Hate my natural masculine role of a hunter

[ColeMC01]

As a guy i am supposed to "approach" and "hunt" and "get" girls. I hate this role a lot. I really like the idea of girls doing the work and me just having to pick the one i prefer. This is really negative if you want to be successful with girls because unfortunately girls do not approach and the guy has to do all the work until he sleeps with her. I have some friends who get girls interested in them without them having to do shit but it is not reliable and unfortunately i am not good looking or naturally charismatic enough for that to be the case.

I would like you guys to give me some new mindsets or paradigms to look at this so i feel empowered and grateful to be the hunter.  I know this post sounds quite sad but it is causing me unhappiness and struggles. 

Why do you guys think this is happening? I love myself and i consider myself a great guy, i have decent self esteem and am relatively social and likable person.

Would really appreciate your help and advice

This post is not my complaining about being a guy or being a victim, i am aware of my problem and would appreciate some advice or guidance.

Thank you very much for all the help and support.

[Bando]

This mindset is pretty common especially amongst men who just start to learn about dating. I don't know if this advice is going to click as it takes some nuance to grasp but, change your thinking from "hunting" to "screening."

A valuable life lesson is you want to screen people, you don't want any chick coming into your life even if she's hot if she doesn't meet your standards. This is a "high value" mentality which means you have to actually be about it if you're going to be approaching women. Don't view approaching as "I do all this work and all she has to do is say yes or no" Instead come from "She has to meet x,y,z or im outta here, never emotionally invest into any approach if your standards arnt met. If your approaching at a club or in a large area don't invest more than 3 minutes into a set, if your requirements arn't being met, tell her to have a good day and move tf on.

Just like hunting, getting good at approaching people is something only a few men can get good at. This requires a powerful personality. This mentality is not something you can conceptuality understand, you must do the self improvement, and approach hundreds of sets to internally understand this the right way. 

Stay in the Pick up community (avoid bs tho) and keep learning how to build attraction, take time to sit down and critically think how you can improve and pull ideas from many sources, forums ect, Its ok to be frustrated but use this as fuel to understand attraction better.  Never, consider yourself a victim or getting good with women will be dam near impossible.

Consider it an advantage you weren't born with model looks or a charismatic personality as you now can consciously build yourself into a high quality man. Speaking from expericence going through Pick-up and all of its ups and downs was probably one of the best decisions I made in my life , I can't put into words the feeling of knowing deep down "if this doesn't work out I can get better" that feeling creeps into all aspects of your life so buckle down and overcome this. 

[ColeMC01]

@intotheblack Thank you, i do workout regularly and am considered decent looking by most of society (although short) however ofc i do not look like a model so i will not have girls throwing themselves at me. I do take care of myself though so nothing to improve there honestly. 

[ColeMC01]

@Bando The issue is that if you are not a high quality guy then those girls you really like will not like you because of the competition.Valuable girls are like high paying jobs, they get filled fast. You need to become a high quality guy first.  The " i will screen" until i find right girl for me will leave you single if you do not have a lot to offer in a language that girls like. Unfortunately being self actualized person or wise is not a language she likes

[Preety_India]

If she doesn't like you, then fine. There is no obligation for anyone to like anyone. 

I might like a guy and he may not like me. 

It all comes down to compatibility. Find someone who wants you for who you are. Who likes you as you are. Then it won't feel like hunting. It's basically finding. 

Don't believe in high quality and low quality. Only compatibility. 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

@ColeMC01 So, you are too lazy to be a hunter, you want to be a king who has vagina delivered to him on a silver platter.

Haha, clever devil

[RendHeaven]

4 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

I have some friends who get girls interested in them without them having to do shit but it is not reliable and unfortunately i am not good looking or naturally charismatic enough for that to be the case.

I am good looking and charismatic but I still don't get any ladies falling into my lap.

Just shut the fuck up and approach.
Just shut the fuck up and approach.
Just shut the fuck up and approach.

That's what I have to tell myself every day. The alternative is loneliness.

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura It is not about being lazy. I am wiling to do the work and improve myself, i just do not like the idea of hunting. If i would get girls hunting me IF i did x y z things then i would be happy with that. I do not expect things for free, i expect things to come once you work for it. But i do not like the kind of work where you have to hunt. 

Imagine you are born in a society that determines your job since young, you do not like the job that is given to you and now is forced to deal with it. I am asking for advice on how to frame it in an empowering way so it feels motivating and inspiring. Calling me a devil will not motivate me to become a better man.

Ps: we re all devils inside hehe

[ColeMC01]

@RendHeaven Any way to frame it in a positive empowering way? So you actually WANT to approach and hunt and feel great about it. It is not just about approaching, the whole thing where you do ALL until you sleep together. Hunting goes a long way even after approaching.

[Preety_India]

@ColeMC01 how exactly do you want it to be? 

You said that you don't like the idea of hunting. 

Then how do you imagine the ideal alternative to hunting to look like? 

Give me an Idea on how you want dating to look like. 

 

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India Girls and guys hunt and get hunted equally. Hunting and being hunted and gender are independent variables.

The main thing is not what i want it to be. Reality is like this and i cannot change them.

I am asking for advice and help in how to frame the idea of hunting in a positive, empowering way. So some new mindsets and new paradigms

Edited February 12, 2021 by ColeMC01

[Preety_India]

@ColeMC01 umm. But men generally do not like a woman hunting for them. I think most men are averse to it 

Am I right? 

Plus women do not have an urge for it. Of course women have an urge to want a man but they have no urge to hunt for the man. 

It's like the devil is in the woman.  she wants a perfect dick to land on a silver platter. Only this time it does. 

I agree that men are never hunted. But I'm not sure if men want that. Most men don't want it. They see it as an undesirable thing. So a woman wasn't into it to begin with but seeing the general hate for women hunters, women aren't going to try anyway. 

 

[mandyjw]

That's the weird thing about life, it sometimes seems like it's always YOU who has to do the work. Whether it's coming up with a new idea and figuring out how the hell to make it work out in reality, initiating a conversation, asking for something you're scared to ask for, boldly admitting to someone that you have feelings for them beyond friendship, or reaching out to reconcile with someone you had a major falling out with.

But that's exactly how you want things to be. Life is the best when you're living on the edge of comfort and what you think is possible. Cause both those things are complete illusions. 

If it feels better, focus on some other area in life that's extremely challenging, mastering an art or skill. Often when you challenge yourself and follow your own desires, there's a "kill two birds with one stone" kinda thing that goes on. In other words, you might unexpectedly meet a girl doing something you love to do. She might even chase you, who knows.  

 

 

Edited February 12, 2021 by mandyjw

[Leo Gura]

@ColeMC01 You can make yourself rich and famous and women will come to you. Classic strategy. But you are too lazy for this too.

[RendHeaven]

25 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

@RendHeaven Any way to frame it in a positive empowering way? So you actually WANT to approach and hunt and feel great about it.

It is not just about approaching, the whole thing where you do ALL until you sleep together. Hunting goes a long way even after approaching.

approaching will forever by my #1 enemy. I still haven't figured out how to make friends with it

after the initial approach though, everything is always fine. I'm not too worried about what happens next (in retrospect). I'm not just talking about romantic seduction btw, but just any socialization in general.

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura How did you motivate yourself to approach 450 girls until your first success and still go strong and going. If you had my mindset you would not have made it that far, what did you tell yourself to do it?

 

[Lyubov]

I don't think you need to look at being the one to make the first move as a bad thing. Why paint it as an automatic negative? Where does the "negative" in it exist? Couldn't it all the same be a positive or be seen as an opportunity or something fun to do? What you are describing is a symptom. What I think is behind this is that you are more so afraid of feeling rejected or having some feelings of not being good enough come up. These can be quite painful to face when it comes to dating. 

[Girzo]

@ColeMC01 Some people might bash me for this advice but simply start something, it doesn't have to be related to dating directly, it can be a habit like meditation, gym, or yoga. Do it daily for 2-3 months, it will improve your general mood, mindset, and will-power. Taking massive action in dating or business should look then much more attainable.

Edited February 13, 2021 by Girzo

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India I am more feminine in this way because i want that.

@Girzo Already been doing meditation and gym for a while now.

[Leo Gura]

10 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Leo Gura How did you motivate yourself to approach 450 girls until your first success and still go strong and going. If you had my mindset you would not have made it that far, what did you tell yourself to do it?

I was 110% committed to fixing this area of my life. So failure and quitting was not even an option.

It only took a few months. Nothing in the grand scheme of things. And it was an exciting journey. Some of my fondest memories today are my early days of game.