The Key to Getting Laid in One Word: Resourcefulness

[Gili Trawangan]

Disclaimer: this is NOT about finding a long-term relationship, because that is not something I’ve mastered. I’m talking purely about casual dating and sex.

I’ve been reading this subforum lately and felt compelled to write this, because I get the feeling that most guys who post here need to hear this perspective. I see posts about how only looks matter, or about how it’s money, or charisma and extroversion, or whatever else. I see posts complaining about the online dating world, or the offline dating world, or how women only pick douchebags and assholes, or whatever else. And, first of all, whenever you start writing a post of that nature, or indulge in such thoughts in your mind, you’ve already significantly hindered your ability to get laid. That’s the first thing. And that’s because focusing on how you’re not getting what you want only leads you further away from what you want. Aside from the whole spiritual “law of attraction” aspect (I won’t be going into that at all), it demonstrates a lack of resourcefulness, and I can sense it a mile away from some of these posts.

Now, don’t get me wrong, money and looks are assets in the dating world, there’s no doubt about it. However, they are not IT. IT is resourcefulness. If you really think about it, what money signals to a woman is the man’s resourcefulness. His ability to go out and get what he wants. His ability to assert himself in the world and make his desired reality go from desired to actual. That’s resourcefulness and that’s what women reward, whether they know it consciously or not. A woman wants a guy who wants her and who has the ability to get her. This sounds circular, but I can’t put it any more clearly. Much of what she’s reading off you when she’s getting to know you is your resourcefulness. Unconsciously, they’re screening you: “Does this guy sleep with attractive girls like me? Can he make it happen?”

I’m going to use my real-life examples to argue the point, otherwise this will all be theory. First of all, I don’t have money and never have. I have enough to get by, but I’ve never accumulated any savings, and I make it a point to not pay for the women I date. I will occasionally buy them a drink, when I actually feel like doing so, and that’s it. If they’re expecting me to pick up the check, I don’t. So much for the money factor.

You might think that I have looks then. Well, nowadays I guess I’m considered handsome, but this wasn’t always the case, not even by a long shot. I remember being ranked by teenage girls from my class as below average. I didn’t kiss a girl until I was 18. I was always shorter than most guys I hung out with, too skinny, and I still have crooked teeth. I have never had women flirting with me as I was growing up, and I would see them go for friends of mine, or strangers, always thinking that my looks were the problem. Today, I have maximized my looks because I am resourceful. I have one good outfit that looks good on me and I wear it on dates. I use a professional photo on my dating app profiles that makes me look good.

You might think I’m very charismatic or extroverted then. Nope, I’m an introvert with low energy. I don’t do dancing monkey game, and I’m not particularly funny. I don’t do asshole game either. In fact, these days I don’t game at all. I’m completely and utterly myself, without apologies or insecurities. I accept every outcome.

Then you might think that it’s because of where I live (though I've only lived here for 2 years). I live in Asia as a white man, and everybody knows that white men in Asia have it so easy. Well, throughout my life I’ve slept with women from 40 different countries, from all continents and backgrounds. So it’s safe to say that it goes beyond geography or culture.

So what is it then? Simple, I’m resourceful. I make shit happen. I spent two years learning seduction because I wasn’t happy with the way I related with the opposite sex. That’s resourcefulness. I approached well over a thousand (maybe two thousand, who’s counting?) women during the daytime, on the streets of multiple cities throughout the world, learning as I went along. That’s resourcefulness. I got rejected by more women than I can remember, and just kept going and trying again. That’s resourcefulness. I consciously pushed boundaries and lost girls so that I could learn where the limits are and how much you can get away with. That’s resourcefulness. I’ve pushed through the limitations of logistics by leading women to sex on hostel bathrooms, kitchens, or buildings under construction, making shit happen where most men would have given up. That’s resourcefulness. I can fly to any city in the world, by myself, and within anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, I will sleep with an attractive girl there, whether it’s online or offline dating. That’s resourcefulness. When I think of a place where I want to live, you bet I'm going to take women and dating into consideration, along with many other aspects. Are the women there attractive? What about my perceived attractiveness? Maximizing that is resourcefulness.

I still remember one time, in Lithuania, when I was teaching myself how to approach women. Early morning, I approached this cute girl who turned out to be completely available, so I spent most of the day with her. I was awkward on escalation back then, so I made a bunch of mistakes along the way. Of course, she picked up on these and rejected me. I just kept at it, pushing whenever I saw the opportunity, and at a certain point she let me kiss her and then said: "wow, you're a fighter, huh?". She didn't sleep with me, because I clearly didn't feel like I deserved her at the time, but the point had been made. What did I do after that? I accepted the rejection, continued to approach other women, and kept learning and developing my skills.

This is what you want to develop. Develop your resourcefulness. It won’t happen overnight, nothing worthwhile ever does. Just don’t accept defeat by any means, if it doesn't work then try something different. Just try again, and again, and again. Learn from you mistakes. And have fun along the way ?

[Surfingthewave]

@Gili Trawangan

An interesting way to think about sleeping with women. Thank you for your honesty of this post I'm sure parts of it will help others. 

What's missing from your post is describing a sense of connection with women on a personal level. 

You describe your dating experiences as if women need to be conquered, had sex with, the more attractive the better. 

Perhaps this is why you haven't mastered getting a long term relationship? 

Women aren't a difficulty to overcome. 

Yes be yourself, achieve your dreams and work on self development, that is attractive. But, treat them with more respect maybe, rather than things to attain?

Edited February 25, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Gili Trawangan]

9 minutes ago, Surfingthewave said:

@Gili Trawangan

An interesting way to think about sleeping with women. Thank you for your honesty of this post I'm sure parts of it will help others. 

What's missing from your post is describing a sense of connection with women on a personal level. 

You describe your dating experiences as if women need to be conquered, had sex with, the more attractive the better. 

Perhaps this is why you haven't mastered getting a long term relationship? 

Women aren't a difficulty to overcome. 

Yes be yourself, achieve your dreams and work on self development, that is attractive. But, treat them with more respect maybe, rather than things to attain?

@Surfingthewave I can understand how some of this might seem off from your perspective. First of all, I'm addressing men who struggle with dating and attracting women, therefore that's what I focused on. It's a very male-oriented perspective regarding attraction. But also, quite frankly, a lot of what dating is about initially is the man conquering the woman, that's the mating ritual. During this mating ritual, a personal connection may be formed, or maybe the connection comes afterwards, or it may never come, but the ritual always takes place.

I do treat women with respect (I'll grant you that wasn't always the case), so much so that I'm completely honest from the beginning. I make sure to tell them beforehand that I'm not looking for anything serious, and they either reject that entirely (which happens often) or they are looking for the same thing I am and therefore there are no misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

I fully agree that women aren't a difficulty to overcome, but that isn't always the way it seems when you're a guy who struggles with dating them. Again, I wrote this with those guys in mind, in an attempt to help out

[Origins]

@Gili Trawangan TLDR. I mean what the fuck bro, if you really wanted to be resourceful you would have written this with higher standards in mind. Fuck go take notes from the book Spot (Eric Hill), see how explicit that shit is.

Edited February 25, 2021 by Origins

[SamC]

@Surfingthewave Love this, thanks for the share. You're inspiring!

[Surfingthewave]

1 hour ago, Gili Trawangan said:

@Surfingthewave 

But also, quite frankly, a lot of what dating is about initially is the man conquering the woman, that's the mating ritual. During this mating ritual, a personal connection may be formed. 

Maybe many years ago but I think it's time to upgrade your rituals? 

I'll give you a big tip, women don't want to be conquered by the man. Maybe in the 18th century when we used to promenade. 

Do some more reading and researching on the subject. 

It's nice that you tell them you don't want anything serious straight up. 

Perhaps modernise some of your opinions when it comes to dating, they appear outdated and slightly arrogant. 

Edited February 25, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Gili Trawangan]

1 hour ago, Peter Miklis said:

just try a bunch of shit and see what works and doesn't work for you. I wouldn't call this "resourcefullness", just "fail enough times so you can finally succeed" method.

@Peter Miklis We agree then, we're just calling it different things. To me that's resourcefulness

[intotheblack]

5 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

I make it a point to not pay for the women I date.

so you want to conquer but at the same time too tight to buy the woman a drink

all sounds so mechanical and entitled

 

[SamC]

6 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

so you want to conquer but at the same time too tight to buy the woman a drink

all sounds so mechanical and entitled

 

The point is that he is not selling himself out to get the girl. Many guys do the opposite because they want to win the girl's heart. He doesn't buy them a drink becuase he needs to, he does it sometimes because he wants to.

 

Edited February 25, 2021 by SamC

[intotheblack]

@SamC I guess it depends which way you look at it. I'm thinking of this in context of a first date.  if you're in a relationship with someone then you can pay equally of course. 

It just sounded entitled in context of everything else that was said. 

I just feel like the times i went on a date with someone and they go and buy their own drink, it made them appear kinda cold....and gives off the impression that they are only there to see if they can get something out of you..

I have even bought a guy a drink before.  It's just a friendly gesture..

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SamC]

12 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

@SamC I guess it depends which way you look at it. I'm thinking of this in context of a first date.  if you're in a relationship with someone then you can pay equally of course. 

It just sounded entitled in context of everything else that was said. 

I just feel like the times i went on a date with someone and they go and buy their own drink, it made them appear kinda cold....and gives off the impression that they are only there to see if they can get something out of you..

I have even bought a guy a drink before.  It's just a friendly gesture..

 

 

 

 

 

 

@intotheblack I think it also depends a lot on the culture. In Sweden I would say many even expect to pay for themselves because of the gender roles debate + the culture that you keep yourself In your own lane.

 

Edited February 25, 2021 by SamC

[Gili Trawangan]

43 minutes ago, SamC said:

The point is that he is not selling himself out to get the girl. Many guys do the opposite because they want to win the girl's heart. He doesn't buy them a drink becuase he needs to, he does it sometimes because he wants to.

 

@SamC Thanks for making the point for me. I thought it was clear...

This post is getting no love from the ladies 

[SamC]

8 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

@SamC Thanks for making the point for me. I thought it was clear...

This post is getting no love from the ladies 

This post is getting no love from anyone and I'm super surprised, cause I believe it was brilliant. It's fascinating to observe the replies.

May I ask however, How long did it take for you to get laid when you started pick up? @Gili Trawangan

Edited February 25, 2021 by SamC

[intotheblack]

25 minutes ago, SamC said:

I think it also depends a lot on the culture.

yeah of course!

 

5 minutes ago, SamC said:

This post is getting no love from anyone and I'm super surprised, cause I believe it was brilliant.

heard it all before   I don't hear anything new here... he's simply talking about approaching women (all anyone ever talks about on here)

 

[Gili Trawangan]

16 minutes ago, SamC said:

How long did it take for you to get laid when you started pick up?

@SamC Roughly three months. But after that I wasn't consistent for a long time, for over a year. And, really, it was only after having a few awakenings that I feel that the old patterns of insecurity have left me and it all sort of became effortless.

It depends on where one starts from, but it might take a while. Luckily the whole process is fun!

[SamC]

@intotheblackYeah but you're a woman. therefor you are not aware of the subtle nuance and gold becuase you're not looking for it. You only see it as a mechanical way to approach something as precious as a relationship. You look at it from a female perspective.

7 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

If you really think about it, what money signals to a woman is the man’s resourcefulness. His ability to go out and get what he wants. His ability to assert himself in the world and make his desired reality go from desired to actual. That’s resourcefulness and that’s what women reward, whether they know it consciously or not. A woman wants a guy who wants her and who has the ability to get her. This sounds circular, but I can’t put it any more clearly.

So what is it then? Simple, I’m resourceful. I make shit happen.

The message is that if you want something, you must go and get it. That's what girls want and that's why many guys don't get action with girls ( including myself lol).

The guys who struggle don't assert what they want, they don't fight for what they want, because they don't believe they can get what they want/ deserve to get what they want. That's the core problem. The guys who struggle don't authentically Express what they want.

And that's also the moral of his story. Go out and assert yourself and get what you want. Be recorseful, don't let anything stop you.

 

 

Edited February 25, 2021 by SamC

[SamC]

6 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

@SamC Roughly three months. But after that I wasn't consistent for a long time, for over a year. And, really, it was only after having a few awakenings that I feel that the old patterns of insecurity have left me and it all sort of became effortless.

It depends on where one starts from, but it might take a while. Luckily the whole process is fun!

Unsual question coming.

Do you think this journey aided your awakening and enlightenment journey in some way?@Gili Trawangan

[Gili Trawangan]

26 minutes ago, SamC said:

Unsual question coming.

Do you think this journey aided your awakening and enlightenment journey in some way?@Gili Trawangan

@SamC In a weird way, it sort of led me to it. It was deep suffering from issues with a girl that ended up putting me on the spiritual path.

But I really don't think it's required in any way... it's just that suffering has a way of kicking you and pushing you in the right direction

[Jacobsrw]

10 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

Disclaimer: this is NOT about finding a long-term relationship, because that is not something I’ve mastered. I’m talking purely about casual dating and sex.

I’ve been reading this subforum lately and felt compelled to write this, because I get the feeling that most guys who post here need to hear this perspective. I see posts about how only looks matter, or about how it’s money, or charisma and extroversion, or whatever else. I see posts complaining about the online dating world, or the offline dating world, or how women only pick douchebags and assholes, or whatever else. And, first of all, whenever you start writing a post of that nature, or indulge in such thoughts in your mind, you’ve already significantly hindered your ability to get laid. That’s the first thing. And that’s because focusing on how you’re not getting what you want only leads you further away from what you want. Aside from the whole spiritual “law of attraction” aspect (I won’t be going into that at all), it demonstrates a lack of resourcefulness, and I can sense it a mile away from some of these posts.

Now, don’t get me wrong, money and looks are assets in the dating world, there’s no doubt about it. However, they are not IT. IT is resourcefulness. If you really think about it, what money signals to a woman is the man’s resourcefulness. His ability to go out and get what he wants. His ability to assert himself in the world and make his desired reality go from desired to actual. That’s resourcefulness and that’s what women reward, whether they know it consciously or not. A woman wants a guy who wants her and who has the ability to get her. This sounds circular, but I can’t put it any more clearly. Much of what she’s reading off you when she’s getting to know you is your resourcefulness. Unconsciously, they’re screening you: “Does this guy sleep with attractive girls like me? Can he make it happen?”

I’m going to use my real-life examples to argue the point, otherwise this will all be theory. First of all, I don’t have money and never have. I have enough to get by, but I’ve never accumulated any savings, and I make it a point to not pay for the women I date. I will occasionally buy them a drink, when I actually feel like doing so, and that’s it. If they’re expecting me to pick up the check, I don’t. So much for the money factor.

You might think that I have looks then. Well, nowadays I guess I’m considered handsome, but this wasn’t always the case, not even by a long shot. I remember being ranked by teenage girls from my class as below average. I didn’t kiss a girl until I was 18. I was always shorter than most guys I hung out with, too skinny, and I still have crooked teeth. I have never had women flirting with me as I was growing up, and I would see them go for friends of mine, or strangers, always thinking that my looks were the problem. Today, I have maximized my looks because I am resourceful. I have one good outfit that looks good on me and I wear it on dates. I use a professional photo on my dating app profiles that makes me look good.

You might think I’m very charismatic or extroverted then. Nope, I’m an introvert with low energy. I don’t do dancing monkey game, and I’m not particularly funny. I don’t do asshole game either. In fact, these days I don’t game at all. I’m completely and utterly myself, without apologies or insecurities. I accept every outcome.

Then you might think that it’s because of where I live (though I've only lived here for 2 years). I live in Asia as a white man, and everybody knows that white men in Asia have it so easy. Well, throughout my life I’ve slept with women from 40 different countries, from all continents and backgrounds. So it’s safe to say that it goes beyond geography or culture.

So what is it then? Simple, I’m resourceful. I make shit happen. I spent two years learning seduction because I wasn’t happy with the way I related with the opposite sex. That’s resourcefulness. I approached well over a thousand (maybe two thousand, who’s counting?) women during the daytime, on the streets of multiple cities throughout the world, learning as I went along. That’s resourcefulness. I got rejected by more women than I can remember, and just kept going and trying again. That’s resourcefulness. I consciously pushed boundaries and lost girls so that I could learn where the limits are and how much you can get away with. That’s resourcefulness. I’ve pushed through the limitations of logistics by leading women to sex on hostel bathrooms, kitchens, or buildings under construction, making shit happen where most men would have given up. That’s resourcefulness. I can fly to any city in the world, by myself, and within anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, I will sleep with an attractive girl there, whether it’s online or offline dating. That’s resourcefulness. When I think of a place where I want to live, you bet I'm going to take women and dating into consideration, along with many other aspects. Are the women there attractive? What about my perceived attractiveness? Maximizing that is resourcefulness.

I still remember one time, in Lithuania, when I was teaching myself how to approach women. Early morning, I approached this cute girl who turned out to be completely available, so I spent most of the day with her. I was awkward on escalation back then, so I made a bunch of mistakes along the way. Of course, she picked up on these and rejected me. I just kept at it, pushing whenever I saw the opportunity, and at a certain point she let me kiss her and then said: "wow, you're a fighter, huh?". She didn't sleep with me, because I clearly didn't feel like I deserved her at the time, but the point had been made. What did I do after that? I accepted the rejection, continued to approach other women, and kept learning and developing my skills.

This is what you want to develop. Develop your resourcefulness. It won’t happen overnight, nothing worthwhile ever does. Just don’t accept defeat by any means, if it doesn't work then try something different. Just try again, and again, and again. Learn from you mistakes. And have fun along the way ?

Develop your resourcefulness. I’d agree with this premise but my question would be what’s the intrinsic payoff in such an act? Not not picking, just interested. Is casually sleeping with women the pay off? Or the development of confidence and self-governance? What are you truly seeking from pursing this objective?

For example, do you have a fulfilling creative outlet or is this your outlet at present?

I tried the whole casual sleeping with women thing a while back and found it to be quite shallow and fruitless. Most of the time it’s a bottomless one night fling or unintended attachment ensues.

If this type of life is something you enjoy that’s cool but I found it quite toxic and inauthentic. I prefer mingling and seeing where things go. Develop friendships, network or possibly take things further if it so eventuates. I never solely intend to expend my sexual resources however.

Edited February 25, 2021 by Jacobsrw

[Striving for more]

Great perspective, I love this attitude. 

Fed up of hearing people spread negativity, fed up of hearing it within myself. 

Not reading the comments because your post was enough to rejuvenate me into action.