how to fully get over anxiety/trauma triggers ?

[intotheblack]

My anxiety trigger is unpredictable behaviour.  For example if Im anticipating a bad reaction from someone, or people who are loud and confrontational.  I'm highly sensitive to other people’s bad moods and toxic behaviour.  If I'm watching something on tv and there is unexpected violence etc. I have to look away and it makes me uneasy.  Some years back I had a boss who was so controlling and toxic but on the other hand could also be nice.  I was stressed so much of the time working there.  Finally after an altercation with him, I walked out of the job in the middle of the day, I couldn't handle the overwhelming anxiety and I had to escape the situation.  It was fight or flight and I chose flight.  In hindsight I probably did act irrationally, but I didn't know how to handle it.  I know this goes back to being a kid, because my dad could be nice and loving one minute and then flip the next and say hurtful things, sometimes we would feel his wrath, but usually it would be directed towards my mam, but I would be witness. it was always emotional.  My older brother used to be so angry and he would punch holes in the door/wall.  this trauma got built into my being.

So if something happens, like someone behaving unpredictable, my heart starts to race and all logic goes out the window.  My hands will be clammy and I’ll feel like throwing up.  My whole body seizes up and I get emotionally drained and tired.  it's not that I think they will attack me or something, it's more that I get an overwhelming negative vibe running through me that fucks me up.  Even if it doesn't directly involve me, and i'm only i'm witness to it, this can still be the case.

Now, I know the best way to stop this happening would be to avoid people with toxic behaviour and situations.  But since that’s not always possible, I want to know if it’s possible to ever really control the wave of fear.  

This is not a regular thing for me but after months of being calm and chill with no stress, something happened yesterday that triggered me.  I know what my triggers are and I know what situations to try and avoid.  But can I actually get to a point where I’m unaffected by other peoples behaviour and not be so sensitive? 

Edited February 15, 2021 by intotheblack

[ilja]

I only know one thing that really works against that and it is conscious exposure.

[Grateful Dead]

psychedelics are an amazing tool for that but it also can be pretty hardcore facing this stuff with psychedelics

I think breathwork could also help a great deal but I don't know that from personal experience

[Abdelghafar]

1 hour ago, intotheblack said:

But can I actually get to a point where I’m unaffected by other peoples behaviour and not be so sensitive? 

@intotheblack

Speaking from experience, trying to be assertive and drawing your boundries with people very early into the relationship helps, for example, if you have a beef with someone, addressing the issue confidently and directly with them without escalation or disrespect can be productive.

However, assertiveness doesn't always guarentee homogeneity. Some people will lash out or become antagonistic, you can then try communication techniques (This will take time).

But, of course, there are certain people whom you have to cut as many of them out of your life as you can.

In addition to, you can let go of other people's behaviour every now and then, but unfortunately that's impermanent. Therefore, conflict will always arise at times, but try to mitigate them by using the mentioned approach.

Often times, you'll be too tired or stressed to address anything, all you can do then is to try to chill out by acknowledging the reason behind the stressor and being non-reactive to it.

In other words, you have to accept that there are times when you won't be able to cope with certain people or certain aspects in your life. 

I know it's hard and it's painful, but you have to accept the struggles. Mind you, acceptance won't necessarily make you feel better, you just know that it's there (Be conscious of it) and try to move on.

Hope the advice helped.

Edited February 15, 2021 by Abdelghafar

[Gesundheit]

1 hour ago, intotheblack said:

But can I actually get to a point where I’m unaffected by other peoples behaviour and not be so sensitive? 

Sure, that's what enlightenment is for.

Of course, the word enlightenment is also an umbrella for many other things, such as:

• Shadow Work & Emotional Healing (Inner Child Work).
• Self-esteem work.
• Exposure therapy.
• The Sedona method, compatible with Shadow Work. 
• Journaling, very important, ime.
• Shamanic/Holotropic Breathing.
• Psychedelics, I haven't tried them personally, but some people suggest that they have healing powers.
• Practicing self-love, as in taking care of yourself and putting yourself before others.
• Improving boundaries.

Edited February 15, 2021 by Gesundheit

[intotheblack]

thanks everyone for your advice..  

@ilja can you explain more what you mean by conscious exposure?  is it just trying to be conscious whilst triggered? 

@acidgoofy  I'm looking into microdosing psychs.  do you think this would work, or do you mean more like trying to do shadow work whilst on a trip? 

@Abdelghafar thanks for the detailed response! I've definitely came along way already and my reactions aren't as bad as they used to be.  I did a good job of basically breaking off toxic connections, moved away from home to another country and am conscious about who I spend time with.  but that shadow is still there and I want to face it rather than avoid the situation or act like a frightened kitten. 

@Gesundheit

1 hour ago, Gesundheit said:

• Shadow Work & Emotional Healing (Inner Child Work).
• Self-esteem work.
• Exposure therapy.
• The Sedona method, compatible with Shadow Work. 
• Journaling, very important, ime.
• Shamanic/Holotropic Breathing.
• Psychedelics, I haven't tried them personally, but some people suggest that they have healing powers.
• Practicing self-love, as in taking care of yourself and putting yourself before others.
• Improving boundaries.

most of this I do except for psychedelics and shamanic breathing. also the exposure therapy is something I didn't know of.  

I do inner child work and try to remember as many memories as possible, I actually am very aware of all my childhood issues and where my insecurities come from.  I understand it, but fully changing it is the hard part.

---

I was told I should try and look at my high sensitivity as a gift.  I have high empathy and I always notice things, I feel my emotions deeply and have heightened senses.  It just means that it is both a blessing and a curse.  I still want to be this way but learn better how to handle the difficult feelings.   for years I had a guard up and kept all feelings to myself. that had alot to do with my attachment style.  I've grown past that stage now and am more open and secure about things.      

 

 

Edited February 15, 2021 by intotheblack

[ilja]

@intotheblack   yes, expose yourself to this as an excercise regularly for a bit when it comes to your mind and observe your feelings and reaction, compare it to how you want to feel and think what you can do to get there. View it like a special forces training. These guys put themselves under hash conditions intentionaly to be prepared for the unforseen.

Edited February 15, 2021 by ilja

[Preety_India]

I've the same problem because of childhood issues. 

Heightened senses in me and empathetic nature that causes me to be sensitive and easily reactive /triggered. 

All I do now is try to be less reactive.. I'm learning to accept rather than react. 

More info in my self control journal. Linked

Self control. Do it

 

 

Edited February 15, 2021 by Preety_India

[NatureB]

Thanks for sharing your experiences @intotheblack. It took a long time for these triggers to develop and grow inside of you, so be compassionate and patient with yourself as you work through them. It will take a few years at minimum to fully let go of them and integrate them in my opinion/experience.

In my personal experience, working with a therapist has been transformational. Don't be cheap with your therapist and find a good one with whom you feel a connection. I've been able to see my childhood from different angles and recall different memories through my work with my therapist. He has also helped me get clarity on what patterns I act out unconsciously and see my family dynamics with a high degree of clarity and non-reactivity, and a good therapist can help you do the same and more.

Boundaries and communication will help in these and all other situations. Changing your circumstances helps as well, i.e. getting away from the person who is triggering you, but also realize that life gives you what you need. Life put this person in front of you to trigger these old feelings so that you can heal and integrate them. And life will keep giving you people that trigger you until you finally get the message and heal these aspects of yourself. Note that this does not mean to accept continued abuse. That is what boundaries are for - to keep the good in and keep the bad out.

[Grateful Dead]

22 hours ago, intotheblack said:

I'm looking into microdosing psychs.  do you think this would work, or do you mean more like trying to do shadow work whilst on a trip? 

Micro-dosing might help but not as a long term solution.

Yes what I mean is more like doing shadow work on a trip. When I do it, I take it and then I just lay down and work with whatever will come up. You describe that your anxiety/trauma is very present in the body and thats where psychedelics are particularly helpful, because they kind of set free that stuck energy and let it all out. It feels very much like a purification and once you are done you will literally feel lighter, generally in life.

But as I said before that process can be very demanding on body and mind so be prepared for that. I like to go for it alone but maybe if you are comfortable with someone it could be helpful to have a trip sitter.

[Nahm]

On 2/15/2021 at 0:22 PM, intotheblack said:

Now, I know the best way to stop this happening would be to avoid people with toxic behaviour and situations. 

It’s always what we claim to know that shoots our foot. The knower can never see what the knowing claims to know. 

Before you concern yourself with the splinter in the other’s eye, remove the board from your own eye.

That is, you believe it’s because of someone else that you feel that way, because you aren’t inspecting your own beliefs / judgement / conditions. 

The miracle of doing the work of inspection, is unconditional love & unconditional happiness is uncovered. Every single moment of your life from that point on is literally blissful and pure magic. This can not be communicated, you’ve got to directly experience this. 

How long are you willing to make your list of what you must avoid so you can be happy? Two conditions, three, twenty, hundreds?

Those are your conditions. This is what is referred to on the path as conditioning. It’s what we let go of. Not what we use to reinforce our own suffering.  Religion, and or spirituality, often refers to this as judgement. Psychology refers to this as deflection & projection. Divorce lawyers & therapists just call it income. 

How ever you slice it up, you’re in control. You can choose love, and emotional equanimity. ?

On 2/15/2021 at 0:22 PM, intotheblack said:

But can I actually get to a point where I’m unaffected by other peoples behaviour and not be so sensitive? 

No you can not, because you are already “there”. You’ve only actually ever been there...and you are creating conditions upon “there”, which is to say, your own love & happiness. 

[PlayOnWords]

You should look at trying EMDR therapy. I have similar symotoms to you. I'm currently on my... 15th or so, session and things are slowly improving. It's a leading treatment for PTSD.

 

Feel free to ask me for more info, there's loads on YouTube and reddit also. 

[Logan]

@intotheblack I put a hole in my wall when I was young too. Luckily my sis had moved out by this time so I didn’t affect her the way you were affected.

Perhaps you have C-PTSD? Or a Personality Disorder? I don’t mean to insult, I just relate to your experience and have had these issues after experiencing childhood trauma.

There is a YT channel another forum member recommended which I found helpful called Crappy Childhood Fairy. Sounds ridiculous but give it a try ? 

I also recommend researching Personality disorders just to see if you experience any of the symptoms.

I have had symptoms of these two:

Paranoid Personality Disorder 

Avoidant Personality Disorder 

 

If you have any more questions , let me know! I am unfortunately a bit of an expert on this subject having researched so much for myself out of necessity haha.

Good luck!

[StarStruck]

Get into Buddhism and do pranayamas. Breath work is key. It helped me.

[intotheblack]

18 hours ago, Logan said:

@intotheblack I put a hole in my wall when I was young too. Luckily my sis had moved out by this time so I didn’t affect her the way you were affected.

Perhaps you have C-PTSD? Or a Personality Disorder? I don’t mean to insult, I just relate to your experience and have had these issues after experiencing childhood trauma.

There is a YT channel another forum member recommended which I found helpful called Crappy Childhood Fairy. Sounds ridiculous but give it a try ? 

I also recommend researching Personality disorders just to see if you experience any of the symptoms.

I have had symptoms of these two:

Paranoid Personality Disorder 

Avoidant Personality Disorder 

 

If you have any more questions , let me know! I am unfortunately a bit of an expert on this subject having researched so much for myself out of necessity haha.

Good luck!

I don’t know, I have never been diagnosed with anything.  What I do know though is that I have typical ADD symptoms and struggled with negative self image. I did have an avoidant personality, as a teenager and most of my 20s. these days it’s not as bad but there is still a shadow there. I’ve figured out a lot of things.  I never thought about having ptsd, I will read more into that. 
 

Edited April 24, 2021 by intotheblack

[Superfluo]

On 15/2/2021 at 9:23 PM, intotheblack said:

I do inner child work and try to remember as many memories as possible, I actually am very aware of all my childhood issues and where my insecurities come from.  I understand it, but fully changing it is the hard part.

You're not supposed to force to remember. That could be more traumatizing if you don't know how to handle the situation (but I know from your tone of voice you have the strength to handle it). Being aware is a huge step. The other huge step is releasing the trapped emotions/tensions. Trauma is a situation of stress that has not found resolution both in the mind and in the body. Check out my posts if you want to know techniques and ways to practice healing in detail.

Also, @intotheblack and @Preety_India , if you are easily triggered, it means you have trapped emotions that are "eager" to come up. So that's a great chance to do some particular exercises like the Completion Process or NLP psyche processing or Parts Work (two-chair gestal exercise) or even emotional vipassana done when triggered or in the morning.

 

40 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

I never thought about having ptsd, I will read more into that. 

You might have C-PTSD as @Logan said, because from the family episodes you talked about I understand that your dad's behaviour was not sporadic (being two-faced), so you dealt with repeated and unpredictable survival stress that forced you to cope for a somewhat long period of time.

C-PTSD is PSTD that involves developmental trauma, which is trauma centered around an infancy need not met repeatedly and/or for long time.

 

Edited April 24, 2021 by Superfluo

[Preety_India]

@Superfluo I'm diagnosed with PTSD

 

 

[Superfluo]

@Preety_India Yeah, I remember from a earlier post of yours. But PTSD could be swept under the rug or on the surface, so you have that "advantage" so to speak.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Superfluo said:

@Preety_India Yeah, I remember from a earlier post of yours. But PTSD could be swept under the rug or on the surface, so you have that "advantage" so to speak.

What do you mean?

 

[Superfluo]

@Preety_India I mean that trauma could be suppresed, in the sense that you have built layers around it in order to not let it come out to your awareness.

For example, let's say that I have a trauma regarding physical safety and I startle everytime someone makes a loud noise. It could be the case that in order to cope I created a layer of numbness around the trauma. This makes it so that I could hear a loud noise and not startle. I don't feel the trauma. But let's say that I begin to heal my psyche, and remove the layer of numbness. Then the underlying trauma gradually comes to the surface and I start to feel triggered by loud noises, and I startle everytime.

So now I can deal directly with the trauma. You can feel it fully. That's the advantage I was talking about.

Edited April 25, 2021 by Superfluo