Why I Prefer to Stay Single (Don't Chase Girls)

[Raphael]

All distractions are distractions from other distractions.

[Abdelghafar]

11 minutes ago, Raphael said:

All distractions are distractions from other distractions.

Man, this brings a tear in my eye. Well said.

[Raphael]

@Abdelghafar

And the wise thing to do is to use the proper distraction according to the phase of life that we are in.

[Heaven]

6 hours ago, Raphael said:

@Abdelghafar

And the wise thing to do is to use the proper distraction according to the phase of life that we are in.

I took it to a deeper place?

[WonderSeeker]

@vinc3nc On one hand, a lot of what you wrote is on point - good on you for being decisive and choosing to develop yourself! On the other hand, have you ever had a gf before? A lot of this sounds like it's coming from a place of inexperience.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both being single and being in a relationship - one is not better than the other. 

On 2/9/2021 at 6:31 PM, vinc3nc said:

They will take away a lot of your free time. And they will also take away your money most likely.

How do you know that?

Actually, having a supportive partner can make you MORE productive and effective when you are working on your projects. 

[vinc3nc]

@WonderSeeker

I've had a few short relationships. But this is not the point here.

I will try to define success from my point of view here. So, for me success is, first of all, being healthy (having a fit, healthy body), achieving peace of mind, financial freedom (a lot of free time), providing value to society, having good social skills & other useful skills, a few high-quality friends, a high-quality partner (eventually).

Now, let's try to answer a few questions here.

What do you think it takes to get all that? Do you think it takes a lot of hard work, consistency, self-discipline, emotional labor, energy, time? And do you think that this takes a few months of hard work, or do you think it takes more like 10-15 years of hard work?

Do you think a young guy who hasn't worked on himself at all, who gets in a relationship early on in his life and has kids before, let's say, he's 25 - because he just copies what everyone else around him does - can ever create the kind of environment for himself to ever achieve some of the things above?

What's the chance that this guy:

• won't be a wage slave for the rest of his life?
• will have the time to do the things he would want to do in his life?
• will achieve his full potential?
• got together with the right partner at that age?
• will be a good father to his kids (teaching them the right things)?
• etc. etc. etc.

I'm not trying to tell you what is right or wrong here. And I never said that getting in a relationship can't be beneficial in some ways. I said that for me it made all the difference. I also said there are exceptions.

There are many areas in life that you can work on, and you just can't master all of them. You'll have to sacrifice some of them. Always. Now, what you do you want to sacrifice? Your health? Mental health? Finances? Friends (socializing)? Dating girls all the time? What else?

I don't know what your mindset, your worldview, etc. is. Do you want to live a mediocre life, just like most people, or are you willing to sacrifice some of the things to set yourself apart from others and be different, and then get all the rewards after that? That's up to you. No one is forcing you to do anything.

[At awe]

@vinc3nc A guy was preparing for an important job interview . Bought a new suit, ironed his shirt, went to a barber, the whole works. To the tiniest detail. The day came , he drove to the place using seat belt and the safest roads, didn’t even buy the coffee that might spoil the suit. Ten yards before the meeting place he stepped on a banana and cracked his skull. 

[vinc3nc]

@At awe I get your point, but...

By this logic, let's have all the pleasures. Let's eat junk food all the time, let's have sex as much as we can, let's party all the time, let's get drunk all time, let's do drugs all the time, let's travel all the time, let's play video games all the time... Because fuck it, we might die tomorrow, right?

 

 

[At awe]

There is no logic. It’s unknown. 

The horse runs best when you hold bridles somewhat loosely.

 

[Abdelghafar]

6 hours ago, WonderSeeker said:

@vinc3nc On one hand, a lot of what you wrote is on point - good on you for being decisive and choosing to develop yourself! On the other hand, have you ever had a gf before? A lot of this sounds like it's coming from a place of inexperience.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both being single and being in a relationship - one is not better than the other. 

How do you know that?

Actually, having a supportive partner can make you MORE productive and effective when you are working on your projects. 

I agree with you.

[Lucasxp64]

On 10/02/2021 at 2:10 AM, Preety_India said:

Yes, I have wasted nearly 6 years of my precious youth in men that weren't worth my time

I also wasted just as much time with women, but it was long distance relationships. I met two out of the three of them in person, but it was for brief encounters, because I couldn't take care of the logistics of it. But regardless, they didn't add to me.

Anything I got out of those relationships was that I shouldn't be in one, just like the clarity that the OP is showing.

At least, I got rid of that feeling that personal insecurity about women. I'm not even a virgin anymore, but either way, it wasn't great. I should have done just like the OP and had 100% of that mental focus and clarity for myself...

Actually align how I see the truth of things with how I act:

This is the kind of crap that a man (or woman) might be led into that absolutely wrecks their well-being, and they lose the clarity to even see it was a problem, where you keep trying, but you are never fully mentally free.

Again, if it taught anything, it was not to fall for those kinds of situations, but I wouldn't have fallen for them in the first place if I had more financial resources and I had gotten my meditation/spirituality/self-inquiry sharper. It improves tremendously my self-inquiry NOT to keep repeating those lies I was repeating to myself that were creating my suffering in the relationships: I could have let it go.

But also, I think just after I move from the current phase I'm in, where I start to get some minimum success with business enough for me to start dating, I'll do so, but I'll do it RIGHT.

What's right for me?

I think to myself, if I had put all of that emotional energy for doing COLD APPROACHES (What I did, and what led me into my major issues was that they lived too far, or I didn't have the logistical means to met them).

Also, the quality wasn't the best in terms of attractiveness and overall fit of personality/goals. I believe, like, everyone here said, I improve myself as a man in general: Better Game/Social skills, Logistics/money+time, etc. It will improve the choices and quality.

And not being so quick to jump at the first lady that seems nice - and actually having that wealth of opportunities by being in the flow of a high-quality dating life, I'd have been so much better in terms of personal growth and having a relationship that is successfully healthy, or having some other kinds of "open relationships" - ON MY TERMS, (fuck buddies, one-night-stands, etc.) that wouldn't be draining of hundreds to thousands of hours as opposed to the long-distance stuff I had that left me only craving like a hungry dog for physical touch, affection/sex, with too much of a time commitment.

Don't get me wrong, I'd LOVE to have high quality time spent with a girl EVERY DAY, but there has to be extremely sharp boundaries about the time we spend together, we can't just chat all day.

For the time we spent together, we have to make it worth the time. Not wasting debating about some random political crap she is obssed about.

Like how David Goggins would said once in a podcast:

Quote

"For anyone that wants to be in my life, I'll give you EVERYTHING YOU NEED, so that you stay the hell away from me while I'm in the zone and don't interrupt me." - (Not verbatim

And that, of course, requires high-quality handling of the logistics of it. If there is too much pain in that, the benefits of a girl in my life would go down, to the point it mostly leaves me just craving physical proximity/cuddling/sex and not having enough of it.

I should not get complacent getting some odd job just to get a quick fix for my problem with money just for the purpose to look for a relationship, I should do it all right.

I got to accept I'm in a phase of my life, I GOT to nail this down. Furthermore, I'm almost 26. There is no fucking time to waste. Women are supposed to be there for me to share positive things with, not because I'm a hungry ghost enslaved by the desire. They feel that from me, that's my inner frame.

 

 

Edited March 28 by Lucasxp64
Clarify my point

[r0ckyreed]

This really helped me. Thank you OP for the reminder.

[FourCrossedWands]

Sadly this is true.

There are some exceptions though where both the woman and man are ambitious and start working together on something big.

But, most of the time, people in long term relationships become an empty shell of their former self.

They have no hobbies and interests, they become overweight, alcoholics etc.

Edited March 31 by FourCrossedWands