feel threatened."

Even the most conscious and understanding of women (SD tier 2 women) can't seem to leap this hurdle. Many women even pretend to understand (intellectually) the importance of approaching and seduction, but they don't personally feel all of the emotions that are at stake for the man, so these women really don't understand. They judge and demonize the man's journey from the luxury and comfort of their own desires, needs, and problems.

But this is not an attack on the character of women per se. I believe this dynamic is just the tragic result of us men as a whole being shitty for far too long. How can we expect women to let their guard down and understand us when all we do is hurt them? It's not like we really understand or listen to them either.

Both genders are playing this game of, "They hurt me first so why should I let down my defenses and be the first to extend my hand? I'm sitting comfortable in my fortress until THEY reach out first."

Self-survival runs far deeper than we give it credit for.

And Leo's right; True Understanding goes against self-survival.

Edited February 25, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Peo]

12 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

I can fly to any city in the world, by myself, and within anywhere from a few days to a few weeks

I thought you didn't have a lot of money. Is it not expensive to travel a lot? Also how can you travel that much if you have a job? Can you take vacation whenever  you feel like?

[Gesundheit]

Thanks for sharing, man. Very insightful and true ime, even though my experience is shy in comparison.

[charlie cho]

@Gili Trawangan very motivational. What I got from your post is to keep persevering! Keep on pushing the boundaries! Life isn't a box! You an poke at life and something may come out of it. Knowing that will change your life. Change it, mold it, make it better! Make a contribution to it. Don't just give up in the process and do nothing (do not not be resourceful!) Yes, I will. Thanks.

I'll go on and pushing boundaries on girls. Get out of my comfort zone! This is the path to enlightenment. This isn't work, this isn't dating, this is practically spiritual. 

Edited February 25, 2021 by charlie cho

[Megan Alecia]

Makes a lot of sense, and probably the true key to personal success. 

[Surfingthewave]

@RendHeaven

3 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

But the woman's mind can't help but twist our words into some evildoing, as though we are necessarily manipulative or not compassionate enough. 

But this is not an attack on the character of women per se. I believe this dynamic is just the tragic result of us men as a whole being shitty for far too long. How can we expect women to let their guard down and understand us when all we do is hurt them? It's not like we really understand or listen to them either.

Both genders are playing this game of, "They hurt me first so why should I let down my defenses and be the first to extend my hand? I'm sitting comfortable in my fortress until THEY reach out first."

Really poignant points made here. 

The point is both genders defend their position because unless you are transgender how can either gender really and truly understand what it's like? 

Perhaps it's about realising the only difference we make comes from our own position? 

I sigh a bit when the title of a post is about how to get laid,  are we really still in that place? 

But it does open up a key discussion that effects many so I guess  if it helps others then it's much needed. ?

Edited February 25, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[RendHeaven]

6 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

It's not like we [men] really understand or listen to them [women] either.

@Surfingthewave Gosh don't even get me started on this.

I went on a bit of a rant there about how "women don't understand us men" (definitely stems from my own bias as a male and a sense of "I'm not being understood!")

...but even I must admit that the flip side (men not listening to or understanding women) is far worse.

I've even considered starting a YouTube channel solely dedicated to helping men open up to the female perspective/dropping their male bias. We'll see if that ever happens lol.

3 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

I sigh a bit when the title of a post is about how to get laid,  are we really still in that place? 

Yes, we are. It'll never go away.

Each passionate discussion that you see about sex with women translates to: "I'm not being understood! Please understand me!"

But to you, it looks like disgusting manipulation and shallowness. And so you (rightfully, from your perspective) point that out. Which, in turn, is YOU saying: "I'm not being understood! Please understand me!"

Men will then see you not understanding them, and they will proceed to not understand you either lol.

It seems to me that someone has to put their foot down first, take the initiative, and let go of their need to feel understood. If this can be accomplished, maybe true connection will occur. But to take the initiative feels like death: "Why do I have to be the one to surrender to them? They don't even understand me!"

It really takes the heart of a champion to be the one to surrender.

For you (a woman) to truly and deeply understand a man, you must:

• Let go of all of your personal history with men + the pride that comes with your female identity.
• Listen.
• Do not contradict or judge them, no matter how much it hurts or how "wrong" what they are saying seems.
• Let go of the desire to change them.
• Careful: if your reaction is, "I see what you're saying, HOWEVER, [...]" < this is not true understanding.

Of course, the exact same points apply to men attempting to understanding women, or any identity trying to understand another identity.

This means that if you are used to men sexualizing you for your body + you've suffered for it, you'll have to step outside of that identity entirely and reimagine yourself as the lonely man who doesn't know any better while you actively listen to his story (Don't expect him to be open and honest either. His words may appear repulsive and fake)

And the mistake here would be to pity him and think "poor thing he should've known better" because even that is not true understanding. You have to see exactly how in his situation with his history and culture and trauma and sex drive; you, yes YOU yourself would've sexualized/objectified the bodies of women; and you, yes YOU yourself would've said repulsive and fake words.

No, I'm not justifying or dismissing how problematic objectification is. I'm just doing my best to illustrate exactly how and why TRUE UNDERSTANDING IS SELF-THREATENING, DANGEROUS, AND AGAINST YOUR SURVIVAL AGENDA.

You've spent your entire life believing, "this [ _ ] is not me," but true understanding forces you to see that, "this [ _ ] is me."

The moment you step into the worldview of this man, every previous identity attachment you have screams out in defense, saying "this new worldview is wrong and disgusting and clearly not wholistic and it's so limited and why haven't people outgrown this??" and yet such defensiveness itself is the real limitation preventing true understanding.

I'm sure you notice this exact dynamic of unwillingness to surrender, but coming from the men you interact with.

One day I'll write out a blazing list much like the one above with multiple examples (preferably in video format) but for men attempting to understand women. I already know it'll be like x10 as long lol.

Edited February 25, 2021 by RendHeaven

[The0Self]

Great take. I've broken the ice with girls (who would seem to be) way out of my league at the gym by honestly inquiring into how I can get a butt a large as theirs, provided I see that they're doing exercises known by people in the know to specifically work well for giving you a big butt. If they're actually doing it, then clearly they have to know someone else does it or is looking into it (whether or not they're a guy or girl), and that person is me, and I'm asking her about it, talking about something few guys have the audacity to talk about to her face, and now she can honestly coach me on what she's learned. That's resourcefulness. It helps to exude an extremely friendly, care-free, and humorous attitude and personality.

If they're doing a bunch of butt-blasting 20-30 rep light weight toning shit with machines, I skip them. If they're doing deadlifts, deep squats, and especially, glute bridges (because those are notorious for doing almost nothing other than making the butt thick and juicy), and they indeed have attained a huge muscular butt, that's who I'm after.

Edited February 26, 2021 by The0Self

[Gili Trawangan]

11 hours ago, Jacobsrw said:

Is casually sleeping with women the pay off? Or the development of confidence and self-governance?

@Jacobsrw Both. Resourcefulness is something you need (from a relative perspective, of course) in order to actualize your desires/dreams. Isn't that an intrinsic payoff?

11 hours ago, Jacobsrw said:

For example, do you have a fulfilling creative outlet or is this your outlet at present?

Yes, I have a fulfilling creative outlet.

11 hours ago, Jacobsrw said:

I tried the whole casual sleeping with women thing a while back and found it to be quite shallow and fruitless.

I know what you mean, I've had that feeling in the past. I thought that sleeping with a bunch of hot women would make me happy and it didn't. Which is why I'm not advocating any of this in order to be happy. Happiness is what we are, and it should come first, without reason or circumstance.

Nowadays, I'm happy despite sleeping with multiple women. I do it because I enjoy it, not because I'm searching for happiness. It doesn't take much of my time to find women who are looking for the same thing I am, so why not?

11 hours ago, Jacobsrw said:

If this type of life is something you enjoy

Yes, I do enjoy it. But, again, I don't need it.

[Gili Trawangan]

9 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Wow, what a beautiful share.

It's saddening to me but also understandable how women are reacting in this thread.

They simply don't understand what it's like as a man to be rejected/invisible to women your whole life. To not be sexually desired.

At the core of it, men just want connection too, and this (approaching, improving) is the most tried and true method. It works. You go from rejected/invisible to finally having female attention. This is not disputable. And to us, it really does feel like a "conquering" (of ourselves, of the world, and yes; of women). Hence, we men talk about it from our male perspective to help each other out.

But the woman's mind can't help but twist our words into some evildoing, as though we are necessarily manipulative or not compassionate enough. I've yet to find a single woman (neither IRL nor on this forum) who bothers to learn about the struggles of men with an open heart/mind, and says, "Alright, this looks manipulative and weird from my perspective, but maybe this is a necessary part of a man's journey. Maybe I shouldn't project my own biases onto his journey. Let me listen with no judgement and support him even if I feel threatened."

Even the most conscious and understanding of women (SD tier 2 women) can't seem to leap this hurdle. Many women even pretend to understand (intellectually) the importance of approaching and seduction, but they don't personally feel all of the emotions that are at stake for the man, so these women really don't understand. They judge and demonize the man's journey from the luxury and comfort of their own desires, needs, and problems.

But this is not an attack on the character of women per se. I believe this dynamic is just the tragic result of us men as a whole being shitty for far too long. How can we expect women to let their guard down and understand us when all we do is hurt them? It's not like we really understand or listen to them either.

Both genders are playing this game of, "They hurt me first so why should I let down my defenses and be the first to extend my hand? I'm sitting comfortable in my fortress until THEY reach out first."

Self-survival runs far deeper than we give it credit for.

And Leo's right; True Understanding goes against self-survival.

@RendHeaven Thanks for making this point, and you made it rather eloquently.

[Gili Trawangan]

9 hours ago, Peo said:

I thought you didn't have a lot of money. Is it not expensive to travel a lot? Also how can you travel that much if you have a job? Can you take vacation whenever  you feel like?

I traveled long-term in the past, not anymore. I did budget solo travel around the globe, saved up as much as I could beforehand, and then worked online during the trip and kept expenses to a bare minimum. You'd be surprised how much you can accomplish if you're resourceful (and, I must admit, pretty lucky too)

[Gili Trawangan]

10 hours ago, Striving for more said:

Great perspective, I love this attitude. 

Fed up of hearing people spread negativity, fed up of hearing it within myself. 

Not reading the comments because your post was enough to rejuvenate me into action.

 

@Striving for more That's the spirit!

9 hours ago, charlie cho said:

This isn't work, this isn't dating, this is practically spiritual. 

@charlie cho Good point!

 

And cheers to all the other people who commented, I'm glad you've taken something away from the post.

[Surfingthewave]

@RendHeaven Thanks for your points which I've noted. 

I think you misunderstood my point, maybe? It was more the term 'to get laid'. If that is a man's goal for a woman I was just expressing what that can bring up for a woman. 

I'm sorry you've been through heartbreak. 

Feels like the thread is coming to an end and I don't want to send it in another direction. 

Namaste and good luck with dating  ? 

Edited February 26, 2021 by Surfingthewave