PTSD and being Suicidal

[Origins]

@Preety_India Hey Preety I've been having a lot of progress with the Wim Hof method there are various levels of course here's two just thought I'd share maybe useful maybe not, absolutely though for me. Blessings to you girl you can so get through this one step at a time!

Here's an explanation with Russell, extremely credible stuff. You know me well know I'm a straight down the line no bullshit kind of guy, I wouldn't at all be suggesting it if I wasn't very passionate about its legitimacy.

Best.

h 

 

Edited February 25, 2021 by Origins

[Preety_India]

@Origins thank you. 

[Preety_India]

I feel deranged. 

Last night I had this nightmare in which I appear to be struggling to write a test. 

I feel like I didn't write my MBA exam. I feel like I failed the exams.. 

But in reality I cleared my exams. I was successful in clearing all the tests. Everything went well and I got my MBA degree with no problems. 

Then why these nightmares. Then why these nightmares. 

I have lost my peace of mind.. I'm terrified. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams... 

 

I cleared my MBA exams... 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams.. 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

 

I cleared my MBA exams. 

[Preety_India]

I feel upset.. 

I've been made to feel bad. 

I was made to look like I did something wrong.. When I didn't. 

And people in this section need to be more mindful. 

Like what did I do wrong?

I was trying to have a happy day and even little things like these can get me upset.. 

All I want is to see everyone living their best version. 

I was even told that I'm harassing him. 

How am I harassing him?

What did I do to him?

 

[Preety_India]

 

To whoever this is addressed to -

An open letter 

To whom it may concern 

this is an open letter to you. You know who you are. I don't need to spell your name here. I don't think it's wise for you to keep insinuating this silent beef between us. I would like it to end. I have already apologized for past mistakes and yet I've been dragged through the mud despite my best efforts to make good with you. I have nothing against you. Some misunderstandings happened. And I humbly apologized for that.  I tried understanding you but it's beyond my scope and comprehension.  I tried to clear out the air in private messages with you. Yet you continued to hold this grudge against me. I have no idea why. If you have problems with me, i'll gladly allow you to talk to admins regarding me, if I'm such a thorn in your path. I'm generally gentle towards people. I tried being gentle to you as well. But I was met with an intense intolerance, reminiscent of being treated like an unwanted insect. There were a bunch of accusations levied against me and I had no clue what slander was being slapped on me. I do read your journal because I find some entries useful for my psychological growth. But it has no personal correlation with you, I would have read the journal even if it wasn't written by you. It's just the information that I  found helpful. I don't want to be in your journal because I might end up creating a ruckus. There is an image created around me that I'm some kind of a troublemaker.  The only trouble I ever created was simply being myself.. I begged you on my knees to end the feud.  I don't know what much else I can do. 

I hope you read this and realize that I need to be set free from your judgment of me. Once again I have done nothing to you. And I had promised you that I would do nothing to you even in the future. So far I kept my promise. 

even if you took my name, I resisted saying anything in your journal because I had to keep my promise I gave you. I'm a woman of my word and I believe in being authentic in who I am. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

The above letter is addressed to a person in this section who recently took my name and dragged it through the mud. 

For the record, I have sent multiple apologies and even promised that I mean no harm. 

I've maintained my dignified silence on the matter and tried burying the past and moved on long ago.. 

I really do not mean any harm to this person and I want to set the record straight through the open letter. 

I won't name names. They know who they are. 

They're also aware that I suffer from PTSD. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm getting such panic attacks right now. I'm in such a sensitive mental state. 

It just affects me. All this negativity bothers me. 

I don't like when someone does this. 

Like why put my name and insinuate me when I was silent. 

I tried so hard to not get into trouble. 

What was the need to get a rise out of me?

Why can't people understand others. 

Ive been made to look like a villain. 

I suffer from PTSD

.My family made me feel like a villain all my childhood.. 

Why can't you just understand that people get hurt. 

You told me "hurt people hurt "

 

But I wasn't and I mean it. 

 

You can see my unstable mental state in this journal yourself.. 

You know that I don't feel okay. That I'm emotionally unstable. 

 

I tried to be vulnerable. Because there is no other option.. 

 

Just nobody just nobody is going to listen to me except thus journal. 

 

Just why 

 

Just why 

 

Just why 

 

Why do you need to do this???????

Why take my name when I didn't do anything. 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I'm so upset 

 

 I'm trying very hard every day to control my emotions. 

It's the struggle of my life. 

 

 

Why did you have to disturb someone who was being silent?

 

 

Why can't you find peace?

Answer??????????????????????????????

 

[Preety_India]

When I'm being patient why do you have to drive me to the edge when I'm trying to stay calm every day?

 

Why do you feel the need to stir the pot?

Why do you have re-ignite things that I'm trying to forget?

 

[Preety_India]

How to know in this world who is good and who is bad?

 

[Preety_India]

When you realize who is finally good?

 

[Preety_India]

I'm so fed up with this whole place and the negativity

 

 

[Preety_India]

It's so hard. I'm waiting for this person to give me a response and I don't feel chill until this is resolved

 

I hate how people simply disappear when it's their turn to face the music. When they are supposed to speak. 

 

[Preety_India]

Everything is so gloomy. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 27, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Jesus.. 

[Preety_India]

Alright off this wagon for now. 

It's so petty to be honest. But whatever. 

There are so many things in this world that are bigger. 

I think some people are born with too much luxury. 

I'm such an introvert by the way.. I hardly bother what people think. 

I like to live in my own cave.