Any tips on handling loneliness ?

[binyamin1]

Hi guys, just found out of this forum, and I am really liking it.

I am 21 have been lonely since high school ( 4 years ). I live with my family, but I am not too close with them. My brothers never hung out with me nor taught me anything. My father is the same. The only person i talk to is my mom but when we do talk its always about a religious talk or something that i done wrong.

I suffered benefited from an ego death that i experienced a year ago, and ever since then, I have been my own person, i stopped imitating others, i stopped calling people who don't want to hang out with me, i started to focus on my interests and so on.

Come now, I still feel the loneliness rip my heart, even though i benefited from it a lot.

Any advice on handling loneliness ?

[Focus Shift]

@binyamin1 For the inward side, developing a meditation practice (mantras, mindfulness practice, etc.) is critical to dive into that feeling. Sometimes you will get a glimpse of how separation is an illusion, and the unity of all things. It's funny how to wrote suffer and benefit from ego death. It can be the most beautiful experience but it can be a bit isolating.

For the practical side, a fitness practice will keep you moving and the blood pumping, with a sense of self discipline and focus. You can also go on yelp or meetup.com to find yoga and meditation places to connect with others. Do a bit of digging and see if there's any communities of like minded people out there, or create your own! Like McKenna said, create your own culture. 

Lastly, you are not alone in being alone I get frustrated too sometimes but it helps to be solution oriented to resolve any obstacle that comes your way. 

Edited February 7, 2021 by Focus Shift

[Roy]

You need to come to understand that loneliness isn't something that needs to be "handled", like it's a problem. We are conditioned to think that loneliness is bad and we should avoid it, so all sorts of labels are put on it. Those shitty feelings or thoughts you might be having are the result of that conditioning. You can train yourself to let go of them, and be ok and even feel good in the state of being alone. This is done by being aware and an observer of your own thoughts and emotions, silent mindfulness meditation is a simple way to get better at this.

This isn't to say you should avoid people and try to be lonely, of course still go about your life, try to enjoy relationships and human contact in whatever capacity it comes in, but realize you can also be completely happy and content regardless if anyone is around or not.

How do you do this?

- Break that social conditioning by realizing those negative thoughts and shame you feel from being alone are coming from a false place, from people who are usually scared. Make yourself a strong person so you don't feel that fear.

- Become such a complete person and love yourself so much that being alone actually becomes a great thing when those times do arrive in your life, because it is inevitable. Think about it, if you are going to go through stretches of loneliness in your life, doesn't it make sense to be content and be able to enjoy those times?

- Extra tip: find hobbies and things to do that don't depend on anyone. You need things to get excited for when nobody else is around. An activity that puts you in a state of zen or joy.

[Preety_India]

Loneliness and Solitude are two different things. 

Solitude is something that you enjoy whereas loneliness is something you don't. 

But since it's difficult to socialize,stick with a few friends who want to be around you and leave the rest 

Try to be emotionally independent as much as you can since this is one of the greatest survival skills in the modern world. 

It's tough mate, I know 

Hang in there and invest in self love and self compassion. 

Do activities that takes your mind of the need of having people, do little things that make you happy. 

Do nerdy stuff like reading books. T

Such habits are absolutely essential in a world of distorted social relationships. 

Put your introversion to good use so that it benefits you and becomes a rewarding rather than a punishing experience 

 

 

[charlie cho]

I'm not anyone to give advice because I sometimes feel loneliness, too - though very few, very few times do I feel lonely. I feel lonely when everybody... literally everybody hates me. I don't care if 90% of people don't like me. But when 100% hates me, I do kinda feel lonely. And I can be quite ruthless in how I talk, so you can imagine how some people, especially most unsensitive people, can feel triggered not feeling the subtelty between my words. Anyways, for your information, I have layed out my statistics, my batting average when it comes to loneliness to give you a choice whether to listen to my advice or not. 

I just focus on what I can do for the universe. Before you categorize me as woo woo, let me explain myself further for you. People say you got to love others if you want to be a loving person. But that is simply half of the whole story. The universe is infinite, and anyone proclaiming that they are loving just because they love their country, their own hometown village, business, themselves, others are only loving half heartedly. So focus on loving both yourself and others, not only others. Universe would not be complete if you don't exist. Otherwise, why the fuck would the universe have you still alive? What can you do for yourself and others and also for the computer that is helping you get your work done fast. (appreciating your possessions are important too). Stop trying to take love from others. Stop trying to suck up energy from your computer, people, family. Even if you are an unloving person at least try. And if you are so unloving, give yourself love first! And when you have given yourself so much love, then, at the same time, give love to others - a two way street. One street brings about love brought about from your own, then to the other street you give love to others. A continuous flow so it never is able to rot like a still pond. You wanna be a clear stream like a mountain's spring. 

[binyamin1]

@Focus Shift Thanks loved the advice. Exercise is something i need to start. i figured if i start going outdoors more, i can meet more people and possibly make friends

[binyamin1]

9 minutes ago, charlie cho said:

I'm not anyone to give advice because I sometimes feel loneliness, too -

Everyone feels lonely sometime. And of course you can give advice, your advice matters even more because you have experienced loneliness.

[Carl-Richard]

Easy solution? Get friends. Best solution? See through the illusion of self and other  

[Sempiternity]

If you recontectualize reality to Nonduality, then everything is You. There's no difference from a rock, a tree, or a person. It's all consciousness, dreamstuff. In Leo's video on Self Love, he talked about self love is learning to love all of the Self, meaning all of reality equally. Then you are full of love, as you are in love with everything. If you can reach that, you will never be lonely. 

 

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, binyamin1 said:

Any advice on handling loneliness ?

Make new friends.

[Abdelghafar]

Start by asking yourself, why are you lonely? Is it because you don't have friends? Like Leo said, make new friends. If it's about self-worth issues you have had that impedes you from making friends, acknowledge that and try to solve them. How? That is a big question. I'm attaching a link of a therapy video where a young man, quite the same age as yours, faces troubles with loneliness and a psychiatrist tries to help him understand what the issue stems from and how to deal with it. You might resonate with/get inspired by this session, so watch the video entirely. Good luck.

 

Edited February 8, 2021 by Abdelghafar
Grammar

[binyamin1]

19 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Easy solution? Get friends. Best solution? See through the illusion of self and other  

So far the best answer,

[binyamin1]

@Abdelghafar Thanks man, I really appreciate it.

[Abdelghafar]

2 minutes ago, binyamin1 said:

@Abdelghafar Thanks man, I really appreciate it.

You're welcome.

[kag101]

Can you think of places for you to meet new people?