I Am A Lost Soul On The Path To Enlightment. And I Need Help.

[SamEuphoria93]

My name is Sam. I'm a musician and I spin fire poi. I'm all about higher consciousness states. I am studying Zen Buddhism with the guidance of a zen master, and I am studying Hatha yoga.

 

I am a beginner to this path (been on it for 3 years) and I have some questions regarding the effects of meditation and concentration practices.... I am rapidly recovering from schizophrenia through yoga (it has done WONDERS). However, I need serious guidance. I seriously rushed my path to enlightenment about a year ago and did concentration meditation for well over a thousand hours within 6 months and this ordeal backfired on me with brutal intensity, and it left me with a severely fragmented, inflated ego and multiple visits to numerous mental hospitals and treatment centers where I was brainwashed by western social programming and conditioning. Ever since the meditation-induced psychotic break I had 2 years ago, I have not responded to any anti-psychotic medications at all. My yoga practice has repaired a lot of the damage that has been done, but I need help. I had a non dual experience (what I would call an "enlightenment" experience) where i experienced divine intelligence, oneness with all things, a taste of pure consciousness, and a million other things that I couldn't describe. It was like awakening from a lifelong state of sleep and misunderstanding. It is a distant memory now. I have sweat blood throughout my efforts to get back to that paradise that defies all explanation - it was a glimpse of the deepest, most profound, most fundamental truth that a human being can possibly know, and there was no doubt that I experienced it. It was a view beyond views. I was born with an IQ of 85, and it seemed as though it DOUBLED during that experience. I come from a family of high achievers - all members of my immediate family have attended ivy league schools, and their expectations for my success have been unrealistic for years. When I discovered that meditation could dramatically increase intelligence I was turned onto it, and I swore to myself that I would never stop practicing. I eventually learned that this phenomenon is not the purpose of meditation, but it's a benefit that can be used for enhancing your philosophical understanding. In this non dual experience, i could see the connection between all things, and i could make fluid, infinite associations between concepts at will with no limits because the boundaries between self and other had dissolved. At least I think I had that capacity, but who knows, maybe that was my egocentric, manic imagination.

 I would appreciate it so very much if you could clarify that what i experienced was actually something that is possible for someone like me. I need a high level of intelligence to function in the world and survive. My lack of common sense gets in the way of me doing simple tasks and comprehending information. However, I have high linguistic intelligence, but very low logical intelligence. 

I know these things happened, but my level of doubt is very high because I don't have confidence in myself. Are the things about enlightenment-esque phenomena I described in this post possible?

Edited October 8, 2016 by SamEuphoria93

[key]

Hi Sam,

I dont have anything substantial to offer your lost soul on this path, but nevertheless I felt the urge to respond.

Treat and be treated with acceptance, express freely, for what I have to offer you is this,

to be accepted for who you are now, without quarrel, judgment or pain, but to know all is okay however it may be, to know people can read your post and have nothing to give but the knowing of people out there who care, people who wish a good outcome for you on your path, the knowing that you are surrounded by love you might never see, for it is there, hidden in plain sight, even though it might just be pixels on a screen 

 

Take care my friend

[Prabhaker]

45 minutes ago, SamEuphoria93 said:

my level of doubt is very high because I don't have confidence in myself. Are the things about enlightenment-esque phenomena

 

53 minutes ago, SamEuphoria93 said:

I am studying Hatha yoga

When Patanjali was working, a totally different quality of man existed in the world – very simple, primitive, unrepressed, with no neurosis, no enforced pattern; natural, more spontaneous, more in tune with nature. Trust was easy, doubt was difficult. In fact, to find a doubter was almost impossible. Trust was as natural as breathing.

Now just the opposite has happened. Trust is almost impossible, doubt is as natural as breathing. And the whole energy is repressed.

First a great and intense catharsis is needed.So all repressions have to be released. Before one enters on the path of Yoga, at least now, one has to drop all repressions whatsoever. Act out all your madnesses through Osho dynamic meditation

http://www.oshodynamic.com/index.html

http://www.oshonisarga.com/?page=dynamicmeditation

Reduce the time and intensity of different stages if required.

[cetus]

@SamEuphoria93 Hi Sam.  Try giving yourself the compassion that you deserve.

I'm  seeing someone who is just too hard on themselves. No need for that at all. Be kind to yourself by just letting go. Release.

Loosen your grip on yourself by resting as awareness.

 

[rogi 97]

watch this

 

[SamEuphoria93]

55 minutes ago, rogi 97 said:

watch this

 

THANK YOU!

i know my doubt is unreasonable, because I had the direct experience of being one with the divine. the experience of oneness transcends all fear, hope, and doubt 100 percent.

Edited October 8, 2016 by SamEuphoria93

[Flicker_boy]

you are probably stuck in the dark night of the soul for so long it started to interfere with functioning. I'm with you bro, I did many fucked up things because of the dark night. I'm sure finishing this cycle would clear things up for you although it might not be the solution to all your problems. When you are stuck in the dark night the most importante thing is to keep practicing and try not to let it bleed into your relative life.

[Flicker_boy]

There are some maps that I found really useful for navigating dark night territory. You might benefit learning about it's typical stages and emotinal manifestations.

Here: http://integrateddaniel.info/mind-maps-full-size/ 

There's also some more 50 pages on this on his book which you can download from his website.
 

Best of luck my dude, may all beings be happy, may all beings be free.

[Flicker_boy]

oh, and this energetic phenomena you just described seems an awful lot like the descriptions of the arising and passing away event (A&P event) which inevitably results in the start of the dark night

Edited October 8, 2016 by InsidesOut