5-meo-dmt | Trip Report #1: Facing The Personal Ever-nearing Apocolypse

[AlwaysBeNice]

'It's just a chemical, it's just a drug'

At an early point in your awakening you will see nothing happens by coincidence, as God is playing in all of us, nothing every happens by accident.

And so certainly it is no coincidence nature produces these chemicals/neurotransmitters like DMT or 5-MeO, in so that we can take them externally if we want(and yes, you can experience it (eventually) without these molecules externally as they are produced in our bodies naturally as well). 

And you are high on normal neurotransmitters right now, and if it improves their life, especially then why would it be invalid?

Also thanks for posting OP,  I asked God for guidance last night and the first dream I had out of deep sleep was a dream of the toad, OM-ing with him or something. 

[Travis]

That was excellent. Thanks so much for sharing, and I'm looking forward to future reports.

[Travis]

9 hours ago, InsidesOut said:

@Neo you hipocrite! spit back that red pill!

Hahahaha

[CosmicTrekker]

I by sheer random chance experienced this on two occasions about 20 years ago. On both occasions during in the morning just before waking up. The terror I felt then still lingers in the back of my brain. But, it was liberating at the same time. The terror I felt was out of the realization that there is no end - I have always been and forever will be - I just couldn't reconcile that. 

Prior to Leo's videos, I didn't know what it was - I just put it down to very bad nightmares. When I saw Leo God video though, everything made sense - I felt liberated. 

Now, I'm thinking, shall I induce that state again.

[WaveInTheOcean]

Neo, Leo was once very much against psychedelics. I remember him replying on youtube comments: "no, psychedelics cannot help you become enlightened" . 

Due to Leo's greater than average open-mindedness he has done his research on the topic and experienced for himself, that psychedelics, in fact, can be a helpful tool. 

You seem to lack some of that open-mindedness currently.

Edited October 11, 2016 by WaveInTheOcean

[Tancrede Pouyat]

I am incredibly happy that you're doing this. Thank You So Much !

Here's a thought, not grounded in direct experience, 100% speculative. Maybe a good way to raise your consciousness is to come into the trip with a particular question like "What is time ?" or "What am I ?" or whatever is on your mind.

I remember reading an Ayahuasca breakthrough experience report where the guy became fully conscious of what it meant to take 100% responsibility for your entire life ! I interpret this this way : don't take anything for granted. 

[Azrael]

1 hour ago, Tancrede Pouyat said:

Here's a thought, not grounded in direct experience, 100% speculative. Maybe a good way to raise your consciousness is to come into the trip with a particular question like "What is time ?" or "What am I ?" or whatever is on your mind.

Yeah, I actually can report with direct experience that this is very profound. I do this with all of my psychedelic experiences. It seems to me that the whole trip kind of illustrates the question you're asking. It's pretty cool.

[Huz]

1 hour ago, Tancrede Pouyat said:

 

I remember reading an Ayahuasca breakthrough experience report where the guy became fully conscious of what it meant to take 100% responsibility for your entire life ! I interpret this this way : don't take anything for granted. 

What does taking responsibility look like in a VERY tangible way in your reality. What does it entail specifically, I don't mean  some abstract definition by just saying "take 100% responsibility for uour life"

[AlwaysBeNice]

I would say, aside from of course the more obvious direct cause and effect things, like smoking giving you cancer (which a surprising amount of people even will act the victim of).

Also things like the butterfly effect, how your small act of kindness can change the whole world:

'You give JK Rowling a smile after her 19th rejection of her book when you walk past her, she musters the courage to try it 1 more time, and creates a lovely viral book series'

So in that sense we are very connected, and we all create the atmosphere from which actions and motivations arise. 

[Travis]

@Azrael

In your experience, would you recommend doing this alone or having someone around just in case? I have only experimented with mushrooms so I'm completely out of my element here. Would you recommend following Leo's list of dos and don'ts for mushrooms or would it be different in some ways? I know 5 meo is MUCH more powerful than mushrooms, and it's an entirely different kind of experience, but I don't really know what that means in terms of how to properly prepare. I will probably be taking 5 meo some time in the future when my intuition says it's time, but for right now I'm gathering intelligence  

[Azrael]

9 hours ago, Travis said:

I will probably be taking 5 meo some time in the future when my intuition says it's time, but for right now I'm gathering intelligence  

Man, I love your comment. This attitude is what is needed - in my experience - to really get something out of these experiences. Do the research, try it and work yourself up the psychedelic latter and then these tools will literally blow your mind.

To your questions: If I use psychedelics for spiritual exploration (what I do most of the time but I'll also drop it sometimes with friends to be out in nature or on a music festival) I always do it alone, simply for the reason because that way you really can focus on the trip and learn from it. If you have others around who are not tripping, it will just feel weired.

For the "just in case"-scenario: If you do the research and work your way up - for example you do 2g of shrooms, then 4g and this might be your breakthrough dose - you have nothing to fear. It is important though to do that increase to see how far you can go. If you can barely stand a mushroom breakthrough dose, you are not advised to try something like high doses of LSD, n,n-DMT or something like MeO.

Leo's suggestions for tripping safe are really good. I'd say I follow 60-70% percent of them, but I'd advise a newbie to really stick to them. If you have more experience you can broaden some rules like tripping outside, not putting your knives away etc. I'd say the most important rule for psychedelics is - if you are starting out - to do it in a safe environment (your home) and have the whole day off. A safe spot is by far the most important thing to have when things get wanky the first times.

In my personal experience I have a few things I do different then Leo: I mostly have tripping music on (4 hours chilled music mixes) that orchestrate my trip. I get the point that music can distract you but for me its really deepening my exploration and helps me to stay calm even when shit is going wild. Have music at least as a kind of relaxation technique ready to play when you don't feel good. It'll change the circumstances instantly in my experience.

Also, I can't stress enough how important it is to work yourself up the latter. This will really prevent any too bad experiences. If you ask me, do the following:

First do shrooms low/high dose a few times until you've broken through at least 2-3 times. By the way, you'll know when you break through. This is epic on all psychedelics. Then do LSD low/high dose until you break through with this. Why LSD? Because it's a whole other thing to trip 12 hours instead of 4-6, especially if you are breaking through like 4 hours in the trip. This will really make you experienced with letting go. Do at least 2-3 breakthroughs with that. Then do normal n,n-DMT, also low/high dose. Because with this stuff we at least get into the environment of 5-MeO. You thought 12 hours of tripping and letting go is heavy? Think again when reality breaks in front of your eyes and you shoot out of your forehead into ... whatever. Do a few breakthroughs with this.

This is actually how I went about it. Took me a year to go through that chain, but I wasn't really interested to binge these experiences down. I like to have profound experiences with a psychedelic for some time and then also dive in the after effects.

The thing is, if you follow the recipe I just gave and you have like maybe 1 year of meditation experience, it will still not be comparable 1% what you'll have with MeO. Not even 1%. That's insane if you've done regular DMT. You'll think, that's it. It doesn't go any higher. But see for yourself. The advantage you'll have if you did all the other substances before MeO and you had breakthroughs on all of them, you will at least be able to let go. And this is the one and only thing you need for MeO and can't really be acquired any other way in this respect. So, that's my take on this.

Also, always have one specific question you want to investigate in your trip. Have one, not 10. Like "What is reality?", "What are thoughts?", "What is always the same?". Your trip will nicely take this question and build a whole world around it that you will experience and can take the insights from to your regular life. It's insanely satisfying.

I hope this gives you a start. Have fun, be careful and you'll have a good time.

Cheers

[Feeble Dave]

@Azrael Could you please link us to the music mixes you use? I'm very interested. I love what you are doing, best wishes.

[AlwaysBeNice]

@Azreal What do you think of the potential for MeO to be used to help you embody states of enlightenment, do you experience your meditations differently already?

 

[Psychonaut]

@Azrael How likely do you think that 5meo can produce an even bigger spritual ego donger? I mean if you take all these beautiful concepts into your trip will they just be kind of confirmed? I don't want to become delusional and believe that I am God and tell everyone about it. I certainly have had some weird experiences on my endevaours on psychedelics. But I usually don't take the shit from those states that seriously though it might take some days to come back.

I used to like acid but now I feel like the 20 hour trips were I only fall asleep at 10 the next morning are just too much for the body. Acid was certainly a wonderful tool to cut through a lot of the bullshit, but I feel like it has passed it's peek of usefullness - at least for me. I still get something out of it, but I have to sacrifice a full weekend. I wonder if 5meo is a good tool to cut through the last bits of bullshit floating around in the mind.

[Travis]

@Azrael

Thanks so much for the advice. It's nice to get feedback from someone who is using psychedelics for consciousness work, and who seems pretty experienced with meditation and self-inquiry as well. That sounds like a good plan to me. Work my way up with each substance--mushrooms, then lsd, etc. spread it out over a good chunk of time while maintaining my meditation and self-inquiry habit, and integrate the experiences as I go along. 

I'll start this entire research process and in the mean time will be looking forward to your future reports! 

Thanks again,

Travis

[Azrael]

12 hours ago, Feeble Dave said:

@Azrael Could you please link us to the music mixes you use? I'm very interested. I love what you are doing, best wishes.

Oh, you're welcome: https://soundcloud.com/marthavanstraaten/sisyphosarbeit I love this mix, it has some very melodic, African/South American vibes mixed with new music perfectly to chill and just let it play. It's actually from a DJ living here in Berlin and was made to trip on LSD. 

12 hours ago, AlwaysBeNice said:

@Azreal What do you think of the potential for MeO to be used to help you embody states of enlightenment, do you experience your meditations differently already?

It's hard to say right now because I'm at the very beginning with the experiment. But what I noticed is that you "carry some awareness out of the experience", your meditation is supercharged and it feels like shit is changing in your brain, very much like when you meditate a lot. So I think it has the effect of something like 1-3 years of meditation in 30-40 minutes. I know this sounds insane and its not that you are a completely new human being when you come out of the experience, however it's like your are literally forced to recognize your own nature and that in itself is so transforming that even when it doesn't stick the first few times, all of your worldly worries and beliefs lose a lot of seriousness. So I think if you do MeO for a few months the effects will proportionally get deeper until it breaks you and your brain just has to give up your old system of thinking and dive in this new one, because it has just seen something that is impossible and cannot be processed with the old beliefs. That's my theory at least. We'll see. Maybe I'm wrong and shoot in myself in a mental hospital. But I don't think so.

11 hours ago, Psychonaut said:

@Azrael How likely do you think that 5meo can produce an even bigger spritual ego donger?

Good question, but no it can't because any concept you take into the trip will explode in 5-10 minutes. I mean seriously - read again the part in the post where I talk about the breakthrough trip - as you lie on your bed your body sends you all kind signs of "you are fucking dying right no". Your whole mental apparatus explodes and your mind has nothing to grasp and so is just gone. You are in that moment kind of mentally insane. You have never had something like that. Even deep no-self states on LSD or shrooms are at least for me always a very orgasm-like blissful experience. Not existential terror.

MeO is existential terror because it slices you open. And then you literally see what's left. And whats left is nothing shorter then a very precise view how there only is a complete still moment that is connected to an every-flowing, ever-changing dualistic world that moment by moment arises out of this ever-still moment and goes back to it. And that is as spiritual as it gets, that is God with a capital 'G' starring in your face. That is what is happening every single second of the day. That's why this experience is so profound. After this you can just sit down and get a taste in your normal existence of what really is, even with your lowered kind of awareness. That's why meditation and all this is supercharged after the experience. You become extremely grounded.

I share your thoughts on LSD. I loved it and used it for about a year very periodically but I now kind of switched to shrooms as a normal psychedelic for spiritual exploration. I like it better and especially the closed-eye-optics. I love 'em.

2 hours ago, Travis said:

I'll start this entire research process and in the mean time will be looking forward to your future reports!

You are welcome, feel free to ask any time. I love sharing my experiences with guys who are in for this as well.

[Orange]

On 10/10/2016 at 7:47 PM, CosmicTrekker said:

The terror I felt was out of the realization that there is no end - I have always been and forever will be - 

I know it is really difficult to put words behind these things but if you can, what does this mean? 

 

@Azrael Yea probably it will be difficult for you to describe as well but I'll ask anyway: what is 'your own nature'  you were forced to recognise?

Also how does one know they've reached a breakthrough and can move up the drug ladder?

And is there any 'normal ' life experience that you can think of which, how do I say, ressembles? To a certain extent, the experience of MeO? Just as an illustration.

Thanks for sharing 

Edited October 13, 2016 by Orange

[Orange]

Ah yes, I knew I'd forgotten a question, I think it's the most important actually; because you said all your frameworks come down when you trip. When you are done, do they come back in a mild form?  Or are you a blanck paper with no more references.  If you have no more references though, how do you move along in life? 

[Azrael]

2 hours ago, Orange said:

@Azrael Yea probably it will be difficult for you to describe as well but I'll ask anyway: what is 'your own nature'  you were forced to recognise?

It's basically like this: Let's say you go to sleep this night and dream. Let's say this dream has 75 years of subjective time. You grow up, mature, get old and die in your dream world. You have all of your dream problems and dream pleasures. Now in this dream you've actually heard people say that this is only dream and you found this so interesting that now you are one of these people who try to find out whether it is or not. One day in your dream you get on a forum, read a very fascinating experience and ask the author: What is your own nature?

So, what does he say? Stop asking the question and see what stays. See what stays when you don't look for it. See what stays when you are in deep pain, see what stays when you are in love. See what was before you were born into your dream. See what stays when you'll die. Btw, you can find this out. It's actually not that hard. It's actually way harder to make up the illusion that you don't know.

If you don't understand this, you begin to understand it. If you understand it, you have to further investigate.

2 hours ago, Orange said:

Also how does one know they've reached a breakthrough and can move up the drug ladder?

How do you know when you're in love? You just do. I can show you a thousand brain scans of people who are in love and read books about it, but all that is trying to explain a blind person what "blue" looks like. You'll find out, when it appears. Trust in your intuition, trust in your own awakening. Also, how do you know when you have to learn for a math exam that you got calculus and can learn deeper math? You know, when you got the message what calculus really is and when you don't need any specific method anymore to recognize how to solve a calculus task. Same with anything else in life, you'll know when you got it down. Trust in your senses. You have nothing else to rely on, anyway.

2 hours ago, Orange said:

And is there any 'normal ' life experience that you can think of which, how do I say, ressembles? To a certain extent, the experience of MeO? Just as an illustration.

Good question! Let's go back to the dream metaphor. Let's say in this dream you chose to jump out of an airplane and as you jump you notice that you have forgotten your parachute (because its just a weired dream, right? ). So now because you think all there is is this dream, you are going to die in 3 minutes. Close your eyes and visualize that. How does it feel? Right in the last 3 seconds. That'll give you a taste of the first halve of the experience, the dying. What you don't know and can't even fathom, even in retrospect, is the waking up when you hit that ground and explode.

2 hours ago, Orange said:

Ah yes, I knew I'd forgotten a question, I think it's the most important actually; because you said all your frameworks come down when you trip. When you are done, do they come back in a mild form?  Or are you a blanck paper with no more references.  If you have no more references though, how do you move along in life? 

They come back, but it feels like before the trip your mind was very dirty and after it it feels like being completely washed, clean, good smelling and just fine and calm. And you keep some of the awareness you experience in the trip.

--

I know I am kind of a dick not answering your questions like you want it to be - very scientific clear-cut experiences and descriptions. Truth is, how I answered your questions will do way more good to you then any description of anything far out you can ever read.

Cheers,

the angel of death

[Emil]

On 10/9/2016 at 1:09 PM, Azrael said:

So, I got myself involved in 5-MeO-DMT. But before I start this post, I'd like to point out that if you wanna know a little bit about my psychedelic background and another fun trip report, you might wanna read my report on shrooms first - if you haven't. There I describe my background with this etc. You can find it here.

+++ Research, Planning And a Fun Experiment +++

So, how did it all start? Let's go back in time. Roughly two months ago when Leo released his mushroom videos I wrote with him here on the forum about my experiences with psychedelics, told him about one bad trip that I had and so on. In this conversation he said I should checkout 5-MeO-DMT and that nothing really compares to that.

I gotta say I was kind of skeptical at first. I had done regular n,n-DMT and thought that this would be as "high as it gets". Little did I know. So I did some research over the weeks into MeO, asked some friends who had done it and read a lot. After a few weeks I forgot about it mostly because I had exams to learn for and interesting projects at work.

Then Leo released his video about becoming God. I still remember how I listened to that in the morning while eating breakfast and I'm like: "This can only be MeO." So I waited a week until he made his video about it. So I thought, I better get involved in this. This sounds transformational and scary and I'm up for super-charging my progress. I did some more research and got me 250mg of 5-MeO-DMT, lab-tested with a minimum of 98% purity in HCL form. Don't ask me where I got it, if you can't do the research, don't do it. Onions might have been involved in this process, one rumors.

So, I basically set up an experiment that I was going to undertake. The question I want to solve is: "Can a habitual use of 5-MeO-DMT used 1-2 a month raise my awareness permanently if used for 6-12 months?" This is the question I wanna investigate with this. To do that, I will do the tripping and document what happens with me. I plan to release I'd say at least 1 post per month here on the forum on my experiences - but more importantly on the development that happens in me. This is why I do this. I am actually thinking about making this in a video form (me telling this to you instead of writing). I might do that if the changes that occur are as deep as I expect them to be so that the cost of exposure and the investment in time and effort will be worth it. We'll see. If you like this whole experiment, like the posts and comment, ask questions and so on, so that I see that you guys are interested. If not, I'll document this just privately for me or later purposes.

So, I got all this down and last Thursday, the 6th of October was the day it should all begin. So let's jump right into it.

+++ The First Two Dosages: Light and Medium +++

How do you prepare to die? That's the question I asked myself before I did the first trip. And you really can't. You can just try to be at peace with whatever happens as much as you can be. This is rather difficult, because your mind can simply not come up with any framework that brings it at peace with non-existence. You have to let that go. I was pretty scared and nervous before the first trip, to be honest with you. I did all the stuff I had to do on that day, so that I had time to prepare, to do and integrate the first experiences with this beast of a drug.

Before I started, I laid on my bed, closed my eyes and went deep inside. I talked to my unconscious and asked it whether it really wants to do this kind of experience and whether I could accept to die into it, so that it could become everything. I listened to my intuition that was in for it. That calmed me down a lot and was the basis for the surrendering I had to do here. I would've quit the whole thing if something in me would've not wanted this authentically.

The following is a sum-up of three light-to-medium trips I took on Thursday and Saturday. They are based on 1x 15mg and 2x 20mg of MeO and had similar effects.

I weighted the dosage on my scale, made two halves out of it, turned on my tripping music very quietly and snorted the powder in with a third of a straw. You basically wanna sniff it in with the least energy to get it inside, so that it stays in the nostrils. Then you hold a finger on the nostril opening, do the other nostril, cover that and sit down on your couch / bed.

I sat down on my bed, tilted my head upside down and massaged the MeO into my nostrils. It burns a little bit but not very much in my experience. After 3-5 minutes my reality would get wanky and I would lie down on my bed very openly. I tried to focus on my breathing that got slower and slower while my pulse would be shooting through the top. And I mean through the the motherfucking top. You have not experienced this kind of pulse ever before in your life (if you weren't confronted with a death-like situation). I knew this would be coming, but man. You begin to worry a little bit if you can even physically take this. Then my bodily tensions and pressures slowly vanished, I closed my eyes and all I could feel is my pulse, a feeling of terror in my abdomen and a very slow breath. I mainly focused on keeping my breath going because it felt like it would stop any second if don't consciously breathe. (This is a known feature of the MeO-experience that it feels like your breath stops, however it doesn't. One does not have to be afraid of this. However, if you feel this the first time it is very heavy to say the least. Me whole body gave me signals that I'm going to die right now and it felt like I was on the edge for a good twenty minutes.

So what did I do? How do you face such a situation? With eyes closed I just tried to get in contact with this force that birthed me into life and that makes and shapes me every moment. I actually kinda got hold of this and it felt very much like home and that I could just surrender into it. I was on the verge of psychological death. I totally gave in. In these 20 minutes it felt like I purged 10 years of emotional baggage. Every fear and every fight that I ever had with myself just vanished and disappeared as I faced my own death here. It is - to say the least - transformational and scary.

After 30 minutes the terror kind of went away, I opened my eyes and was just bathed in this clearness. I laid on my bed for I don't know how long and was just there. No thoughts, no interpretation, no worries, no hopes, no fears. Just stillness and clearness. It was sick, I gotta say. After it, a lot of the heightened awareness actually stayed and is still present. It cut out in the last couple of days a lot of unnecessary thoughts. My meditation practice feels super-charged and my unwanted desires mostly went away. I'm not in a meditative state, but just really grounded and authentic. I don't resist myself anymore - at least in the last few days - and every kind of conflict or negative association just melts because of what happened there. Like, you don't have to do anything to stay grounded and aware, you just are because even if a earthly worry would come up it just is not equipped to hypnotize you anymore, because you have faced your own death. And nothing is greater then that.

You faced your personal ever-nearing apocalypse - and nothing else compares. That's it. But that should just be the beginning.

+++ The strong semi-breakthrough dosage +++

For Saturday evening I had planned the last initial dosage. 30mg. Boy, I wouldn't have dreamed in my wildest dreams that 10 godly milligrams could do such a difference. I had expected that I would go from near-death to a kind of void and that this is it. Yeah, think again.

So I followed up on the normal procedure I described above, sat down on the bed massaging my nostrils. 3 minutes in the reality would get wanky again. So I laid down on my bed and expected the upcome to take at least a few more minutes. I don't know how long it actually took but I suspect 5-10 seconds when I laid down and opened up I was just gone. My mind just started collapsing in on itself. Indescribable. Pulse through the top, breath on the verge of being existent, bodily tensions and feelings not there unless a big, mother... god-fucking big existential terror in my abdomen. It felt like my whole nervous system collapsed in on itself, my mind tried to wrap its head around it and just every frame of reference vanished.

You don't even remotely suspect how deep your ego shapes your perception. Every experience you have, everything you take in and make sense out of is combined with your web of beliefs. Even the most little thing like taking a breath is carrying years and years of your ego in it. Every little cell in your body. And now imagine all of this goes down to zero, nada, nothing. Just collapses in on yourself. It is by far the deepest kind of transformation you could ever experience. You are just blown away and every tool that your mind uses to come up with a calming solution of "you can handle that in a certain way" just isn't there. You're basically going insane while you are dying while it feels like every two seconds you are flushed with the doubled amount of awareness you just had. Very, very intense experience, guys. Very intense.

This is such an physical experience that I actually thought I gotta vomit. It felt like my body would explode and implode every few moments. So I ran to the toilet, put a finger in my throat and tried to vomit. Nothing happened. And I'm like: "What the fuck?" I never in my life was so certain that I gotta vomit and I never put my finger so deep into my throat to get me to do this. But I just didn't.

So I laid back down in my bed for about 10 seconds and then got up because I thought I gotta vomit again. Didn't happen. The second time hanging over the toilet I realized that I'm completely transforming right now and that this is probably the cause of me thinking I gotta vomit. This was one of the only thoughts I had in these moments. Dear, dear thought. I was happy that you were around, buddy. At least a little calm.

So I got back to my bed, laid down again, opened up, massaged my navel a little bit (which a friend of mine - a Qigong practitioner - recommended to me to get my awareness from my head into my abdomen which calms you down) and closed my eyes. In that moment all tensions, the existential terror and the complete shock I was in just exploded in this ever-still moment that expanded in all directions while not moving at all. I was that for a brief time and then were birthed again into my ego, were ripped out of again and then were the stillness again. This occurred for some time.

God is a beast, man. A fucking beast.

After having this for some time I managed to surrender into this birthing and dying every few moments and flowed with it for a few moments. It was the most majestic, horrifying, loving, still and moving I don't know what to call it that I have ever seen. Completely impossible. In the process I actually thought I died because there was no indication left that I was alive. Having done that it birthed and destroyed me for some more time, like 10 minutes and I opened my eyes and surrendered to the process. I merged with everything I could see, I was the room, the thing itself and the viewer of it. I was still being pumped with tremendous amounts of awareness every few seconds. Fuck me man, this is nuts I thought.

By looking at the things in my room they changed their boundaries like every few seconds. Like the shelve and the wall would now be one thing, then everything would blur out and then they formed a different object again. No hallucinations, but just every kind of way you could perceive an object in like 30 seconds. I didn't even try to understand this.

After 45 minutes I slowly came out and by that time didn't even care anymore whether I was breathing, my pulse was going through the top or whatever just happened. I was completely wiped clean, bathing in this stillness and nothingness and slowly saw how my ego began to put my world together again.

After that I smoked a cigarette and took a walk. My head was surprisingly still and cool with what just happened and was happy to have even greater amounts of awareness and stillness, no bad thoughts coming up, feeling very authentic. I asked myself whether I wanna do this again for 6-12 months on a bi-weekly basis and my intuition was still in for it.

Why do I call this a semi-breakthrough and not a genuine breakthrough? I think that if I do this a couple of times and increase the dosage 3-5mg I would be leaving most of the terror behind and bath more consistently in the absolute. I was kind of going in and out here the whole time which was kind of crazy. So we'll see next time.

+++ The Aftermath +++

So, I guess you read all of this and just think: "What the fuck, how could anyone ever do something like that to himself?" Let me tell you why. In this moment of complete shock, terror and then dissolving into the absolute you are shown your own birth and death. You actually see how you die every few moments and then are born again a moment later. You see how you are this collection of thoughts, perceptions and emotions and how they spontaneously arise out of an infinite pool of possibilities. 

I'd guess that if you do that for a few times you can surrender so deeply into it that most of the terror dissolves and you just die into the beauty and majesty of it. Of your own divine nature. I also guess from the aftermath that I experience right now that your own mind has to rebuild itself in a higher order after these experiences because it has no framework to handle it with your limited view.

Besides that, I guess that this will lead to the most mature emotionality a human being can have because you learn to accept dying here. That means that over some time nothing really can bug you anymore, because you have experienced and surrendered to your death and have seen beyond it. This I would conclude can lead to tremendous psychological changes that could cause an permanent awakening because nothing else can really handle such an experience. No framework of a normal sleeping mind can do that.

Also, the feeling and awareness you get after these experiences are amazing. It feels like being reborn again, clean. It feels like I have done 3 years of daily meditation in 45 minutes, 3 years of talking and fighting and adjusting myself. It is that powerful. I think that it just gets more powerful the more you do it, although it is scary and horrifying to a degree. But you also see that there is really nothing that can really destroy you. And that itself is transforming.

So yeah, that's my take on the first experiences. If you are interested in me posting more of this and documenting my journey here on the forum, like this, comment and let me now. I'll go through that and see where I end up. I think it's gonna be a good place. The last few days were the most exciting, refreshing and calm days I had in my entire life.

Cheers to 5-MeO-DMT,

Azrael

This is crazy!! but what made you smoke a cigarette with so much awareness present?