Online Dating driving me NUTS

[Phyllis Wagner]

I work in a male-only field, I don't have many female friends - that was my situation before covid. Basically minimal chances to meet anyone. Now I am stuck in my home for over a year now and I barely can meet my normal friends. I don't see myself meeting anyone outside of online dating at this point.

 So I got on Tinder and I must have remade my account around 15 times now, and always get the same result: zero matches.

I take advice from friends about the profile, I looked up tutorial on  how to take and edit good pictures of yourself. I often take 100 pictures just to select one, invest money to test my photos out on photofeeler. I overhaul my profile for the 10th time and always get let down. I really am motivated to optimize my results but at some point it is getting ridiculous. It doesn't surprise me at all if people get body dysmorphia from this kind of stuff.

I am normally not a narcissistic person at all, but if you can't get around online dating you have to adapt to it or you won't see result - at least that's how I think, that this is the practical reality of it. I don't enjoy this at all, I think Tinder as a concept is awful and shallow. I really hate that this is what you have to deal with nowadays.

If I am honest I think there should be some government regulation around these kind of apps, if this is how the majority of people date nowadays you simply can't give that kind of power to corporations that are  self biased and can't have your best interests in mind.

Edited February 24, 2021 by Phyllis Wagner

[Leo Gura]

Hehe, what do you expect? Welcome to the sexual marketplace. It's a bit of a rude awakening.

You come to Tinder hoping to leech sexual value, and instead Tinder leeches your wallet.

To get sexual value you gonna have to work for it, not just click a few buttons on your phone.

Success in online game requires huge numbers. 1000+ girls. You basically need an automated macro system to milk that thing proper.

[Phyllis Wagner]

@Leo Gura I invested countless hours already trying to optimize my photos, I could basically work as a professional photo editor by now. I am sure 99% of guys don't put in that effort, yet I see the same results. 

So if it's not that, what exactly constitutes putting in work in online dating? Writing a script that runs 20 accounts at once?  Hacking into Tinders database? 

 

The problem here really is not my lack of work, but it is my face, let's be real here. I see friends pulling in dates weekly with lazy selfies and zero effort.

Edited February 24, 2021 by Phyllis Wagner

[Leo Gura]

@Phyllis Wagner Like I told you guys before, if you don't have above average looks, you should not be wasting your time with online dating at all. It will not work. Not amount of editing your photos will suffice. You will just make yourself depressed.

Change your strategy to real-life game. You know -- the way humans have done for 400,000 years.

And stop using covid as an excuse. Covid will pass, life will go on. The best girls are not found on Tinder.

You want hot girls? Work for it! You will instantly feel much better as soon as you start doing serious work rather than clicking buttons and praying for luck.

[Hello from Russia]

11 minutes ago, Phyllis Wagner said:

@Leo Gura I invested countless hours already trying to optimize my photos, I could basically work as a professional photo editor by now. I am sure 99% of guys don't put in that effort, yet I see the same results. 

So if it's not that, what exactly constitutes putting in work in online dating? Writing a script that runs 20 accounts at once?  Hacking into Tinders database? 

 

The problem here really is not my lack of work, but it is my face, let's be real here. I see friends pulling in dates weekly with lazy selfies and zero effort.

Dude, why do you put so much effort into this shit? You'd get x150 results by putting in approaching girls live

[Phyllis Wagner]

@Hello from Russia I am at sitting at home for over a year now, just trying to make the best of it and do anything I can about my dating situation.

There is no approaching anyone. Everything is in Lockdown and will be for at least half a year more.

I figured for girls it is the same so everyone is on Tinder now, and I think this will shift the power to Tinder even more after the pandemic.

Here in Europe approaching in real life was always more looked down upon, and I noticed a trend in the last decade where this is more and more considered a social faux pass.

Tinder is basically the future of dating, either you maximize your game or you are left in the dust.

Edited February 24, 2021 by Phyllis Wagner

[somegirl]

55 minutes ago, Phyllis Wagner said:

@Leo Gura I invested countless hours already trying to optimize my photos, I could basically work as a professional photo editor by now. I am sure 99% of guys don't put in that effort, yet I see the same results. 

So if it's not that, what exactly constitutes putting in work in online dating? Writing a script that runs 20 accounts at once?  Hacking into Tinders database? 

 

The problem here really is not my lack of work, but it is my face, let's be real here. I see friends pulling in dates weekly with lazy selfies and zero effort.

The fact that you put so much effort into editing photos, rather than improving your in life social skills/approaching, learning a few tricks etc... Is what's holding you back. 

Use that precious energy that you obviously have into improving yourself in real life!

[Lyubov]

Online dating is a dehumanizing room of mirrors. You’re going to have to pay if you want to get close to having a workable amount of matches to get dates. I personally wouldn’t take it too seriously. It was bothering me a bit but then I reflected on it and realized just have fun with it and if something comes from it good and if not oh well. In person should always be the top priority.

Edited February 24, 2021 by Lyubov

[Loving Radiance]

1 hour ago, Phyllis Wagner said:

There is no approaching anyone. Everything is in Lockdown and will be for at least half a year more.

If it is really your priority, you can be ruthless and don't care about ethics. I know guys who go out almost every day to approach right now in lockdown. They make up to 50 approaches in 2 hours at places like train stations.

[StarStruck]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Phyllis Wagner Like I told you guys before, if you don't have above average looks, you should not be wasting your time with online dating at all. It will not work. Not amount of editing your photos will suffice. You will just make yourself depressed.

Change your strategy to real-life game. You know -- the way humans have done for 400,000 years.

And stop using covid as an excuse. Covid will pass, life will go on. The best girls are not found on Tinder.

You want hot girls? Work for it! You will instantly feel much better as soon as you start doing serious work rather than clicking buttons and praying for luck.

True, tinder is depressing. Real life seems the only realm where average guys can get girls but nowadays a lot of girls are afraid of covid if you get close.

 

[Enlightenment]

@Phyllis Wagner Women rate 80% of guys as below average = female logic

https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/

Edited February 24, 2021 by Enlightenment

[Lyubov]

3 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

If it is really your priority, you can be ruthless and don't care about ethics. I know guys who go out almost every day to approach right now in lockdown. They make up to 50 approaches in 2 hours at places like train stations.

This just seems kinda desperate. I wonder if he put that effort into optimizing his life and social circle if he would get better results. Day game I find such a waste of energy unless if it’s at a park or mall where there is a sort of leisurely and friendly energy. I’ve gotten some good results at parks on warm spring/summer days. At a train station or metro, lmao no. 

[integral]

1) Make your profile read in a fun and interesting way.

2) Show that your a fun creative type

3) Make sure all your pictures have a big smile in it, fun or full laughing. Need all your picture to be interesting and fun. Be doing something in all of them. Example: Hand stand, slapping water with a crazy smile, playing music, chess lol... wtv. 

4) please use better sites like okcupid.

5) Show them that your personality is amazing. Also have an amazing personality. 

6) Make the first profile pick something they are forced to pause and look at, "wait, wtf is this doing?, got to look more, he seems fun an stress free"

I get women on online dating sites in days and they always message me first. 

Get your ass in the gym and get good looking, this is a game, Develop your main characters skill tree. 

SELL: Fun, Stress Free, Interesting, Easy. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by integral

[integral]

5 hours ago, Phyllis Wagner said:

Tinder is basically the future of dating, either you maximize your game or you are left in the dust.

Look at the fish picture of my thumbnail, thats marketing, im selling something, im an amazing catch. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by integral

[Bando]

Do you pay a subscription for tinder? That app is literally designed so that if you want results you have to pay a membership. You can't get by without paying for dating apps because there are thousands of other guys in your area competing for women.

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura I am sure he put more effort than most people do so you cannot say he is leeching off anything. What is leeching is the people that post some duck shit selfies and get bombarded with 100 thirsty people.

What Tinder should do (they will never do it) is to forcefully increase the amount of likes a women should give and to reduce the amount of likes a man should give. What happens in real life is that a man due to being naturally a "hunter" goes and talks to let's say 10 girls and he gets 1 of them. Meanwhile a girl gets approached by 10 guys and picks 1 of them. She can be somewhat picky here. In online dating because it is so easy what happens is that now a guy does not "talk to" 10 girls but to  1000 girls instead. Here "talking" is replaced by "liking" their profiles. Meanwhile a girl gets liked by  1000 guys. So if in real life she had 10 guys to pick from, here she has 1000. 100 times more options, of course her pickiness here will be other world because she can get away with it. Guys would to if they could but they can't. Therefore i think online dating needs some regulations just like markets need it. If markets are not regulated a few firms will create crazy monopolies and starve everyone else. Just like here in online dating, the top  1 percent of guy profiles will monopolize all women and starve all the other guys. In economics people say government regulation is needed to avoid this, well it is needed here too i think. And before you say "just get a better profile" and problem solved, well good luck competing with the top 1 percent of guys, with that logic governments should not regulate markets since those small businesses should compete against the mega monopolies. It creates bad results.

What would be good is if guys came to their senses and actually developed some standards but they will never do that because they are too thirsty and lonely. A starving man will be willing to eat spoiled bread and be happy with it

Edited February 24, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Bryanbrax]

Tinder is scummy not getting matches isn't your fault it's the way its designed unless you pay money

Here is a detailed video on the mechanics on tinder , it will open your eyes to the reality.

@Phyllis Wagner

Edited February 24, 2021 by Bryanbrax

[Karmadhi]

@Bryanbrax Stage Orange corporations destroying people self esteems and doing crazy collateral damage. Would be good if governments banned these types of apps. It would encourage people to actually meet people in real life more. Women these days do not even try to meet guys they can just do it online. Same logic for guys.

[Phyllis Wagner]

@Karmadhi agree 100% regulation is needed.

Usually Leo is all for goverment regulating the free market, but on this issue he is libertarian. I guess we should ensure the top 1% gets all the dates and hope their wealth trickles down. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by Phyllis Wagner

[Karmadhi]

@Phyllis Wagner I think he has a bias against online dating and treats it as a sub par thing without giving it the same nuanced care that he does for most topic.