How do actually successful life partners see each other?

[RendHeaven]

To me, "actually successful" more or less means that they grow old and die together. Happily. No toxicity, manipulation, betrayals, sexlessness, or breakups.

I know that some couple out there somewhere has managed this.

I have exactly 2 questions:

1) Do they even consider each other "soulmates" or "my partner?" Or do they avoid labels altogether? I am so curious about this one. For me, the moment I label my partner "mine" I immediately create a condition to defend, and a reason to fear + manipulate is born.

2) Are such successful couples necessarily on the spiritual path? Or can "average" people pull it off?

Edited February 16, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Preety_India]

You're living in a dreamland. 

But dreaming isn't bad. 

 

[RendHeaven]

@Preety_India Successful couples must exist somewhere. I have faith.

Edited February 16, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Preety_India]

@RendHeaven  Lmao. I was like you 6 years ago.  Always thinking I'll find my soulmate, calling every boyfriend my soulmate, dreaming a permanent life with them, no breakup no divorce. 

Alas those dreams were shattered. 

People are nice when you begin relationships. However they drastically change with time. 

Much of what you call a soulmate or whatever dreamy word are  just fair weather friends. They come, they go. The only one who stays is you. 

What you say is beautiful, but like all other beautiful things, it's largely a fantasy. It feels good to feel this way. But sneaky human nature sneaks in. 

It's an extremely rare phenomenon to find someone who truly wants to be with you forever. 

And that being said, people will always keep dreaming for the moon and miss out on the stars. 

 

Edited February 16, 2021 by Preety_India

[RendHeaven]

19 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

People are nice when you begin relationships. However they drastically change with time. 

Much of what you call a soulmate or whatever dreamy word are  just fair weather friends. They come, they go. The only one who stays is you. 

Girl trust me I know lol.

You're avoiding the point of this thread. There exist successful couples (in the ways I described above). At least, I've heard stories of them + it seems statistically likely given the almost 8 billion human souls on this planet.

What are they doing that you and I are not?

The questions I asked are highly precise and practical.

 

P.S. by "they must exist" I just meant any successful couple. Not talking about a partner for me or anything like that.

Edited February 16, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Axiomatic]

paths cross and work, and then they diverge

my parents were really happy at one point in time, and one started to grow and the other didn't and was holding them back. so they split

now they found people who are aligned with their path. you just gotta allow that to be

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

What are they doing that you and I are not?

It's not about you or me doing or not doing. 

You can't change the nature of things. People change. 

Your only best shot is to screen for best compatibility but even then there is no guarantee.  

The only guarantee ever is a short term bliss. 

 

[RendHeaven]

@Preety_India Hey I really appreciate your replies but you still haven't addressed the exact questions I asked lol.

Is this intentional or lack of concern?

I went back and numbered my questions so that other people don't miss them either

Edited February 16, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, RendHeaven said:

@Preety_India Hey I really appreciate your replies but you still haven't addressed the exact questions I asked lol.

Is this intentional or lack of concern?

I went back and numbered my questions so that other people don't miss them either

What I said was an overall gist. 

The answer to the first question - labels are irrelevant. 

The answer to the second question -

Successful couples don't exist. Couples do. 

 

 

[Byun Sean]

The thing is people think conflict in relationships is a bad thing. It's actually the opposite. 

Obviously you don't want to seek out conflict and hurt the other person but we are all selfish to an extent and have egos so we clash.

Conflict and change can be an opportunity for both people to grow together.

 

The purpose of a relationship is self actualization. Not using another person to make yourself a never ending happy experience.

 

People forget this.

[RendHeaven]

55 minutes ago, modmyth said:

Pretty much every couple has conflicts at some point or another. The question is over what and why, and what you both make out of it individually and separately. If you can't figure out how to reconcile what you want and desire and idealize with reality (which is NOT necessarily "settling", although it could be... that's a pessimist's take), I don't see how you can be happy in a long term relationship.

I agree. This is why I specifically didn't say "no conflict." Rather, "no toxicity and no manipulation."

I believe that conflict can be had in a healthy way

[egoeimai]

1. I think they avoid labels 

2.yes

[ArchNovaElite]

Me and my partner have been in what I'll describe as a "successful relationship" for the past 10 years. So, here's my perspective:

1. We do see each other as "soulmates" or whatever, but we're not attached to labels.

2. When we started dating, I was on hard drugs and she was on the brink of suicide, so I'd say we were even "below average" on your scale. However, we've commited to make it work. If I could simplify and extract the most important keys of what made this relationship work, I'd say: no ego games, authentic and honest communication (be open and vulnerable), and LOTS of shadow work (both individually and together). Healthy communication and collaborative inner work builds a feedback loop of inspiring and pushing each other forward.

This is of course, a very rough over-simplification, and there's a lot more to say about this topic. Yes, there are conflicts and hard times, but as others have said here, conflicts are not bad, just be honest and try to resolve conflicts consciously without falling into ego traps and biases. This is how you grow as a couple.

Also, I'll say again that this is only my perspective, and I understand that different relationships work for different people.

[Gesundheit]

Communication.

[SamC]

9 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

1) Do they even consider each other "soulmates" or "my partner?" Or do they avoid labels altogether? I am so curious about this one. For me, the moment I label my partner "mine" I immediately create a condition to defend, and a reason to fear + manipulate is born.

I think some use labels and some don't. Unless you're enlightened you will always manipulate, with or without using labels though. The real question is if that even is a successful relationship however.

9 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

2) Are such successful couples necessarily on the spiritual path? Or can "average" people pull it off?

Depends on what a successful couple entails. Is a couple that has a neurotic dynamic going on but still love each other/ grow old together successful? 

If two want a really successful relationship both obviously needs to be enlightened and for that both has to been on the spiritual path in some sort of way. 

[LastThursday]

Successful couples avoid the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse:

It's a bit ELI5 but hey ho.

[NatureB]

Neil Strauss and Ingrid de La O seem to have a successful relationship with a lot of love, The yoga instructor Adriene Mishler on YouTube as "Yoga with Adriene" seems to be happy and positive, and I can't imagine her having a toxic relationship at all. Leo also said in his video about having a vision for what the actualized life can look like for you is that you can have a highly conscious relationship with almost no fighting and no drama, if you only do the work on yourself and read the best books.

Leo has a couple good books about this topic on his book list. The Truth by Neil Strauss one from my personal library that I would recommend (it isn't on Leo's list though.)

 

1. I don't think highly successful couples get attached to the label they use if they decide to use one.

2. I believe people who were raised to be securely attached to their parents can have a successful relationship with no problems. Other people need to work out their attachment issues and learn healthy ways of relating, showing their needs, being vulnerable, etc.

Edited February 16, 2021 by NatureB
Did not answer the question