I feel very bad for making a low quality post on this forum

[Hardkill]

So, I see that Leo locked the thread I created "Why do some women get offended when I talk about porn and others don't?" Everyone else who commented on my thread thought that what I have been doing on that Wakie app has been very creepy. I kinda get why they all thought that and Leo of course reserves the right to lock the thread, but I feel really bad because I never fully understood why just talking about porn with random female strangers is very threatening. Also, I've really been taking massive action consistently for years to improve my skills with women, which is what people like Leo have been saying is one of the most crucial elements for achieving success with women and improving your social and seduction skills. I've even mentioned in previous posts I've made on this forum, that I've tried almost every possible way for years to improve my game with women both online and offline, but I am still struggling.

I am not asking for pity on here. I just want people on here to understand how serious I've been with trying to improve myself with women and that I am sorry that I made a low quality post on this forum. By the way, how can I make sure that I don't end making another low quality post again?

[Emerald]

Leo may have assumed that you should know better about the post. There are certain things that are a given and this (from most people's perspective) would be oriented to as an, "Of course I shouldn't do that." And bringing up porn upon first meeting is one of them.

Now, it may be the case that you either a. don't have a ton of social experience or b. have a mild form of Autism or something like that that keeps a you from being able to read social situations. Either of these things could make reading social cues difficult. And things that would socially be a given for others, might not be such a given for someone in either of those situations.

But in general,  the best way to offset this possibility is through the development of social acuity and recognizing how people emotionally respond to things. This means how people generally do react... not how people "should" or "shouldn't" react. 

To develop social acuity, this means being able to be empathetic and put yourself in the shoes of another person and imagining how that person responds. 

I can tell you that women are constantly experiencing being approached by men. And it can be either tiring, creepy, or downright threatening when men try to bring things to a sexual level upon first meeting. I've had tons of encounters like this. It's just really awkward at best and scary at worst.

So, you don't want to go about things this way even if some women have responded affirmatively to it. This may speak to their lack of boundaries, more than it speaks to the viability of the method you've been using. 

[Hardkill]

3 hours ago, Emerald said:

Leo may have assumed that you should know better about the post. There are certain things that are a given and this (from most people's perspective) would be oriented to as an, "Of course I shouldn't do that." And bringing up porn upon first meeting is one of them.

Now, it may be the case that you either a. don't have a ton of social experience or b. have a mild form of Autism or something like that that keeps a you from being able to read social situations. Either of these things could make reading social cues difficult. And things that would socially be a given for others, might not be such a given for someone in either of those situations.

But in general,  the best way to offset this possibility is through the development of social acuity and recognizing how people emotionally respond to things. This means how people generally do react... not how people "should" or "shouldn't" react. 

To develop social acuity, this means being able to be empathetic and put yourself in the shoes of another person and imagining how that person responds. 

Well, during my childhood I use to troll my classmates a lot and had trouble getting along with others even though I would have a few friends. Also, I sadly have a mild form of Asperger's. 

Oddly enough though, I actually did begin to be semi popular by my junior year of high school, and by my senior year I became the most I had ever been within any school. In fact, during my senior year, I almost became Homecoming King (I ended becoming Homecoming senior Prince). Furthermore, a lot of girls starting in my middle school years all the way up to my college years in UCLA really came on to me without me even trying. A few girls during my high school and college years even asked me to be their girlfriend (even though I respectfully declined to them because I wasn't attracted to any of them and only saw them as a friend or friends). Also, I've been good at being funny, if not really hilarious. Plus, people have considered me to be empathetic towards others, especially towards those who are underprivileged and those who have any kind of particular mental of physical disability. 

In terms of social experience during my college and grad school years, I became more socially involved with others than I did before I was about 18 and a half years old. Furthermore, I did party usually during special occasions and when I went to the clubs on the weekends when I was about 26-28 years old. Furthermore, as I've said in some of my previous posts before I've cold approach hundreds of girls in my life and have been on dates with a lot of different girls, some casual sex encounters with a few girls,  and had a girlfriend for almost 3 years until she broke up with me about a month ago.

I wish I knew how much more social experience I need and what kind of experiences I would need to take my skills to the next level. 

I always try my best in putting myself in other people's shoes, but I still end up making mistakes like I did by bringing up porn or pornstars to random girls I just met on Wakie. I mean, yours and other people's points about how creepy, socially awkward, and threatening it can be to ask any random girl you just met if they watch porn or know any pornstar. Yet, I didn't fully realize that because I thought that porn has become such a much normal thing to talk about lately and pornstars are people who work hard at their job and that sex has also become a much more normal thing for people discuss these days, unless you live in a very backwards third world country.

Edited February 9, 2021 by Hardkill

[Recursoinominado]

4 hours ago, Hardkill said:

By the way, how can I make sure that I don't end making another low quality post again?

You just did lol

4 hours ago, Hardkill said:

why just talking about porn with random female strangers is very threatening.

Would you talk about porn with your parents or a boss? Probably not. This is not some everyday topic stop pretending it is.

Also, it very much depends on a lot of factors, you can certainly talk about porn with female strangers if you have the right frame, high social calibration, confidence etc, but it is likely you don't.

And if you talk about polarizing topics, don't act surprised when you polarize people. Some will like, some won't, that's life.

Not that it is wrong to talk about polarizing topics but you have to be ok with people not liking it.

If you want everyone to somewhat like you, just talk about vanilla topics, but don't expect anyone to love you either. 

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

Well, during my childhood I use to troll my classmates a lot and had trouble getting along with others even though I would have a few friends. Also, I sadly have a mild form of Asperger's. 

Oddly enough though, I actually did begin to be semi popular by my junior year of high school, and by my senior year I became the most I had ever been within any school. In fact, during my senior year, I almost became Homecoming King (I ended becoming Homecoming senior Prince). Furthermore, a lot of girls starting in my middle school years all the way up to my college years in UCLA really came on to me without me even trying. A few girls during my high school and college years even asked me to be their girlfriend (even though I respectfully declined to them because I wasn't attracted to any of them and only saw them as a friend or friends). Also, I've been good at being funny, if not really hilarious. Plus, people have considered me to be empathetic towards others, especially towards those who are underprivileged and those who have any kind of particular mental of physical disability. 

In terms of social experience during my college and grad school years, I became more socially involved with others than I did before I was about 18 and a half years old. Furthermore, I did party usually during special occasions and when I went to the clubs on the weekends when I was about 26-28 years old. Furthermore, as I've said in some of my previous posts before I've cold approach hundreds of girls in my life and have been on dates with a lot of different girls, some casual sex encounters with a few girls,  and had a girlfriend for almost 3 years until she broke up with me about a month ago.

I wish I knew how much more social experience I need and what kind of experiences I would need to take my skills to the next level. 

I always try my best in putting myself in other people's shoes, but I still end up making mistakes like I did by bringing up porn or pornstars to random girls I just met on Wakie. I mean, yours and other people's points about how creepy, socially awkward, and threatening it can be to ask any random girl you just met if they watch porn or know any pornstar. Yet, I didn't fully realize that because I thought that porn has become such a much normal thing to talk about lately and pornstars are people who work hard at their job and that sex has also become a much more normal thing for people discuss these days, unless you live in a very backwards third world country.

I see. It could very well be that you have difficulty picking up on these types of social cues because of the Aspergers.

I had wondered when we spoke before if you had a mild form of Autism, because (on first glance) your words read as though you were trying to get a rise out of people. But afterward you were expressing a genuine sense of questioning the social norms. The same thing with this post is true. That's what made me question that.

But I think most people wouldn't be aware that these questions are sincere because tone doesn't carry through written messages, and they may not understand the difficulties of processing social cues for someone with Aspergers.

So, they might think you're being entitled/arrogant or something like that. And there are plenty of guys out there that would be fully aware of the social norms and boundaries and try to push past them out of a sense of entitlement. There are plenty of guys that come through this forum that might say/do similar things for totally different reasons. So, I think they're interpreting your questions through that lens. 

But I see that you really mean it when you ask these questions. So, I would say that a good rule of thumb would be to avoid explicitly sexual conversation topics for a while. Now, the difficulty here is that I would typically advise someone to watch for social cues of receptivity. But this is specifically the challenge of being on the Autism spectrum.

So, if I were in that position (which I am not, so take this with a grain of salt), I would try to come up with some systematic workaround for that difficulty with picking up on social cues. Like you can learn to recognize certain behaviors like if she's smiling, making eye contact, playing with her hair, moving closer as signs of receptivity. And then you can learn the signs of discomfort like if she's moving further away, frowning, body facing away from you, etc. 

Now, in a way, I think the ability to disregard social cues has helped you in some ways as well. You have had many experiences with women, perhaps because you've been able to push past certain bottlenecks most men face with ease... because you might not even sense it as being socially difficult.

But like I said, even if you have been successful with bringing up porn initially, I recommend starting with something more platonic and working things up and trying to read social cues to see when to escalate.

Otherwise, it becomes a roll of the dice in terms of how a particular woman will react to you. And it can lead to a lot of blocking and the like.

 

Edited February 10, 2021 by Emerald

[Raphael]

I had many experiences like you, not just with women, but globally in relationships.

I would just ask a question because I was curious about something, or make a statement and people would easily get highly emotionally reactive. I think that's because I'm naturally highly logical and don't take things personally, where most people are more emotional.

Your post was still a little too much in my opinion. However, if I made something similar, but a little more down to earth, I would also not understand why Leo would lock it as being "low quality". In my mind, it would only be that I was curious about knowing people's opinions on a subject and therefore asked a question.

[Hardkill]

On 2/9/2021 at 5:33 PM, Emerald said:

I see. It could very well be that you have difficulty picking up on these types of social cues because of the Aspergers.

I had wondered when we spoke before if you had a mild form of Autism, because (on first glance) your words read as though you were trying to get a rise out of people. But afterward you were expressing a genuine sense of questioning the social norms. The same thing with this post is true. That's what made me question that.

But I think most people wouldn't be aware that these questions are sincere because tone doesn't carry through written messages, and they may not understand the difficulties of processing social cues for someone with Aspergers.

So, they might think you're being entitled/arrogant or something like that. And there are plenty of guys out there that would be fully aware of the social norms and boundaries and try to push past them out of a sense of entitlement. There are plenty of guys that come through this forum that might say/do similar things for totally different reasons. So, I think they're interpreting your questions through that lens. 

But I see that you really mean it when you ask these questions. So, I would say that a good rule of thumb would be to avoid explicitly sexual conversation topics for a while. Now, the difficulty here is that I would typically advise someone to watch for social cues of receptivity. But this is specifically the challenge of being on the Autism spectrum.

So, if I were in that position (which I am not, so take this with a grain of salt), I would try to come up with some systematic workaround for that difficulty with picking up on social cues. Like you can learn to recognize certain behaviors like if she's smiling, making eye contact, playing with her hair, moving closer as signs of receptivity. And then you can learn the signs of discomfort like if she's moving further away, frowning, body facing away from you, etc. 

Yeah, I mean technically my ability to read another person's non-verbal cues wasn't exactly the worse during my childhood years, but it was to some extent below average overall compared to others. Though, I think I keep getting better at reading people's reactions as I keep getting older, even with regard to flirting and sexual IOIs, Nevertheless, I still a bit behind overall in reading social cues. It's always been one of the burdens I've had to bear throughout my entire life.

So, you think that my best bet is that I just have to keep talking to new people including new girls and continuously work hard to learn from my own mistakes I make in reading social cues?

Btw, so if bringing up porn upon first meeting girls is creepy then how come there have Guys in Youtube vids who have been able to get away with interviewing dozens of random girls out in public areas on whether or not they watch porn and what kind of porn they watch?

 

Edited February 11, 2021 by Hardkill

[Gesundheit]

2 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Btw, so if bringing up porn upon first meeting girls is creepy then how come there have Guys in Youtube vids who have been able to get away with interviewing dozens of random girls out in public areas on whether or not they watch porn and what kind of porn they watch?

 

This is so true, actually. I used to have a female friend who would keep talking about sex all the time even though I told her it made me feel awkward at the time. When I got over that awkwardness, she told me that a lot of girls watch porn. I asked her what about you? She said that it doesn't turn her on and that she prefers erotic novels, but she watched porn nevertheless out of curiosity.

Anyway, the two most important keys in socializing are:

1. Volume. Increase your exposure by meeting more people.
2. Detachment. Don't expect everyone to like you.

Everything else is a red herring. Work on these two things, and I guarantee you will have success. In the process, you will notice your levels of confidence increasing, and that's the point. You don't have to fit into other people's expectations of you unless you want to.

Edited February 11, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Leo Gura]

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