How to message on tinder?

[Lyubov]

I'm getting a decent amount of matches with attractive women but I am still improving at messaging / flirting on tinder. A lot of my matches don't respond or the conversation only goes back and forth a few times. I realize a simple "hello/hey" wont work most times. You have to be edgy, clever and perhaps a little sexual while subtle about it when starting a conversation. What are some tips for writing matches to both a) stand out and be polarizing / edgy (in a good way) / interesting / flirty b) not in a try hard or overly obvious sexual way.  I will post pics of my matches/conversations and maybe you guys can help me brainstorm on conversation starters or how to improve. 

Edited February 14, 2021 by Lyubov

[egoeimai]

@Lyubov keep the conversation interesting. Play a game something like 1 on 1  questions like get to know each other-chat. It works. Keep it light. Also add humor. 

[aurum]

@Lyubov

Post the convos and I’ll give you my best read. I’m sure others will want to as well.

The general gist is in the beginning is to keep it light, fun, confident, and subtlety sexual. That’s what flirting is.

Make sure your profile is solid too. You’re getting matches, which is obviously a good sign, but a good profile can solve a lot of what looks like messaging problems.

[Leo Gura]

Do not be sexual.

If the girl truly likes you, you don't need to game her much. The problem is they don't really like you to begin with, otherwise they would be receptive to a simple "Hey there".

Keep in mind there is a lot of fake profiles and girls just looking for validation and ego-boosts on apps like Tinder.

Girls are not above using guys purely for validation with no intention of fucking them.

Your best opener is gonna be a short unique funny line.

[Lyubov]

5 hours ago, aurum said:

@Lyubov

Post the convos and I’ll give you my best read. I’m sure others will want to as well.

The general gist is in the beginning is to keep it light, fun, confident, and subtlety sexual. That’s what flirting is.

Make sure your profile is solid too. You’re getting matches, which is obviously a good sign, but a good profile can solve a lot of what looks like messaging problems.

So basically I was on a free account and wasn't getting matches. I have six photos of myself that have all been approved by two girls and a few other friends of mine. They are great photos. I decided to add 3 memes as well which are sort of cocky funny / "bad boyish" and a little sexual. Also added a dumb bio I found online that makes me sound sorta fuckboyish which idk I think girls react to this stuff over something "nice." Kinda corny but it seems to have improved my profile I think. 

I used this opening on one other girl. she liked my pic but I didn't get a response. 

this seems to be going somewhere. gonna think of something to reply back that isn't low effort but also not tryhard. maybe best to just transition to basic conversation since she seems into me.

another fail with this line

 

grifting her art work on tinder??? feel like my reply was a fail

have gotten 14 matches with hot girls in the last four days since getting the prem service and adding some memes and a dumb stuff to my bio

any advice? 

Edited February 15, 2021 by Lyubov

[Leo Gura]

Don't compliment. Don't place yourself in a lower position than her, like you do with your boots comment. Your boots comment makes it sounds like you're afraid of her boots crushing you. This sets the opposite frame of what you want.

Also don't invest yourself into these matches. Shoot a text and move on. You invest too much into them. You need higher volume and less investment.

[Lyubov]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't compliment. Don't place yourself in a lower position than her, like you do with your boots comment. Your boots comment makes it sounds like you're afraid of her boots crushing you. This sets the opposite frame of what you want.

Also don't invest yourself into these matches. Shoot a text and move on. You invest too much into them. You need higher volume and less investment.

Yeah, I agree. I think for the convo that went well I tried to implement the idea of "push/pull" where I give a compliment but I sort of take it away a little with something else so it kinda has that feel of not being kiss ass and it sort of balances it out and seems not as needy. The girl with the tats I did this as well which got a response (she was showing off her tats super try hard in her pics and talking about how she doesn't care about guys with them)

Edited February 15, 2021 by Lyubov

[Lyubov]

what are some other good ways to start a conversation without giving any sort of compliment of any kind? I just sent a few more messages: for example a hot girl in a cute dress by a painting I wrote "Cute dress but you aren't holding a glass of red wine, not sophisticated enough :smugfaceemoji" 

trying to figure out other ways to start conversations that are engaging. maybe I should go full edgy/polarizing and just wrote "you aren't holding a glass of red wine, not sophisticated enough :smugfaceemoji" ??

Edited February 15, 2021 by Lyubov

[aurum]

@Lyubov

I’m not loving your bio.

It’s cool that you like to travel and that can communicate high value things. But honestly almost every guy says the same thing. I’d take it out.

Also I’d definitely take out the “if that matters to you”. Just put “6’1” with no explanation. You don’t need to justify yourself.

Also also, I don’t like the and “on tinder for the memes” line. If you’re just on tinder for the memes, why should she take you seriously? She’s trying to fuck, not gain a meme buddy.

You could keep the “find a nice office boy” line. But it needs to feel congruent with the rest of your profile and your messaging. Otherwise, if you seem like this super nice guy and then drop that line, she’s going to be like ??? It just doesn’t fit.

So yeah I’d basically just rewrite all of that.

Put at least one real solid qualifier in there too. Something that says “this is what I’m looking for” without necessarily being so serious about it. Then when girls who match that description read that, they’ll be happy.

Edited February 15, 2021 by aurum

[Lyubov]

18 minutes ago, aurum said:

@Lyubov

I’m not loving your bio.

It’s cool that you like to travel and that can communicate high value things. But honestly almost every guy says the same thing. I’d take it out.

Also I’d definitely take out the “if that matters to you”. Just put “6’1” with no explanation. You don’t need to justify yourself.

Also also, I don’t like the and “on tinder for the memes” line. If you’re just on tinder for the memes, why should she take you seriously? She’s trying to fuck, not gain a meme buddy.

You could keep the “find a nice office boy” line. But it needs to feel congruent with the rest of your profile and your messaging. Otherwise, if you seem like this super nice guy and then drop that line, she’s going to be like ??? It just doesn’t fit.

So yeah I’d basically just rewrite all of that.

Put at least one real solid qualifier in there too. Something that says “this is what I’m looking for” without necessarily being so serious about it. Then when girls who match that description read that, they’ll be happy.

Ok, I removed the memes line and the stuff after 6'1

I also changed it to "Thrill seeker and adventure enthusiast" and added a weight lifting, camera and motorcycle emoji 

Do you think "Looking for a girl that is more than just an instagram photo" or "Looking for a girl as cool as me" are fine? Any other ideas for a qualifier? Should I add anything else? I feel like less is more when it comes to this stuff but I'm not sure entirely 

I'll try to make my messages I send especially openers congruent with my bio

Edited February 15, 2021 by Lyubov

[Lyubov]

memes in my profile cuz I noticed these are a thing a lot of girls have in theirs and i thought these were funny

[aurum]

17 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

Ok, I removed the memes line and the stuff after 6'1

I also changed it to "Thrill seeker and adventure enthusiast" and added a weight lifting, camera and motorcycle emoji 

Do you think "Looking for a girl that is more than just an instagram photo" or "Looking for a girl as cool as me" are fine? Any other ideas for a qualifier? Should I add anything else? I feel like less is more when it comes to this stuff but I'm not sure entirely 

Now it feels way too aggressive to me.

Keep it light and fun. You're supposed to like each other. Maybe take out the "dumb BS talk" line entirely.

Also, I'd be more specific. "Thrill seeker and adventure enthusiast" just doesn't feel like it actually says anything about you. That could mean almost anything. Same thing with your qualifier, it's kind of vague.

For instance, in my profile I have a line that says "Falls victim to accents & long hair". Which is true. It's a qualifier but not in a way that's so aggressive. Girls who have an accent and long hair will feel chosen, those who don't, won't.

Spaces too. Nobody wants to read a block of text.

[Lyubov]

11 minutes ago, aurum said:

Now it feels way too aggressive to me.

Keep it light and fun. You're supposed to like each other. Maybe take out the "dumb BS talk" line entirely.

Also, I'd be more specific. "Thrill seeker and adventure enthusiast" just doesn't feel like it actually says anything about you. That could mean almost anything. Same thing with your qualifier, it's kind of vague.

For instance, in my profile I have a line that says "Falls victim to accents & long hair". Which is true. It's a qualifier but not in a way that's so aggressive. Girls who have an accent and long hair will feel chosen, those who don't, won't.

Spaces too. Nobody wants to read a block of text.

Hmm ok, I got rid of the BS line. I'll add a little more interesting stuff that's more specific about myself after my opening in my bio. I'll brainstorm and flesh out the qualifier as well. 

[Leo Gura]

"Not really into dumb BS small talk"  << You've just excluded 98% of women, Lol

Remove that line. It makes you sound too serious and business-like -- and even a bit butt-hurt.

[Lyubov]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

"Not really into dumb BS small talk. Just open your legs for me." is how the women will read that.

if only it were that easy ._.

[Lyubov]

28 minutes ago, aurum said:

Now it feels way too aggressive to me.

Keep it light and fun. You're supposed to like each other. Maybe take out the "dumb BS talk" line entirely.

Also, I'd be more specific. "Thrill seeker and adventure enthusiast" just doesn't feel like it actually says anything about you. That could mean almost anything. Same thing with your qualifier, it's kind of vague.

For instance, in my profile I have a line that says "Falls victim to accents & long hair". Which is true. It's a qualifier but not in a way that's so aggressive. Girls who have an accent and long hair will feel chosen, those who don't, won't.

Spaces too. Nobody wants to read a block of text.

stole your line bruh! you think this is better? think I should add anything else or expand it?

thanks for the help everyone!

Edited February 15, 2021 by Lyubov

[Preety_India]

My advice to you is this -

Go out and date. This shit is not working for you. 

 

[Lyubov]

I think my reply is kinda bleh ._. I think I'm overthinking this. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and am over thinking what to write. I think I should also avoid writing anything about myself that could come off making me look goofy or bad even if it's jokingly, trust that feeling if it feels "try hard" or trying to be overly clever/silly, don't send it. Just focus on a good opener and transitioning to a simple convo that isn't too gamey but sprinkle it in if something comes to mind that feels natural. Gonna try to message a bunch this week and post some updates next week to see if there is anything I can improve on in my conversations. 

Edited February 15, 2021 by Lyubov

[Lyubov]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

My advice to you is this -

Go out and date. This shit is not working for you. 

 

lol I just started 4 days ago and I have no way to meet girls in person due to lockdown here. I usually don't do online dating when bars and clubs are open. 

[Preety_India]

@Lyubov how long is your lockdown?

I thought it was lifted by now..