Feeling divided Sexuality/Spirituality

[Hugo Oliveira]

Yes, I know there's nothing wrong with sex. But the point is, I'm still feeling the need to go deeper in my masculinity, in my capacity to connect with women. I think I'm an average guy, I'm not wanting a monogamous relationship and I do have some colorful friendships here and there. But I'm also feeling lonely A LOT, and it hurts, I'm seeing a lot of emotional and psychological trauma being triggered all the time for this lack of connection and it's being hard to let go of it, even though I feel powerless and week sometimes, I have also moments of inspirations and I know I'm able to solve problems get the shit done. So I have this motivation to go out and see what is possible.

I went into pickup for a while and it was draining, I got some results, but I felt so empty, attached, inauthentic, and felt like my level of consciousness got weakened. I'm a really sensitive guy and consider very much the importance of spiritual growth. When I see myself "selling" my energy, thoughts and time for these pure materialistic outcomes like women and relationships, I feel guilty and doing the wrong stuff.

So I feel like there is this division and I'm not clear about a better approach. Do you guys have any insight about it? Thank you so much =)

[Leo Gura]

@Hugo Oliveira You should look into doing pickup more authentically rather than selling yourself. Reframe it more as socialization rather than trying to sell yourself. And enjoy the process.

The bottom line is that you cannot get laid unless you socialize somehow. How you do it is up to you.

[Preety_India]

Maybe look into creating more wholesome long lasting relationships to feel fulfilled. But even for that you would need socializing. 

Although a good solid relationship is a good cure for loneliness and a great resource for growth and self awareness. With a good relationship in your kitty, you won't feel like you are selling yourself. 

PRO TIP- since I can notice a spiritual bend in your description of yourself, it seems like you're also looking for a high consciousness connection with a deep need for being spiritually fulfilled, in this case you would need to find girls with similar passion and penchant for spirituality as you 

 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Hugo Oliveira said:

Yes, I know there's nothing wrong with sex. But the point is, I'm still feeling the need to go deeper in my masculinity, in my capacity to connect with women.

Nothing to do with woman, everything to do with a mindset & position of need. When you admit to yourself you want you free your desire. Woman love men filled with desire. It attracts. They want to feel that too. They thinkin they need too! 

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I think I'm an average guy,

Lame. You’re fucking awesome, and not a pinch less will resonate. 

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I'm not wanting a monogamous relationship and I do have some colorful friendships here and there. But I'm also feeling lonely A LOT, and it hurts, I'm seeing a lot of emotional and psychological trauma being triggered all the time for this lack of connection and it's being hard to let go of it, even though I feel powerless and week sometimes, I have also moments of inspirations and I know I'm able to solve problems get the shit done. So I have this motivation to go out and see what is possible.

Lonely is thinking, not feeling. You feel that way because you’re believing you need someone or something to feel great. You can have your cake and eat it too. Use the emotional scale. Expressing, emptying, source fills you up, pure goodness, you. “Lonely” is a misnomer. Express, and you won’t be inclined anymore to add that narrative. Use simple meditations to free yourself of the past. Don’t believe it’s hard or complex! Life is simple & fun for the man who expresses freely. 

Motivation is a rough loop. Motivation is putting a thing, person, relationship, or outcome as primary. Good feeling is fleeting in that paradigm, and seems to come & go. 

Inspiration is is putting feeling first. Doing the emotional expression with the scale, the good feeling is known and felt to be within you. Then there is no ‘risk’ of losing it, and no narrative of lonely and no rollercoaster of motivation. 

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I went into pickup for a while and it was draining,

Let the term & narrative ‘pick up’ go. Woman and sex paradoxically will never ‘fill the hole’. 

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I got some results, but I felt so empty, attached, inauthentic, and felt like my level of consciousness got weakened.

Rather than doubling down on lame paradigms which don’t resonate with you in the first place, let them go because they don’t resonate and you’ll feel intrinsically amazing. Everyone is attracted to this, because what everyone wants is to feel amazing! 

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I'm a really sensitive guy and consider very much the importance of spiritual growth. When I see myself "selling" my energy, thoughts and time for these pure materialistic outcomes like women and relationships, I feel guilty and doing the wrong stuff.

Now you can say you tried it, it was lame, and you can move on. You can use the emotional scale to express that stuff right outta ya! Understanding & working with emotions and express is spiritual growth. (Not using other people to make yourself feel better.)

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So I feel like there is this division and I'm not clear about a better approach. Do you guys have any insight about it? Thank you so much =)

It’s not about an “approach”. That’s another lame term / paradigm. 

Being you is ‘it’. Being you is ‘enough’! 

Using the scale is letting go of all that is not you, so to speak. This results in naturally feeling more extroverted & social. Paradigms will never result in the goodness within you being shared with this place. 

[Igor82]

@Nahm I just read your post. Uhh, that was amazing? You are poetry! Words as specific as heart resonance. 

I noticed that Resonance requires a certain amount of light to strike a spark, from both sides! Maybe for someone else, they might not see all of what you write, but I did!  And it was cool! Thanks Nahm!  

What resonated with me the most was "being yourself".

Yes! That's so fulfilling. Hey, @Hugo Oliveira, it's quite fun to go outside, with the 'want' to socialize, with heart for all the beautiful beings out there, with desire to express attraction to all the pretty ones, and with courage to make them smile as you approach.

It's easy once you get the hang of it. If it's hard, then I think you are trying to animate yourself as someone else.

Find yourself. Your inner expression expressed, and go with that! I mean, I had such a beautiful interaction with a conscious lady yesterday. It was beautiful! She saw my light enter her presence as I followed the 3 second rule and approached her, right, and she blushed! It was beautiful! You know, and then we talked for an hour, then she took her train. I got some beautiful insights from that, how fulfilling it was just to look in her eyes.

Those things are found outside of your home, at least. Beautiful people so to speak.

You aren't chasing, you are WANTING! And you are expressing your inner fucking power to STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. TO RESPECT YOUR INNER WANTS. And she will like that. Like a wizard, you can make any girl smile, if you just believe that she will smile, because you know she likes how you are embodying power in your presence, creatively expressing it to her, feeling her.

 

Its fun, go try it. Practice. 

[Nahm]

@Igor82

You are beautiful sir, and thank you. 

[Igor82]

Little off-topic here, sorry  

@Nahm Hey, I visit your links and stuff. YOU'RE ALIVE!

I went to the bathroom thinking that I might request a call with you, but then when I thought of any problem that I might present to you for us to solve, I knew that I actually have the ability to solve these issues myself. Haha, issues.

The only issue is, why don't I ask myself?

Resonating with you a lot right now. In the future, we will work together. Ill find you. Because I want angels like you to speak in resonance with music! In ways that I know angels will like.

Thank you god for such inspiring messages sparking resonance like 2 clicks away.

Based on how happy I feel right now, I feel really enjoying talking with beautiful people. I like you, man behind the words.

I love you. Ahh, I kind of missed you.

Okay, I came up with a question. How do I find this joy and light in relationships which I feel to be limiting and uncomfortable sometimes? For example, I struggle to look my sister in the eyes, I struggle to look my mother in the eyes, as I feel afraid and uncomfortable doing so. Which ties into lack of expression of pure delight to these people! As if I'm gonna receive pain for being too happy. I want to be joyous around all of these people! Just like how I feel when I'm writing to you.

An answer I have come up to this question is to sit and journal with my inner child of why he feels uncomfortable to express himself with certain people & situations. But that feels hard... Yet isn't pain required to be felt? To be respected and loved? But bringing it to light feels uncomfortable, something which I didn't do before.

I think the answer is a commitment, a promise to love! A reconnection with inner strength that supplies courage to the part of me suppressed. To come forth, gently, honestly, lovingly. 

Lol. I'm answering my own questions. I like conversations. It's like journaling, together.

Now I feel some of those emotions again... Tired too. I will go to sleep hugging myself. Goodnight! 

 

Thank you Nahm.

 

 

 

[Nahm]

@Igor82

Too kind! Love you, thank you & Godbless!

7 minutes ago, Igor82 said:

How do I find this joy and light in relationships which I feel to be limiting and uncomfortable sometimes? For example, I struggle to look my sister in the eyes, I struggle to look my mother in the eyes, as I feel afraid and uncomfortable doing so. Which ties into lack of expression of pure delight to these people! As if I'm gonna receive pain for being too happy. I want to be joyous around all of these people! Just like how I feel when I'm writing to you.

I’d love to chat, anytime. I can communicate (like anyone else) about 1% (at best) here through text.  

To your question....It might be that you find me to be less conditional and less judgmental, and feel safe to express to, because you see I express pretty freely. Not much polarity in terms of masculine or feminine, etc.  (I think ??‍♂️).     This (talking with me) could also be said to be easier, expression wise, than talking with your mom & sister, in the sense that we have no past, no history. There isn’t ‘someone’ I think you are or expect you to be. I’m going by only the now, your words, sentiment, expression, behavior, now and only now. You know I don’t know you, and thus you are free to be any which way, and when you be any which way, clearly, seen here, your true nature shines like a beacon. There is tons of space for you to either not project memories about me or onto me, or to fill that space with good feeling thoughts about me. 

7 minutes ago, Igor82 said:

An answer I have come up to this question is to sit and journal with my inner child of why he feels uncomfortable to express himself with certain people & situations. But that feels hard... Yet isn't pain required to be felt? To be respected and loved? But bringing it to light feels uncomfortable, something which I didn't do before.

I think the answer is a commitment, a promise to love! A reconnection with inner strength that supplies courage to the part of me suppressed. To come forth, gently, honestly, lovingly. 

This is the real beauty and intelligence of expression, right here. Not because I have anything “right” or “better” to say, but the questioner, the expresser, expands. New perspectives are entertained. 

I do not believe pain is required to be felt, nor to be respected and loved. I find it to be an occurrence, a part of life, and I eat it when it comes and smile. You might be talking about suffering though, ‘inner pain’, emotional pain perhaps? 

If so, this approach is in a way like cherishing the ego, or trying to embrace it or love it and make it our buddy. It will bend us over every gd time. That’s it’s whole gig, the only song it knows. I think presence, ‘being in the now’ might be what you’re looking for. Maybe, today, tomorrow, when you see your sister & mum, kinda pretend you literally don’t know them, never saw them before. Don’t even apply ‘human’. Like, you don’t even know what this is, let alone who they are. Might see em for the first time. Be mindful as well, your attention, that attention, that regular basic attention, that’s God’s attention. 

[Igor82]

@Nahm I felt lucky, so I stayed up. Wow, epic response. Thank you!

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

To your question....It might be that you find me to be less conditional and less judgmental, and feel safe to express to, because you see I express pretty freely. Not much polarity in terms of masculine or feminine, etc.  (I think ??‍♂️).     This (talking with me) could also be said to be easier, expression wise, than talking with your mom & sister, in the sense that we have no past, no history. There isn’t ‘someone’ I think you are or expect you to be. I’m going by only the now, your words, sentiment, expression, behavior, now and only now. You know I don’t know you, and thus you are free to be any which way, and when you be any which way, clearly, seen here, your true nature shines like a beacon. There is tons of space for you to either not project memories about me or onto me, or to fill that space with good feeling thoughts about me. 

So true the thing about not having any reference experience with you compared to my sister so that I am free to choose to create lovely images. These images change based on what I choose to see, sometimes based on what I feel. Im feeling stuck in a pattern of feeling-reacting-protecting. Feeling so invulnerable, like a statue... I think you know what I mean. I think of you like a glowing man  Brown hair!  And this thought makes me feel comfortable and cozy. So it feels so important to let others express their own cozyness through receiving such love from my body and presence in return. You know, like you do through your words. Affirming, very affirming.

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

I do not believe pain is required to be felt, nor to be respected and loved. I find it to be an occurrence, a part of life, and I eat it when it comes and smile. You might be talking about suffering though, ‘inner pain’, emotional pain perhaps? 

If so, this approach is in a way like cherishing the ego, or trying to embrace it or love it and make it our buddy. It will bend us over every gd time. That’s it’s whole gig, the only song it knows. I think presence, ‘being in the now’ might be what you’re looking for.

 

Yes, I am more specifically talking about hidden emotions, I really think so. Oh man, just as recently as today have I actually noticed these patterns occurring in my mind. Yesterday, I swear to God, was such a good day!! I met these beautiful people when being outside, but today I didn't feel the same way, and so these familiar thoughts came along with familiar emotions, to create a deja-vu experience telling me something like "you have not grown a bit". But this time, I managed to let it dissolve, kind of as I snapped out of it saying with presence: "hey man, I don't believe this anymore. I love you".  

The thing about "applying human" took me by surprise, and kind of had the thing about "cherishing the ego" making sense. Hey, I just said it actually!  I snapped out of it with presence! - well, first of all with a contradictory but loving voice... but I think you meant that the ego party is created when we kind of bathe in that voice, and those emotions. Because love in that case means presence, meaning dissolution of old inappropriateness (so to speak). The thought of using love based (thus probably contradictory) voices to trancend these emotions into more loving presence feels winning to me.

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Maybe, today, tomorrow, when you see your sister & mum, kinda pretend you literally don’t know them, never saw them before. Don’t even apply ‘human’. Like, you don’t even know what this is, let alone who they are. Might see em for the first time. Be mindful as well, your attention, that attention, that regular basic attention, that’s God’s attention. 

That's kind of a rare occasion for me, to have people become super-mysterious. Yet I can see how that would actually work!! I'm projecting a lot of things on my Sister and my mother relative to seeing them as mysterious. 

I want to trust God's attention! My trust has 'nowhere' to go!  

It's a leap. I thought that I need to battle this problem on the realm of emotions, kind of using emotions against emotions, not having a rule of thumb- kind of a grasp on what anchors the emotions. And so I'm pointing to presence, because if I can look at my emotions, as I believe they will arise, seeing them as a choice! You know like I did today with awareness, and tied into that, noticing my projections, through acknowledging that I'm also projecting "human"?

Previously I have tried to "find the joy", seems hard to do directly when in a state of fear. Yet seems more possible when the stepping stone to this joy is presence & seizing projection. Sounds good so far.

Okay, sleepy time  Sweet dreams my friend. 

 

With certain people, it feels like I have known them for a long time, because I can be myself with these people, and they accept all of me! It makes me fall in love with them!! Oh, I am in the process of learning how to express my innermost joy to my sister and my mother and I am thankful to God for being in this process because it lets me learn how to love other people fully. Thank you god. Thank you god. I am dreaming of fully expressing my joy to other people, and I know that learning how to do this with my family is very valuable in this adventure. I am not sure if I will be able to fully express myself to my family, yet I believe that I will come "very far (like, what is possible?)" in 'mastering'/'harnessing'/'creating' expression of joy, emotions, presence, creativity, love, god. 

I feel insecure in my wording here (can of worms), but to put it simply: The world will witness expressions of love, coming from this body, which will radically inspire the hearts of many, to do the same for themselves. Because I am here celebrate God with as many people as possible! Haha! I don't know how, yet I feel grateful in advance (inspired by Conversations with God)  for the beauty that will follow. Oh boy, it will be Grand. 

Okay, waaay off topic  Ill let myself message you tomorrow about booking a call. I will book a call with you.

Bai. 

 

 

Edited February 10, 2021 by Igor82
important change to specific words

[Nahm]

@Igor82

?? 

[Hugo Oliveira]

I really appreciated each one of the responses. And think they have the power to refine my perspective. I want to write down some of your points in order to embody them deeply. I already had a conversation with @Nahm and he is always insightful. A huge thank you to each one who answered here. I think that your ideas can be useful for other members in the future as well.