Teal Swan: Why Women Like Assholes + Why Women Aren't Attracted to Nice Guys

[Axiomatic]

6 minutes ago, Emerald said:

The distinction here is that I'm not providing you with actionable distortions of the truth... I'm providing you with relatively un-actionable truths. 

If you want to get laid and do pick up, what I shared on here is of no use for that. It's true... but it has little utility if you just want to get laid.

But if you value deep connection like women generally do, you must understand that women who are relatively introspective will be able to tell you far more accurate information about female sexuality compared to pick up artists. And if you want real intimacy with said woman, you would be wise to listen and believe them.

It won't get you laid by a ton of women... but deep intimacy isn't possible without that. And if you carry the idea that men know better about women's sexuality than women do, you will write over your lady's sexuality with the things you only think you know... because they worked for your purposes. 

So, it's just that the truths that women will tell you are not actionable or orchestrable. They are not user friendly. When a woman is sharing their sexual leanings and insights with you, they just are what they are.

Now, pick-up gives a lot of workable falsehoods. They will work for your purposes. They are useful... but they get female sexuality ALL distorted and wrong. Any woman will tell you that, and they're 100% correct when they do. 

But because the falsehoods work and the truth doesn't work for the purposes of pick up, men come to the conclusion that women are just out of touch with what they really want. And that's simply not true in my case or in the case of any woman who is relatively introspective.

But what women really desire... and what some women will settle or fall for (often in false hope of changing the guy into what she really wants) are two totally different things.

@Emerald I just skim your paragraphs and see things like "pick up" and "getting laid". Im not looking for a certain result. If a woman presents herself as relationship material, then she will be treated as such. If not, I most likely wont have the energy to deal with her. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Axiomatic said:

@Emerald I just skim your paragraphs and see things like "pick up" and "getting laid". Im not looking for a certain result. If a woman presents herself as relationship material, then she will be treated as such. If not, I most likely wont have the energy to deal with her. 

I don't know how to respond to this because it feels unrelated to what I said.

[Axiomatic]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

Hahaha.  I'm not trying to control anything. Simply saying what I think doesn't work with me as a woman. And other women are agreeing too. Of course I can't control men. But I can definitely control what man comes into my life. 

So all the men can go find women who like assholes. 

But what I've learned is that an asshole hurts my survival value the most more than any other man. 

I can dominate a man or I can be submissive to a man. Both ways I win. 

The only man who blocks my survival is the asshole. And ive learned how to avoid that. Other women eventually learn it too. 

Women are definitely getting wiser at the detriment of assholes. 

And that is a blessing my dear. 

 

am I supposed to care what you think or something? do you. I dont want you to be annoying and preachy, I want you to be happy. If thats what works for you, then more power to you. 

[Phenomenon]

What you need to remember is not to turn mechanics into something that's representative of the whole terrain.

All you're talking about here is masculinity. Big deal. Well done, you made that connection doesn't take many brain cells to figure out but you men are so brainwashed that you've formed the perception that somehow masculinity equals a lack of connection.

Masculinity doesn't equal zero connection nor does it equal a lack of empathy. If you lack empathy, that's less intelligence you have, not more. "Empathy makes you weak" says a brainwashed mind, yes if you don't know how to manage your emotions... Management of emotions is a masculine trait, mismanagement or narrowness, a lack of masculinity in light of leaders in general having higher empathy, especially cognitive empathy, than subordinates.

So get with it. Stop with the nonsense. Start trying to understand each other more.

So what some of the guys here are sucking at here is masculinity + connection. This conversation shows it.

The men here tighten up though when the females don't sympathise with them by admitting their attraction to masculinity. But, the men need to be aware of the compensatory mechanisms they're employing when they notice the women not taking ownership there.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Axiomatic said:

I want you to be happy.

Sure sure. 

Do you wanna know why  I'm so happy?

Top secret. Because I left an asshole. Hehe. And this whole forum helped me in leaving that asshole.  

Leaving an asshole feels like enlightenment!!!!! It's the greatest feeling of joy ever. 

 

[Leo Gura]

24 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

So, the more you insult women and the more you lie to them, the more girls you will be able to bang? I thought that women are more turned on by an authentic man who has a real spine.

I never said anything about insulting women.

To have sex with lots of women it certainly helps to be really good a lying and manipulating them emotionally.

I'm an NOT saying you should do that. I'm simply telling you how sex works and what I personally avoided and sacrificed sex for.

If I wanted to emotionally manipulate women, I would have way more sex. That's just a fact. And there should not be anything surprising about this. If I was more selfish, more assertive, I would get more sex and women would find me more attractive, at least in the short-term.

The entire point of manipulation -- whether it be of women or customers or politicians -- is that it gets you way more material results than you would otherwise get. Of course there will be karma that goes along with it in the long-term.

I am not telling anyone how to behave. I am just describing trade-offs that exist.

One of my ex-girlfriends was handcuffed to a door for a month and fucked at gunpoint every night until she escaped. Extreme, yeah. But that's assertiveness for ya.

So be careful what you wish for when you want an assertive man. A really assertive man will not mind fucking you at gunpoint.

Assertiveness is like spicy food. How hot can you handle? Bite a Habanero and you'll get burned.

If I manipulated my customers more, I would earn way more money too! Surprise, surprise! Looky how the world works. If manipulation did not have massive material rewards, it would not exist.

[Axiomatic]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Sure sure. 

Do you wanna know why  I'm so happy?

Top secret. Because I left an asshole. Hehe. And this whole forum helped me in leaving that asshole.  

Leaving an asshole feels like enlightenment!!!!! It's the greatest feeling of joy ever. 

 

you're talking to me like I am supposed to care 

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I thought that women are more turned on by an authentic man who has a real spine.

Indeed. I love a man with a spine. 

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Axiomatic said:

you're talking to me like I am supposed to care 

Well you just said that you want me to be happy. Seems like you do care for my happiness deep down. 

 

[lmfao]

I know this might sound like a rude tangent, but after reflecting on all this gender stuff a bit I realise women have it hard and I feel bad for them. Both male attraction and society judges you by superficial looks and appearance. If society pressured me that I had to wear makeup I'd say fuck off

I mean if I was a women I'd probably force myself to be lesbian tbh 

Edited February 17, 2021 by lmfao

[Axiomatic]

Just now, Preety_India said:

Well you just said that you want me to be happy. Seems like you do care for my happiness deep down. 

 

Does preaching the same thing over and over to me make you happy? 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Axiomatic said:

Does preaching the same thing over and over to me make you happy? 

Nope. 

 

[Axiomatic]

Just now, Preety_India said:

Nope. 

 

ok. then we are done here 

[Emerald]

16 minutes ago, Axiomatic said:

thats the disconnection women in this thread have. just because it works doesnt mean we will/should do it 

That's not my thing at all. I don't think that of the people on this thread. That's a totally different issue.

I just don't like it when female sexuality is misrepresented or ignored in favor of a useful distortion... especially when the men don't really realize that they're engaging with a useful distortion. They see the usefulness as an indicator of truth, when it is not.

And it's most especially a personal pet peeve to have my voice written over as though I have nothing valuable or true to say about female sexuality when I've introspected upon that topic... probably (and I do guess this is accurate) more than anyone I've ever met. 

And then a bunch of pick up artists who lost their virginity at age 24 and got a little success with women decide that they're suddenly the experts of female sexuality. And I'm like "Oh hell to the no!" 

[Phenomenon]

@Emerald I wouldn't bother.

He's just brainwashed by his own nonsense. Eventually he'll step out from it otherwise he wouldn't be on this forum, there's a deeper calling he has that he hasn't been completely open with. You have to remember that you have no idea his age, etc... His brain is also subliminally influenced to come across as "tough" because his picture is of a fighter by the name of Khabib Nurmagomedov.

It gives him a sense of empowerment and right now he feels empowered to disempower. He has empathy, but he doesn't have enough examples of masculinity + connection, so he's just rinse and repeat learned to focus on the former because he has fears around the latter.

[Axiomatic]

1 minute ago, Emerald said:

That's not my thing at all. I don't think that of the people on this thread. That's a totally different issue.

I just don't like it when female sexuality is misrepresented or ignored in favor of a useful distortion... especially when the men don't really realize that they're engaging with a useful distortion. They see the usefulness as an indicator of truth, when it is not.

And it's most especially a personal pet peeve to have my voice written over as though I have nothing valuable or true to say about female sexuality when I've introspected upon that topic... probably (and I do guess this is accurate) more than anyone I've ever met. 

And then a bunch of pick up artists who lost their virginity at age 24 and got a little success with women decide that they're suddenly the experts of female sexuality. And I'm like "Oh hell to the no!" 

It's technically easier for me to be more polite, caring and empathetic towards the opposite sex. But it never gave me any real love or respect, and for the most part still doesnt. women seem to think I am phony when i do that. or desperate. or something negative rather than positive. So I just started being more self absorbed and not giving a fuck. And it made women want me more.

It isnt my intention to disrespect you or write you off. I am just saying what has worked for me. Women appreciate me and respect me and I know how to handle things in a healthy way when they are being toxic. And I learned all that from men. Its not because your views hold no value, I just think you cant really see it from my side as much as you think. 

If being nice and polite was the key to finding success, then every man would do it. 

[Axiomatic]

@Phenomenon Ironic that I'm some kind of asshole, but you trying to sum up my entire being through a forum. You sound like a real prick 

[aurum]

We need to define what we mean by "an asshole" and "masculinity".

Some of the women in this thread seem to be picturing a guy who just runs around insulting people and slapping drinks out of their hands. Such a guy would be demonstrating low social intelligence and would be unlikely to have strong social ties. Not going to be attractive, even from the most selfish survival perspective.

The women also seem to be conflating what they want in a man with physical attraction. I.e, the kind of guy I'm looking for isn't an asshole, so this can't be correct. Because they seek intimacy and connection, an asshole does not fit that picture. He will not meet those needs.

The men are essentially arguing these are two different phenomena, and that you can be attracted to a guy who you know is not overall what you want and is not good for you. Hence the stereotype of women coming back again and again to the "bad boy" that hurts them. Also that higher consciousness traits like kindness are only desirable to women once they are already attracted to a man, as this allows her to not get screwed over by that same lower consciousness behavior.

The men seem to be picturing an "asshole" as someone who is socially dominant and aggressive in going after what they want. Even if it boarders on the sociopathic. Such a man would likely have many social connections and resources.

Teal's argument in the video is that women are not inherently physically attracted to low empathy, selfish type of behavior. That this is actually a shadow of real masculinity. And that any attraction is only for other reasons, e.g that he displays other masculine qualities or that she is reacting a past emotional trauma. Since most "kind" men have been emasculated, she must take the good with the bad in many cases.

Leo and others are arguing that low empathy, selfish type of behavior is inherently physically attractive due to survival gains from that behavior. And that actually developing empathy can reduce one's attractiveness in the eyes of women as it weakens one's desire to assert their own survival agenda. Empathy and other similar traits are desirable in long term relationships, but it has little to no relevance for short term attraction.

This whole debate seems to rest on top of a deeper question, which is what does it mean to be human?

What are we really "wired" for?

Are we wired for selfishness, survival and low consciousness behavior? Or are we wired for something "higher"?

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

Are we wired for selfishness, survival and low consciousness behavior?

BINGO. Stop right there

[Phenomenon]

 

^ Like I said @Emerald . Wow I'm good at psychological analysis.

He's not able to escape the simplifications and model something a little more nuanced and complex. He's an experience based person, he needs to be shown more examples. So have compassion for him to this end. He relies on autobiography more than modelling, which explains a lack of adaptation in this conversation. So to you Emerald, you have to learnt o expand your understanding as to why various breakdowns in communication might occur, its not just because the person is "narrow minded" there's various reasons for that from brain profile to ideological conditioning.

@Axiomatic I have you pegged bro. But listen to my words, I've already observed your empathy, you're just not yet sure how to bring all your abilities together. That takes practice. I'm doing you a favour not a disservice. Once you understand that masculinity doesn't equal lack of connection and empathy and you really take that as a firm practical understanding that you can personally implement you'll improve greatly as a human. Start slow. It takes practice and time to balance those parts of our being, you're so used to creating a line between masculinity and connection that you're confused as to how to create the latter with the former or how to do the former with the latter.

Edited February 17, 2021 by Phenomenon