Went soft during my first time having sex

[kray]

So recently, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and this was the first I was having sex (penetration to be specific) in general. Everything was going great, as we were kissing and performing other sexual acts. The problem came when it came time for penetration, as I was too soft to even penetrate. It was rather embarrassing at the moment, and had to come up with an excuse saying that "masturbated an hour before". As I am only 22 years old, I know the problem can't be ED. But is this normal? How can I prevent this from happening the next time I have sex? I apologize if this post is rather explicit, but assuming that this forum is consists mostly of adults, I am going with the assumption that this topic can be discussed in a mature and constructive way. 

[At awe]

Most of the time the reason is just overthinking or being too tense due to nervousness. There are great recommendations here on the forum. Look around. Relax , it’s gonna be fine?

[Strangeloop]

I had the same problem. It gets better after more times you have sex.

[Nahm]

@kray

Most likely you just need to relax, ‘get out of your own head’. Let thinking go, and do it only for the experience of it. Doing something else prior to the sex, something you and her enjoy that is simple and fun stands to help a lot. Simple stuff...a walk, a board game, a video game, a movie, whatever...just orientation to for fun and for the experience, nothing more. If the thought - ‘simply because you want to enjoy the experience of it’ doesn’t resonate, then consider it might be that you are not oriented sexually to woman. If that thought doesn’t resonate, then it’s definitely letting thinking go and enjoy the right now experience. 

[kray]

@Nahm Great advice! I have no problem being turned on by woman, (if I see a really attractive woman, my attraction will become embarrassingly obvious), but I guess it definitely has to do being in my head too much. It is also probably important to note that I only had two hours, as my parents were coming back home after that. I guess next time I should try to make the surroundings prior to sex for relaxed and fun, rather than rushed and something to "just get over with". It could also be that I had this thing in my head to lose my virginity as soon as possible, so I guess might have not helped in this case.  

[Nomad13]

Do you watch a lot of porn? Then, your problem can be found in your brain.

 

 

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

Need to learn to get out of your head and be focused enjoying her.

The best advice for having sex with a woman is that once the clothes come off, you throw out all your doubts and hesitations, you grab her, and do whatever you want with her. Don't be meek here. Fuck her how you want to fuck her. She wants you to take her without any reservations. Take her in your unique and authentic way.

Put 100% of your focus on that process, and you will find yourself not in your head any more.

[Hello from Russia]

6 hours ago, Strangeloop said:

I had the same problem. It gets better after more times you have sex.

@Strangeloop Did you succeed??

[bejapuskas]

9 hours ago, kray said:

if I see a really attractive woman, my attraction will become embarrassingly obvious

I think you might have some idea that your attraction should not be obvious, otherwise the woman might become turned off, perhaps you felt some sort of performance anxiety or insecurity? Don't think of this as something to just get over with, you're missing the point.

[AdamR95]

14 hours ago, kray said:

So recently, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and this was the first I was having sex (penetration to be specific) in general. Everything was going great, as we were kissing and performing other sexual acts. The problem came when it came time for penetration, as I was too soft to even penetrate. It was rather embarrassing at the moment, and had to come up with an excuse saying that "masturbated an hour before". As I am only 22 years old, I know the problem can't be ED. But is this normal? How can I prevent this from happening the next time I have sex? I apologize if this post is rather explicit, but assuming that this forum is consists mostly of adults, I am going with the assumption that this topic can be discussed in a mature and constructive way. 

I had the same issue, its nervousness. What helped me was to not fap for a few days to be more sensitive (i use to watch porn daily) and second just be patient and be detached, dont care to much.

In my case i wanted that so much that i use to fail again and again for long time with different girls to the point where i started not caring anymore a then it just came naturally.

I remeber one night when i failed with this very hot girl and i started histerically crying while we were lying in a bed. It was extremely embarrassing but these type of situations made me grow the most. I just dont care anymore.

 

 

 

[At awe]

@Hardkill Now ask yourself : ”Do I really want to do it or am I just arguing?”

[Michael569]

@kray totally normal and common. Don't let that discourage you. Try it again and again and eventually you'll get to the point that getting an erection is not an issue, ever. And even if it doesn't work the first couple time, make sure to at least take care of her, there are other ways

[Hugo Oliveira]

It happened to me in my first time as well. I was very nervous at the time. I was very lucky to have a girl who taught me how to go through the whole process and everything ended up going well.

There's a trick that I suggest that can be useful if it happens again. You put the girl's hip between your legs, with her back turned to you. In this position, you have total freedom to make massage, caress, kiss her neck, and mainly masturbate her. It is so simple, intimate, and comfortable. It will alleviate the rush that can cause you problems and will give you the relaxation, time, and the excitation you need. 

[The0Self]

Happened my first time. One night stand. She performed oral on me which fixed it. It never happened again. In fact the opposite often happens -- I get hard just watching whoever my current girlfriend is bend over, etc -- ultra horny, heavy breathing and all, at inconvenient times / in relatively inconvenient situations too! 

Edited February 25, 2021 by The0Self

[The0Self]

On 2/22/2021 at 4:51 PM, kray said:

It could also be that I had this thing in my head to lose my virginity as soon as possible, so I guess might have not helped in this case.

I definitely had that too.

[ginger28]

Dude Im 22. Lost my virginity recently and I also went soft at first. Asked all my friends afterwards and they said its perfectly normal, because you are in your head. Later that night I gave her an orgasm(w/ my hand), even tho it was my first time and this got me in the mood again and I did get hard because I was more comfortable and I then had normal sex. One mistake I did was after I couldnt get it up, she was perfectly calm and reassuring but then I started rambling how Im addcited to porn and how I might have porn induced ED. That shit really got her worried and she got a bit offended. Turns out it wasnt even true at the end, so never do that  

[Spiral]

Did you wear a condom? Size and allergies play a role.

[vladorion]

I had the same thing happen to me the first time I tried having sex.

Since the issue is just nervousness, there's a simple solution. Take a small dose of cialis/viagra the first couple times you're having sex. Once you've already had sex with her a couple times, the fact that you have sex with this girl will become normal for you and you won't get nervous anymore.

[Strangeloop]

@Hello from Russia Will see tomorrow

[kray]

@Hugo Oliveira This actually worked wonders!