A Non-Dual Perspective On Masculinity

[VictorB02]

After a time of my new girlfriend losing interest and flaking, I spent 6 months obsessed with relationship / attraction theory trying to solve this. I was completely desperate to fix my problems (I was aware that it was me) and win her heart and sexual interest back. I was always analyzing every situation with her, making sure I was being alpha, saying the right things, she was showing interest, etc. My mind thought this was the best approach, but it was mentally draining. I intuitively knew there had to be a better way. And while it may have helped superficially, the problem wasn't actually solved. The insecurity was still there, the neediness was still there, the weakness was still there. All still underneath the mask of acting and playing the part of the alpha. It didn't really work. Intuition is real, and most women can smell a mask from authenticity any day, whether they realize it or not.

Last month I had an awakening. Pure bliss, love, and peace filled my being. Seeing my true nature, Insecurity of the relationship vanished. Neediness vanished. I stopped caring about if my girlfriend was attracted to me or not. I stopped analyzing situations and if I was saying the right things. I stopped caring if I was alpha or beta. I completely let go of my obsession with being how all the attraction theory was telling me to be. I am completely fulfilled sitting alone in my room. 

Then, to my amazement: Girlfriends attraction and interest level goes up. No more games. No more flaking. Starts asking me if I want to spend the rest of my life with her like she does with me, etc. Always wants to talk about our relationship. Before, I always wanted to talk about the relationship and if she saw a future with me.

What I learned is that no amount of theory, practicing theory, and demonstrating theory, can save you, if your fundamental problem of identifying yourself as a separate individual ego isn't discovered. All insecurity and fear rises from this. Of course other highly attractive males who are successful with women naturally don't need to discover this and could care less about spirituality. But they aren't necessarily researching relationship theory and "trying" to become attractive like I was and you may be. 

The moment I stopped stressing, worrying, and trying to be alpha, I became alpha. The love that fills my being can not be taken away by anyone, so I don't need anything from anyone. Detachment = highly attractive. Yes, old patterns and mechanisms still run from living from that place for so long, but they are seen and there is an ability to see these needy behaviors as something separate from me. A relic of my small self. Results don't matter to me anymore and my identity isn't involved, so they don't mean much and this makes them lighter in essence and easier to change or discard.

The theme of things going full circle: Start of circle =  I didn't care if I was alpha or beta, but I was operating from a place of neediness, weakness, and insecurity. Middle of circle = the realization of this weakness led me to overanalyze and overthink everything, making the problem and my spiritual health worse. Full Circle = I don't care if I'm acting alpha or beta, but I'm operating from a place of fullness, self-love, and self respect.

My biggest realization - The more you are fulfilled in and of yourself, the more you deepen in the spiritual truth of non-duality (no others, just consciousness as your True Self) the more attractive you are. Neediness is eliminated. Weakness is eliminated (neediness & weakness stems from insecurity / fear of being a separate self). You are more expressive with your emotions (being happier and more joyful you naturally express yourself more). You are less likely to be manipulated and respect your Self more (the more conscious you are the clearer your boundaries and ability to see falsehood and deception)

Yes strong dominant males exist without being spiritually inclined at all. But I doubt that these strong dominant males are joyful and completely fulfilled without spirituality as the core of their lives.

If you are man, and all illusions are wiped away, you find that YOU ARE ALREADY naturally masculine. It's in our DNA. The lack of masculine wasn't something that needed to be cultivated or developed, it was a removal of all the insecurities and fears of being a separate self, and a removal of the shit our society, ourselves, and others put on us to keep us in a box. When that's gone, your true source shines through with no blocks. If you're a man, this will shine through purely masculine. Woman - purely feminine. 

To anyone in a similar situation - solve the root of this problem. You won't regret it. Stop caring if you are attractive or not, and you will get everything you wanted in the first place.

Then you can work on all the other stuff from a place of fulfillment and detachment - fitness, looks, provisioning power, social status, social skills, etc.

Note: I'm sure there are exceptions to this - people with mental disorders, autism, extremely poor, extremely overweight etc. 

[egoeimai]

GP Walsh ?

[VictorB02]

@egoeimai Never heard of him, just watched a video, very brilliant and simple!

[Preety_India]

I love this post. There is much to learn here. And I agree. The whole "wanna be alpha " sounds too toxic to me. Taking away inner genuineness. 

The gift of introspection is ignored. 

 

[nistake]

Now this is some proper masculinity. Great post.

[VictorB02]

@Preety_India Thank you, and I totally agree. I'm really surprised most Attraction YouTube channels don't talk about this dilemma, probably because it would involve telling their audience that they need to stop watching their videos, lol.

@nistake Thank you, I thought it was post worthy ?

[Bando]

Great post, tackling the world as a man from this mentality is much more freeing and makes self-improvement fun

[VictorB02]

@Bando Thank you! And I agree. The reason why Enlightenment work is so beneficial to me is you see how non-serious everything is. Then you're able to actually enjoy whatever it is that you set out to do. It isn't coming from this *serious, I gotta pick up girls and be attractive otherwise I'm a failure* mentality. 

Also, in relationships, because you don't take things too seriously, you're never afraid of being cheated on or stuff like that, because even if it did happen it would be a cosmic joke and the only thing that could suffer from that is the idea you have of yourself. 

[flume]

Beautiful 

[VictorB02]

@flume much love!

[VictorB02]

@Etherial Cat That's awesome. I figured y'all would be able to relate! I'm sure you could go a lot more in depth on how non-duality would effect relationships and attraction, but this was a good general gist

[flowboy]

Great share!

[Leo Gura]

On 2/15/2021 at 8:08 PM, VictorB02 said:

Starts asking me if I want to spend the rest of my life with her like she does with me, etc.

Girls just wanna have fun get fucked by God

[SamC]

On 2021-02-16 at 5:08 AM, VictorB02 said:

After a time of my new girlfriend losing interest and flaking, I spent 6 months obsessed with relationship / attraction theory trying to solve this. I was completely desperate to fix my problems (I was aware that it was me) and win her heart and sexual interest back. I was always analyzing every situation with her, making sure I was being alpha, saying the right things, she was showing interest, etc. My mind thought this was the best approach, but it was mentally draining. I intuitively knew there had to be a better way. And while it may have helped superficially, the problem wasn't actually solved. The insecurity was still there, the neediness was still there, the weakness was still there. All still underneath the mask of acting and playing the part of the alpha. It didn't really work. Intuition is real, and most women can smell a mask from authenticity any day, whether they realize it or not.

Last month I had an awakening. Pure bliss, love, and peace filled my being. Seeing my true nature, Insecurity of the relationship vanished. Neediness vanished. I stopped caring about if my girlfriend was attracted to me or not. I stopped analyzing situations and if I was saying the right things. I stopped caring if I was alpha or beta. I completely let go of my obsession with being how all the attraction theory was telling me to be. I am completely fulfilled sitting alone in my room. 

Then, to my amazement: Girlfriends attraction and interest level goes up. No more games. No more flaking. Starts asking me if I want to spend the rest of my life with her like she does with me, etc. Always wants to talk about our relationship. Before, I always wanted to talk about the relationship and if she saw a future with me.

What I learned is that no amount of theory, practicing theory, and demonstrating theory, can save you, if your fundamental problem of identifying yourself as a separate individual ego isn't discovered. All insecurity and fear rises from this. Of course other highly attractive males who are successful with women naturally don't need to discover this and could care less about spirituality. But they aren't necessarily researching relationship theory and "trying" to become attractive like I was and you may be. 

The moment I stopped stressing, worrying, and trying to be alpha, I became alpha. The love that fills my being can not be taken away by anyone, so I don't need anything from anyone. Detachment = highly attractive. Yes, old patterns and mechanisms still run from living from that place for so long, but they are seen and there is an ability to see these needy behaviors as something separate from me. A relic of my small self. Results don't matter to me anymore and my identity isn't involved, so they don't mean much and this makes them lighter in essence and easier to change or discard.

The theme of things going full circle: Start of circle =  I didn't care if I was alpha or beta, but I was operating from a place of neediness, weakness, and insecurity. Middle of circle = the realization of this weakness led me to overanalyze and overthink everything, making the problem and my spiritual health worse. Full Circle = I don't care if I'm acting alpha or beta, but I'm operating from a place of fullness, self-love, and self respect.

My biggest realization - The more you are fulfilled in and of yourself, the more you deepen in the spiritual truth of non-duality (no others, just consciousness as your True Self) the more attractive you are. Neediness is eliminated. Weakness is eliminated (neediness & weakness stems from insecurity / fear of being a separate self). You are more expressive with your emotions (being happier and more joyful you naturally express yourself more). You are less likely to be manipulated and respect your Self more (the more conscious you are the clearer your boundaries and ability to see falsehood and deception)

Yes strong dominant males exist without being spiritually inclined at all. But I doubt that these strong dominant males are joyful and completely fulfilled without spirituality as the core of their lives.

If you are man, and all illusions are wiped away, you find that YOU ARE ALREADY naturally masculine. It's in our DNA. The lack of masculine wasn't something that needed to be cultivated or developed, it was a removal of all the insecurities and fears of being a separate self, and a removal of the shit our society, ourselves, and others put on us to keep us in a box. When that's gone, your true source shines through with no blocks. If you're a man, this will shine through purely masculine. Woman - purely feminine. 

To anyone in a similar situation - solve the root of this problem. You won't regret it. Stop caring if you are attractive or not, and you will get everything you wanted in the first place.

Then you can work on all the other stuff from a place of fulfillment and detachment - fitness, looks, provisioning power, social status, social skills, etc.

Note: I'm sure there are exceptions to this - people with mental disorders, autism, extremely poor, extremely overweight etc. 

How did you awaken? What did you do? @VictorB02

Edited February 19, 2021 by SamC

[ilja]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Girls just wanna have fun get fucked by God

Who doesn't, it's too perfect.

[Heaven]

Thanks for this post? I’m very much resonates with it but without the success with the girls yet?(Had many before but it was very dysfunctional)
All this self help lately feels very shallow to me.

My body is awakening but I still keep myself in solitude to deepen it.. Will report my experience?

[VictorB02]

10 hours ago, flowboy said:

Great share!

Thank you!

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Girls just wanna have fun get fucked by God

ahahaha 

8 hours ago, SamC said:

How did you awaken? What did you do? @VictorB02

I attended a 3 day retreat with Mooji, after each session (there was 6) I just remember being completely filled with silence and peace on a consistent level that I had never experienced. I have had spare moments of this before but this shit was like always there. It didn't leave. Thought stories that dominated my experience about my life were gone. Hell, even thoughts about what I would eat later that night would come up but completely dissolve in the silence and awareness before they could be fully engaged with as a thought. A complete surrender and let go to what is. Just pure peace and silence.

I sat and marinated in this during the whole 3 days of the retreat (still am). And the night after the last session of the retreat I went to the gym and a party and I was completely slammed with fear and anxiety, my brain was going absolutely insane. For no reason.

Before this, I would experience anxiety and my brain freaking out but I would project it onto my life situation or relationship problems. This time I finally saw that there was no connect between reality and why I was so anxious and my brain freaking out. It's like it knew what was coming and it was fighting back, trying to suck me into believing all the stories.

So I pretty much suffered through the intensity of it, but saw it for what it is. It finally wasn't me freaking out, it was the mind and I was watching it. After the party I went home and just laid down in my bed. Then without effort or any intention my heart and awareness just popped open. I felt love for everyone and everything. I clearly saw how all my motives and actions were driven by an egoic agenda. I saw how everything I thought was me was just a collection of thoughts/feelings/beliefs. I still haven't fully grasped what I AM, but It's obvious now what I AM NOT. I'm still integrating this and I'm nowhere near the end of this journey (if there is one  ) but when I had this awakening I have no idea if it healed parts of me or what but all my fear and neediness surrounding my relationship and how my life was going basically vanished. Some residue in emotions, thought patterns, and behavior still play out  but it's seen now as residue and not real. It's been a month now and there definitely has been a permanent change in how I experience and relate to life since I did that retreat. Definitely recommend.

36 minutes ago, Heaven said:

Thanks for this post? I’m very much resonates with it but without the success with the girls yet?(Had many before but it was very dysfunctional)
All this self help lately feels very shallow to me.

My body is awakening but I still keep myself in solitude to deepen it.. Will report my experience?

Of course! You can only do so much when it comes to personal development before you realize it isn't solving the core issue

Edited February 19, 2021 by VictorB02