Gained more sexual experience but still didn't have sex

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Strangeloop said:

but I see myself looking more at the guy more than the girl

Yeah....

That ain't how a straight male's mind works. When I look at porn, I don't even see the guy.

You definitely got some queerness going on. Time for you to get honest with yourself and figure out what the hell you want sexually/romantically.

[Loving Radiance]

2 hours ago, Strangeloop said:

Well, I usually watch straight porn, but I see myself looking more at the guy more than the girl... And that means *drumroll* I'm gay.....

Considering attached judgement from cultural programming, how do you feel about that?

How would you feel if you let go of the programming?

[SamC]

9 hours ago, Strangeloop said:

@SamC 10 meaning very anxious, fearful.

@Leo Gura Well, I usually watch straight porn, but I see myself looking more at the guy more than the girl... And that means *drumroll* I'm gay.....

 

@Strangeloop If I were you I would go talk to a therapist about it. It sounds to me like you have a lot of shame and fear around being gay which is a good indication that it is something you're trying to deny, suppress and reject within yourself.

Working and investigating this is the key. The reason why you're trying to deny and reject it spells out the soultion. What that is I don't know, that's where a therapist might come in handy. You obviously belive there is something deficient within you, because you're super self conscious of your behavior.

My guess is therefor that this somehow is connected to your low self esteem because you belive you shouldn't be a certain way in order to be accepted/ enough. Than again, I don't know - I am just speculating. You have to draw your own conclusions and investigate the matter for yourself.

Edited February 6, 2021 by SamC

[Username]

It seems like you try to do something because you feel obligated. I don't know if I remember well.. aren't you an ENFP? In this case you would have slightly feminine personality type. This would cause you to have less interest in feminine females.

[Loving Radiance]

5 minutes ago, Username said:

aren't you an ENFP? In this case you would have slightly feminine personality type. This would cause you to have less interest in feminine females.

I can disprove that. I am a self-identified ENFP.

[Bando]

You seem to have a pretty large gay shadow, you've made other posts that have veered towards your repression of homosexuality, dude just try sleeping with a guy and not judge yourself just feel, what's the worst that could happen?

[Username]

@Loving Radiance Everyone has own definition of femininity. I have male ENFP friends and I have seen how easily they can interact with females. This is because of shared traits. Having shared traits means that there is weaker polarity.

I'm an INTP and my interactions with females are very awkward. There are some females I can easily have a conversation with but it feels like talking to a guy. Awkwardness = polarity, connection = release of tension.

[Loving Radiance]

@Username Awkwardness is only ever projected by you. You project your awkwardness. You think others feel awkward, but that is also a projection.

If you feel not aligned in the situation, maybe feel into your body. Continuously try connecting to your heart - it gets easier.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Username said:

Awkwardness = polarity

Hate to rain on your parade bro, but the awkwardness is all you

Strong polarity does not require awkwardness.

Yes, us INTPs tend to be socially awkward. Requires a lot of work to compensate for it.

[ItsNick]

1 hour ago, Yali said:

@Leo Gura

What's the point of PUA if you're an INTJ/INTP?

The cards are stacked against you.

What's the point of rising out of poverty if you're poor?

The cards are stacked against you.

[Abdelghafar]

13 minutes ago, ItsNick said:

What's the point of rising out of poverty if you're poor?

The cards are stacked against you.

Damn.

[Karmadhi]

Why should being a INPT be something bad? Just find other INTP people and you will vibe just fine. INTP is not exclusive to males you know. Plus you can learn to be social and cool while doing it in a INPT way. For example i tend to have more "intellectual" type of humor full of puns, irony and stuff that you might need to have some knowledge of stuff to understand. It works just fine with people that read for once. 

Smiling, good body language and eye contact and confidence and self esteem have nothing to do with INTP. At least INTP tend to enjoy their company more so they will be less likely to be clingy, needy and annoying.

So yeah each personality type as long as it develops specific traits like confidence, humor and good body language/eye contact is good to go. The idea that specific personality is more humerus or confident is just silly. Each person has their own style of humor and overall "coolness".  

Edited February 7, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Username]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Hate to rain on your parade bro, but the awkwardness is all you

Strong polarity does not require awkwardness.

Yes, us INTPs tend to be socially awkward. Requires a lot of work to compensate for it.

Yes, but it's not the point I'm making.

Awkwardness, polarity and tension have same source. It's a common mistake to avoid discomfort when interacting with opposite sex. This weird feeling of discomfort and tension is what you really want to feel and release.

I don't necessarily agree with INTPs being socially awkward. I think it's quite easy for us to relate to female if they are ENFP, ISTJ, ENTJ, ESTJ or INFP. There aren't many females we can interact without feeling tension and this might cause inexperience.

[Strangeloop]

@Bando I could Die

I don't want to think about it, as soon as I do, I try to escape, distract myself, just to do something to get my mind off the topic.

I might need to conquer this 'dragon' some day, I just need to prepare for the inevitable

[Loving Radiance]

4 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

I could Die

That's why we are still here Bro, you are not alone in this. We all have something we resist to not die.

Be very gentle with yourself.

[Strangeloop]

And here's another thing people I have this plan made up so to speak. Where I go to Sweden to work as a scafolder, then I date this girl Mashal I like, we be together have a great time with a few years and then I dump her because I tell her I'm gay. And because I'm gay I can't be with her anymore. After it I go on drug abuse stage and live my life fucking assholes and sucking dick... This kind of life I imagine.

And then rehab came out of nowhere there I had therapy and I did talk about being gay. Even after a year and a half I still resent this part of me. Even If I created a plan, I'm not actualizing it. Maybe because I'm afraid of this(being gay) or it's just that God something else planned for me. I don't know. Maybe being in Christian environment influenced me to avoid these sexual urges and made me run away from being gay.

People who I talked about this plan of mine said that it would only create misery and depression. So they suggested to create a new one, a more positive one. 

And my definition of a positive plan is being a beatboxer and fucking a lot of girls(this affirmation came from a lot of suffering and tears during rehab), after it settling down creating a family and to live in Canada somewhere.

In conclusion I'll just do my own thing, trying to figure out what Strangeloop wants and needs and giving it to him.

[Loving Radiance]

@Strangeloop I feel like you are already set.

Here is something I found interesting (timestamped):

 

[bejapuskas]

Was this your first time doing this or doing this with this person? That might also be the reason, sometimes first times feel awkward I mean, but of course you need to find for yourself.

[Strangeloop]

@bejapuskas Yes, and and the first time ever did it sober, before it was just one girl and I was drunk to a point where I blacked out and woke up on the oral sex part.