Help, I have no idea who I am!

[SamC]

No, I am not enlightend. My problem is that I don't even know my ego self. All my life I've been playing a persona that is not me in order to get love and now I have realized that don't even know who I am. I only know how to play and adapt to other people.

When I manage to play that persona effectively and really belive that I am that person many people belive that I am super charismatic, charming, confident, extroverted and with little fear over what people think. As soon as I in one way or another leave that role however, I feel super socially anxious, uncertain, insecure and unworthy and people of course notice that also. The fear is always there of corse, but the real problem is that I don't know who I am + even dare to be that person. The root problem is low self esteem caused by enmeshment trauma.

Does anyone have any reccomend soultions to this challenging situation? What is your advice to finding oneself? All tips, recommended recorces, ideas and input are welcome. Thank you!

@Leo Gura

[Preety_India]

You can talk to me in pm buddy. 

 

[ivankiss]

You're fine. It's a phase. Typical when it comes to overcoming trauma. 

Focus on the little things. One step at a time.

Do some research on healing from CPTSD.

[SamC]

27 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

You're fine. It's a phase. Typical when it comes to overcoming trauma. 

Focus on the little things. One step at a time.

Do some research on healing from CPTSD.

This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks man!@ivankiss

 

[seeking_brilliance]

Even before I found this forum, or got into serious self development,  I had a strong realization that I no longer knew who I was anymore. I could see that when I live with someone long enough, I tend to soak up their personality traits as my own, and after so long I can't even remember if I've always been certain ways or if it's because I'm leeching on other's personalities. I remembered being such a bright, shining kid and something went horribly wrong along the way. 

So then it was a long road to finding my authentic self again. Have you read the book of not knowing? If not, at least check out the book study I began in the journals forum.  When you are living from your authentic self, you will never have the question 'who am I really?' because, you're you, silly. And I'm not trying to speak within framework of enlightenment here, just simple laymen's wisdom. 

[SamC]

Yup that's what I do aswell. Thank you! Where do I find the journal? I have no idea where it is. What else did you do to find your authentic self? Any tips and suggestions?

[seeking_brilliance]

I can't not give credit to life for putting me through a type of hell I either had to crawl my way out of kicking and screaming, or just go ahead and just off myself. So it became integral to find the wellspring of self love within. You have to dig deep and pull it out. And reading the book of not knowing will help you to break down all the social programming that has been diluting your inner shine. 

 

Edited February 8, 2021 by seeking_brilliance

[Preety_India]

@SamC yea I forgot to tell you, you definitely have to look into cptsd healing and recovery. 

 

[Logan]

@SamC Learn to let go of your family/society's expectations of you and become an independent thinker. This is easier said then done obviously. This will require lots of work but will be worth it. Finding your Life Purpose is also super important so I recommend checking out Leo's course on that.

 

Here is a survey if you want to find out about your personality:

https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/home

And another model to check out:

https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/how-the-enneagram-system-works

 

Some books to read:

Shadow Dance

https://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Dance-Liberating-Power-Creativity/dp/1570624445/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1PBVTEIU87GV4&dchild=1&keywords=shadow+dance+david+richo&qid=1612802927&sprefix=Shadow+dance%2Caps%2C255&sr=8-1

Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty - (good for dating but also for social skill and mindsets in general)

https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2JAS5L3R8ZGFJ&dchild=1&keywords=models+attracting+women+through+honesty&qid=1612802362&sprefix=models+attracting%2Caps%2C269&sr=8-3

How to Have Confidence and Power In Dealing With People

https://www.amazon.com/Have-Confidence-Power-Dealing-People/dp/0988727536/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2VLNYKPG613MP&dchild=1&keywords=how+to+have+confidence+and+power+dealing+with+people&qid=1612802386&sprefix=How+to+have+con%2Caps%2C236&sr=8-3

Conversations With God 1-4

https://www.amazon.com/Conversations-Neale-Donald-Walsch-Collection/dp/9123797223/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1A6VEUXCYAN4S&dchild=1&keywords=conversations+with+god&qid=1612802412&sprefix=conversations+%2Caps%2C389&sr=8-3

 

Ken Wilber Is an author to look up as well:

A Brief History Of Everything

Integral Psychology

A Theory of Everything

Religion of Tomorrow
 

[SamC]

2 hours ago, Logan said:

@SamC Learn to let go of your family/society's expectations of you and become an independent thinker. This is easier said then done obviously. This will require lots of work but will be worth it. Finding your Life Purpose is also super important so I recommend checking out Leo's course on that.

 

Here is a survey if you want to find out about your personality:

https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/home

And another model to check out:

https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/how-the-enneagram-system-works

 

Some books to read:

Shadow Dance

https://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Dance-Liberating-Power-Creativity/dp/1570624445/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1PBVTEIU87GV4&dchild=1&keywords=shadow+dance+david+richo&qid=1612802927&sprefix=Shadow+dance%2Caps%2C255&sr=8-1

Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty - (good for dating but also for social skill and mindsets in general)

https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2JAS5L3R8ZGFJ&dchild=1&keywords=models+attracting+women+through+honesty&qid=1612802362&sprefix=models+attracting%2Caps%2C269&sr=8-3

How to Have Confidence and Power In Dealing With People

https://www.amazon.com/Have-Confidence-Power-Dealing-People/dp/0988727536/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2VLNYKPG613MP&dchild=1&keywords=how+to+have+confidence+and+power+dealing+with+people&qid=1612802386&sprefix=How+to+have+con%2Caps%2C236&sr=8-3

Conversations With God 1-4

https://www.amazon.com/Conversations-Neale-Donald-Walsch-Collection/dp/9123797223/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1A6VEUXCYAN4S&dchild=1&keywords=conversations+with+god&qid=1612802412&sprefix=conversations+%2Caps%2C389&sr=8-3

 

Ken Wilber Is an author to look up as well:

A Brief History Of Everything

Integral Psychology

A Theory of Everything

Religion of Tomorrow
 

Thanks a ton man! I really appreciate the recomended recorses

[SamC]

3 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

I can't not give credit to life for putting me through a type of hell I either had to crawl my way out of kicking and screaming, or just go ahead and just off myself. So it became integral to find the wellspring of self love within. You have to dig deep and pull it out. And reading the book of not knowing will help you to break down all the social programming that has been diluting your inner shine. 

 

????????

 

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@SamC yea I forgot to tell you, you definitely have to look into cptsd healing and recovery. 

 

I will. It seems a bit odd when I look around though becuase I don't think I am that fucked up. In one way I think the"  problem" is that I even belive that I have a problem.

What do you say about this statement?@Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Just now, SamC said:

????????

 

I will. It seems a bit odd when I look around though becuase I don't think I am that fucked up. In one way I think the"  problem" is that I even belive that I have a problem.

What do you say about this statement?@Preety_India

You do have a problem. Covering the problem won't help 

You will need to work on deep subconscious patterns that are very stubborn because of enmeshment trauma 

[SamC]

@Preety_India Yeah and one of the stubborn patterns is that there is something wrong with me and that I need to get fixed.

I am trying to fix myself in order to become someone who is worthy which basically is = enmeshment trauma pattern in action.

One way to heal is to stop trying to fix myself. There is nothing wrong with me. 

[seeking_brilliance]

6 hours ago, SamC said:

@Preety_India Yeah and one of the stubborn patterns is that there is something wrong with me and that I need to get fixed.

I am trying to fix myself in order to become someone who is worthy which basically is = enmeshment trauma pattern in action.

One way to heal is to stop trying to fix myself. There is nothing wrong with me. 

The only thing wrong with you is the 'clothes' you put on to impress people. And even that's not really wrong, just changes the experience to one of not authentic to yourself. And even clothes can be useful. But maybe if you could see it as a costume instead of your clothing , you wouldn't be so tied down to the identity you've created around yourself. 

Edited February 9, 2021 by seeking_brilliance

[SamC]

7 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

The only thing wrong with you is the 'clothes' you put on to impress people. And even that's not really wrong, just changes the experience to one of not authentic to yourself. And even clothes can be useful. But maybe if you could see it as a costume instead of your clothing , you wouldn't be so tied down to the identity you've created around yourself. 

This!??? may I ask, how long did it take for you to find your authentic self after you noticed that you didn't exsist? Lol

[SamC]

@seeking_brilliance

[Surfingthewave]

@SamC  Hi there. 

Reaching out to others is a really important part of this work. 

What I sense (but I could be wrong) is you've allowed your trauma to define you for so long (as  did I). When you start working on it you begin to loose the hold and identity it has over you. 

Keep going deeper into this work and you will come out the other side. The results you will see will astound you and you will know who you are. 

 

[SamC]

57 minutes ago, Surfingthewave said:

@SamC  Hi there. 

Reaching out to others is a really important part of this work. 

What I sense (but I could be wrong) is you've allowed your trauma to define you for so long (as  did I). When you start working on it you begin to loose the hold and identity it has over you. 

Keep going deeper into this work and you will come out the other side. The results you will see will astound you and you will know who you are. 

 

@Surfingthewave ??? right on the nail. I did a self hypnosis earlier this morning and realized that I haven't allowed my inner child to be the one who he is. That's because of my enmeshment trauma. 

What I am is everything I want to be. The only problem is that I have denied myself to be that person because I have thought that that person isn't valued and loved. I think I finally start to get how one is oneself. My value is just that I deserve be and have all that I want to have, sinply because I am that unique self expression of love and energy. That in itself makes me justified to be who I am. 

Love <3

[seeking_brilliance]

@SamC oh.. Who knows? 1-2 years? In a way I was always authentic, because I was authentically NOT being myself. So the word gets kind of tricky. The point is, you just have to drop all pretenses and act from your heart. Stop trying to be cool. Just be cool. And maybe no one else will think you are cool, or maybe they will finally see how cool you really are. 

[Surfingthewave]

@SamC

You are valued and you are loved. This has to come from you though, not from others. 

Instead of seeing yourself valuable through the role you play in other people's lives (which you don't need to be) be valuable through the fact you find yourself important enough to express who you are and your truth. 

Someone actually posted something similar to the above on the forum and I thought it was beautiful. I could relate as someone who has been through trauma.

Sending love ? 

Edited February 9, 2021 by Surfingthewave