At a crossroads - how to decide?

[ajs]

I am currently at a crossroads in life with a big decision to make.  I have been living overseas in my wife's country for the past 18 years.  During this time I have been worked my way into a position of relative financial comfort.  Although I don't love my current job, I certainly appreciate it and am grateful for the benefits it gives me.  I am able to work a very light schedule which allows me the time to do the things I like (exercise, meditation, etc) while still being rewarded well financially which allows my wife the option of working or staying home to take care of the children.

The problem is my children are now getting older and a move back to my home country would be much better for them in terms of education and lifestyle.  However, doing so would mean a huge drop in income as my current career skills are not really transferable in my home country.  My wife also would probably have to work in an entry-level job.

Of course, I know ultimately this is my decision to make.  I was hoping people could offer advice about how to make this decision.  I feel completely stuck whenever I try to think about it, even to the point of being so stressed about it, I can't sleep.  I feel if I didn't have children I would obviously stay.  But I would hate to ruin any future potential opportunities my children may have based on my own selfish interests.

Any advice, please.  What is the best way to decide?

[mandyjw]

Instead of having a focus on needing to have the right answer, I'd instead make my focus to relax instead. Take the pressure off yourself. When we really relax but are aware sometimes the strangest signs and guidance come to us. You've asked the question, now you just need to allow the answer.  

[How to be wise]

@mandyjw ‘Waiting for an answer’ isn’t very reassuring. How long should he wait for the answer to come?

[mandyjw]

@How to be wise  As long as it takes to relax about it? It doesn't sound like it's a decision that requires an immediate answer like a job offer or something like that. There's no way any of us are know what's right for this person, especially going off three paragraphs of information and likely not having firsthand experience living in either of these countries. It sounds like the more immediate problem is how stressed the OP is about the option. 

Think about it, having options is a good thing. But we often don't have that attitude about it. Stressing yourself out about it doesn't make sense. It's like if all you get to have for lunch everyday is peanut butter and jelly and then someone gives you the option of choosing something different and instead of being happy about having choices now, you react like "Oh no, how will I EVER decide now!" 

It's not until you chill out that you can even determine what it is that you really want, what really lights you up, inspires you and makes you feel expansive. Choice is a privilege and it's simply the possibility of expansion, it's not an obligation to "get it right or else." 

Edited February 15, 2021 by mandyjw

[LastThursday]

4 hours ago, ajs said:

Any advice, please.  What is the best way to decide?

The only decision you are really making is: should we go? But it looks like you don't have enough information to work out if moving is a good choice. Here's a few ideas to add to @mandyjw's:

• Forget about it, drop the idea, stay put
• Flip a coin: stay or go, heads or tails
• Ask your children, ask your wife what they think and want, so you have more information
• Choose a date to move on the calendar, but make it in one or two years' time
• Go live for a fixed time period in your home country by yourself and see if it's a good idea first - maybe try and find good work there
• Either you or your wife secures a good job in your home country first and then move
• Is there an option for working remotely in your existing job from your home country?
• Use your intuition, wait until the answer comes to you, don't force it
• Use your intuition, sometimes the scary choice is the right one

These may or may not be useful to you. But you always have other options than can remove stress.

[ajs]

Thanks for the responses.

I agree @mandyjw, I think I do need to relax, being in a stressed state is no place to be when making decisions.

Thanks for the ideas @LastThursday .  I like the idea of using my intuition, waiting until the answer comes to me, not forcing it.  I have used this method previously throughout my life and have never been one to dwell too much on decisions.  I think this time it is the combination of feeling responsible for the rest of my family, and the idea of giving up what I have now for the unknown that makes it so hard.

Hopefully, if I relax.  The intuitive answer will come.

 

[LastThursday]

@ajs dealing with the unknown is definitely a life skill.

[Waken]

This video came to mind (especially what starts at 0:51) when seeing your post: 

 

Edited February 16, 2021 by Waken

[ajs]

11 hours ago, Waken said:

This video came to mind (especially what starts at 0:51) when seeing your post: 

 

Great@Waken .  This is an interesting perspective for looking at the situation.  Following that advice, a move back is what feels the more exciting option - a fresh start in a new environment for my family and me, which I think my children would more likely thrive in.

It still feels as though it would be very difficult, if not foolish to give up what I have already built up for myself and are satisfied with.  If my children weren't a major factor I think I would stay.  Taking them into account makes me lean towards a move back.

 

[Waken]

@ajs Nice! And I understand.

12 hours ago, ajs said:

It still feels as though it would be very difficult

Would this translates to "I believe it would be very difficult"? Well I think the Bashar you watched, might say that if you believe it would be very difficult, then it will be because reality reflects you back at you and that if you would just feel good about it, that you would get that reflected back. Perhaps you can look at it, and think of ways in which it won't be difficult. Maybe you could think of what would be really exciting/joyful to do, and do that and allow life to do a bit of magic for you

Edited February 17, 2021 by Waken

[flowboy]

Make life choices with intuition, listen to the heart, let the mind figure out how to make it work.

My 2 cents