I know how deeply frustrating this work can be. Here you are, trying your darndest to wrap your mind around Nonduality and Liberation; and so you read countless threads, watch countless videos and spend countless hours in silent meditation... but the more you try to grasp it, the more it seems to elude you. Instead of gaining clarity, you just seem to become more and more confused. It's like the fight against Hydra: For every head that you cut off, two new heads immediately take its place. The harder you try, the harder you fail! Did you recognize yourself in that description? If so, then I have some good news for you: Your growing confusion and frustration is actually a sign of progress, believe it or not. You are slowly waking up to the fact that none of this can ever be grasped by a thing called "you". But you need to go all the way. I have said in a recent thread that you are not going to understand THIS with your mind. But of course, me telling you this is not enough. You need to realize it for yourself. So by all means, keep on trying to understand. Keep trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and trying until you're blue in the face, until the confusion and frustration becomes so intolerable that you want to scream, until you feel completely powerless to improve your situation in any way, until you are completely at your wit's end and simply don't know what to do anymore... and BAM!, that's the moment where something inside you snaps. It's the moment where you finally let go of the need to understand, and you realize what is. My friend, I wish you all the best, and I sincerely hope that this post has managed to confuse the hell out of you. Have a great day!