Ego freaking out about an upcoming change

[Eva]

I wish I'd get your input on this. There are changes coming in my life that I've been looking forward to for a long time. I've done my groundwork well and feel like I have all of the bases covered to finally change things. My ego doesn't agree. She's making a huge deal about everything and freaking out big time. I've tried to do an internal inquiry to make her feel better about things and get prepared. I've tried to avoid fragmentation by understanding her and her concerns. It doesn't seem to help much.

Do you have any tips on how to approach this thing? I feel frustrated, cause I haven't bulldozed my ego and I'm taking things slow and responsibly. Yet she doesn't seem to be satisfied until I change my mind and stop the progress altogether. 

[Gesundheit]

OCD is a wild thing, isn't it?

I would just acknowledge the obsessive thoughts as obsessive thoughts, that'd make me a little bit more detached. Otherwise, if she doesn't agree with you, try agreeing with her. I mean flow with her, but don't take her pov seriously. Just allow her to express herself, while you being a good listener.

[Nahm]

4 minutes ago, Eva said:

I wish I'd get your input on this. There are changes coming in my life that I've been looking forward to for a long time. I've done my groundwork well and feel like I have all of the bases covered to finally change things. My ego doesn't agree. She's making a huge deal about everything and freaking out big time. I've tried to do an internal inquiry to make her feel better about things and get prepared. I've tried to avoid fragmentation by understanding her and her concerns. It doesn't seem to help much.

Do you have any tips on how to approach this thing? I feel frustrated, cause I haven't bulldozed my ego and I'm taking things slow and responsibly. Yet she doesn't seem to be satisfied until I change my mind and stop the progress altogether. 

Hopefully this is not taken offensively, but this post reflects the very fragmentation you mentioned. You are not experiencing being two; awareness and an ego, but you are speaking as if on behalf of two.  It can be helpful to physically point to the ‘her’ you speak of, to realize you are one. The facade at play is progress, as in a you, becoming. The “ego” is pigeon holed as an enemy, adversary, or the resistance you’re experiencing. In visually seeing you are not two, this ‘cover story’ is kind of blown, which leads to understanding the emotions that you are experiencing. Intrinsic emotional understanding is contentment, being here now where you are. There is also thought attachment at play with that twoness, which veils emotional understanding with unnecessary confusion. It might feel like the thoughts of you in a future feel ‘off’ because the concerns are valid, while the thoughts feel off because you are not in a thought story, you are never in a future. This here now is the experience, and the experience is the only ‘point’. To ‘trade’ how you feel now, for how you will feel in a future will never feel like alignment. Give this a read, you’ll see, directly experience, what is being said about contentment being very key. Envisioning what you’re creating from a position of deficit, as in not being content here now, but from the clean slate of contentment, presence, letting conditions upon happiness now go, great feeling thoughts naturally arise. Satisfaction can never be found in a future, because you never experience a future. 

[Eva]

14 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

OCD is a wild thing, isn't it?

I would just acknowledge the obsessive thoughts as obsessive thoughts, that'd make me a little bit more detached. Otherwise, if she doesn't agree with you, try agreeing with her. I mean flow with her, but don't take her pov seriously. Just allow her to express herself, while you being a good listener.

It sure is... There's clearly still something she's after, otherwise, this would be settled.

[Eva]

11 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Hopefully this is not taken offensively, but this post reflects the very fragmentation you mentioned. You are not experiencing being two; awareness and an ego, but you are speaking as if on behalf of two.  It can be helpful to physically point to the ‘her’ you speak of, to realize you are one. The facade at play is progress, as in a you, becoming. The “ego” is pigeon holed as an enemy, adversary, or the resistance you’re experiencing. In visually seeing you are not two, this ‘cover story’ is kind of blown, which leads to understanding the emotions that you are experiencing. Intrinsic emotional understanding is contentment, being here now where you are. There is also thought attachment at play with that twoness, which veils emotional understanding with unnecessary confusion. It might feel like the thoughts of you in a future feel ‘off’ because the concerns are valid, while the thoughts feel off because you are not in a thought story, you are never in a future. This here now is the experience, and the experience is the only ‘point’. To ‘trade’ how you feel now, for how you will feel in a future will never feel like alignment. Give this a read, you’ll see, directly experience, what is being said about contentment being very key. Envisioning what you’re creating from a position of deficit, as in not being content here now, but from the clean slate of contentment, presence, letting conditions upon happiness now go, great feeling thoughts naturally arise. Satisfaction can never be found in a future, because you never experience a future. 

None taken, thanks for replying. I had to read this several times since there's such a nuanced concept to be felt. I believe I understood your idea there and checked out the link. Integrating and living that seems a bit difficult, though. But yeah, you surely got a point.

[Gesundheit]

21 minutes ago, Eva said:

It sure is... There's clearly still something she's after, otherwise, this would be settled.

She's after control, of course. And it's not settled because of the fear of losing control that accompanied change in prior experiences. That's all there is to ego.

Sometimes, recognizing that helps. Sometimes, it doesn't. Either way, going through the fear regardless of all concerns is the ultimate solution.

[Eva]

14 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

She's after control, of course. And it's not settled because of the fear of losing control that accompanied change in prior experiences. That's all there is to ego.

Sometimes, recognizing that helps. Sometimes, it doesn't. Either way, going through the fear regardless of all concerns is the ultimate solution.

You seem to be correct. Luckily, I've laid things down so that this change is going to happen nevertheless. But it seems futile trying to get her on board without kicking and screaming all the way down. 

[allislove]

@Eva

This whole you & your ego 'thing' feels like this:



How would I approach it? Relax & play.
 

[Osaid]

Yes, the ego hates change. Its entire game is to prevent change.

What your ego is doing right now is that it is imagining a story in your mind which is causing anxiety. "Fear" and "anxiety" is not present anywhere in your direct experience, until you begin to entertain the fantasies of your ego. Look for yourself. Try to find the object which is causing "fear" in your direct experience right now. You won't find it, because "fear" is in relation to the story your ego imagines. The ego will make something like an upcoming change seem "monstrous" and "scary", simply through the medium of imagination. Have you ever heard someone say "that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be"? It's good at highlighting how the ego makes things seem worse than they actually are, that is actually one of its main skills. Because of this dynamic between fear and imagination, grounding yourself in the present moment can be a very effective way of keeping the ego in check.

Notice that the change is "upcoming", meaning it is not in your present experience. So, how are you scared of something which isn't even present? Because you are only scared of the thought of that thing, not the thing itself. No thing in reality truly emanates "fear", so keep your eye on reality and not imagination.

Also, wherever there is change, there is growth. Uncomfortable situations are good. Actively seek out uncomfortable situations, they will teach you lessons and make you grow.

[Eva]

2 hours ago, Osaid said:

Yes, the ego hates change. Its entire game is to prevent change.

What your ego is doing right now is that it is imagining a story in your mind which is causing anxiety. "Fear" and "anxiety" is not present anywhere in your direct experience, until you begin to entertain the fantasies of your ego. Look for yourself. Try to find the object which is causing "fear" in your direct experience right now. You won't find it, because "fear" is in relation to the story your ego imagines. The ego will make something like an upcoming change seem "monstrous" and "scary", simply through the medium of imagination. Have you ever heard someone say "that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be"? It's good at highlighting how the ego makes things seem worse than they actually are, that is actually one of its main skills. Because of this dynamic between fear and imagination, grounding yourself in the present moment can be a very effective way of keeping the ego in check.

Notice that the change is "upcoming", meaning it is not in your present experience. So, how are you scared of something which isn't even present? Because you are only scared of the thought of that thing, not the thing itself. No thing in reality truly emanates "fear", so keep your eye on reality and not imagination.

Also, wherever there is change, there is growth. Uncomfortable situations are good. Actively seek out uncomfortable situations, they will teach you lessons and make you grow.

Thank you. This was well written and I understood what you meant by it. Especially this one was great:
 It's good at highlighting how the ego makes things seem worse than they actually are, that is actually one of its main skills.

It is true that all of this is just my imagination. But it sure feels so real and I'm compelled to believe. Because... If I didn't believe my mind, who would I believe then...? It sure is a trap.

[Eva]

3 hours ago, allislove said:

@Eva

This whole you & your ego 'thing' feels like this:



How would I approach it? Relax & play.
 

Quite accurate, this actually does feel like I have a fist in my ass :-DD So yeah, maybe relaxing would make it more playful... And breathing. Jk, thanks for the reply, you've got a point ;-)

[allislove]

@Eva ??

[zeroISinfinity]

6 hours ago, allislove said:

@Eva

This whole you & your ego 'thing' feels like this:



How would I approach it? Relax & play.
 

I am not playing with that. (proper use of the coolest emoji) 

Also to commend @allislove very nice.

Wish I have this calm temper and yes @Moon grab this guy with both hands,Self Realized fgs.....

What?

Oh c'mon spread love guys.... 

Edited February 22, 2021 by zeroISinfinity

[Carl-Richard]

6 hours ago, Eva said:

Quite accurate, this actually does feel like I have a fist in my ass :-DD So yeah, maybe relaxing would make it more playful... And breathing. Jk, thanks for the reply, you've got a point ;-)

I'm sorry but this reminds me just too much of one line in this song:

"Relax, turn around and take my hand" 

(hand meaning fist) 

Edited February 22, 2021 by Carl-Richard

[allislove]

@zeroISinfinity ???

[Osaid]

11 hours ago, Eva said:

It is true that all of this is just my imagination. But it sure feels so real and I'm compelled to believe. Because... If I didn't believe my mind, who would I believe then...? It sure is a trap.

Believing the fearful stories of the mind is akin to imagining a boogie-man that lives under your bed. It is fear-mongering and delusional. Believe what is in front of you, not the delusions of your mind.

[Nahm]

We all feel a little Chippy sometimes, but only one of them is aware of the thoughts. 

[James123]

On 2/21/2021 at 6:52 PM, Eva said:

wish I'd get your input on this. There are changes coming in my life that I've been looking forward to for a long time. I've done my groundwork well and feel like I have all of the bases covered to finally change things. My ego doesn't agree. She's making a huge deal about everything and freaking out big time. I've tried to do an internal inquiry to make her feel better about things and get prepared. I've tried to avoid fragmentation by understanding her and her concerns. It doesn't seem to help much.

Do you have any tips on how to approach this thing? I feel frustrated, cause I haven't bulldozed my ego and I'm taking things slow and responsibly. Yet she doesn't seem to be satisfied until I change my mind and stop the progress altogether. 

Try to do is hard. But not doing is easy. Just watch the ego, let it go crazy. But do not identify and attach yourself with the ego. Be witness as there is no future. Whatever will be or no matter what the case, just surrender.