How to help someone with a victim mindset

[Joelvs]

So I am thinking about my mom with this question but off course it can be put generally. I think my personal development is so far that I can judge, that she is suffering because she doesnt take on responsiblity for what is happening to her and at the core of it lacks a sense of self worth. Which I struggled with myself thats why it seems pretty obvious to me. I tried to help her have a better life since maybe 1 year and I think it had some impact but still I dont think she will ever really see the path she needs to go to live a happy life. Is this just me being arrogant and thinking I know what she needs and lacks? And how do you help such people? One of my mentors once said that it is by who you are that you inspire other people. But I wonder if that is enough for her. Because I clearly changed over the last 2 year to the positive. Does it make sense to push "such" people to their happines? Send them videos and courses on that stuff for example? Or is it just patience that she will find her way one day? 

[SamC]

You can't. Do and try whatever you want though and see it for yourself. I think you might have to learn this the hard way, but I'm gonna share what I've learned from something similar.

My story is that I've always since I was a child been super scared and worried for my dad and been pushing him to change. It only made things worse. If I were you, I would try to be present with her, support her and try to see and understand her struggle and why she have a victim mentality.

Chances are that you're yourself scared of being a victim and therefor is super eager for her not to be a victim cause you see that as something to desperately avoid. You judge yourself for it, and therefor you can't help to judge to outside world for it aswell.

Tell her about your feelings, tell her that you love her and tell you about what you think might help her... but always also inform her, that it is her life, and that only she can decide how she want's to live her life.

Edited February 18, 2021 by SamC

[Hello from Russia]

I think it might be to tell them they can actually control stuff and let them create something. 

In a sense, victim mentality often comes from a position of defeated self-esteem. If you have top-notch self-esteem, you don't really have victim issues. So the solution could be anything that would boost their self-esteem. That's a very good hint, imo

[Joelvs]

@SamC thanks man, forgat to answere. Its good advice. Hard to follow through tho especially because she also hurts others with her attitude.  But I see the truth in that

[SamC]

1 hour ago, Joelvs said:

@SamC thanks man, forgat to answere. Its good advice. Hard to follow through tho especially because she also hurts others with her attitude.  But I see the truth in that

I know bro. Keep your head up man. You're not alone

[vander]

1.Brink up people in worse situations but who somehow managed to come up ahead.

2.Let them know you think they are better than that

3.Never tell them about their "victim" tendencies or that will only bring their walls up and anything you say after that will fall on deaf ears.