??? Hero's Journey: Start Now!!!

[Shunyata]

Recently I have been just a suicidal, nihilistic and narcissistic teenager. And then I thought about the purpose of human life. I remembered about the message of my ancestors about the higher meaning. I had the privilege to hear them. But did I actually listen to them? No! I have wasted so much time on my lower self..

I took advice even from the most mystical encounters with the higher ups superficially, as I tend to take most things in life.

But now I have to make sure that I take spirituality/discipline very seriously and observe my lower desires from the place of pure awareness.

The present hurts to the child ego, but the future is going to hurt a thousand times more. I have been warned.

??

I am listening to Atomic Habits by James Clear. 

Plan: I will - Behavior - at Time - in Location

1. I will wake up at 7:30 AM 

2. I will go for a walk after making my bed and brushing my teeth. (Sunrise at 7:49). Do outside home chores.

3. I will be ready to watch online lectures by 8:30

Even though I've always been a naturally curious person, I have turned lazy a lot for the past sad period of my life. Intellectual laziness is something that I don't want to admit about myself. It's like, ?: some people are already so smart and well-read, it makes you feel like you're never going to be on their level, so you quickly give up. Yeah, I think it's just an issue of the lack of self control. Nothing special.

4. Eat 100 g of rice and drink water. 

~Save yourself before saving someone else~ 

Edited February 18, 2021 by Shunyata

[Shunyata]

 

Edited February 18, 2021 by Shunyata

[Shunyata]

I've wasted all of my time. I was playing games, listening to music on YouTube endlessly and eating terribly. 

 

Yes.. My excuse is that 'it's all predetermined'. Isn't it a pinnacle of childish narcissism..

Just

Ew

I'm aiming for higher things while I can't even get my shit together. I'm so angry at myself and my stupidity and rigidity. 

And hey... Could you have given this opportunity to someone much better?? I don't know, I realize I have the free will, but my self-hatred over the amount of time I've wasted is just unbearable. 

And guys.. don't be selfish lazy people. The amount of regret is going to lower your will and drive in the future to start over. There's no time. You're already dead.

Edited February 23, 2021 by Shunyata

[Keyhole]

You have trolled me, you have sent me things indicating the my abuse was my fault, that I should die (and don't lie about it) and you signal to my journal entries.  You must stop.  If you do not, I will let the authorities of this forum know that this is what you have been using your journals for.  Do you understand??  YOU WILL STOP.  FOCUS on yourself.

[Shunyata]

@Keyhole hey! I never said to you that it was your fault. I never said to you you should kill yourself!! Wtf!! 

[Shunyata]

You are so paranoid and I dont know why did you decide that I was saying these horrible things to you? I've sent you a video of Shunyamurti because I thought you could give me some good advice. And I've asked multiple people on this forum on their opinion as well about the video. In my journal I talk about making a sacrifice of a narcissist child (me). So it's basically self-actualization work. Jeez nothing of that kind was in my mind. You should get over yourself. 

[Keyhole]

Dude, no, a bunch of your journals had some influence from my stuff, and some of them were not good.  Don't lie.  Instead, tell me why you are.  I would love to know why people do that.

[Shunyata]

 

2 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Dude, no, a bunch of your journals had some influence from my stuff, and some of them were not good.  Don't lie.  Instead, tell me why you are.  I would love to know why people do that.

You mean what? 

I thought you were a real psychic. I like reading your journals and I commented 'it's interesting to see how the devil works' because I was truly interested in the objects of your posts. I don't remember what you were talking about. I think it was a post about the root of all evil.

You're not a real psychic. You don't get my true intentions. You are just making a narcissistic projection on me. None of my stupid journals had anything against you. In fact nothing to do with you. 

[Keyhole]

@Shunyata Kid, just because someone doesn't understand you doesn't mean they are or are not a psychic.  I've never been a psychic.  I've never claimed that I'm a psychic.
But yes, you did.  They might be deleted and I'm not interested in going through the whole thing.  I am speaking to the you who knows that you were doing that, just don't do it again.  I don't like it.  I will leave it at that.  You're a dishonest person.

How's that for psychic, speaking directly to the lie despite it being distorted in my face?  

Edited February 23, 2021 by Keyhole

[Shunyata]

@Keyhole

And if you think I'm one of those stupid trolls... I'm not. You can scroll through my posts and see that I posted the video of Shunyamurti trying to ask other people on their opinion. I was focusing on myself and my own work. I wanted to get over my laziness and addiction to the input of tremendous and ongoing jouissance.  If you think that I have sent you this video because I had some ulterior motives, you are wrong. I thought that you could help me with my journey of building discipline.  

[Shunyata]

Yeah I shouldn't have asked you for advice.

[Shunyata]

Would you ever understand that it was just you the whole time? Why do you believe your mind ?

I have been in a similar situation months ago. It feels so real. But in fact it's just your own self. You find yourself in the story. 

[Shunyata]

I felt like my neighbor was talking behind my back. One day I got angry at her and it was extremely humiliating to find out that she wasn't talking about me at all. But I have felt like I knew the truth and she was lying to me. 

You don't want to admit that it was just you, isn't it? Well have some humility.

[Shunyata]

@Keyhole it hurts your pride to know that, huh? I think you will never admit to yourself that it was just you. 

You should be ashamed of yourself. 

Edited February 23, 2021 by Shunyata

[Shunyata]

I hate this world. 

I thought you were one of those few conscious people in the forum, turns out you are not even on an authentic path at all.

[Shunyata]

You are so paranoid even I wouldn't have made such a narcissistic projection upon someone. And even if I have made, such as in the past, I still would have admitted my mistake and felt like the ugliest and stupidest person alive. And you don't even feel sorry?

But I still relate to you and the pain of feeling that the world you live in doesn't see your beauty and divinity. Please delete what you have said to me. @Keyhole

Edited February 23, 2021 by Shunyata

[Zigzag Idiot]

No, You’ve come too far,,,

[zeroISinfinity]

@Shunyata ❤️ Keep up your work. Stay.