LSD Trip Report - Profound intellegence

[StripedGiraffe]

 

2/21/2021 (During Trip)

The dream-like thing we call reality is flexing its intelligence. These words might as well be an arrow pointing directly back at you. I love to look for the secret in the words, or to try to figure it out by piecing concepts together but no matter how accurate the words and ideas are, they are a complete and total joke. They utterly fail and conveying the Truth because the fullness, and the essence, of what's really going on can never be conveyed. It simply is. It's right here. It's right now. You can try to capture it and jar it up for the future but you'll never be able to. It is what you are right now. It is this happening. All of it. It's all one perfectly calibrated flex of infinite intelligence, to itself, by itself, and for itself. You can't think your way into it. And you can’t think your way out of it. You are it. The only thing left to do it accept it. If you can. But it's so amazing that you can never truly accept because acceptance is only a thought. So in trying to accept, you may find love, joy, and peace. If you can't find it there, then surely, the only way to find it is by letting go. And perhaps to let go is what it really means to love.

Today I learned that what I am is utterly unfuckwithable. I am literally infinite dreaming that just appears out of nowhere. These dreams are an eloquently designed, perfectly calibrated flex of infinite intelligence and love. I am experiencing the dreams while simultaneously creating these dreams on the fly through my will. All logical expiations utterly fail to encapsulate the essence of what I am. Words and logic are elementary school level means of understanding myself. The best way to know what I am is just to notice. I prefer to "think" in imagery combined with knowing or intuition. I can know things that I can't put into words. I can cling to any identity that I create within these dreams but at the end of the day, the identity is just a story, and a false one at that. My true identity is as slippery as a dream. Any time you choose one form or concept within the dream to be your identity, you create that story as if it were reality, or, you make believe play as this identity. When you identify with something, there's a lot of baggage that comes with that. First, the claim is false, so it's fundamentally unsustainable. So, in order to sustain that false story of identity, we have to play the game of maintaining that identity, or, survival. This game of survival once bought into, basically requires that you feel fear in order to maintain the belief. The longer you want to maintain the identity story, the more delusions you have to buy into. Over time, one original delusion of separation becomes twisted into a whole web of beliefs and concepts. As you accumulate these beliefs, you naturally buy into them more and more deeply and the fear necessarily becomes deeper and more complex to maintain such a complex false story. As you accumulate all of these delusions, you also create delusions of unworthiness, shame, guilt, apathy, and anger. We can also choose to go into a dream believing the false story to the point where we've completely forgotten who we actually are. At this point, breaking down this illusion becomes a process of remembering who you are. And who you are is not something that can be identified with. You are the dream, the dream experiencer, and the dream maker, and yet, these are just more concepts that utterly fail to encapsulate the infinite expanse that is you.

 

2/22/2021

 

Yesterday, I had the deepest awakening of my life. I became aware that everything within my awareness was made of an unfathomably intelligent material. Any surface I looked at was covered in these gorgeous, intricate mandala flower patterns. At one point I wasn’t sure if the patterns were actually there, meaning I wasn’t sure if other people could see them too. In truth, the patterns were there. They were as real as real gets. I could study them with close observation and the patterns did not waiver. However, reality is not defined by consensus, but rather, subjectivity. Each conscious being is one access point of this infinite source of intelligence. Each access point in connected to the whole and has their own unique reality which is not directly determined by consensus reality. Each being is living in their own dream, experiencing it while simultaneously creating it. Everything within my consciousness is literally me, the true me that is. Even "other people" are truly not other than me. They are simply me appearing in the form of a another person. Any pain I inflict on others, I am directly inflicting onto yourself. Any time I ignore others, I am ignoring myself. Any time I judge others, I judge myself. This not only goes for other conscious being but also for inanimate objects. Objects are equally a part of me as anything else. I am the entire field of consciousness. Anything that arises is me. There is nothing but me. I am everything I experience within this dream. I am the dream itself and I am the source of the dream. These identifications, of course, are not actually true because they are concepts or symbols. These words can point to but not encapsulate or even aptly describe what I actually am. What I am is constantly in flux through changing form yet at the same time is unwaveringly steady and ever-present. Anther concept which points to what I am is Infinite Dreaming. I am seemingly unlimited. As an unlimited creator, I seem to be able to impose limits upon myself as part of my limitless expression. In fact, creation fundamentally must be the expression of limits, without which, form would be undefined and therefore non-existent.

 

Words began to feel very strange during this trip. Words (spoken and thought), or course, are symbols which point to some sort of experience. Even objects are experiences. For example, If I say the word, bread, I'm pointing to the experience of seeing, smelling, tasting, feeling, or hearing bread. Outside of these sensory experience of bread, the bread does not exist, so again, the word points to an experience. Seeing this, I started to think of words as "reality portals". By "going into" and word, you are giving reality to the experience to which the word points. That experience becomes your dream (reality). We can experience realities without using words but we cannot use words without "knowing" the experience to which the words point. If we don’t "know" an experience, which includes the experience of conceptualization, the words would be empty and meaningless. They would be pointing to something that doesn’t exist. From the human egoic level, we use these reality portals as a means of survival. For example, we might enter the reality portal of "should". This experience will create and experience of guilt and fear which will manipulate our behavior to better serve our survival needs. Simultaneously, from the perspective of '"god ego", which is a false conceptual identity designed to mimic True Self, these reality portals are more like games. Each experience is like a computer game which we run for the purpose of experiencing, itself. Words are like the app shortcut which we use to easily run these programs.

 

I wouldn't call this a true ego death experience because I was still clinging to both human ego as well as god ego through the trip, however I felt like I could see through the false story of identification with a high degree of clarity, relative to previous awakening experiences. Thanks for reading!

[Osaid]

Very nicely articulated