Super needy in relationships

[Preety_India]

When I went to a psychiatrist, I told them that sometimes I was super needy in relationships.

They told me it's a symptom of child neglect. 

I tended to fluctuate between states of extreme neediness childlike neediness to periods of complete cut off and escaping and running back  into a deep shell. 

So when you are very needy in relationships, don't forget to look at how you were treated by your family. 

There are clues in childhood which lead you to do what you do in your relationships

Of course these subconscious patterns can be reversed and that's what a large chunk of self development is all about. 

Beware. 

 

[Preety_India]

The inner child is still not healed from abandonment and manifests itself in ugly ways and throws tantrums. 

So when you get needy, pay attention to your inner child, it's crying for help. 

Don't neglect it again. It's your shadow. 

Feed it with self love so it doesn't cry again. 

There's a heaven and earth difference between needing something very badly and crying when not getting it and demanding something as though someone owes you something in a very arrogant entitled spoilt manner 

Often people confuse these two because both tendencies exhibit or manifest in similar ways. 

But both have extremely different causes and roots and symptoms. 

One is because of having neglected by parents and the other is the result of having been spoiled rotten to the point of severe entitlement by parents. 

Confusing I know. 

 

 

Edited February 5, 2021 by Preety_India

[SamC]

Investigate the term Emeshment trauma

[Preety_India]

Enmeshment trauma (not emeshment) is often caused by a narcissistic parent. 

Also trauma and abuse/neglect patients are looking for some sort of closure, period of emotional peace, emotional consistency, ending the endless chaos, and reassurance (sense of security) 

You'll often find abuse/trauma victims behaving in absurd weird ways and a lot of stuff they do might not make logical sense 

They also act random scattered, disconnected which might be visible in their writings. 

When the brain suffers serious trauma, it starts acting in scattered ways and gradually begins to suffer a gaping deficiency of self awareness 

 

Edited February 5, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

3 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

I would say neediness stem from a sense of being not enough, which often takes it roots in childhood traumas.

If your parents (as well as the rest of your environment) weren't able to perceive your needs, it is very likely that you've caught up some severe traumas/coping mechanisms from this situation.

I think we are all in this bucket anyway, because all families are dysfunctional. But some are more dysfunctional than others and cause deeper or more numerous wounds.

Check out maybe for the theory of attachment styles. I think it's great resources on the subject. 

When I find myself especially needy in a relationship, is when I believe someone has something that I don't, and I sort of want to merge with it in order to fill my inner void. Working on the void itself and trying to fill it by myself has worked pretty well in order to resorb a needy pattern.

As adult, we are much better equipped than we were as children to take care of us. Childhood is like a jail where you depend on everyone else for survival. Most traumas can be healed by our adult self, but the issue is that they have became such a deep part of our sense of self that they feel immutable. We feel usually as dependent toward a situation as we were as kids, because we haven't re-assigned a new meaning and solution to what we experienced back then.

 

Thank you for the response. Great explanation. Will definitely check out the attachment stuff 

[Javfly33]

I've been there, and I gotta say, it's the apparent honesty, or the apparent recognition, that something needs to be fixed about yourself, that it's the whole problem.

You are constructing that identity. I don't know why, but you are.

Trust me, I am needy in relationships and I have look everywhere and beyond for causes, shadow work, and so on. There isn't anything. A lot of people had worse childhood than me and are fine.

There are more variables than family. The main variable thought, is that there isn't a fixed variable. If you start telling yourself the story of a past, then that's how you construct your suffering.

[Javfly33]

13 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

 

Bad news, right  @Preety_India?  You gotta shoot for nothing else but enlightenment now. 

 

That's neat.i

Surely It's funny how the ego slowly starts to corner itself to the point that it can't escape anymore with its own means. At that point is God's time to take the lead  ?

[intotheblack]

 

[Origins]

@Preety_India this is very good Preety, what do you need our help for you’ve got this all handled ?

[Origins]

@intotheblack good post everyone watch this and read the right books aka the book Attached by Amir Levine

[Arcangelo]

@Preety_India  Thanks for starting this thread, it has helped me understanding myself.

[mmKay]

@Preety_India all of your issues are healed with deep Self love. It's an easy and extatic DIY process that not only curres needines forever but leads to unconditional happiness. Can you handle it?

Ill post it when I find it

 

Edit : 

Read the and embrace the whole thing.

And my part from here

 

 

DO NOT OVERLOOK THIS TECHNIQUE. 

It is literally the solution to exactly what your problem is. 

Do not underestimate the power of generating unconditional self love coming from inside out. 

 

You have the tools now. Will you pull it off? 

Edited February 8, 2021 by mmKay