Leo... Holy F*ck!

[Snader]

Okay so this is basically a trip report of my first breakthrough trip but also to clear some confusion I have now that I'm back to being a human lol. I'm skipping lots of the usual technical details and getting more to the point.

Took a 2,5g dosage of shrooms last Saturday. Consumed them raw. Preparation, set and settings were all more than by the book, like always when I trip. Walk in the nature and extra meditation was added in the preparation set. I tripped home alone on my bed.

So I go to this trip with a contemplation of ''What is reality and existence really?''. I was really well prepared myself for letting go of everything and anything even  when my life is threatened. I had no expectations.

First of all. I now know that there really is no point posting this because I know I'm writing this to myself. But because I'm still a human being and for the sake of
playing this human game here, let's do it.

So the come up was really euphoric. The most euphoria I'v ever felt in my life. But that's not the highlight of this trip. The highlight is the experience I started
to merge into after maybe 1-1,5h after consuming the shrooms. There was lots of paradoxical shit going on I can't describe or even remember well enough, even though I can kind of feel some of that profundity even now when thinking back to the experience. But what I can descripe is that I forgot myself totally and became kind of a particle or an atom dancing in some sort of emptiness... There seemed to be like infinity amount of those particles and I was one of them. Soon those particles started to merge and they formed a strange loopy circle that kept circling. I saw that circle to be ME. That circle soon started to shoot probes. It shot all kinds of probes and I just watched it doing it (seeing it as me) until I took a perspective of one of those probes. The probe was shot I don't know where and how fast but the end of the travel for that probe was the moment I opened my eyes. Then I realized how I created my human self to be right where it was. There was lots of other stuff going on at the same time but can't really understand it enough to put it in words, but while I was having that experience I understood EVERYTHING I needed to understand. Absolutely everything made sense... There was nothing else to do but be what I was. I also realized I had shot every other probe as well. Everyone and everything that could possible be. Everything we can conceptually think of. I knew I did that for the sake of doing something because there was nothing else to do. Otherwise I would've been dancing with the atoms for eternity. During the trip I just kept laughing and yelling something like ''OF COURSE... IT'S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS!!'' and ''WOOOOW... WOOOOW...WOOOOW'' and ''HOOOOLY FUUUCK''. When I realized that oneness it felt sooo strange because I've always kept that possibility conceptually possible and thought that I kind of get it what it means but when it hit me it was so much different but also so true.

There were two funny things that happened while having this amazing realization. The first is after coming back from the first phase I was exited to go tell about this to everyone until I realized that there is no point in doing that. Others are me. Only difference between me and others is that they are currently playing like they don't know who or what they are, because I have wanted them to do that. The second thing is that I had my blindfold and earbuds right next to me, because prior the trip I decided I would like to trip with those things on at some point. After coming back from one of the phases I turned my head to see those things on my bed table and started laughing like hell, because I realized that it wouldn't have any difference whatsoever whether I used those or not. My human body was secondary. I anyway took those and put them on for the sake of fun and I just kept laughing and laughing because it felt so stupid and useless and the act of putting those things on that human body felt weird and it amused me A LOT! After having that exact same experience for some time with those things on I just laughed and threw them away lol.

I realized that there is nothing that SHOULD be done as a human being. It makes absolutely zero difference what I do or who I am as a human being. Everything is perfect no matter what happens. That all from the ultimate point of view of course.

I also didn't feel any need to write this experience down. It felt useless after the trip and even today to some point. Everything about keeping a journal and writing things down felt useless and stupid. Language is nothing compared to that experience. But then I thought that it might be wise because I'm still still a human being on his spiritual journey on earth even after that experience.

One thing I'm a bit confused of is that I realized that there is no point for me to do psychedelics anymore, at least higher doses or stronger substances. I felt I really got the message and there is no more truth I need. I thought that if I wanted more, it would be for my ego, and because ego is an illusion, that might probably end up being a bad trip. But now that I'm down and back from the high my interest towards psychedelics has arrived again. I feel I want to go deeper to that experience, even the wisdom back then said different. I certainly did not experience all the phenomenon that I've read and heard of, so that way my rational ego mind thinks that maybe I should still go deeper with them. I don't know. I'm anyway really confident that there is MUUUUCH more because those substances already showed me something I couldn't rationally expect, but still I don't have the same curiosity towards that than I had before.

I'm also not sure if I experienced ego death at all or if that's even necessary. I forgot my human body totally during the trip but I didn't go through a phase where I really gave my life away and died. But according to that experience there is no need for even that anymore. That got me thinking that now maybe it all boils down to my ego's curiosity and how much my ego wants to understand these deep phenomenon. Anyway I remember having a feeling that I if did any more or go any deeper I could lose myself totally.

After that trip I've been pretty much the same but more calm and loose. Haven't been so serious. I really didn't have much urge to write this or post this but decided to do it just for the sake of doing it and for the sake of maybe getting some interesting answers, even I really don't care whether this is even noticed, because deep down I know the answers all ALL within me. 

I'm actually quite surprised how little I took from that experience to my being. I mean I feel kind of more at ease but after coming down from the trip I was sure my life is gonna change radically because that message was so strong. Now I'm pretty much the same human with all the same personal data than before.

Well, one thing in my awareness I notice is slightly changed. Being feels more like a dream. In dreams I feel this kind of a fabric structure. Now I feel that in my awake time too to a certain point.

One last thing I'm a bit confused of is that I've lost my motivation to meditate. I've been doing clean and simple meditation daily for the last 2 years (with one 2 month break caused by a romantic relationship) and now I really don't have motivation to do that anymore. The reason I started meditating in the first place -- when I still did it only here an there -- was because nobody in my circles did that and I felt that  there is something valuable paradoxical good stuff that could come from that. Then soon the motivation morphed into wanting to really understand existence and life deeply and then I decided to commit to it. I think that now that I've grasped the truth I really got what I was looking for even from meditation. Now I've skipped days first time in a year and don't even feel bad about it like I did before.

It's been a week now from the experience and I can't grasp the profundity of it rationally. I'm fine with not grasping it because I do understand paradoxes. but here and there I still try to grasp it anyway. Maybe to get something tangible from it to my human life.

One advice I would probably give to someone who's into spirituality and is interested in psychedelics but haven't tried them yer; do the necessary psychological clearing work on yourself first! One reason I think it was possible for me to have this strong experience on such a low dose is that I've done lot's of work on myself and my life. I've cut through lots of false beliefs and released myself from being a slave to any paradigm or one perspective. I've made my life pretty clean and that has given me a chance to approach psychedelic experiences with minimum self-bias. Of course I have my own flaws and biases but I think I'm relatively conscious of them enough to let go of them when needed to.

That's it. Love you all!

 

[wesyasz]

/ I felt I really got the message and there is no more truth I need. I thought that if I wanted more, it would be for my ego, and because ego is an illusion, that might probably end up being a bad trip. /

/ But now that I'm down and back from the high my interest towards psychedelics has arrived again. I feel I want to go deeper to that experience, even the wisdom back then said different. /

Ego at play. It's a trap, trust the first line.

[Leo Gura]

Good work, but you have only scratched the surface. You have no idea how much more there is.

And you are still confused, unclear about many things. You still don't really understand reality or existence or God or Love or Goodness or Infinity or evil or many other important things.

And you are still not enlightened or awake. Perhaps you had some awakening, but now it is gone and you are back in the old ego state. So there is much work to do. A memory of a trip will not do much for you developmentally or spiritually.

It will take you 100+ trips to start getting a handle on psychedelics. And mushrooms are one of the least clear psychedelics. You can get much higher levels of awakening and clarity with other substances. Although mushrooms are good for now.

There is certainly much point to doing more psychedelics, higher doses, and other kinds. But with your myopic attitude, maybe there is no point for you.

[Snader]

@Leo Gura Yes, I'm confused, that's why I don't make any final conclusions about anything at this point. I'm just sharing feelings and talking about my perspective then and now, which I know will change again soon. It will always change. This was only a stepping stone further.

I also know I don't know shit about psychedelics and haven't deeply realized those deepest spiritual concepts, so I need to be humble and careful not to fall into a trap of clinging to some narrow aspect of Truth. I might have had some sort of enlightenment or awakening experience but I'm certainly not enlightened. It's of course right now hard to question the perspective or the ''message'' I got, because it was the most profound experience I've ever had. I do my best not to take a map as the territory.

My attitude really has some serious aspects that need to be worked on, if I want to develop further. After the trip I kind of wished or expected that the experience would fuel my egolife to bring more trust, confidence, compassion and love into my everyday life that I try to live as consciously as possible. I clearly try to have more than my state of development approves, and that's certainly myopic and naive.

Thanks for your words. Your message helped me to look at this from a different angle. I will definitely take your perspective into account, carefully.

 

 

Edited February 20, 2021 by Snader

[aklacor727]

My shrooms trip last night was a terrifying one, realizing the groundlessness of everything. I just wanted to be ignorant again lol

Hopefully my next trip is a better one.  

[This]

Lol. "You need drugs for clarity"

[UNZARI]

Lmao this one is great, thanks for sharing man !

[WonderSeeker]

1 hour ago, aklacor727 said:

I just wanted to be ignorant again lol

Know the feeling, haha. Give it time my friend! 

[Peo]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

And you are still not enlightened or awake. Perhaps you had some awakening, but now it is gone and you are back in the old ego state. So there is much work to do. A memory of a trip will not do much for you developmentally or spiritually.

It will take you 100+ trips to start getting a handle on psychedelics.

If you took 5 meo-dmt every 24 hours and increase dosage every day for 200 days. You will have taken 200 trips, that would way faster then meditation or yoga for 20 years.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, This said:

Lol. "You need drugs for clarity"

Your body is a soup of drugs.

Maybe open a micro-biology textbook.

People who have heavy metals in the brain cannot have clear consciousness, for example. They can barely think straight.

[pole553]

44 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Your body is a soup of drugs.

Maybe open a micro-biology textbook.

People who have heavy metals in the brain cannot have clear consciousness, for example. They can barely think straight.

Lad as a long term neuroscientist you're spouting bullshit. (Btw what does that have to do with microbiology which is the study of microorganism influence on macroorganisms, such as us? That metaphor is worthless in itself. 

Soup of chemicals.. Let's start off with that claim. We're talking about endogenously synthesized substances, not drugs, that implies exogenous introduction - similarly, just because receptor function is similar does not imply commonality of use.

 Just because a plant needs water to function does not mean you flooding it with a continuous stream of hydration will result in sustenance. 

That's a fool's logic and stop using condescending claims to sound smart if it is pure bullshit in sheep's clothing. 

[UNZARI]

@pole553 I’ve gained clairity from psychedelics.

[Cepzeu]

43 minutes ago, pole553 said:

Lad as a long term neuroscientist you're spouting bullshit. (Btw what does that have to do with microbiology which is the study of microorganism influence on macroorganisms, such as us? That metaphor is worthless in itself. 

Soup of chemicals.. Let's start off with that claim. We're talking about endogenously synthesized substances, not drugs, that implies exogenous introduction - similarly, just because receptor function is similar does not imply commonality of use.

 Just because a plant needs water to function does not mean you flooding it with a continuous stream of hydration will result in sustenance. 

That's a fool's logic and stop using condescending claims to sound smart if it is pure bullshit in sheep's clothing. 

Lol

[pole553]

15 minutes ago, Cepzeu said:

Lol

Ah I expected this

Hello friend

Care to talk this out instead of laughing out loud? Leo is using unsubstantial scientific claims, while berating those same scientific ideas if anyone else uses them against him

[pole553]

26 minutes ago, UNZARI said:

@pole553 I’ve gained clairity from psychedelics.

I don't doubt you've gained personal insight, that is what psychedelics are for, and they're astounding in the exploration of the dreamworld of your mind. And they are beautiful in their own right. Yet after extensive use, one comes to realize they present an obstacle in themselves.

And the pursuit is what continues the futility of dissatisfaction 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, pole553 said:

Lad as a long term neuroscientist you're spouting bullshit. (Btw what does that have to do with microbiology which is the study of microorganism influence on macroorganisms, such as us? That metaphor is worthless in itself. 

Soup of chemicals.. Let's start off with that claim. We're talking about endogenously synthesized substances, not drugs, that implies exogenous introduction - similarly, just because receptor function is similar does not imply commonality of use.

 Just because a plant needs water to function does not mean you flooding it with a continuous stream of hydration will result in sustenance. 

That's a fool's logic and stop using condescending claims to sound smart if it is pure bullshit in sheep's clothing. 

Oops, I meant molecular biology.

The rest of your logic is nonsense on stilts.

[pole553]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Oops, I meant molecular biology.

The rest of your logic is nonsense on stilts.

It's okay, we all make mistakes every day

Come on man, rest of my logic is based on your highly illogical reply based on a highly illogical understanding of neurological chemical homeostasis and your metaphysical misinterpretation of such. Chemicals can be applied anywhere, they do not mean such harmonious application because they're all 'drugs' as you imply. 

The least we can do is talk about your initial claim, instead of your egoic discounting when someone calls you out on it, which is something you tend to do more oft than not nowadays.

Also, lastly, care to back up your claims of heavy metals influencing consciousness in any way? If consciousness is primal to brain matter anyway, what does it matter? I'm just curious with the source that instigated the initial claim, is all  

[Dunnel]

@Leo GuraHow do I know wheter I have heavy metals or not? I know I should be researching this but my mind is so fried that I can barely read paragrpahs at this point. Been suffering from mental illness for most of my life and been meditating for 2-3 years now. I have only had rare ocassions when I feel truly councious. Somebody has responded to me that I may have heavy metals. How does one go about figuring that out and curing it? I am asking you becasue I know that I will be able to register what is being read.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, pole553 said:

Chemicals can be applied anywhere, they do not mean such harmonious application because they're all 'drugs' as you imply.

I never claimed any random chemical in any random quantity will be harmonious or beneficial. This is your ridiculous strawman of what I said.

[pole553]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I never claimed any random chemical in any random quantity will be harmonious or beneficial. This is your ridiculous strawman of what I said.

You've compared exogenous drugs to an endogenous compilation, and how they draw distinct similarities, as 'drugs are just chemicals within our brains, bro'. Which is simply untrue. Our bodies are not full of drugs, the term implies exogenous application. 

I'm still waiting for any explanation of the heavy metal claim 

Edited February 21, 2021 by pole553