Preety Life Lessons part 1

[Preety_India]

Documenting my lessons here. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

Edited February 11, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

When you are apologetic, warm, kind and gentle to someone and what they give you in return is a big slap, then you need to cower back and simply protect your aura and be more self protective and remain to yourself.. 

No need to engage with such people. Just be you. 

Sometimes my introversion tends to protect me. 

It's hard enough already to deal with such folks. I always have a hard time with hostile people. Especially the passive aggressive ones. 

 

[Preety_India]

When you peep out of your shell for once to get a whiff of socializing with people and to feel less lonely, and then it hits you that  it's the same old stupid nonsense and you retreat back into your shell. 

So much for community. 

 

[Preety_India]

When you are an introvert trying to deal with people, it gets tough. You feel like you are an old rugged ship in the sea that steadily and heavily makes its way through the turbulent waters. The ship carries many scars and spots and broken parts,holes in its structure, loosening ropes, muddied paint through years of being used roughly and maneuvered around in dangerous toxic seas. 

(superior arguments and cutthroat language) 

 

Edited February 12, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I think as a Pisces im always trying to seek closure in some form 

 

But closure is an elusive thing. 

 

[Preety_India]

I just want to pour my heart out Everytime. It hurts so bad sometimes. 

I often ask myself - what's wrong with me? 

And the answer is always hidden in deep layers. Layers of trauma. 

There is something that eats me inside. 

The lack of love as a child hurts too much. Having to had to witness my father dying from terminal illness and finally succumbing to it while I was just a teen was too much to take 

Those memories hurt too much. Never having a sense of freedom or space or happiness. 

My mother was extremely emotionally abusive towards both me and my father. 

His problems were a direct result of her behavior. She was reckless and extremely dominating. She was miserable to deal with. She would give everyone a hard time. She would stare me down with anger, get physically abusive. 

There was just nobody to run to. Nobody to ask for help. 

Growing up under her was very difficult. Everyday was a struggle. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I think a part of the reason why I distract myself so much is because that was the only way to escape her as a child and I began to internalize the behavior as a coping mechanism. 

And that can probably explain I feel a bit scattered all the time. Why I feel like there is no closure. 

My story is of exploitation and abuse. Coming from such a family is a never ending pain. You get exploited by people who prey on your emotional fragility. Because it's to spot that "need for love" in you.. 

When I think about my life story it's like I've always been this little child who never grew up. Who always needed a savior. 

A story that keeps playing in my mind goes like this - 

I have a boyfriend who is kinda silly. He loves me but doesn't know how to express it. Let's say his name is Calvin. Calvin is kind of a stupid guy who doesn't do anything intentionally but keeps fucking up. He gets on my nerves for no good reason. He would ignore me some times or get into petty fights. We fight like kids. Let's say I  had a big fight with Calvin because he ignored me in front of another girl. I'm immature and he is too. But Calvin deeply cares about me. 

I storm off from the place and climb down a flight of stairs on an open ground to get  to an underground train station. There's a corner there where nobody can see me. So I stand there and cry. I feel hurt because of Calvin. He can see me though. He comes right after me. He stands at the railing right above me and stares at me. He knows I'm upset. I don't want to look at him. 

I just go home but on my way home a handsome gentleman blocks my way. He senses my sorrow and looks deep into my eyes. I feel visibly uncomfortable. Who is this stranger? What does he want? And what does he want from me? 

I try to escape but he calls me saying hey. He doesn't let me go. He offers me a ride home and I accept. He is handsome and fashionable, kinda slick and dashing. Calvin on the other hand  looks like a fool. He got buck teeth, big nose, protruding funny looking jaw, curly hair, he ends up looking like a joker. 

The stranger drops me home and introduces himself as Antonio. I tell him I'm Preety. We exchange numbers on his insistence and I go home. Next day I'm at a dance studio watching my friends doing mock shoots and I see Antonio again. What a pleasant surprise. 

Antonio is ferocious. Bold. Charismatic. 

He shows me some dance moves and I'm smitten, not yet fallen in love, simply amused by the attention he gives me.. 

I feel nice. Antonio makes me feel confident. I still haven't forgotten the fight I had with Calvin. At this point I want nothing to do with him. 

Antonio gets too close to me, even touching my back, persists that I go on a date with him. I hesitate. Yet he keep on persisting. Finally I relent. 

And then on the date, Antonio is so pleasant, doesn't make me angry or irritated, doesn't annoy me like Calvin. Shows me around. Buys me  silly little cutesy love things. Keeps sayin how much he adores me. I'm smitten. He has a raw sexual energy and a charm that is hard to resist. He is being very protective. 

I fall in love, but at the back of my mind, I'm still thinking about Calvin. I feel a sense of turmoil and unease.. How can I leave Calvin who is like my childhood sweetheart. Calvin has known me for years. We were friends before we were lovers.. We used to go to church together. Calvin knew my family. My family knew him. Calvin was always around if my family needed help. Calvin was responsible at least. Just a bit of a pest,sometimes. 

And the new romance begins. Antonio and me. We have sex.. We go around town. I'm excited. I don't want to forget Calvin but I want to block him from my mind. The last fight was the last straw. I don't want any more bad feelings. Fuck Calvin. 

Our romance blossoms. Antonio takes me to the dancing studio and teaches me a few steps. This is his routine. He wants to be a performer. Antonio makes good money but I don't know how and I don't like how he is always so sneaky about it whenever I bring it up.. 

Calvin learns from a common friend that I am with Antonio. He is sad but hopes that things will be good for both of us. 

I still think about Calvin. I wish it wasn't this way. My intuition tells me that Calvin is not such a bad guy after all. Just a bit off putting, childishly arrogant and boyish. But not bad at heart. 

Calvin manages the whole business of his family. So he is responsible in other ways.. 

One fine day I feel like I wanna get married to Antonio. 

I want to tell him how deeply I love him. But I see him from far, behind a wall giggling with another girl. I walk closer to them. And I can hear them. And she is asking him about me. And he says to her "there are many like her, dime a dozen, she is just a silly c**t  I was screwing. I did it because I needed a dance partner and she let me live in her house."  I feel shock. I'm totally angry and disgusted by this betrayal. Antonio is so evil. He only wanted me because he wanted something, not because he wanted me. Not because he loved me. But I loved him sincerely. Now I hate him. 

I break into tears and begin to walk away. 

As I'm walking, my feet can feel the coldness of the ground. I can see mist engulfing me. I feel disoriented. I can see the mist clearing a bit and I can see a face. 

It's Calvin. Standing there. Tall and skinny. Curly hair. He is simply looking at me. A stare. Like he knows what's in my heart. Like it's all over. 

I'm in tears. I realize what a fool I was to fall for some sleazebag like Antonio. Why didn't i see through his con, his cunning yet charming ways? Why didn't I know that everything that looks perfect isn't it? Why did I let myself get screwed over by him? Why did I let him in my life? 

I walk faster. Towards Calvin. I look into his eyes. He looks into mine. He is a bit angry I can sense. He is serious and calm. There are too many things on his face that are unsaid. He lifts up my face towards his and gives me a soft kiss. And immediately retracts and looks at my face. Into my eyes. I can sense that he has forgiven me for leaving him. I kiss him back. It's all over. All the pain between us. Even if we fight again over little things, it will be okay. 

Now I know that no matter, it's a heart that matters and not charm. Calvin has a golden heart. He doesn't want to hurt me. His love is sincere even if there is childish bickering between us. 

I look at Calvin differently now as I look at his face. He is the golden guy now. The man who actually cares. He loves me for me. Not some cheapster who is only looking for a girl fix, ruining lives.

We hug each other. We hold hands and we come back to the same train station where we last saw each other. Then we go home. Calvin spends the night on the couch in the living room and my brother prepares him a meal. My brother sleeps off on his lap as they both watch TV. They both doze off and I sleep in the other room. Now I feel free because I know I have Calvin. It's home again. 

 

This is a fictional imaginary love story I created in my mind like a few hours ago. 

It portrays me as this silly girl who falls for the wrong guy only to realize that her much misunderstood long term boyfriend who she bickered with over little things was the right guy all along. It's only when my heart is broken that I realize who is good and who is trash. 

The story has a lot of significance to me. It's not just a love story, but something more. 

My innocent belief and trust in fellow humans is tested throughout the story. I'm given a tough reality check to make me reflect on what's true and what's not. What's real and what's fake. 

At the end of the day, it's the heart that makes all the difference.. So if someone cares deeply, they are the right person to be with despite the fights and differences. Because fights can be fixed  and forgotten, but not a bad heart. 

 

 

 

Calvin's eyes.... Love in your eyes. 

 

Edited February 12, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Moral of the above story. 

Love is profound. Love is divine. Love is God. Love is greater than the universe. Love is the savior. 

Live in love, die in love. Because nothing compares to the powerful force of love. 

Love saves us from evil. Love protects us. True love is like a pair of eyes staring through your soul. True love knows your heart. You don't have to say it, it knows how you feel. 

Love makes everything possible. It can make the mountains bow in submission. 

This reminds me of the quotes of Victor Hugo who glorified love in his works 

Quotes from Victor Hugo 

Life is the flower for which love is the honey.

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.

 

What Is Love? I have met in the streets a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, the water passed through his shoes and the stars through his soul

 

To love another person is to see the face of God.

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves

To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.

People do not lack strength, they lack will.

When love has fused and mingled two beings in a sacred and angelic unity, the secret of life has been discovered so far as they are concerned; they are no longer anything more than the two boundaries of the same destiny; they are no longer anything but the two wings of the same spirit. Love, soar.

To die for lack of love is horrible. The asphyxia of the soul.

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

One important lesson that I learned today during my contemplation on love is that, it's not possible to have unity in this world just like it's not possible to have unity on this forum. 

People can bullshit themselves into loving each other and helping each other and unity but that won't happen because in the hearts of hearts people aren't genuinely loving each other 

They simply play social games and come together out of social obligations. Nothing more. It's only social pressure that causes people to show a dime of Decency to each other. 

For so long I believed that society would improve if people loved each other. 

But the more I'm thinking about life, it's like a mirage,an illusion. It is not what it looks like. It's a mistake to be fooled by it. Life is visual. What you see is reality and you are missing out on this reality. Life wasn't meant for people to love each other. It wasn't meant to be pure. 

What I now realize, by deeper inner thinking is that people are designed to fall out. It's like this. People will not like each other. It's the truth. It's like a camp. In this camp you either rescue yourself or you die. But people aren't going to save you. They are their for their own and you're for your own. What you need to do is focus on having a soulmate, a protector to get you through this camp. This mess that is called life. Even if that soulmate doesn't exist as a person or you haven't found that person yet,(and soulmate does not necessarily mean a romantic partner, it could be your cat) you can still wear them as a memory on you. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

What you need for life is a soulmate. Any soulmate. Just the soulmate energy is what you are desperately looking for. 

Until you find it, you will keep searching and wandering desperately for it. You will never have real closure in life until you find and fuse with your soulmate 

 

 

[RendHeaven]

13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

What you need for life is a soulmate. Any soulmate. Just the soulmate energy is what you are desperately looking for. 

Until you find it, you will keep searching and wandering desperately for it. You will never have real closure in life until you find and fuse with your soulmate 

Found it and lost it.

Back to square 1

[Preety_India]

There will be endless soulmate opportunities. Just endless 

Just endless ways of connecting with the soulmate. 

That's the beauty of life and universe. 

It's the theory of quantum connectivity, quantum entanglement and that's the biggest secret of life according to me. 

Wearing a quantum entanglement ring because a ring signifies completion, bond, closure, solidification. 

[Preety_India]

I'm going to wear a ring and call it the Soulmate ring as a reminder that my soulmate is always with me in every moment and circumstance. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

The other life lesson learned is to always be honest and completely honest with myself no matter what. 

That's it.. There is no excuse for not being honest. 

 

[Preety_India]

Why having a soulmate is the biggest decision of your life? 

Having a proper soulmate in whatever form is the most important decision of life? 

Once you've chosen the wrong one or an undeserving one, the portal to help has been opened. This is probably the most important lesson in life. All sorts of miseries will find their way and funnel their way into your life once this portal to misery is unlocked. 

Don't give this prestigious position to anyone unless they really qualify for it. Not even to your mother or father. Even they can't qualify for it if they have done you wrong or broken your trust.

Do not allow a toxic friend or lover to take this prestigious position in your life. Do not share intimate details with them. It attracts bad karma. 

Share your most intimate details only with your soulmate who completely deserves your fullest attention and love. 

The soulmate is a special person or animal in your life. It can even be an energy being manifested in your life through your effort. 

But whatever it might be, your connection with this soulmate is pure and honest. 

 

[Preety_India]

The soulmate has the ultimate power to control your physical and mental and emotional health. The soulmate will dictate you to your life purpose. The soulmate will deeply influence your life path. 

Consider life as a dangerous tunnel through which you must pass in order to succeed in peace. In this tunnel you will need the company of your soulmate to make it through. The soulmate will ensure that everything is balanced. 

 

[Preety_India]

The theory of doshas or imbalances. 

My next life lesson is based on imbalances 

Different types of imbalances 

1 health imbalances 

2 genetic imbalances 

3 soulmate dosha 

4 imbalances of personality.. 

I'm not sure if I can do justice to this topic because it's not very clear in my head. It's still in bits and pieces in my mind. I'm still trying to figure out this whole thing about imbalances. In Hinduism we use the term doshas to loosely define imbalances. But those are different kind of imbalances. 

Here the word imbalances is used in a different context. 

It could be that I'm referring to the imbalances of energies. 

A part of this has been derived from the Enneagram theory.

The Enneagram theory means you have to integrate different aspects of personality to create a whole. 

I'll simply say fusion of energies. 

 

This can be pictorially explained this way. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

I will call the above picture the fusion wheel. 

A fusion of energies. 

An imbalance is something that does not allow this fusion to occur. 

Imbalances can be of 2 types.. 

One is where there is an inherent imbalance that does not allow any foreign energy to fuse with your current energy. There is resistance. The person is fundamentally lacking a balanced base required to sustain a fusion wheel. 

 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by Preety_India