Reconciling Guilt To Make Decisions And Become More Present

[Green Warrior]

I'm a newbie.  Have been meditating for 2 months and practicing mindfulness throughout the day.  I have guilt that I am unable to resolve.  

I have 3 older siblings, about 15 years older then me. I do not keep in touch with them often.  I sort of ran away from the drama because I didn't want to get pulled into it at the time that includes nieces and nephews that were subject to the same things I was.   I am not sure of anyones diagnosis.  To make things short, amongst my siblings, there has been suicide attempts, heroin addiction, prostitution, bankruptcy, cheating, abuse, extreme anger, pill addiction, alchoholism and I just scratched the surface.  

Anyway, I am doing okay for myself with what I feel was little effort and honestly I have been kind of like a leaf in the wind.  I have a hard time making decisions because I feel like my decisions are not good enough, not helping enough, or too selfish.  Sounds silly, but I have a hard time gardening, playing music, having a pet, taking the kids to the park because I feel like its not helping anyone. But then I have guilt when the front of my house looks like crap, or I didn't take the kids to the park.  I feel like I would like to learn skills but I always feel like its selfish but there is a part of me that wants to be selfish.  I also have lived in fear of not doing so well in life because it runs in my family but I am getting over that.   I want to seek truth but I know this is holding me back from being present.  How do you reconcile this guilt to make decisions that will be aligned with your authentic self? I get that its an illusion but its so strong.  

I am sorry if this sounds silly.  It really has had me stuck in life and not being able to fully enjoy it.  I feel like I am leaving people behind.  

Thank you in advance.  This site has been truly truly amazing.