Bad boy or Good boy

[Preety_India]

Sometimes when I think of a man in terms of desirability, I'm bit confused as to which man is better. 

A good boy or a bad boy? 

Of course, I don't want an abusive asshole. 

The first one - bad boy. 

But there is a strong innate attraction to a cocky, demanding, persuasive, persistent, tough dominant, especially a strong sexual attraction. 

(The second one) 

On the other hand, a guy who is protective, leader type, not demanding, but caring, generous, patient, loving is also equally attractive. Here the attraction towards this kind of a man is more of the love heart type of emotional (less sexual) attraction. 

Both types of attraction are equally tempting. One is sexually tempting and emotionally stimulating. The other is emotionally tempting and sexually stimulating, meaning there is area for creating strong sexual chemistry. 

Both are paradoxical attractions. 

One is good for falling pregnant. And the other is good for husband material. Of course both are going to be good with sex (I might be lying though since option 1 sounds more sexually enticing) 

But the first option only looks good sex wise. It doesn't create long term love feelings. 

The second option looks like it's set for life and very happy and satisfying long term. 

Decisions are split between the heart and the pussy. 

[Spiral]

Well do you want good sex or romance and long term potential?

Risks with picking nr.1 he might be an ass or simply leave you.

Risks with with picking nr.2 you might become an ass/be a terrible partner or leave him because you fell out of love or simply got bored with him.

That said, life is too complicated to think of guys as one out of two options. 

[Evil Raccoon]

Bad boys rule ?

[Heaven]

A benevolent king who’s dirty in bed?

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Heaven said:

A benevolent king who’s dirty in bed?

Haha cute. 

 

[mandyjw]

I like to play the role of the corrupting force, so always good boys. I managed to get my husband shunned by his family for a year.  

[mandyjw]

5 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

How so? 

You've sparked my curiosity, devilish mandy .

Long story, his parents were very conservative Christian, had extremely strict and ridiculous rules and at the time we got together in highschool my big thing at the time was writing in everyone's yearbook "follow your heart" and I seduced him into following his heart a little too much and there were some major clashes. 

 

[Evil Raccoon]

13 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Long story, his parents were very conservative Christian, had extremely strict and ridiculous rules and at the time we got together in highschool my big thing at the time was writing in everyone's yearbook "follow your heart" and I seduced him into following his heart a little too much and there were some major clashes. 

 

Ouh I like that.So punk rock! ?

[Preety_India]

@mandyjw  so you're the original bad boy.  . I see. 

 

[Carl-Richard]

In terms of Big 5, high Extraversion, high Agreeableness, high Conscientiousness, and low Neuroticism is considered the leadertype while high E, low A, low C, high N is associated with risky sexual behavior (a.k.a bad boy). I'm like none of those  

Edited February 17, 2021 by Carl-Richard

[Heaven]

It’s all depend what kind of life are you looking to have.. My advice is watch Leo’s latest video and just be wise.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

8 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I like to play the role of the corrupting force, so always good boys. I managed to get my husband shunned by his family for a year.  

What do you mean shunned by his family im not great in english?

 

[Axiomatic]

11 hours ago, Spiral said:

Well do you want good sex or romance and long term potential?

Risks with picking nr.1 he might be an ass or simply leave you.

Risks with with picking nr.2 you might become an ass/be a terrible partner or leave him because you fell out of love or simply got bored with him.

That said, life is too complicated to think of guys as one out of two options. 

She says shes in a happy relationship, but judging by how much shes talking about these things, she doesnt seem happy or content. it seems like shes trying to figure out how to be. The idea of what attracts a woman to a man versus what a woman actually wants is causing a real challenge within her. 

 

IMO this can be applied to the entire feminist movement we are seeing. Fighting their raw attraction and what they naturally fall into, versus wanting something better and higher quality. A lot of women's problems can fall on men, but as with all humans, many of their challenges are with themselves 

Edited February 17, 2021 by Axiomatic

[mandyjw]

6 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

What do you mean shunned by his family im not great in english?

It means no contact, no speaking with, etc. 

[AtheisticNonduality]

8 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Long story, his parents were very conservative Christian, had extremely strict and ridiculous rules and at the time we got together in highschool my big thing at the time was writing in everyone's yearbook "follow your heart" and I seduced him into following his heart a little too much and there were some major clashes. 

 

How sweet. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@mandyjw so wheres the satisfaction in that?

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Axiomatic  im merely speculating to know more 

I'm a highly inquisitive person. I like asking questions like a curious child. It helps me learn at a much faster rate. You apply all sorts of naive  judgements to my childish curiosities and innocent inquiries. 

You make it sound very sinister or deep when it's only light hearted questions that pop up off the top of my head in the moment without much thought. It's kinda silly what you with your psychoanalyzing me over every sentence I write here. 

I'm quite happy in my relationship. 

But being happy doesn't mean I can't have curiosities and questions about the world of relationships. 

Also you make everything very hyper personalized.  It could be something that I'm not even dealing currently, but simply making a scenario to frame a question. 

I like interacting and learning with people here and I keep it very light hearted but you always go into an extremely personal territory like a gossip tabloid. You ruin my curiosity and the funny exchanges I have with people. Please quit this judgmental over psychoanalyzing over speculating  behavior. It's very annoying and destroys my mood completely. 

It's just a conversation, like a tea party light hearted conversation 

 

Please don't drag into some annoying personal crap when you don't even know me. 

You're thoroughly obsessed with me on a pathological level and it's seriously annoying. Please check yourself. Every comment of yours on any thread where I talk is like a ridiculous conjecture on my character or life. 

Stop making it all about me or making it so personal.. You ruin every thread of mine which has been started with innocent intentions.. If you don't like reading my stuff or if I bother you this much, then you can easily ignore what I do. 

I don't seem to have any problem debating with others on here. But you always make everything so personal. 

You are not my psychologist. Stop being so obsessed with me. I'm just a stranger on the internet who you know nothing about. 

And you are clearly the one who starts upsetting me by getting too uncomfortably personal, indirectly mentioning me while talking to others like a gossip. Then you make it sound like I'm debating you when I'm least interested in talking to you on here. 

But you seem to love pushing my personal buttons all the time. 

I'm not responding to your personal speculation about me on this thread. 

Watch how others respond here. They don't feel the need to be too personal with me. They are just giving neutral responses. 

Stop the gossip behavior. 

 

[mandyjw]

@NoSelfSelf Not sure what you mean, it was not satisfying at the time but the whole thing worked out for the best for everyone involved, strangely enough. 

Anyway, good and bad is very relative and just a fleeting appearance at that. 

Sometimes we equate bad with freedom and good with security, but they're not at odds at all really. 

[Preety_India]

11 hours ago, Evil Raccoon said:

Bad boys rule ?

That was cute 

 

[Emerald]

Good "boys". No contest.

Bad boys are really just scrubs. I've never met a bad boy who wasn't one. 

Bad boys are tiring and weigh your life down. And they don't make good fathers because their lives are usually falling apart from making terrible decisions... as they have weak moral fiber. 

I feel like someone who prefers bad boys has never actually had a relationship to one.

My 4 year relationship to a bad boy (age 16-20) ended up with him breaking a beer bottle and holding it up to my neck and threatening to kill me. And he was always in and out of jail for stupid shit. And he was high all the time. He couldn't hold onto a job. But I was so attached to him and had weak boundaries, that it took me 4 years to realize how bad it all was.

There is a romantic pop image of the bad boy. And the trope of the bad boy with a good heart.

But the reality of being with a bad boy is that it's absolutely underwhelming and anxiety provoking. And it will absolutely suck your life down to the ground. 

It's exciting for like a month, and then it just drags you. 

By the way, here's a great song about leaving a relationship with a "bad boy". It reminds me a bit of when I was 20 when I finally had the clarity to leave...

 

 

Edited February 17, 2021 by Emerald