can't accept people/family

[levani]

lately i've been having trouble, i feel unease when someone says something which I think is incorrect, particularly my mom, like for example if she is trying to lose weight and she starts applying resistance/discipline to it and i know it won't help her, i feel like i should say something but i know if i tell her to apply intuitive eating (meditation), awareness and acknowledging her emotional immaturity, all of which are the actual cause of her weight problem, she will not believe me, and other small things too, i know judging is wrong but somehow it feels like i'm doing it? Other scenarios pop up like people talk about politics or something about death or love and they completely do not understand what those are or how they work and a part of me feels uneasy and wants to explain to them but even if i do they reject/stay in their materialist, dumb incorrect paradigm (again i know there is no such thing as right and wrong, but there is such a thing as right and wrong!) and i know that if i think some people's perception is wrong that is unhealthy, that's why i am writing this, to seek help in a way.

 

i understand my perception isn't the best/most accurate (or maybe i don't) but i know my view is better/more correct as shitty as it sounds ∵ I was in their shoes before and some of these people are 2/3x my age

 

what i want is to just enjoy life and have fun at all times, smile and laugh at all times but something isn't allowing me...

...

...help.

[Sunil Kumar]

Well, I would say let them grow at their own pace. I understand you don't want to see them suffer cuz of lack of understanding that you see. But the best you could do is help them with where they are, if you can or let them be.

Edited February 6, 2021 by Sunil Kumar
Grammar

[Preety_India]

Have the understanding to accept that the way others see the world will be different from yours. 

Learn to be okay with disagreements and differences. 

I see shades of OCD. You might want to check into that 

Bit of compulsiveness 

 

 

[Nahm]

There’s no ‘knower of knowledge’ (ego) which is right or correct, and separates in finding ‘others wrong’. 

 

[levani]

@Nahm i feel you BUT:

 

resistance creates backlashes, true or false ?

 

not everything is from an absolute perspective @Nahm, we need to live in a relative world too bro, that's where society is and we need them too,

[Nahm]

@levani

There’s no such thing as absolute perspective, relative world is just a belief. 

Judge ‘me’ too now! ?

[Loving Radiance]

@levani I remember reading a post from you with this thing (∵) but being turned upside down. What is it?

[levani]

@Nahm well it's a belief i'm still stuck in bro, so if you wanna help simplify shit innit cause what you're writing half the time goes way over my head and the other half goes way waay over

 

lol

 

 

@Loving Radiance ∴ = therefore

because = ∵

Edited February 6, 2021 by levani

[Loving Radiance]

57 minutes ago, levani said:

∴ = therefore

because = ∵

Thank you for clearing that up.

Do you think that everyone here on the forum can understand you when you use these symbols of mathematical logic in your comments?

[Michael569]

13 hours ago, levani said:

even if i do they reject/stay in their materialist, dumb incorrect paradigm (again i know there is no such thing as right and wrong, but there is such a thing as right and wrong!) and i know that if i think some people's perception is wrong that is unhealthy

what determines "wrong" perspective and "right" perspective? The word perspective per say is just that...perspective. It is a naked word carrying no real value. My perspective on business, finances, money, girls, food, this forum and everything else is 360 different from yours. Does it mean either of us is wrong? If I brought you a book in my native language from your "perspective" it would be useless. From my perspective it could hold a groundbreaking information. 

Your mom or the other people do not see your attempt to help as an attempt to help but as an attempt to sabotage. A lot of people looking for help are not actually looking for help, they are just looking to get more love. Perhaps that is all you need to do, share more love and accept that people are where they are and in 99% cases there is nothing you can do about it. If they are ready to accept more than just love, they will come back and ask your opinion. 

[Loving Radiance]

@levani Indeed

 

Regarding your op, I'd suggest that you ask her if she wants to hear your perpective on the matter. If she's open to that, great, if not, that's also ok. She is on her own journey and you can sail your own voyage unless she wants you to sail with her on that matter.

I know you want the best for your mother. If you cannot help her, you can return to loving her as beautiful & perfect (being level) as she is right now.

[Loving Radiance]

12 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

Your mom or the other people do not see your attempt to help as an attempt to help but as an attempt to sabotage. A lot of people looking for help are not actually looking for help, they are just looking to get more love. Perhaps that is all you need to do, share more love and accept that people are where they are and in 99% cases there is nothing you can do about it. If they are ready to accept more than just love, they will come back and ask your opinion.

Beautiful ?

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, levani said:

@Nahm well it's a belief i'm still stuck in bro, so if you wanna help simplify shit innit cause what you're writing half the time goes way over my head and the other half goes way waay over

No one is writing anything. 

Imagine being sea level looking through a telescope at the top of a mountain and claiming “I am stuck in the mountain!”. Then picture someone saying “put down the telescope”. And you says “I can’t I’m stuck in the mountain!”. 

Awareness of a belief can’t truly be said to be stuck in a belief. 

The apparent sense of superiority & importance is an illusion. 

[levani]

5 hours ago, Michael569 said:

Your mom or the other people do not see your attempt to help as an attempt to help but as an attempt to sabotage

this is helpful bro, but still even out of the blue, fresh day i come down and the "negativity" aka "me trying to help them with life" with my perspective sort of wants to radiate from me

 

5 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

I know you want the best for your mother. If you cannot help her, you can return to loving her as beautiful & perfect (being level) as she is right now.

but she isn't, she's purposeless and killing herself with all the food that she eats as a replacement for her emotional immaturity... god this isn't easy lol

 

4 hours ago, Nahm said:

Imagine being sea level looking through a telescope at the top of a mountain and claiming “I am stuck in the mountain!”. Then picture someone saying “put down the telescope”. And you says “I can’t I’m stuck in the mountain!”. 

Awareness of a belief can’t truly be said to be stuck in a belief. 

The apparent sense of superiority & importance is an illusion. 

the whole life i'm living and typing from is an illusion too though innit

[Loving Radiance]

10 hours ago, levani said:

fresh day i come down and the "negativity" aka "me trying to help them with life" with my perspective sort of wants to radiate from me

Imagine "You imposing your will on her" (= "me trying to help them with life") being exagerated:

Imagine a red warlord imposing his will on you and making you his slave because he thinks it is the best for you and him. The dynamics are the same - can you see you do this with your mother (to a lesser degree)?

Yes, I know you feel an obligation as she is your mother. However if she is not wanting your help, you just can love her as she is. Beyond judgement of "emotional immaturity" (even if thats true) she is just there, being perfect.

11 hours ago, levani said:

Quote

I know you want the best for your mother. If you cannot help her, you can return to loving her as beautiful & perfect (being level) as she is right now.

but she isn't, she's purposeless and killing herself with all the food that she eats as a replacement for her emotional immaturity... god this isn't easy lol

Thats why I wrote "being level".

[levani]

4 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

Imagine a red warlord imposing his will on you and making you his slave because he thinks it is the best for you and him. The dynamics are the same - can you see you do this with your mother (to a lesser degree)?

yeaaaaaaa fuck i can see now... this is a good analogy, but bro i know nahm will hate menfor this but my perspective IS right, i know there is no right or wrong and there is no "me" but he doesn't understand that I don't understand that so for now my small self (which is all i know atm) believes that i am right but i see the analogy with the warlord, that is the closest to what makes sense.

 

5 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

Thats why I wrote "being level".

what's "being level" ?

[Loving Radiance]

22 minutes ago, levani said:

my perspective IS right

Insisting to be right on the matter is like the warlord insisting to be right in making you his slave.

18 minutes ago, levani said:

what's "being level" ?

You see reality as it is.

A stick is just a stick. You evaluating the stick to make use of it through changing its form ("Is strong enough to break ice? Can I make a speer out of it?") is judgement. However, you can recognize that beyond judgement there is just being. Beyond judgement there is just the stick existing on its own. ∴ The stick doesn't need your judgement to exist as a stick.

What would you have to believe to want to change the stick? How would it help you to change the stick? Answer that first before going to the questions below.

 

What do you believe to be; what would you have to believe to want to change your mother? How would it help you to change your mother?

 

(I don't say your mother = stick. I use a stick as it's less emotionally laden to show you how you are doing this.)

[Loving Radiance]

4 hours ago, levani said:

my perspective IS right, i know there is no right or wrong and there is no "me"

Timestamped:

 

 

Edited February 7, 2021 by Loving Radiance

[Nahm]

6 hours ago, levani said:

the whole life i'm living and typing from is an illusion too though innit

The ‘story of me’, or ‘separate self’ thought story is illusory. Life, or experience, is an appearance beyond real or illusory.  

You’re saying perception (before), but perception is not what you’re talking about. You’re talking about interpretations...thoughts, identity, conditioning...behaviors, beliefs, preferences.

You said she won’t believe you and do those things. I think you mean believe you... and do those things... and she’ll feel better. Your intentions are all well being oriented, but her lens, how she interprets that might have some thought patterns, some self interpretations, of judging herself in subtle ways.

You might be sensing that believing people need to do something to feel better doesn’t pan out because it isn’t true. In letting go of conditioning, it is discovered that the true nature of happiness is inherently buoyant. Think in terms of what beliefs she ‘uses’ about herself to make herself feel bad. What does she believe is true about herself, which sucks and isn’t remotely true? Realize that, be mindful of it, and tell her the opposite, tell her what is true about her. 

On 2/5/2021 at 11:28 PM, levani said:

if i tell her to apply

• intuitive eating (meditation),
• awareness
• acknowledging her emotional immaturity, all of which are the actual cause of her
• weight problem,
• she will not believe me, and other
• small things too

i know judging is wrong but somehow it feels like i'm doing it?

To her, that might read like a long list of what she has to do to feel better. A list which doesn’t resonate because there is nothing she needs to do to feel better. There are ways she thinks of herself which don’t feel good. If she lets those beliefs go, she’ll feel great and naturally orient to well being, like you. 

Quote

their materialist, dumb incorrect paradigm (again i know there is no such thing as right and wrong, but there is such a thing as right and wrong!) and i know that if i think some people's perception is wrong that is unhealthy, that's why i am writing this, to seek help in a way.

Perception is perception. Seeing, hearing, etc. Right & wrong is found only in the duality of thought. 

Interpretation of experience varies. A sleeper is “asleep” in the matrix, collective conditioning...guilt, shame, incessant thinking, rumination, believing thoughts, etc. All reaction. If anything could be said to be ‘needed’, it is feeling inner being. Responding instead of reacting. Inspecting instead of believing what doesn’t even feel good. 

 

[levani]

5 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

Insisting to be right on the matter is like the warlord insisting to be right in making you his slave

no, universally i am not making anyone my slave, i don't want to... i value freedom like the guy or girl next to me bro.

 

5 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

What would you have to believe to want to change the stick? How would it help you to change the stick? Answer that first before going to the questions below.

∵ she is my mom aka my best/only friend and to a certain degree her health impacts me bro, we don't live together but her emotional immaturity aka excessive weight will bother me if i communicate with her for in the future.

 

honestly i don't really care about family, it's not one of my values or whatever (i think)

 

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Responding instead of reacting

yeah

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Inspecting instead of believing what doesn’t even feel good

yea

 

yeah bro, i see what you mean, i'm going to re read that a few times innit see if i can make sense of the full thing