A Sobering Dream

[Markus]

So I was telling one girl about enlightenment. It seemed at the time like she had asked what I do, which led to me talking about contemplation, her asking what the hell it is, why I do it, and to the question of what enlightenment is. So I briefly thought which unsuccessful explanation I'll go with this time, pointed my finger to my skull and said "There's no one in there."

Right as I said that there was a sudden shift in my awareness, and the "me" inside the head as if expanded out, accompanied by an oncoming terror. In my mind I was going like "Holy shit! That's what it is! There's no one in there! That's what the point is! Duh! Not 'becoming enlightened'! How could I miss this!? Shit! How absurd that this supposed thing inside the head keeps asking "Who am I?" like a retard!" And then I woke back up on my couch, in an unusually equanimity-filled state, but not enlightened  lol . 

Looking back at it it's like it hit me in the face that I'm not going to become enlightened, I'm not going to become some superhuman zen-as-fuck motherfucker who's so goddamn detached and badass. Enlightenment isn't an attainment I can add to my trophy shelf to feel good about myself. It's the annihilation of me. It's not like I didn't know that, right? Well, it seems like I really didn't, and still don't. It's all ego! All these fantasies about enlightenment! Fuck! All of it! But I got a bucket of cold water thrown in my face, and it stung for a few seconds. Just thought I'd share this, back in my cozy illusion.



 

Edited October 6, 2016 by Markus

[Frogfucius]

Good job! Enlightenment is more of a ‘removal’ of everything – your beliefs, story, illusion about yourself. Nothing is added. It’s the beacon of light that’s always been there, but shrouded through the clouds of your ego and man-made identity. It’s hard to understand until you feel it.