Difficulty socializing.

[Eren Eeager]

I am having a hard time socializing with people. It is like the words won't come out of my youth without effort. It is like the opposite of what you call flaw state in socializing. I have social anxiety but still, this is something else I think.

does someone have any experience with any of this? 

[SamC]

@Eren Eeager Selective mutism is a diagnosis for severe social anxiety. I don't know if that's what you have becuase it's rare but I might aswell mention it so that you can investigate it for yourself.

I sometimes experience something similar when I am super anxious in general or when I am super self concious and am talking to someone who I am super scared to upset or say something "wrong" to. When this happens I lock myself and have trouble talking in a way that is fluent and charismatic + usually become really quiet because. I don't think this is exactly it though. You're talking about when you really can't find any words, right?

 

 

[Preety_India]

I have severe social anxiety as well. 

But with practice it gets better and you'll be able to articulate better. 

 

[Aaron p]

There are these things I call "energetic social wavelengths" like invisible connections to things and other people. There are 2 main things you can do with these wavelengths, you can form them or flow in them. You need to find people who relate to you with similar interests, recognise a resonation of energy between you and the other person. Talk about about the thing that you both relate to to form an energetic wavelength connection between you two. Then you can strengthen the wavelength just by talking about it. Think about the word "*relate*-ionship." 

This is how social fields operate. Then it gets stronger the more people come around you who relate to the same energy.

You can form and strengthen new wavelengths between people or just enjoy the resonance of the energy wavelength of it's there already.

This can be awkward because removing your ego removes natural identity to all things, which means it has to be more intentional on your part.

[Leo Gura]

You probably just lack experience. Socialization requires lots of experience, so hatch a plan to gain massive experience. The solution here is pretty simple but you must do it to get results. You can't fix this problem sitting on your couch thinking about it.

I used to have horrible social anxiety. Lots of experience solved it.

[Aaron p]

Also 2 notes for getting rid of anxiety

1: don't smoke weed, drink coffee or smoke tobacco. Don't use drugs for relaxation consistently.

2: you need to expose yourself to extreme shit and form a tougher layer of skin. After covid, go jump out of a plane or two with a parachute on your back. Join MMA and let someone beat the shit out of you every week. You need extreme conditions to become stronger. This is why psychedelics are so purifying 

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Eren Eeager said:

I am having a hard time socializing with people. It is like the words won't come out of my youth without effort. It is like the opposite of what you call flaw state in socializing. I have social anxiety but still, this is something else I think.

does someone have any experience with any of this? 

Use the emotional scale, start at the very bottom, express each emotion, slowly. You will find you do not have social anxiety. You have beliefs about yourself that you haven’t worked up the scale yet. Excited for you to see how simple, easy and effective it is. Instant relief and good feeling! 

Feel the goodness now. Always present, always available. Insta-you!

Attempting to resolve “difficulty socializing” is like shining a green flashlight on the world and claiming “difficulty seeing red”. Just shine red.

[mmKay]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You can't fix this problem sitting on your coach thinking about it.

Sitting on your coach is such an hilarious mental image lol

[fictional_character]

In fact, maybe you can solve part of this problem sitting in your couch. I recommend this therapy for social anxiety called "positive aggressiveness therapy" invented by Chilean psychologist Roberto Neumann, who has contemplated and studied social anxiety his entire life, he's a social phobic himself. No research has been done validating the effectiveness of the therapy, but Roberto has gathered several testimonies from his patients who have put the exercises into practice and have achieved good results. I am trying some exercises and I plan to do a post in a while communicating the results. Most of the videos on Roberto's channel are not subtitled, but you can use automatic subtitling. I attach a series of videos with English subtitles in which the psychologist explains positive aggressiveness therapy, I hope it helps you.

 

[mmKay]

8 hours ago, Eren Eeager said:

I am having a hard time socializing with people. It is like the words won't come out of my youth without effort. It is like the opposite of what you call flaw state in socializing. I have social anxiety but still, this is something else I think.

does someone have any experience with any of this? 

1. Introspect. Ask yourself the core reasons why you feel this way : you belive you are not good enough, boring, ugly, unworthy of love / friendship / happiness, etc. Dig into your subconscious reasons for awkwardness. What are the beliefs that you unconsciously hold onto that result in your current unwanted behavior? ( for example, not having things to say = trying to  micromanage perceptions  of you to avoid sounding stupid / offensive / boring etc, thinking what you say must be above a certain bar : funny, witty, interesting, intelligent, emotional, etc. All these filtera leave you with nothing to say. Drop them and realize you can say whatever. 

 

2 . Socialize more. Push yourself into social scenarios and structure your life to be more social and interact with more people instead of fapping in your mancave in an empty paper burgerking bag. Go to classes, Meet your friends friends, look for comunities around your interests, etc. 

 

[Igor82]

@Eren EeagerSocialization requires other people, you, and a suitable environment.

Hey mister! Aside from all recommendations you have read prior to this comment, please try to visualize yourself socializing. According to the book: Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, I think you have an "issue" with your self-image, in the book, Maxwell draws a clear line between studdering and self-image and self-belief. And all of those potential "issues" are cured by improving self-image. Which can be done through combining winning-feelings with imagination.

Your mind interprets reality with imagination, with thoughts, and so, all stuff is in your mind so to speak. Your self-image is there, so you can come up with thoughts which your mind "can interpret as reality" which will actually improve your self-image, because they "are real", "have happened". They will spark emotion. 

Visualize! Visualize yourself taking fluently with great friends at a bar, and in this environment, practice. Find the Winning-Feeling, as you are talking fluently to your friends in your head. That winning feeling is like a snowball, keep it rolling!! This will also motivate you to then go out and try this in real-time, and then go home again and visualize some more!

Visualization to improve self-image is quite effective for social anxiety and such things. Effective for me for pickup. 

Edited February 9, 2021 by Igor82
correction of words

[This]

I've noticed that when i'm alone at home i tend to think "oh i'm so crap at social situations". But when i actually go out to socialize, everything works fine. I make jokes, they make jokes, we laugh. It's easy, there's nothing to it.

Somehow my theory of myself and my "practice of myself" (if i can call it that) don't meet.