Life Energy!

[Gesundheit]

I've got this energy buzzing in my chest and belly. It feels funny, similar to the energy of love, yet it isn't.

For the majority of my recent life, like the past 5 years or so, this energy has been completely absent unless I'm triggered or in love with someone.

It feels like I've been dead that whole time, and now I'm alive! I'm brought back to life. It has not been there, that's for sure. So, I wasn't unaware of it. It simply wasn't there, but now it is. And today is the first day.

It's not a fearful energy, nor a loving one. Just raw & pure energy. Power for Will. I've been robbed of my willpower for such a long time, and I have missed it so much. I haven't been able to be properly disciplined during that whole time. It was just me, the weak me, neurotically fighting in vain with all my strength against the big stream, or surrendering and being swept away. I was stuck between either of the two extremes. I couldn't handle both. I couldn't find balance or the middle way. Until Now! I was nobody, and Now I am somebody!

Was there a blockage? And did it finally open? I don't know. It is still a small kindle, and I don't want it to be put out. The feeling is still not overwhelming, although I want it to be. I want this energy to grow more and more everyday. I want to nurture it, and keep feeding it. It's teasing, and I like to tease.

It feels good, neutrally good. So natural!

It feels like Life!