Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
NoN-RaTiOnAL

Extreme insights into the natue of suffering

8 posts in this topic

So i did a 100mc lsd trip which which went about like this:
first 2 hours - come up, nice visuals, beaty everywhere, curiousity, body high. 
5 hours - picking, horrific, terror, anxiety, brink of mental breakdown
last 3 hours - come down, gaining back control and basic understanding of my personal story and of life. 

so i went on to the trip with the intention to realize what is suffering fundamentaly. 
at the beginning it all went very smoothly and lighly i was taking a walk in beautiful natue with my tripsitter just enjoying myself. 
then at about 2 hours mark i get a message on the iphone. i decide to take a look - mistake (?)
i get a message from my boss firing me from work. worry floods my system intensly as i just begin to pick... very horrific experience. 
as i sit and try to accept the messy situation i got myself into  i realize that just by becoming acutly aware of the worry, not by doing anything about it, it loses its grip on my awareness and hence its emotional charge. of course i spiral in and out alternativly, i wasnt completly able to stay present and got sucked into the worry again..  but the insight is legit - i got an actual glimpse to how to actually get rid of suffering once and for all. 
the trip continues and i suddenly become aware of how my thought is a complex nested system of beliefs and that my "ego" is actually this entire structure and not just my personal story about "me" which im normally mostly aware of. its my whole understanding and way of making sense of my current experience. 
of course the minute i realize this im actually getting myself a stage beyond all those nested beliefes and i start to get glimpses of the "reality of this present moment" which is completly alien and bizzare. i start to realize there is actually no logic or sense in this present moment. no inherent meaning at all. no center, no beggining, no end. everything is just pure "unlogic" arising and passing away in a  circular dialectic rhythm. i felt like this is it, the fork in the road, i felt like the universe is offering me the truth i wanted so much but it is wayyy too much for me. would i go for it and say goodbye to my life?????
No. i realized the truth is what i hate the most. 
at this point i couldnt bear the truth. it was too much and i was already exhausted from the experience of getting fired while tripping balls. this is also when visuals became more acute. i got back home ASAP completly resisting the mental breakdown i was experiencing unwillingly. immersing myself in all the distractions possible to keep me in the comfort of my own personal beliefes. i spent hours watching netflix with my friend barely able to undestand a word.. 
then the trip started to lose intensity and i gradually gained control and familiarity with my experience. damn...
i begin to write it all down and try to explain it to my friend which just gave me a grim and tired face lol 
he was actually saying : "da fuck bro.. you talking absulote crap.." and i accepted that, i undersand now that from his pov there is no nest of thought.. nothing beyond the pure tellings of his clever mind.. 

i realize that the whole point of concepts is to create stories in the mind that give it meaning, purpose, beggining, end, center("me"), security and continuouseness - which are exactly all the things it actually lacks !! haha. this fundamental "flaw" is antithetical to the nature of thought and its "purpose" to create purpose which is why there is always some suffering accuring in the experience of thought. deep down there is an intuition the thought is fundamentally all a lie which is why its never enough. but then when thought tries to figure it out all it can create out of it is more stories and solutions "outside" with a beginning, center and an end result. which just perpetuate the cycle. 
so evetually i got myself this important insight: suffering (the origin of which is thought) mostly leads to a doing ( the origin of which is thought) which can only create more suffering and the true solution is pure awareness of the cycle. 

there was also an awareness of the design of experience, of its dialectical process of becoming and gaining insgiht. this is complete geniuseness. the awe, shock and a feeling of humbleness flood my today. i just feel like a little baby whining in the sand box again not realizing how this is actually the most profound thing there is.

thanks for reading. 



 

Edited by NoN-RaTiOnAL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@NoN-RaTiOnAL thanks for sharing! I have a question - did you read The Book of Not Knowing?

Edited by Petals

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are right about cycle, it is not just negative or thought cycle, actually it is not even cycle, just short term karma memory that repeats, , but knowing this alone will be of little help if you don't know how to use it , which you will not. . 

Edited by PureRogueQ

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@NoN-RaTiOnAL

Beautiful share! Notice thinking about yourself is the suffering, because there is no thinker thinking thoughts...just the thought that there is. Focused on what you want to create and experience (such as by using a dreamboard) experience completely changes as to the ‘relationship’ with thoughts. Emotion is expressed, “thinking” is recognized as insights arising, assisting you in your adventure of creating, and the expressing of preferences. 

This would have been interpreted differently...

6 hours ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

i felt like this is it, the fork in the road, i felt like the universe is offering me the truth i wanted so much but it is wayyy too much for me. would i go for it and say goodbye to my life?????No. i realized the truth is what i hate the most. 

Listen to feeling, rather than label it. Inspect, what is this ‘my life’ you believe in? Actually look for it. 

6 hours ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

at this point i couldnt bear the truth. it was too much and i was already exhausted from the experience of getting fired while tripping balls. this is also when visuals became more acute.

Notice how suppressing feeling led to over intensifying thought & perception with ‘visuals’, as compared to embracing the actuality of feeling. Denial, labeling of, rejection of feeling is suffering. Think about people who experience psychosis, which is a word for chronic emotional suppression and denial of the suffering which suppression of expression is... 

6 hours ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

i got back home ASAP completly resisting the mental breakdown

Then there is this much heavier labelling of the whole experience in avoidance of emotional expression & release. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Nahm said:

@NoN-RaTiOnAL

Beautiful share! Notice thinking about yourself is the suffering, because there is no thinker thinking thoughts...just the thought that there is. Focused on what you want to create and experience (such as by using a dreamboard) experience completely changes as to the ‘relationship’ with thoughts. Emotion is expressed, “thinking” is recognized as insights arising, assisting you in your adventure of creating, and the expressing of preferences. 

This would have been interpreted differently...

Listen to feeling, rather than label it. Inspect, what is this ‘my life’ you believe in? Actually look for it. 

Notice how suppressing feeling led to over intensifying thought & perception with ‘visuals’, as compared to embracing the actuality of feeling. Denial, labeling of, rejection of feeling is suffering. Think about people who experience psychosis, which is a word for chronic emotional suppression and denial of the suffering which suppression of expression is... 

Then there is this much heavier labelling of the whole experience in avoidance of emotional expression & release. 

at a certain point i actually looked for "my life" and i just couldnt find it. icouldnt "locate" anything at all. All there was is just some infinite mess of changing perceptions goofing around lol. 
and this was too radical i couldnt let go and let feeling take full charge. in time i guess :)
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@NoN-RaTiOnAL

Awesome. 

1 hour ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

i couldnt let go and let feeling take full charge. in time i guess

I once had a lucid dream I was watching a movie at the theater, and in the movie there was a tiny old black & white TV set that was playing a commercial about a my life, like an advertisement. It was like a subscription, timeshare deal where you had to invest and buy into it, “for your future” was kinda their big pitch. I remember wondering why anyone would buy what is already the actuality. Anyways, funniest commercial I ever saw in my life. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

haha nice one!
but dude i undestand your point. im already that. do you understand mine though? in the relative domain it takes time and balls to actualize that truth!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0