Attracted to “crazy” & emotionally unwell girls

[Lyubov]

I’ve had a lot of mental and emotional problems in the past but have done a ton of healing and am in an amazing place.

thing is I still find myself very much attracted to girls that are very feminine and beautiful but have a ton of insecurities and emotional problems themselves. There is something so sexy to me about the overly dramatic neurotic hot girl that is needy and causes problems. 
 

Healthy girls seem boring or like not as edgy or as hot as fire yet I know I should start focusing on resolving this attraction and perusing high consciousness women who are working on themselves.

anyone notice this before and have you been able to resolve or make some sense of this ?

[aurum]

@Lyubov

Are we all sorting out our bad boy / bad girl issues this week?

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

There is something so sexy to me about the overly dramatic neurotic hot girl that is needy and causes problems. 

Then you haven't experienced enough pain yet .

The wrong girl will literally ruin your life. It could push you to suicide.

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

Healthy girls seem boring or like not as edgy or as hot as fire

Then you haven't met the right ones.

A girl who is really integrated will blow your mind.

But you also have to appreciate what they're bringing to the table. If you're addicted to drama, anything that isn't drama will seem boring by comparison. But of course it's not boring, it's way better. But you have to have the palate for it.

It's like sitting and appreciating nature. If you're over-stimulated from modern society, doing something like just watching nature seems incredibly boring. But it's actually fascinating if you can stop being such a junkie.

Edited February 18, 2021 by aurum

[Rolo]

43 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

I’ve had a lot of mental and emotional problems in the past but have done a ton of healing and am in an amazing place.

thing is I still find myself very much attracted to girls that are very feminine and beautiful but have a ton of insecurities and emotional problems themselves. There is something so sexy to me about the overly dramatic neurotic hot girl that is needy and causes problems. 
 

Healthy girls seem boring or like not as edgy or as hot as fire yet I know I should start focusing on resolving this attraction and perusing high consciousness women who are working on themselves.

anyone notice this before and have you been able to resolve or make some sense of this ?

I'm the same, I find I can project my own insecurities onto them, it's like a mutual suffering where I feel understood and loved.

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, aurum said:

Are we all sorting out our bad boy / bad girl issues this week?

This caused me to burst out in laughter. That was too funny 

 

 

[Adam M]

Find yourself a girl that integrates the healthy aspects of the Divine Feminine (full spectrum expression of emotions) without being toxic, undeveloped, and unconscious.

I did it! Although it took some work

 

My girlfriend is still a crazy bitch now and again but she's actually conscious of it.

 

Healthy girls aren't boring. A girl with a properly integrated feminine is a wild slut for God.

[At awe]

I’ve dated some troubled souls. Still haven’t understood where the lesson exactly was..

Is it easier to accept yourself/your life when you realize that someone else is struggling much more with theirs?

Is it that deep down you accept lifes mindfuckery and you envite even more of it in yours?

Is it the borderline or downright BDSM sex?

Is it the need to take care of the broken ones?

Still love them all.

 

Edit: Just realized that almost all were Geminis?

Edited February 18, 2021 by At awe

[ted73104]

Great, so we're all a part of the Anhedonia family (sarcastically put). 

To quote from Wikipedia: Anhedonia is a diverse array of deficits in hedonic function, including reduced motivation or ability to experience pleasure.While earlier definitions emphasized the inability to experience pleasure, anhedonia is currently used by researchers to refer to reduced motivation, reduced anticipatory pleasure (wanting), reduced consummatory pleasure (liking), and deficits in reinforcement learning.

 

This means that the way our brain functions might still be the same when we were growing up, used to the toxic and abusive environment we were in. Therefore our brain still gets "attracted" to the insecure and abusive behaviors we've had between family/friends of the past. Getting a therapist should help, though I haven't talked to my therapist about this area yet (what attracts me sexually). 

I have this problem too, I believe the "answer" is that my neural network is not behaving normally when it comes to accepting love. Therefore somewhere in my mind, a reprogramming is needed.

[At awe]

@ted73104 Interesting, I’ll look into this. 

[Just Timothy]

Could easily be self confidence thingy. It’s very safe when people need you. It’s a double edge sword tho. I find those girls attractive because they are often authentic, have good understanding of their emotions/intuition and overall very alive and open. Not too spoiled by social culture. Overwhelmed by life but not choked by it.

[aurum]

On 2/17/2021 at 9:01 PM, Preety_India said:

This caused me to burst out in laughter. That was too funny 

 

 

[Lyubov]

22 hours ago, Adam M said:

Healthy girls aren't boring. A girl with a properly integrated feminine is a wild slut for God.

damn... i need to find me one of those 

[universe]

You choose your reality. If you don't like it, choose differently.

Being at an amazing place sounds you figured it out.

Enjoy your ticket

❤️

[Hardkill]

2 hours ago, Lyubov said:

damn... i need to find me one of those 

You need to find a woman who is also willing to do almost whatever you ask of them.

[Jodo]

On 18/02/2021 at 2:01 AM, Lyubov said:

I’ve had a lot of mental and emotional problems in the past but have done a ton of healing and am in an amazing place.

thing is I still find myself very much attracted to girls that are very feminine and beautiful but have a ton of insecurities and emotional problems themselves. There is something so sexy to me about the overly dramatic neurotic hot girl that is needy and causes problems. 
 

Healthy girls seem boring or like not as edgy or as hot as fire yet I know I should start focusing on resolving this attraction and perusing high consciousness women who are working on themselves.

anyone notice this before and have you been able to resolve or make some sense of this ?

Look into the "saviour complex"... And work on it if you recognize it... First step - realise you are not here to change and help all the people, but explore and co-exist... 

And yes - as one friend once said upon meeting my then girlfriend - "Ah, a bit neurotic, huh, good sex, right?" 

It is true - edgy, wild, a bit "crazy", etc. is very attractive to some of us - but you can find that appeal mixed with some balance included, too.

I have a couple of good friends who really suffered because they got involved with very sexy girls with too much troubles - usually stemming from childhood abuse, etc. 

Rather informative articles: https://www.psypost.org/2020/06/men-are-drawn-to-borderline-personality-traits-in-physically-attractive-women-study-finds-56961

https://www.nytimes.com/2001/02/11/style/men-are-crazy-for-women-who-are-too.html

For me it took an especially devastating experience with a lot of "life and death" situations with a particular girl that probably had borderline personality disorder, but was sexy and horny as hell, liked wild sexual practices, was very imaginative, creative, into witchcraft and psychedelics... Sort of Teal Swan kind of girl, very smart, sexy, but messed up completely deep within. The ups and downs were monstrous... After experiencing this I think I had my share of "wild girls" for this life-time. 

Don't push against this attraction, acknowledge it, but put your focus elsewhere... don't connect with such persons if you feel the burden of interaction... if it becomes messy... it is very difficult to get out of such a relationship if you are not strong enough.

Amazing kinky sex is not worth all the torture or even crime, death or emotional suffering. You can get sucked into a weird vortex. Stay away! Also don't take things personally. Realise that ups and downs are her condition, that it has nothing to do with the reality. Stay balanced. It can ruin a man, I have seen it with a few friends and almost experienced it myself - got out at the last moment. 

Find balance, rather be single, have affairs, casual sex - one night stands if you have to, but don't go deeper into relationships with such persons. It can literally kill you. There are "normal" girls who are interesting and easy to be around and healthy to co-exist with.

If you have realised this focus is not OK, you are already on the path to liberate yourself from that fixation. You don't owe anything to anyone. You are not here to save them, even if you had great moments with them in the past. Recognize the traits, stay away, even if you start fantasizing about having sex with them. Shift focus. Don't establish communication. It can escalate quickly. 

 

 
 

[flume]

Spot on advice so far.

On 18/02/2021 at 6:57 AM, At awe said:

Edit: Just realized that almost all were Geminis?

Lol! I had a similar realisation a few months ago: Some psychic told me I should stop dating earth signs. I was like...  I've basically only dated earth signs for most of my life. Mostly virgos. And I've always had the same kind of dynamic/ problems going in these relationships. Haha. Don't contact me if you're a virgo  Jk. Not that I know a thing about astrology, but it's still interesting.

As for the original question: Taste definitely changes as you develop. I used to be really attracted to depressed guys (and virgos) Now these don't really do anything to me anymore. Savior complex is a real thing

The whole discussion also made me think of this:

[Roy]

You're attracted to them sure, but have you ever actually been with a crazy girl? The attraction drops pretty quick a few days after you've had sex.

I've had one experience and that's all I needed to learn from and protect myself for the future. Luckily it happened when I was a teenager so I had no finances or possessions at risk like a car, house, or savings.

I recommend you get it out of your system now if you're relatively young and poor. It will also help you identify them in the future, some crazy girls don't rock the look and disguise themselves as other types.

Once you sniff out enough crazy you need to cut it off early on before you're in too deep. Think with the head up top and not the one in your pants.

Remember no matter how hot she is, even if she's your fantasy girl. It is NOTHING compared to the crazy nightmare you will face if you commit long term.

Edited February 19, 2021 by Roy

[Chives99]

Lol you sound like my old housemate, unless she had problems he wasn't interested as he loved drama and the crazy sex that resulted from those turbulent emotions one of his exes said she was going to torch our house. I'm thinking i don't need this shit in my life ??. You'll be much less stressed with a level headed girl 

[ivankiss]

Can relate.

A part of me has a thing for crazy, toxic girls. I guess it's because of the rush. The adrenaline. Also; my saviour complex. Trying to be their hero. 

It's kinda funny, really... Not while you're in a toxic relationship though.

Yeah it's wild and exciting and unpredictable... But it's not healthy. It's not real. Not genuine. Not true.

It's a crazy and potentially very dangerous game. It's like a hardcore drug.

It's an addiction - not a relationship.

 

 

Edited February 24, 2021 by ivankiss

[Lyubov]

Lots of helpful information in here. I’m going to focus on this a bit and reflect some. I think in due time I will be able to move on from this. “Crazy” hot girls are really such a rush during the sort of passionate/attraction part but for a deep relationship it is unsustainable and unhealthy.