Tried to have sex, my penis didn't work

[Strangeloop]

So I sleptover at this girl's house. If you read my previous post it's the same girl. I went a bit farther tonight, we bot got naked, but I got nervous and my when I tried to put a condom on my dick just shrunk. I tried it again with the girl's help to put it on, I got it on. Now the next step was to put my dick inside vagina. And that's when I really got anxious, I tried again and again and it didn't work. I couldn't put it in. As soon as I got my dick to a fairly erect state I tried to put it in and as I tried it shrunk back to almost nothing. So I gave up and now we're eating sandwiches.

Thoughts?

[Roy]

1 minute ago, Strangeloop said:

Thoughts?

What were yours? (While trying).

You were likely in your head too much. Sex is supposed to be a primal, natural act. You shouldn't be thinking at all.

[Strangeloop]

@Roy I didn't hear the thoughts per say, they were under the radar. But I think the story went like How do I do this, Ahhh I can't do this. This is gonna be like the last time, she's going to leave hanging. I just felt sexually frustrated.

[Roy]

Alright so there is obviously some nervousness there, you are fearing her reaction. I would try to help build some confidence and get some reassurance by talking to her about it, so the next time you try for it she might be encouraged to help you get out of your head more. Obviously don't bring up anything about her, even if you say "it's not you, you're pretty" that will spoil things and make her question herself regardless. Put the spotlight of the conversation on yourself, not in a degrading way to make yourself look weak, but rather proactive that you're trying to solve the problem and you're looking for support. If she's a cool girl she'll understand.

"Hey babe. I'm having a little trouble getting out of my head. It might take me longer to get hard and I think I'll need your help." (Full body massages are the BEST thing to suggest because everyone loves them, and they really put your body and mind in a state of relaxation, clear of thought.)

Sorry for the intrusiveness but it's kind of practically relevant. Was there much foreplay or oral before you tried for sex? It's really important to help build excitement and get you warmed up. It also gives you a lot of time to settle in and relax (and let go of thought).

Added note: If you end up not having sex, DO NOT get all depressed and let it ruin the vibe (easier said than done). You can still end up having fun, you could eat her out so she gets to cum and she'll forget you even tried to have sex! Or be super casual about it and say, "Hey my Johnson seems like it's broken, want to have cuddle for a movie and have some ice cream?"

You need to have a sense of humor about it and be able to pivot to show you aren't taking yourself seriously.

Hang in there dude I've been through the same thing.

Edited February 13, 2021 by Roy

[EnlightenmentBlog]

Why didn't you please her anyway? Make her come before you stick your penis in. This will take huge pressure off yourself. 

Use your fingers, mouth. Ask what she finds pleasing. You might not be satisfied at the end of the night, but she'll be and she'll

come back again and you could try again. Bottom line is, you'll always going to have plan B.

[Strangeloop]

@Roy I fingered her, tried oral, but her crotch hair was getting in my mouth and was dissapealing. And if you mean foreplay by playing around intimitaly then yes it was that. we played around for quite some time until we actually came to the sex part. There were breaks and so forth before actual sex. But I was tired already putting the effort in, she did put effort in too. I just had to wait until she was comfortable because as soon as I started getting her panties off she stopped me So I didn't continue. So I tried again later until she was comfortable to have sex but you already know how it turned out.

[Leo Gura]

@Strangeloop Have we not established that you are not straight? Why are you avoiding the elephant in the bedroom?

[Strangeloop]

@Leo Gura Because I believe I'm Straight and I want to be straight. I will fuck a lot of women. 

Sexuality is dynamic, right? So I can be partially straight partially gay. If that's true that  means I'll be a great lover to many women. 

[Leo Gura]

@Strangeloop Sounds like you're trying hard to convince us and thereby yourself.

You can be whatever, but the deeper problem is one of self-honesty.

[Strangeloop]

@Leo Gura It's just too much to take in... One moment I think I'm straight, another gay... I'm still hoping for a miracle, but I hardly found anything similar to that... 

My life would change drastically if I accepted the fact that I'm gay. Which I can't do, not yet, maybe even never. 

I hate myself for it, I just want go somewhere where I could sleep forever... maybe in my death bed.

I'm probably just playing the victim here, but I don't what else to do when atleast try to have sex one more time with a girl. otherwise I'll lose hope completely...

 

[Hello from Russia]

Ehh, I usually wouldn't recommend to do anything like that in regular scenarios... But try to buy just 1 good pill from a drug store that helps with erection and just do it, man. Just to get you started. I was in a similar situation as you in my first time, couldn't insert the penis at all into this girl and nothing happened during this first time.

But then on the next night, I decided to take sort of responsibility for a situation because I wanted so badly to make it work and not mess up and I just bought a pill. Also worked a bit more on a mood, we were slightly less hectic this time. And all worked out very well. After that everything was smooth and my erections were very consistent since then and I never had any erection problems without taking any pills. It was really something psychological I feel like.

Only once I had something similar again, but it was after having 3-4 sexual acts in just one day. My dick was exhausted and was just saying "No" to me, which is quite fair to be honest in a situation like this from a dicks perspective

Edited February 13, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[Strangeloop]

@Hello from Russia Thank you man, I'll try it.

[Hello from Russia]

@Strangeloop Just let it go, man, really. From what I've researched when I had this stuff it is very common phenomena during first times, especially if you developed a high achiever perfectionistic personality. It doesn't directly mean you're gay. But even if you're gay, we are typically bisuxual by nature, it's not like you cannot get turned on by female body if you're gay, you most likely will still, you'll just have more preference for men, which is all fine. You should be alright, man, just get over that hump 

[Leo Gura]

@Strangeloop What kind of porn are you most turned on by?

[Joel3102]

@Strangeloop Have you fantasised and obsessed about fucking attractive girls that you come by? If not, I’d say you’re gay, or maybe even asexual? The desire to screw women is strong, my sense is you’d know if you had it 

[Display_Name]

Solution is viagra for the first couple of times

[Rilles]

Just now, Display_Name said:

Solution is viagra for the first couple of times

Thats like a 72-hour boner, I would never. 

[Nahm]

@Strangeloop

Maybe you’re completely missing how judgement works, and why it’s the sneakiest of all sneakies....?

[AtheisticNonduality]

If you think David Bowie > girl, that = u a little gay.

[Strangeloop]

@Leo Gura I once got a huge boner from this add on pornhub. It was a blue trans type alien screwing a woman... I came pretty quick that time.

@Joel3102 Back in my teenage years I have.

@Nahm What am I missing?