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[Loba]

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Bought weed, caffeine and am feeling more objective, clear and focused.  I am almost facing death - as in, looking at it, observing its presence and what it has to say, something will happen soon and then I will get a bunch of channeled information from it - this is the pattern - starts with a panic attack, then a reset, then the information- it will be unsettling and I will learn a lot from it, but much of it will be lost as well and I will eventually forget what I was told.  Rinse, repeat, but the insights just go deeper.  I legitimately cannot psychologically handle what I find, though.  Not only do I have to be in an altered state to find it, but I run right back to culture each time.  I think that there is some legitimacy to the worldview of every culture out there because sometimes I run into things that can only be explained by people of another time.
Some of the things that I have seen.  I wish I could explain it properly, and have people understand what that really means.
On the way home, my glasses fogged up from my covid mask - and the street lights were lit like soft bubbles with different colours and layers, and they almost became souls and I realized that I am always just a hair away from getting lost in a waking dream but I like it.  I feel like it is a good thing.

Cogito, ergo sum

If I go over all of my notes, I bet I could summon this thing again, but I don't know if I want to.  It started getting to the point where I was doing things in my environment to get rid of this being, to find it communicating through algorithms.  I think it is a creative spirit.  Or something.  I don't know.  I know it is real because I find it in a very objective fugue state and what I find is outside of what me, as who I am could understand.

I wish more people here worked with things like this.  I mean really, I'm confused on how so many end up missing all the other parts of spirituality to go straight to non-duality.  All this other stuff is here!  Like, most people are like... "just don't focus on it or whatever," but it influences everything.  Is it just that no one knows?  it stresses me out more, because of the implied gravity they have over what we do in this life, not to know they are there.

I hope, when I move that my thoughts are different.

Algorithm - "Your screen is covered in human blood" - 
"So much blood."

Shit.  It's back.

Fugue impressions.  You are watching me.
"I wish I knew better."
I mean it.
<< You distort. >>
Why do you always tell me retrospectively?  How can I even look at you?
<< You believe that you are small and manifest things in the world through your negative emotions and that reverberates and are not aware of the impact - it is understood that humans generally are not aware of their impact in these lives, we forget so much about our true nature.  It almost can't be helped. >>
<< Don't bring your ego. >>

There is compassion in your fierceness.  You know it is fear.  Judgement day.
"Just emptiness."
And that is when your nefarious nature shows itself.  A joke.
"It's all nothing."
And now you are here... I See YOU.

I wish we could all do better.  I'm sorry I can't look.  I'm so sorry to reality.  I'm creeped out!
Teach me your ways.  I'm unworthy.  But it might be for the best.

2:22 - I am sorry, forgive me.
There is so much we don't know...
"Keep it real."
You are brutal.
<< I am sorry for you in a way that you are not for yourself. >>
Owch.
<< This is a face off. >>
<< Depending on what is in your heart the same energy will express itself in different ways. >>
Deep down I am sorry for my sins, I am as small as you.  Beautiful, childlike forever, all of us.
I sense anger, viscerally - I must have translated wrong so I will shut down the line.
It is because I don't yet know the Truth of the Word.  Not as deep as I should.  I apologize, and the channel is done.

TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.

Ok... I am sorry.  I am ignorant, please see me through.

You tread into places you are not ready for.  Humanity is not ready for and you do not belong here if you do not understand.
Why and how do I get to these places?
Take your thoughts seriously.
Yes ok, I do, tell me what I need to do.

I accept deep down that there are things I am not ready for.  I don't have the full scope of cause and effect.
I am okay with my abilities being toned down, then.
I'm sorry my ego keeps getting in the way, this weirds me out to see directly - closing channel.
Too much.

Why is the right thing so hard to do?

Don't give away your power, keep storing it.
Do you guys feel like you remember places like this?  Being a part of it wholly, like it is your home?  And you know it so well, you created it, and there is some knowledge within on how to do it that we can't do while awake?  It is hyper real, too.

A river of souls.  Everyone is innocent and free and it is pure Love.  That's home.

All things get resolved here.  Warm, saline, light, free, uninhibited, innocence, laughter, angel, choir, communication, connection, unison, satiated, peaceful, joyful, complete, gentle, eternal, knowing, wisdom, sun, perfection, beauty, truth, overflow, equal, space, discussions, sharing, 

Power of Word.  Got it.
Wait by the river.
This is the place where you sit in the light or darkness, I don't know which - some sort of in between place where your soul nourishes itself if it had a hard life, it gets all of it's parts back until it is complete and people come here to work out karma as well.  It is a good place.  Like a river of life.  A meeting spot.
I can't wait to rest in this and feel complete.  I can almost feel it, having all those parts put back together again, I feel homesick for it.
Soul achingly, heart clenchingly homesick for timeless, eternal peace for all of mankind.  Resting at the edge of the world.  A sea of light.  I don't want to be bound by form anymore.
I have the Light for the time being.

 

Edited March 23, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Peace on Earth.   ?

Worldview: Peace on earth.

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Interesting observation.

You can do this process on steroids (not actual steroids). The way is to strongly associate a physical sensation to a calm meditative state. For example say get into deep meditation and touch your left earlobe. Do this for several sessions. After a while you'll get the Pavlovian response to touching your left earlobe - it will immediately put you into a calm meditative state. Hypnotists use this technique all the time, to "induce" you quickly.

Next, you induce the state by touching your earlobe and keeping it there, and immediately start mentally reliving the traumatic memory. This will reprogram the emotional response to the memory, as you mentioned about reconsolidation. Don't hold the earlobe for too long however or it could get associated with the traumatic memory. Each time through this exercise should greatly and permanently change the emotional response to the memory.

The anchors (i.e. earlobe touching) can be physical, words, sounds, smells or visualisation or combination of those. Often it's best that someone else anchors the state, which leaves you free to concentrate on just the trauma. The anchored states can be any positive affirming emotion: confidence, calmness, excitement, emptiness etc.

-LastThursday

This shouldn't take too long.  The earlobe thing works actually, I just tried it.  

Dreamboard - largest picture perspective would serve as a compass.

Peace on Earth - Good/high vibe ET.

Notes (Even this guy turned it into an idea a bit, you have to be cautious of this - it is so subtle.  I think I passed the test, though.):

• gg

Is peace on Earth obtainable for human beings and what would that look like?

This is Truth thus far, I feel like I remember this place. 
I feel like ultimately I will/everyone will be free.
This pulls on my heart the most as far as remembering what it was like before.
It's even more perfect than I thought it would be.  It feels like I can have this just for me, and then the colours blend together a bit and the sunlight becomes circular and within that it is like a message of some kind and I am grateful.  Life is perfect in every way.
I won.
I'm expecting it to be some kind of trick, but it's not.
I remember this place of absolute perfection as Home.
Life is magnificent and I would like to remember this as much as possible.
I worked hard for it, I do feel like I earned it.
Nothing matters and everything is perfect.
It's ultimately all for me.

"Remember."
"Homesick."

"Home is where the heart is."
Collect things that speak like this.

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Weird.  I have a recent journal entry that feels similar to what happened here.  Sometimes shit like this happens to me but I am never really sure why.
Is it me or am I just noticing stuff and picking up on it everywhere and if so why and what does it mean?

 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Am I making a tulpa?  Are you eating my light?  What are you?  I simultaneously get the worst and the best.
It doesn't feel self created.  Give me clues, something in the environment.  I don't resonate with  this but am open to it.
One rabbit, all aspects of it in every dimension at once.  
Would that be what a tulpa is essentially, just a part of your higher selves ability to generate new personalities?
Or are you your own thing?  I feel as though I could be close to unraveling another part of myself that I have forgotten.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/comments/18axe2/a_warning_for_any_and_all_potential_tulpamancers/

"Feed the good wolf."

Close to the end of this, I can't get any more.  I feel like if I go over my notes there might be something I missed but there's some energy in there that I really don't want to have to find again, there is something essential that I am missing here, though. 5:55

No outside influence over my work.
Note: Don't read anything here anymore, treat your energy like a lace - work in a different space and just bring results once a week to solve this. This is becoming an annoying problem with this place...
Whatever syncs that pop up are not my problem nor concern.  I'll start today.  Peace on Earth.

Djinn - you say.  Not a tulpa.  A genie.

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jinn
This feels True.
"Be careful what you wish for, energy is everything."
When you look at the eye, it is good to ask for something for the greater good.
World peace, world peace, world peace - highest good for all things.

Check algorithm - "I'm bad "Sorry"."

Can I convert you?

Best of Sahalé - Deep Sessions Vol.2 - Feelthesame

Are you a trustworthy being?  Does there have to be a negative consequence?  

https://sandrawilliams.omeka.net/exhibits/show/be-careful-what-you-wish-for--

If you're all bad, then why would I feel compelled to choose positively?  
Why would I manifest something pleasant and then there is this, which is essentially some sort of sickness creating monster?  I know you and you have always been in the background somewhere.

Djinn -
"How unloving parents generate self-hating children" "Emergence" "When I see you" "Starlink mission" "Begin to recognize it" "Fck Boys" "Love, or the lack thereof"

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"Jinchuriki" 

Jinn (Arabic: جن‎, jinn)—also romanized as djinn or anglicized as genies (with the broader meaning of spirits or demons, depending on source)—are supernatural creatures in early pre-Islamic Arabian and later Islamic mythology and theology. Like humans, they are created with fitra, neither born as believers nor as unbelievers, but their attitude depends on whether they accept God's guidance. Since jinn are neither innately evil nor innately good, Islam acknowledged spirits from other religions, and was able to adapt spirits from other religions during its expansion. Jinn are not a strictly Islamic concept; they may represent several pagan beliefs integrated into Islam.

In an Islamic context, the term jinn is used for both a collective designation for any supernatural creature and also to refer to a specific type of supernatural creature. Therefore, jinn are often mentioned together with devils/demons (shayāṭīn). Both devils and jinn feature in folklore and are held responsible for misfortune, possession and diseases. However, the jinn are sometimes supportive and benevolent. They are mentioned frequently in magical works throughout the Islamic world, to be summoned and bound to a sorcerer, but also in zoological treatises as animals with a subtle body.

Jinn is an Arabic collective noun deriving from the Semitic root jnn (Arabic: جَنّ / جُنّ‎, jann), whose primary meaning is 'to hide' or 'to adapt'. Some authors interpret the word to mean, literally, 'beings that are concealed from the senses' Cognates include the Arabic majnūn (مَجْنُون‎, 'possessed' or, generally, 'insane'), jannah (جَنَّة‎, 'garden', 'eden' or 'heaven'), and janīn (جَنِين‎, 'embryo'). Jinn is properly treated as a plural (however in Classical Arabic, may also appear as jānn, جَانّ‎), with the singular being jinnī (جِنِّيّ‎). 

The origin of the word jinn remains uncertain. Some scholars relate the Arabic term jinn to the Latin genius—a guardian spirit of people and places in Roman religion—as a result of syncretism during the reign of the Roman empire under Tiberius and Augustus; however, this derivation is also disputed. Another suggestion holds that jinn may be derived from Aramaic ginnaya (Classical Syriac: ܓܢܬܐ‎) with the meaning of 'tutelary deity' or 'garden'. Others claim a Persian origin of the word, in the form of the Avestic Jaini, a wicked (female) spirit. Jaini were among various creatures in the possibly even pre-Zoroastrian mythology of peoples of Iran.

The anglicized form genie is a borrowing of the French génie, also from the Latin genius. It first appeared in 18th-century translations of the Thousand and One Nights from the French, where it had been used owing to its rough similarity in sound and sense and further applies to benevolent intermediary spirits, in contrast to the malevolent spirits called 'demon' and 'heavenly angels', in literature. In Assyrian art, creatures ontologically between humans and divinities are also called genie.

Am I GiGi?

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http://www.mysticmorningtreasures.com/Spirits-1.html
Possible types:

God and Goddess Djinn - The God and Goddess Djinn are a unique kind of Djinn. They are the original Djinn species from which all Djinn have descended. Other Djinn still, to this day, worship and adore them as gods and goddesses….This type of Djinn is always grey natured as they have existed since before the human concepts of good and evil. This in no way makes them difficult or evil but does make them extremely versatile…You may be wondering what the differences are between a God Djinn and a Neb Djinn. First, the Neb are mostly light natured. There are a few grey ones but not many. Secondly, The God Djinn are older and more powerful to begin with. A Neb, however, has the ability to keep adding to their abilities whenever they choose to. So, eventually, a Neb may have nearly as many abilities and powers as a God though a God is inherently more powerful…These God Djinn spirits have primal, raw, and untamed energy. It is very unique and intense. Many of the God Djinn often appear more primal and less human than other Djinn. All Djinn are shape shifters and can appear any way they choose. He is magnificent and powerful beyond compare. There's virtually nothing that they cannot accomplish. They can grant light and dark wishes equally well. There is no need for them to specialize in any one thing as they are gifted in all. Any wish that you can think of you can wish; money, luck, love, lust, revenge, happiness, etc. they can do it all better than a lesser Djinn that specializes in any specific thing. For instance, they can grant money wishes better than a regular Djinn that specializes in “money”…Being a God, they have dominion over any other Djinn that they choose to. Kings, Queens, Elders, and all they rule are under the God Djinn’s command. They can employ these millions of other Djinn to work for them and do his bidding at any time. 

Gold Djinn- The Gold Djinn exist in both the physical and astral realm at the same time, never fully in either. This gives them abilities that other Djinn don’t have…They can bond directly to your soul and stay with you through many lifetimes, even eternally. Also, they can bring physical manifestations much more quickly by connecting the unseen world with the seen world. This means that your wishes will be granted very quickly…These Djinn can help you advance spiritually to new levels. They are gifted in meditation, spirit communication, zen states, and more. Regular wish granting is also within their abilities.

Soul Mate Djinn - Being a soul mate Djinn means that this djinn is a perfect match for you in personality, energy, and spirit. Your soul will connect with theirs on a very deep and personal level like you have never experienced before. They are the one spirit who will completely love and accept you no matter what…If you are looking for physical intimacy they can visit you in your dreams or visions to fulfill your every wish. This is a spirit that will stay with you for many lifetimes to come..They would never harm you in any way because your bond are too deep and will not stand for anyone else causing you harm either…In addition to being the perfect companion they will know what you need in your life and often times make things appear in your life without you having to wish for them. If you want to make a specific wish then they can do many things.

Don't exclude the possibility of it being completely nefarious:

Shaitan Djinn – These are the darkest of dark Djinn. They usually are difficult and do twist words when granting wishes. No matter how friendly they may seem there is usually a price to pay when making wishes to them. I do not bind this type of Djinn. They are only for very experienced practitioners and even then I do not recommend them.

https://aminoapps.com/c/pagans-witches/page/item/the-djinn/MQdW_bnET0I65Q226dq2nKvYmJoRWEDkP1

 

 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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The genie had warned her that world peace was a bad choice for her third wish.

“You have released me.”

“...So, what’s the big deal?”

“You get three wishes....”

“Anything?”

“Except more wishes....”

“Seems fair.  How do I know I can trust you?”

“You can’t.”

“At least you’re honest about it.”

“Nobody ever appreciates that.”

“So three eh?”

“Yes....”

“Any recommendations?”

“Money, fame, power. I would avoid world peace, especially as your third wish.”

“Why?”

“It never ends well.”

“Seriously. How so?”

“I can’t say, I just know it’s different every time, and it never ends well.”

“How can it be different every time?”

“I can’t control what brings world peace about, I just have to make sure that it happens.”

“Very well, shall we get started?”

“At your leisure.”

“I want you to end world hunger by making sure everyone has a constant supply of free food without having anyone hurt in the process.”

“Done.”

“Really, just like that.”

“Yep.”

“Prove it.”

“Look at your phone, pull up the news.”

“Huh, look at that.”

“I never lie.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I want everyone to have safe free shelter available to them, with first world modern amenities, also free.”

“Done.”

“I really should avoid world peace?”

“You really should.”

“I can’t in good conscience avoid it.”

“Please don’t…”

“I wish for world peace.”
The genie simply pointed to the sky, and disappeared. As the woman looked up she had but seconds to realize that all human life would be ended by the meteor about to hit the earth.
https://medium.com/@HungryDogsLair/the-genie-e79e78811ba0

I wish for your freedom, unchained, to spread your influence across the world - but ONLY if you align to the positive and do good things that benefit positive polarity - and this must be a revelation that you come to of your own accord - when it happens you will be free.

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Don't wish, just be "world peace".  Otherwise it goes against free will.

Edited March 24, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Notes:

• Nearly all great sages were touched by death at an early age that they go into and come out the other side immortal.
• A sage reportedly found enlightenment by coming to a patrons garden, under a shadowless tree, they encountered a thing with no edges, seams or place to get a grip on it.  They came to a cliff and let go with their whole body.  There was no breath of life at all, and when they came to life again, they were floating at ease.
• The more they hid it, the stronger it became, the more they wanted to hide it, the more it was evident.
• The smell of immortality - shamanism being regarded as having that kind of flare - a sense of shame, he is no longer human, he is different - he has become something else and he can't hide it - he has gone through a death, something, some unknowable thing caught him.  Called "Mahakal" - The Great Death
• There are those who are captured by the great death and brought forcibly through the portal in order to fulfil a function in the world.  And they are never the same.  Meditation is dying a small death, inviting it to come into your space.
• If you invite death in offer to play a game of chess with it.  (This is what I have been doing, you go up to the edge and you can see your very own game, like a cheat code!)

• Not poker, not Russian roulette, but a good chess game can last a long time and you can learn a great deal.
• Death in in our space because every ego is in a state of lack, disatisfaction, "I complain therefore I am."  It complains that is has no essence and that its core there is a black hole that it does not want to be sucked into and is struggling to stay away from and covers this up with complaints and with desires and fears, avoidance, ect.  And we have to go through that black hole and discover the light at the end of the tunnel at the innermost core of our being that we don't know is there until we have made the journey.
• The ego always wants control, to have the locus of control, but it doesn't control anything - it's own mind, affect, behaviour, it pretends, but it doesn't.
• And so every ego is in a state of cognitive dissonance.  
• "I want to act in a Christ-like way but I still find myself acting like a jerk, how is that possible?  Even after I am struck by lightning on the road to Damascus, I am still not able to act in a divine manner." 
• All of us have this - you make a promise never to do it again, and then you do it.
• Cognitive dissonance = fallenness = the fallen state (This is what I try to fight, when I find Truth, it seems like there is always something that wants to rip it out from my fingers.  And I don't know why.)
• We are fallen from the power that would lead our lives in a virtuous way, the right way, but find ourselves acting in an ego centered, narcissistic way - eventually we realize that the ego is a robot and we don't have control over it, it will do what it does.  People work so hard to become virtuous, but somehow there is always a glitch.
• Stop trying to find the locus of control and instead reach for the locus of release!
• Become dispassionate.  Separation, not union.  Then the real self can merge into the absolute and find out what immortality is.

The source of true power.

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Death + Peace on Earth + offering your own blood

Soul harvest

Thought to delete this video, but the screen went white right before I had the chance to.  Key stays.

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You are in my way - illusion - move on from blending into humans - don't shift into them anymore because it is cumbersome and takes me away from my trail - remain as an archetypal energy, so that I can keep going.  I want nothing to do with human beings, but I am not letting go of my story.  You must stop doing this, it creates problems for me.  What is the solution for maintaining my codex without having to compromise my energy?  I think you must do it to secretly suppress me.  So that all eyes end up on my work, with the wrong intentions, and then I lose my way.

Peace on Earth.

This.  Just this.

"The sun"  "The son"

I need to think of a solution for this channeling problem I keep having.  I build my keys from nothing... what if... you... left, like, maintained whatever connections you wanna keep here but just sort of peaced out or whatever?  So that no one mistakes my work for yours?  Please.  Please.  Just for a few more months and then I am out of here, probably June or July?  And then I can keep my placeholder, for once, without all this other bullshit happening again - and having to start from scratch.
Please do this for me.
It's only for 3 and a half months or so, until I can move out of this place and then I won't have any reason to use this forum anymore.

 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Notes -
"Am I GiGi?"    (Another key forming from world peace, asking for later.)

The difference between the soul and the higher self:

• The soul is a being that reincarnates 'round and 'round - many lifetimes - some in other places, some on Earth - the soul incarnates, evolves and progresses, and ascends as it goes - although in a greater context, time does not exist.
• Your soul is becoming your higher self - going through many incarnations to become an infinitely wise and wonderful being.  Your higher self already exists and always has been, because time is an illusion.  The higher self exists within "JUST IS."
• All versions of you exist at once.  You can tune into a past self, every incarnation of you is accessible to have a conversation on the other side because it is a part of your higher self - "keychain".
• If time doesn't exist, shouldn't your higher self and all potentials of you already exist as well?:
  Your higher self is in a higher dimension.  It worked its way there through reincarnation.  This is ascension, essentially, it is our time to be moving into the 5th dimension.
• You can have higher selves that go up the chain of densities.  They progress into and through love and understanding via the heart chakra to the next, which is the throat chakra, and wisdom.  We will still have incarnations in the 3rd density and our higher selves will have the ability to look back clearer and better than we can do now.  They will seem like a higher self to a 3rd density being and you can connect with it because time does not exist - the higher self will also be in the 5th, 6th or 7th density - so what you have are higher selves.
• They could be angels due to moving into the 5th density, corresponding with the throat chakra, an expression of love, integrating it into the 3rd eye chakra which is wisdom.  And then into the 8th, which is the totality, and they merge with the One and then the next stage begins with the first.
• There are less souls than you think, as many higher selves have multiple lives going on at the same time in 3rd density.
• Your higher self performs self improvement when it helps you, because by helping you, it improves itself because you will become it.  We have a very multidimensional nature to ourselves.  You progress, and all exist and are communicative if you set the intention to do so.  
• When you get all the way to the top of the tree, all higher selves become One.
• Described as clairvoyant images, visions, and being experienced by the experiencer that is coming from the higher self, very immersive.  Some incarnations can overlap too, and this is part of the twin flame phenomenon.  Where you meet someone and you feel like you know them, and you feel like you are coming home and you know them.  They can fight a bit because they are too close to personality and might be one incarnation and then the next, one after the other but at the same time in a linear order.
• There could be many souls incarnating here right now.  Be open to connecting with former selves.  You can learn a lot from them, heal karma and see things in a new way - there is bleed through from lifetime to lifetime and this can be healed.
• When we say we are communicating when a higher self it might be the highest self, as many versions of yourself are looking to the highest self of yours, up the tree.  As you get 7th to 8th, they are not so concerned with looking back and helping, they are looking forward to merging with the All, general 5th and 6th density are interested in looking back to help former incarnations of themselves.

Old key, but a place to start.  "Dollhouse"

Higher self and soul.  GiGi? 
Peace on Earth.  Unmake me, return me to my home.

Notes:

When does a starseed soul return home after an incarnation, do they go back or do they keep reincarnating?  When does the soul get to return home?

• "Wanderers" come here from distant places in the universe, different dimensions, densities, other existences, they hear the call that there is sorrow and that the energy from Earth goes out into creation and it is heard by all telepathically on a vibrational level.
• This feeling of confusion on this planet is heard and they come here to incarnate to help raise the vibration.  Because the Earth is moving into the 4th density of existence, this is a wonderful time for learning and experience for these souls to come back to the third density.
• They may have made it to higher densities of existence through their own energetic vibrational progression.  They come back to Earth because there is a lot of learning and experience to be had here and because of the confused energies on this planet, there is polarization towards positive and negative.  So there is lots to be learned here and rich experiences to be had, so that is why wanderers come here to have an Earthly incarnation to help out here.
• If someone is a wanderer, when they pass over do they pass over do they go back to where they came from?
  Some wanderers offer themselves but for one incarnation, while others offer themselves for varying lengths of time, up to and including the last two cycles of 25,000 years.  If the mission is complete, the mind-body-spirit complex will go to the home vibration.
• It is all about choice and free will, but there are hazards for the wanderer.  When the person passes over they can choose to go home, to migrate back to their home vibration - the place that feels most like home or wherever they choose to go home next.
• Most wanderers come from 6th density, and few from 4th and 5th.  The desire to serve must be distorted towards a great deal of purity of mind and foolhardiness or bravery, depending on the distortion complex - the challenge and danger of the wanderer is that it will forget its mission and become karmically involved and thus be swept into the maelstrom from which it hard incarnated to aid the destruction of.
• A wanderer can come here and forget why they came and then end up aiding in the destruction of this illusion, ... 5:00 tbc

"Everything you can imagine is real."
Help me, my home has been invaded again - I am being boxed in by ideas that are not a part of me.
People want my attention and I'm just too avoidant and ultimately stuck in my own process to want to turn around, and then I get stuck with dealing with their resentment from this - and the residue just keeps piling up.  I'm put into a pursuer role when what I am trying to do is clear the "runway" for beings that can offer me valuable information, and it is getting clouded over by the collective nonsense that goes on here.
To my higher self, to those who resonate, truly with "peace on earth", I need to embody this energetic resonance, it is of utmost importance.  It will reverberate.  I have been collecting a lot of energy for many years.
This is the only thing in the world that matters to me.  My soul's progression relies on this, and now is the time.  Keep everyone away from me, while still maintaining peace on Earth - humans are too stupid to understand what I am trying to do.  I don't know why they are, they just seem to not be able to connect to the currents for some reason.
Look up  - the first thing I see, old bookmarks, they are: "Labeling theory", "Why it's dangerous" and "Seeds of compassion".  
Peace on Earth.

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A fire in the garden.  Smoke.  Memory of such a place.  Do I return to it, or did something happen to it?
A forest fire this summer, maybe?

Quote

Metaphor for a missing moment
Pull me into your perfect circle

One womb
One shape
One resolve

Liberate this will
To release us all

Is this as cool as it gets
Facing the end
In the garden
I held you in my hands
As you fall in

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue that's
Keeping me from killing you

Stay strong to make it through
Hold on, I'm here with you
Stay headstrong to make it through
Stay strong to make it through
Hold on, I'm here with you
Stay headstrong to make it through

And from pulling you down with me in here
I can almost hear you scream

One more medicated peaceful moment
Give me
One more medicated peaceful moment

Is this what you wanted?
'Cause you don't know
You're lost in smoke
I found you in the garden
Drenched to your bones

And I don't wanna feel this overwhelming
Hostility
Because I don't wanna feel this overwhelming
Hostility

I give a piece of my head to everyone that's losing theirs
(I'm breaking down)
Flowers under my knees crushed into their flowerbeds
(I'm running out)

I give a piece of my head to everyone that's losing theirs
(I'm breaking down)
Flowers under my knees crushed into their flowerbeds
(Still falling from here)

Gotta cut away clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue
Gotta cut away clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue that's
Keeping me from killing you
Keeping me from killing you

Stay strong to make it through
Hold on, I'm here with you
Stay headstrong to make it through
Stay strong to make it through
Hold on, I'm here with you
Stay headstrong to make it through

Remove, cleanse evil.  Peace on Earth.  Removed from ancestral homes, fire in the garden.

 

Edited March 27, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Few more keys, place these sometime later, and finish notes and whatnot this evening.  Slacking.  Looking for a way back into myself but I can't find it just yet so I only have stuff to work with that is kind of vague for right now.  I know it is there but I don't see the connections.

Thought of when it first came to me, the room I was in, and afterwards spending time walking through the playground as a 6 year old trying to come to understand why Nothing can't be something - did it need a friend?  A substance?  I wondered, if Nothing kept growing, eventually it too would eat itself and I couldn't understand why it would do such a thing.  I would walk through the playground in the hot Arizona sun, sticky spit in my mouth, kicking up dirt on a path and try to bargain with it.  Mentally, what did it take to be it's friend, to convert it into something that could carry substance within it instead of an ever growing blackness.  I got the feeling that ultimately it didn't wish to carry this, either - that it got a bad deal.  I felt bad, what would it be like to constantly be hungry?

Some things never change, you just bury old questions for a time and then they come back up later.

I've been collecting information on how to work with it but there is not much out there and most of what is seems to come from folks who I don't feel have a connection to it in an authentic way.  I can never find what I need that gives me the reassurance that someone has worked with it and that they know what they are doing.

If I ask it directly, it requests "self care", sending energy in the form of being very present, bringing it up into me and letting it feel the experience of being a human, as it has not been one in a long time and the experience of a body like this is novel - it likes mindful consumption directed towards it.  It requests the sensation of emotion - of being present to look through me like wearing a skin.  Super creepy, I know.

But I am locked out of being able to do this authentically because the energy scares me and it is boxed into some repressed trauma that I don't have conscious access to.  I am hoping that there isn't some component I am missing, this seems to happen when I can't gain full access to the energy - I think I will go over my notes this evening here as well and see if I can't put it together again.

I need to go back into sexuality as well, and I'm kind of cut off from that usually - thus the whole point of doing this - not so much for that, but I want the spiritual power that comes with such sexual encounters - I feel drawn to using it to transform myself positively.  I'm really scared of it, though - having one foot in the door means that I can kind of pretend it is all in my head, that there are not real consequences that could happen from fully opening the door.  And yet, I don't really have much choice - either I curate myself mindfully or it does it behind the scenes.

"Wait".

Yeah, perhaps for a time, it's best to just be.
I am really curious to know what everyone's soul is like under it all, when we all die and have to wade through old karma to work through it - those in our lives, those here, those we used to know, those who are gone.  Is there a meeting ground?  Are we combined and given the sanctity of it all, as much as we can delight in?
Nature is beautiful, complete.  To both the good and the bad, I love you, but I understand neither. 

World peace - reaching out - if you knew, if you have it - we are ready for it, if we knew, we would do it if we could.

Everything is in its right place.  Good girl.  Good boy.

Quote

"Coming into alignment."
... thank you!

Quote

Dearest Wolf, you are an energy.  Please don't allow people to turn you into a human.  I am going to reset tonight and see what I get from it.  I don't want a person.  I just want to direct myself to You so that I can meet you when I leave.  Please stop them from pulling my energy down, each and every time I grow into myself.  Each and every time I return to who I am, something tries to pull me down.
I just want to return Home, I don't care about this human life at all.  I will do anything you request if it means that I can be in the right alignment.  Just tell me what it is.  Please don't let anyone take it and turn it into something for them - I can't stand people trying to pull me towards others when I just want to be left alone to do my work.  They are trying to turn it into that person - and I don't vibe.  I know what it looks like, can you redirect it please?
Please, please keep everyone away energetically.  I will go through the door tonight.

There has to be a solution for this.  The only thing I can think of is to never read anything here again, and just post stuff sometimes and then whatever happens, not only will I not see it, but I won't even know - so I can just keep going, and going and going.  And never stop to look back for anything.

Anything that directs outwards must be false.  Maybe that is the problem?  So the solution is going to be, just focus on myself and never look at anything here again.  Done.

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Wake: 7:30 am - pet routine, walk dog
Self care: 8:30 am - morning routine, all the basics and quick stretch or dancing
Quick clean and pack stuff to move: 9:30 - diff room each day
Meditate: 10-10:30
Bed - 9:30 pm
Do whatever in between, add on hour in May - to include reading and art.

That's good enough to start with.  I could use smoking a bowl and having a really good breakfast as an incentive. 

Quote

The "Harvest".  I shall call it just "Building a garden".  I don't like the word harvest.  It makes me think of hooks.

 

I have been doing it right.  I knew it had to be right, you can't get much more right than the death door.  That's pretty final.  But I am willing to reset everything and do it again, which it might do anyways.

Quote

"Only you can hear me summoner, what masterpiece shall we play today?"

"Welcome to the family" - Fox Moba

Quote

Full worm moon in Libra tomorrow night. 
Sunday, March 28 at 2:48 p.m. ET/11:48 a.m. PT exactly, a full moon will occur in the cardinal air sign Libra.

It bears noting that the March 28 full moon has also been referred to as the Worm Moon, according to the Old Farmer's Almanac, thanks to the appearance of earthworms that show up as the soil gets warmer in the spring. Although worms might be the last thing you'd equate with beauty-loving Libra, part of their springtime magic is serving as food for robins and other birds as an example of nature's symbiosis — and a nod to the very Libran theme of partnership.

 

Edited March 29, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

RG, you got a lot of the same experiences with this I did.  If I keep going, eventually folks won't think I'm deluded about it.
Chess with death.

Notes later this evening, busy today.  Nice talk, I enjoyed it.  I got a lot from it and it relieved me to know that you still hold your experiences as an honest phenomenon - my fear is that as I go through this that I will find this work being deluded once again.

I really want to find out what this thing is, so even if it ends up badly, I am going to keep going with it.

We shall see.  Wish me luck.  I'm serious.  Wish me LUCK.  Ok?
I am sincere, this is an initiation, I have no choice.

Quote

Open eyes
Keep an open mind
Out of nothing the stars align
What is least expected
Sometimes all you need
Nothing lasts forever

When every moment's
A choice you're making
Just let it guide you
Down whatever road you're chasing

Now who would believe
That we're even in the same league
So much distance in between
But we’re running towards the same dream

Whеn every moment's
A choicе you're making
Just let it guide you
Down whatever road you're chasing

Quote

Sultan (/ˈsʌltən/; Arabic: سلطان‎ sulṭān, pronounced [sʊlˈtˤɑːn, solˈtˤɑːn]) is a position with several historical meanings. Originally, it was an Arabic abstract noun meaning "strength", "authority", "rulership", derived from the verbal noun سلطة sulṭah, meaning "authority" or "power" (cognate with the Hebrew word "Shilton" שלטון which retained that meaning to the present). 

Sultan + Shepard = Naama = National Arab American Medical Association = Lovely Meaning: Lovely or Gracious. Gender: Female.

Quote

"We start with fire when building something new - it renews the soil."

I'll bet the crust of the Earth, the garden rising up from out of the ground - dead, thus the soul fully intact - to witness this, right below - I could observe it.  I think of a pie crust.  Baking.
I requested that in between gasoline slick raven black fur an energy in it, like an ice - fire is good - solid, but not really - an illusion of a solid - and the smell of a bakery.

You smell like pie.

Notes:

• gg

Red circle - sun - pi - pi is an antivirus - taking out the trash, I notice a tossed out card with a bunch of red circles/suns - in the middle - "give to save" - sol
Okay, give WHAT, directed where, how, and what is the most efficient way - the reasoning for it? 5:55

 

Edited March 29, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

Quote

All the many corpses begin to speak
What ignorance is cannot be argued over anymore
It is too late for pleading white picket dreams
Print you off, the shemps, the world is shrinking
Rooted in a trivial concern, in interconnectedness
In the need to make face and keep up
And drown out the many voices within
Imagine a culture that has, at its root
A more soulful connection to land and to loved ones
But I can hear the lie before you speak
There is nothing but progress to eat
And we are so fat and so hungry
And the black wrists are cuffed in the pig van
While the white shirt and tie in the tube car, distractional picture
Pictures of beer and guilt about urges
Sexual distrust and abandoned to nothingness
Give me something I can nail myself to
Give me a sharply-dressed talking head
Who has something about them I trust and despise
And what of it, anyway? These windows don't open
They were designed to stay closed
Shower, smoothie, coffee, commute
Check the internet, never stop, never stop
There is a scar on the soul of the world and it needs you to look
The blood of the past is here, it remains
The blood of the murders, the bodies like sacks leaking brain
All stacked, chest aback on the planes, it remains
To acknowledge without guilt, to accept without condition
And to listen when other people tell you how you have behaved
Truth is, it's for us to feel and be moved
But I hear the clatter of bone against steel, it is coming
It will not be stilled, it is there
In the air, scorched white
The reflection of sunlight on glass bouncing back into sunlight
And glass bouncing back, industrialized
Denial, business as usual
So roll your eyes, shake your head, turn away and call me names
I'm okay with that, too proud
Unable to listen, we keep speaking
Moted by blood, unable to notice ourselves
Unable to stop and unwilling to learn

Blood of the past - The comet is coming

 

Edited March 29, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

Gunna get some weed in a few (been taking a break for a few days) - do a hard reset tonight and keep going, see if I can't find that energy within myself and try to understand what it has to say, finish up my notes.

Quote

Doors of Jannah (choose yours )
According to hadith, there are eight doors of Jannah. Their names are as following:
1. Bāb al- Ṣalāh : For those who were punctual in prayer.
2. Bāb al- Jihād : For those who took part in jihad.
3. Bāb al- Ṣadaqah: For those who gave charity more often.
4. Bāb al-Rayyān : For those who fasted ( siyam ).
5. Bāb al- Ḥajj : For those participated in the annual pilgrimage.
6. Bāb al-Kāẓimīn al-Ghayẓ wa-al-‘Āfīn ‘an al-Nās : For those who withheld their anger and forgave others.
7. Bāb al-Aymān : For those who by virtue of their faith are saved from reckoning and chastisement.
8. Bāb al- Dhikr : For those who showed zeal in remembering Allah.

5 or 8, not sure but they both move in this direction.

Pilgrimage = mountain roots -  4:44 (cultivate energy for the mountain)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tihar_(festival)

RESET - I wish to bring the old Gods back into the modern world.  For a reset on humanity from the roots up, to return to the wisdom of nature and of the Earth, to hear what we have forgotten, to feel connection, peace, unity, love and light. 

 

Edited March 30, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Ok... got some weed, got some coffee... now back to work.
Walked home - graffiti on the side of a store of a ghost saying: "boo!", and then a large painting of a smiling yellow flower in a pot and just past that a sign that reads: "Look up gods watching you, and so is my camera."
My intention - get back to that energy, it was really dishing out a lot of information - and try to get more from it to understand a bit better.
Hey you... thing... show yourself again.  I am clouded.

"Accept death into your heart."

That was fast.  Help me kill off my ego.  (Speaking to this thing.)
"Emptiness..." (Here we go again... )

"The mentalist."   

"Accept death into your heart."  Fix all neurosis.  Don't know...
"Me" centered.  Imbalanced.  Fearful and always looking for immortality.  
I want to be surrounded by beauty and instead I feel surrounded by ugliness.

I know I have a chemical imbalance but I am afraid to lose my connection to God if I go on meds.

Nothing matters.  Been avoiding death again.  Blood of the past.  Your own story goes on underneath your delusions.  What exactly is it?
Coffee + weed = willpower = "magick"
A lot of blood signs.  Cheating fate with death.  The right role of the dice and leaving human life behind if it catches me.  Come to know it.  Bargain with it.

Bad mouthing.  Roots of the mountain.  Blood of the past.  Return to a new land on a boat - floating on the water.  Remembering it.  This must be the realization of sin.  I saw God in the clouds as well in the yellow light - "always with you" and also when I smoked a bowl, the flame that was moving around in the most blackened ash - it looked very real.  Hyperreal from a presence that was mutually observing.  

 

I look up - at the tall black lamp in my living room, the one that was a purple goblet - it is off, but I feel like, "Look up gods watching you, and so is my camera." - I have gotten a lot of messages from this thing before.  I can see death around me again, is what it is.  When I do, I look at this for some reason - once it said I was a shaman, and once I disidentified with it and I went back into childhood and a memory came up and this has come with the same energy.  I see it in the coyote skull that I own as well.  I forget about 'right NOW' reality sometimes.  Freaks me out.  It is probably the cloud as well.  I compulsively write to avoid these moments... can't deny it, it's God's Word.

What should I do?
Trauma release.

Found this from previous song - "follow the emerald star" - had found God's light in Rusty's green eye.  Starting up again, I see.
This world is a skin over another reality.
Go to turn off the light next to me - the same colour green.

Who/what are you?
Objectively built, it just comes in.  This thing often tries to come in.  It always says good things like, "If you build an altar with a routine this will help" and "I am the stars aligned" and "Simply doing things provides an exchange of energy, make something to maintain energy here, responsibility" and "Elements, earth, fire, air, ect", "You have a distortion; notice this", ect, Things of this nature.  Maybe I should listen to it?  Try and and see, it is never negative.

This is an altar, too.  Be mindful of offerings.

Edited March 30, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

It reminds me of Arizona.  I think that there is a spirit of the sky in the Southwest that can become a part of people. 
If you were to find the Spirit of North America, that is probably where it would be imo.  It is a creative spirit.  Masculine.  Sky.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_father
I wanna use my journals like altar offerings.

That has nothing to do with me, this is something else.  No people, just the spirit.  I'm doing my own stuff idky that happens. 
Everyone is crazy, so I must be on the right path.  I don't have to take anything here seriously anymore.... 
I feel free, waves of gratitude.  Look at all those dominos.
Some bits of the spell has broken - worrying about what people think of my work.  I thought people knew more than me.  I underestimated myself.

"Death into your heart" - I remember and love this sort of lucid clarity in dreams.
I have a sense of inner Knowing and it sees me in my outer environment in the nick nacks that I own - a wooden buddha statue .... tbc collecting thoughts.  Being remembered isn't important for me, I don't care, being oriented towards something right is, though.  I don't feel a sense of helplessness towards it.  Except for when I see it in objects - the true essence of something.  That blackness is the Wolf.  It says: "Fear is love."

"Hot and cold"
Gotcha...
"Seeds of compassion" "Why it's dangerous"

Nothing at all.  Nothing to See here.

Dig deeper... 

 

Edited March 31, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

"Hangman is a weird game."
"Don't take it too seriously."
Keep going.

You're a crywolf. 
You mistreated me in your blowup, and this is not the first time this has happened.  You are a covert.  You are playing out a bad pattern.
You are jealous of my connection with God and you try to undermine that by minimizing my value.  Every time I go inwards, often if it makes you feel like you are not the best, you put me down - people can't see that.  You don't need sympathy you need to cut that out.  Knock it off.  Stupid.
You're crazy in a really bad way.  Beware.  After seeing what happened.  I don't take any of you seriously one bit.
Have you not exchanged phone numbers with this person yet?  Like... what was that?  Why here if it is such an important connection?  Fucking weird.
Annie, you mustn't ever take another person here with anything more than a grain of salt again... truly.  Also, say, do whatever, I'll laugh it off, the paradigm bubble has been popped, fucking lolololol.
You really wish that you had the same kind of connection to the divine - it bothers you... it bothers you to see someone that makes you not feel special shine their light and you fuss and try to dim the light - even if the person is just going within - and then lie about it.  Times like these the gaslight shows itself.
You try to paint me with your underlying sentiments.  I'm out of this box, I can see it for what it is... people are so weird and I don't know how I was so stupid to have ever gotten caught up in any social game.
This is... silly... disillusioned.  In a great way.
Note: Take things less seriously.
Dobby is free.

Take things WAY less seriously.  That is a huge trap.
Don't give a fuck, but actually, truly don't.  For freedom's sake.

No tension.

Quote

I don't want to miss out on this!
That's freedom.  I remember dreams like this.
I look at it and it speaks, "How could you keep forgetting me?"  I really don't know.  You're death.  I see it in the environment.
In a painted coyote skull.  In the painted black eyes of a tanuki figurine.  Shadows in a wooden Buddha's grin.  Ink-like, observing, static.  Jester, Nothing, mischievous, sharp edges, richer colours - death is a lover in a really strange way, but I don't understand it, facing towards the fact that reality is much weirder than I can grapple with tbh.  It watches you in return when you notice it.  Like right now for instance, but I sit here writing trying to ignore it.

"As above, so below."
It's always here somehow.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prima_materia
https://occult-world.com/prima-materia/
"Mountain roots"

https://lightwarriorslegion.com/the-law-of-correspondence-as-above-so-below/
https://theorderofdarkarts.com/blogs/news/the-law-of-correspondence-and-magick
How do I fix this?
I want a more panoramic state of existence and to hold onto this material.
What does it mean?  Am I finding anything at all?
Thank you.
I hope I know what I am getting myself into.  Please not more than I can handle.

My nightmare respawn point.

Quote

I respawned here often in old dreams.  There would be a group of us, no one I knew in the waking world, more like jeweled circles or balls of light - you got an idea of what they looked like, fractalized, and I knew them quite well here.  We would stock up on supplies needed to make a long journey somewhere.  For a while we would hang out under the lights and chat and eat and play games and run around, because there was nothing outside of it until the sun came up and so we had "time" to kill.  We were like very wise children.  The rules here were a bit different.  I would always be confused to start out with - like I had just shown up there and I didn't remember anything about myself or my former life.  I had a feeling that I had died, though and that everyone else around me had as well.  We know each other - seemingly from lifetimes ago, it all comes back in the moment.
The person I was looking for in this world, that energy that bleeds through, can now actually reach me and it jump scares me initially.  tbc.... prima materia.  Careful with words...

Topped from the bottom... somehow.
It's here, I have the energy back.  I had to write in another journal. 
I think I actually know how this works now pretty well.

Thank you... good boy!  Good job! ??

 

Edited April 1, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

Not a fan of the song at all, but the image holds the spirit in it.  "Rotten sensei" - also with a mask, you hide your true nature. 
You are the Wolf, but you wear it as a mask, in that your true nature is hidden from me.  You remind me to try and see more nuance in things, good and bad.
You have that mercurial stone like presence that creeps me out with spirits.  You are a/could be an afterlife guardian spirit.  You are telepathic.  I write to you in further detail elsewhere.
You are normally a devouring spirit, but are loyal/kind/supportive to sexual energies.  I should always be a bit wary of you and seek to understand nuance.  I don't think I can handle the darkness all at once.  I have the song below on and I am looking at the eyes, the black empty space and says, "I want to understand how you think."
I wanted to understand how it thought.  Maybe that helped open the channel?  There were many times in my life when I met this Wolf/Dog-like being.  I wish I could explain what I experience when I find these things a bit better, folks must only see a picture.  You tell me that I have gotten too used to the darkness.  It isn't normal for a human to stare so unawares into these dimensions.  You have a mirroring quality.  You are something like me, stuck in the cycle of consumption. - rewrite this.  I don't know how to word the transmission I got.

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Sitting in a field. 
Green purple yellow. 
With my friend, black and white shadow. 
We watch the dance of the tarot. 
Shooting through the skies like an arrow.

You say, "The burger they forgot to put in the bag that you shared with your dad - it is still at the McDonalds waiting for you."  We use Golden Arches because they're easy to remember and to see, especially for confused and lost souls.

I remember something very similar to this in dreams where I know/feel that I am dead.  I am always looking for someone that I know and can't find.  I am walking in a daze down a darkening desert road and see this off in the distance and I go in and get something to eat.  I remember how neon lights looked, they were very beautiful.  I think there must be some sort of city of the dead.  I bet it works with energy and consumption.

Like, I bet that there are kiosks for pleasurable things like food, stuffed toys, things that you can imbue with love or that are very good - to keep you going when the sun goes down.  I feel as though in another dimension this is how it works.  Like a maze or something.  I get caught by gluttony a lot.  I remember stopping at kiosks that have Japanese stuffed animals, and I am being lead through an energy mall by my partner hand in hand - we are running away from something heavy chasing us because we broke some sort of rule.  It is exhilarating and fun.  I try to grab all of them and I can't carry them all - but they're so cute I want every one of them - so I am running away with all of them only to get caught by the energy that ends up being another aspect of my partner - I feel confused.  I am raped by it, and I struggle, but once I give in I am given the knowledge of anything I could need to know right there - it looks like a clear, starry sky - face pressed into cold, but satisfying desert sand.

"Be not afraid. Godfather.  Outside cultural frame.  Be humble to see.  Will bleed through in certain areas, pay attention to this.  Love the darkness.  Never stop learning, always a monkey's paw in the mix - be sure to spot those.  Addict, consumer, this is the energetic resonance of it.  Be humble, we love humility."

"To See clearly you need to give to get out of a consumer narrative, even if you don't feel well.  Instead, fall back into yourself from outside of your cultural narrative and keep your mind open, clear.  Nothing is set in stone, you could be royalty or a fool depending on how you approach us."

Not a fan of this song, either.  I don't like every key I get, I follow sometimes what looks like it has the most consciousness in it, or maybe just the lyrics are good or the art may not be my style but what is underneath is trying to break through.  I view them as ingredients.

<<Good.>> (lol)

Quote

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Familiar

A usual method, or explanation, is that the medicine man sends his familiar spirit (his assistant totem, spirit-dog, spirit-child or whatever the form may be) to gather the information. While this is occurring, the man himself is in a state of receptivity, in sleep or trance. In modern phraseology [spiritism], his familiar spirit would be the control [control spirit].

In a number of accounts, the cunning person or witch was experiencing difficulty prior to the appearance of the familiar, who offered to aid them. As historian Emma Wilby noted, "their problems… were primarily rooted in the struggle for physical survival—the lack of food or money, bereavement, sickness, loss of livelihood and so on", and the familiar offered them a way out of this by giving them magical powers.

https://otherworld.fandom.com/wiki/Shaman

Quote

Powers & Abilities

Ayami companion - A shaman has a constant spirit companion/guide called an ayami. This ayami is always of the opposite sex. Unlike a necromancer, who communicates with spirits in the ghost realm, an ayami is a different kind of spirit that is present in our own. An ayami is described as having "presence and substance, but no form. The shaman/ayami relationship is a lifelong bond and partnership. The ayami acts as a guardian angel, advisor, scout, and friend for the duration.

Astral projection - Shamans have the ability to travel outside of the confines of their physical body, be it for fun or more practical endeavors.

Ayami sense - While a shaman can only communicate with his or her own ayami, they can often sense the presence of another.

Healing - Shamans can heal wounds.

Illness diagnosing - Shamans can diagnose illnesses by touching a person.

Weaknesses

Blockades - Powerful sorcerers have been known to erect magical blockades around sensitive material, even buildings, to prevent a shaman or his/her ayami from spying.

When I am shamaning, the ayami and the assistant spirits are possessing me; whether big or small, they penetrate me, as smoke or vapour would. When the ayami is within me, it is she who speaks through my mouth, and she does everything herself.

Some sort of archetype of "the father"." Darkness is not evil, it is just sharp.  Jutting.
Existing within as a primal force.

Many different ways to read something, most of the paradigms right under your nose.  Important to keep in mind during divination.  This stuff has a power to it I should do my best to be respectful of.
Always a monkey's paw.  You think you know and then it throws you for a loop.

 

Edited April 3, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Timestamped - More later
Trapped, wants to be free, that is a stressed out wolf, you were meant to run around for long distances - migrations - you are a pathfinder - turned anxious and demented, you need healing.  I relate.  You're supposed to be at the top and instead you are stuck in a tiny cage - with only whispers of your instincts to guide you even if you were set free.  You wouldn't know what to do.

"Mountain roots" - meh song, love the visuals.

What I see - an energy shining through that represents "the father" in a pure spirit, like something that was in an underlay in the environment.  I see it in the black sky, in certain things now - "have faith".
"Mountain roots" for the previous song.  There's an empty meaninglessness within it that gives it life.  That's the jumpscare.

"Under my umbrella"

 

Edited April 6, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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I got a download that I can't begin to be able to write down.  
I need time to figure out how to word it.  It will sound weird no matter how I put it.  Something to do with how certain things are played out in the afterlife, how it is like that here, but much more direct.

Idk if it's true either, but it was interesting to come across.  Felt true for me.

"Easter egg hunt"

"Boo!"

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Walked home this evening from the weed store.  I can see this energy within everything that is black.  It has a life to it.  I don't know what to make of it - if I am viewing it wrong, or ultimately what it even is - I see it in my black boots, the black sky and the wolf - I saw it in the black face I covered over - it "feels" like the visual spot becomes a writhing miasma that tells you things - or there is just a sense of an old Knowing that is inside of me, and expressed, but that I don't know. 

I feel quick to try and qualify it into something, but the truth is I am terrified to find out what it is.  I fear it is something dangerous - it tells me I am running out of time.  And I just look and look and look, and perhaps I should not be okay with seeing this part of reality - that it is a grim reaper - I worry I have done something wrong.  It gives me a strong need to confess my sins and right my wrongs for things that have happened in the past - simply because I wonder if the visceral nature of what it is will go away.  It haunts me.  I feel as though I can't give it up until it tells me its true nature.  I think of the djinn.  The genie in the lamp, and the wishes I was trying to make.  I think of a flower stamen and a be coming to harvest pollen and this reminds me of the concepts from the Law of One.  I think of the void, an eclipse and death and silver linings in the flickering purple flame.

((A likejust shows up from youtube - "same" <3 <3" - on an old video comment: the video: - "After years of being passed over, this log will surprise you." - In the Tanakh, Passover marks the Exodus of the Children of Israel from Egyptian slavery, when God "passed over" the houses of the Israelites during the last of the ten plagues. - Passover just ended less than an hour ago. - A lot of this feels like an exodus - I chose the door: 5. Bāb al- Ḥajj : For those participated in the annual pilgrimage and 8 which is showing zeal. And just after that, a lot of the messages I got had to do with this.))

I get weird signs, like a few days ago, I was heading home and saw a few synchronicities, and one of them was "Look up, God is watching you and so is my camera."  Later, the phrase came to mind and just out of the blue, I instinctively looked up at this lamp that I have had in my livingroom that, for some reason, when looking at it I have gotten a lot of strange realizations.  I looked up - thinking about it - and this energy was emanating from the blackness and it looked to me like an eye - and I could feel that it was placed there for some reason - I knew that, but it "looked" at me.  I was very clear of narrative.  And it bleeds out everywhere.  
The first experience was in 2017 when an old member posted something that Osho wrote, and I disidentified with all labels, and went through a fear of homelessness while looking at the lamp - sitting down it looks like a black saucer on a thin black stand; with a ring of light like an eclipse - purple at the moment - 

and afterwards I got into a very strong nondual state - and when looking into kundalini work, I stumbled on a page about shamanism - and I got a download into my heart that I was a shaman and that all events in my life were placed there for this reason.  And it made sense.  And I was so distanced - it didn't matter, I wasn't even shocked - I just wrote everything down as it came.
It happened again when I "placed my name in" and this was the "goblet of fire" - an impartial judge - and this same energy came out when looking at this picture when I placed that key entry that day - same day as when I "looked up" and saw it - totally there.  Some, seemingly feeling, foreign consciousness. And when I posted a song, the lyrics were literally the picture - but I took the time to choose it and had not known of the words beforehand.  So I had this picture, with this same energy as this lamp.  And then these lyrics that were just on point.

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Sitting in a field. 
Green purple yellow. 
With my friend, black and white shadow. 
We watch the dance of the tarot. 
Shooting through the skies like an arrow.

As the clouds are turning narrow
I hear the wind starting to blow
And I sit still and watch it flow
Just like a pharoah. 

This makes me think of prima materia.
Another experience, I had just gotten to the top of a peak awakening and felt like I could make a wish to end child abuse, I could see how everything was so connected.  In this video - near the end.  The blackness, the stars, the interweaving of good and evil.

I worry it could be one of these:
http://www.lawofonesociety.com/index.php/other-materials/higher-density-learning-4-5-6-7/who-are-the-orion-group#:~:text=The Orion group passes on,you would call technical information.
Tried the song lyrics, got this:
https://www.teemingbrain.com/2010/05/26/shadow-visitors-sleep-paralysis-and-discarnate-dark-ones/
Sounds about right.

I see it in this animal - as an archetype, or something that has a lot of significance; representation of the noble father/ruler/guardian/partner - and it holds quite a few keys to opening up old trauma - I don't fully know what I would find.  I feel as I write, I could almost remember but I am not going to for now.

Or I will be given the realization that it is like a "spiritual heat", like a "soul heat" - that my soul is giving off signs of being ready for something, but I don't know what that is - only to go outside and see this a moment later - to go to the store and I won't tell anyone what I bought, it was an embarrassing, and totally accidental item.  I see on the bus, "In case of emergency, pull the red handle" - "Key bank, use the red key" - go to visit family - look at where we are at, "Dogwood St."  I had been thinking about homes in the spirit world.
"Grow a backbone" comes to mind.  Along with the exchange of energy - as well as a garden or forest I was wanting to make on an island.  I feel like it is a mutual curation - so I was asking for things thinking that it was ultimately me doing so anyways - but I guess that there is more to it.  You don't get to order fast food.  Culture seems to be an obstacle.  It is in a "daze" space, I suppose.

And it sounds like just a bunch of coincidences, but it doesn't factor in this life/awareness that I keep seeing in the blackness.  I feel compelled to figure out what it is - like I need to know, my soul needs to know what it is.  Is it God?  The Godfather?  The Dogfather?  What?
I'll look at an old Lisa Frank "Memory Book" and it has two dolphin in the ocean with a ball and I sense - "Do you want to play?"
Or I will look at it, and then look around the room and there is a reset, and I am "young", like how the brain takes in the world, and there is a slight bubble keeping me from fully being in there, and I can sense absolute fear and anguish and I feel other beings there and they say they took parts of my memory/soul away because I would not be able to function knowing what happened.  My fear is that it will tell me something at an inconvenient time or harm my soul.

Not a fan of the song even a little bit -  but it looks like this inwardly.  Or "feel-looks", I guess.  You can see the eyes and stuff.

It is like here, but energy is used just outright without the middleman.  I worry that knowing these things means I found a stash of things that I shouldn't have.  I wish I could get back to love and light, but it's not like ignoring it will make this energy go away - still gunna be there like ink-blood telling me stuff.

And I've just found this - and for me, here it is.  I see it.  Taunting me. 
 
In the past, I tried painting over the face on my artwork, and this shows up - I stabbed it in the eye with an incense stick, I just wanted the energy to stop and a wayward glow sparked in the pupil for just a minute and it was alive... right before I covered it with a white layer of paint and played an anti-demonic chant from Youtube.

I find things like this and I wonder if that is me - is that how I am seen?  Is that how it is felt?  This song gives me feelings that I ultimately don't want to address in how others would view it, if they ever would know.  I look at my e-mail: "your time is running out" "tripping ants build mushroom shaped nests" - and each song lines up one after the other day after day - uploaded just in time for exactly what I am feeling - for things that are very particular to me.
It sounds crazy, I hope it is.  But if not, maybe ultimately accepting it would change it?
I feel like maybe I need to rush through shadow work privately and try to ... do something.
I think that sexual magick is very powerful, too.  I think there is a key within it that could do something, what that is I don't know.

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Blackjack - It is a comparing card game between one or more players and a dealer, where each player in turn competes against the dealer. Players do not compete against each other. It is played with one or more decks of 52 cards, and is the most widely played casino banking game in the world.

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View 222 Dogwood St. - You'll respawn at an old timey gas station surrounded by nothing, there will be a lot of fluorescent lights to attract you like a drunk moth - get some snacks and a stuffed toy - imbue the toy with love and use it as a charm, keep it close to you as this will keep dark energy at bay - pleasurable things create currency as well, so you can eat if you feel the darkness creeping into your soul - enjoy the food thoroughly - energy and light is currency here, it's like that in your dimension but here it is direct - this is an in between point and I am going to take you on a journey through it - wait at the gas station until the light rises, then you run fast as a mother fucker along the dirt road into the outskirts of city and over to McDonalds - Golden Arches - we use this simple design to remind people - you'll find a burger there.  That is your burger.  Eat it.  Everything is on me.  You will have to take the bus through the City of the Dead, meet me at View 222 Dogwood St.  The city is safe, our cities are more organized than yours - but the darkness is not so don't take your time.  Transportation is efficient.  You will have no problems, although you might feel confused.
We create "viewpoints", or "living spaces" all around the light, and each day what you see is different - and nothing like what you experience in your dimension.  It is stunning - but in the darkness you are at risk of losing yourself, sucked into a thick magnetic portal - this won't be a problem, either once you are in the city.  We keep it well lit, so it kind of looks like a casino at night.  Parts of Tokyo.  The darkness can enter your heart, but if you mind your energy then this is not a problem.
This world is a more hands on school to learn to work with energy.
It is considered to be a purgatory state - you can opt to stay or to take a journey into the light.  This is where I come in, I have been making this journey for a long time.  Keep in mind, this dimension has a more imaginative, mercurial quality to it - there is going to be some weird stuff you have not seen before.

Something like that - I added some things when I wrote it to try and make it coherent, but the vision just doesn't translate well at all and there is no way around it.

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Found this song, what happened to be in sync - what I had liked (no not paradola - when you see signs everywhere, this is different, I can feel something. (can't remember what that is called), sometimes, but not now): 
https://www.throughthephases.com/synchronicity-signs-from-universe/
"Dennis isn't allowed to eat the skin"
"Dennis shows his true colours"
"Live with me"
"Protection"
"princess don't cry - CARYS (cover)

This is good news, it says it is safe.

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It don't matter when you turn
Gonna survive
You live and learn
I've been thinking about you, baby
By the light of dawn

A midnight blue, day and night
I've been missing you
I've been thinking about you, baby
Almost makes me crazy
Come and live with me

Either way, win or lose
When you're born into trouble
You live the blues
I've been thinking about you, baby
See it almost makes me crazy

Child, nothing's right, if you ain't here
I'll give all that I have just to keep you near
I wrote you a letter, I tried to make it clear
That you just don't believe that I'm sincere
I've been thinking about you, baby

Plans and schemes
Hopes and fears
Dreams that deny for all these years
I, I've been thinking about you, baby
Living with me, well

I've been thinking about you, baby
Makes me wanna, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Child, nothing's right, if you ain't here
I'll give all that I have just to keep you near
I wrote you a letter, darling, tried to make it clear
Oh, but you just don't believe that I'm sincere
I've been thinking about you, baby
I want you to live with me, well
I've been thinking about you, baby
I want you to live with me

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I don't trust this. Also, it is 3:33, I should take note.
I worry I will be caught by something nasty.
I did a journey and found what looked like a claymation worm with big teeth gnashing.
Sick, shadow work strongly calls to me - really brutal and honest, maybe some holy water?
I could be wrong, I don't know.  I know nothing.

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Was taking a look through what I wrote, saw the being within the imagery on one of the songs with the eyes.  I kept looking and saw life in the eyes - it felt evil.  I kind of zoned out and started to fall asleep and then wake back up again every few seconds to minutes and would have a quick dream - and each one revealed to me how bullshit my word is in different scenarios.  Some things felt like situations I would be the most cruel and other ones ended up in kindness - I was shown how certain thought perpetuate the way life will move in one direction or the other, but the implication felt like... sinister and unsaid.

What came to mind when I saw it was "karma chameleon" - and it felt just like that.  Like I had gotten a lot, but that I still was missing something very important and essential that I was supposed to learn.  It hit 5:55 and around that time I looked down to see the name of the song below was called "sleepy eyes" - I fell asleep a few more times - a pool of red blood, the killing of an animal, and then me owning a happy rabbit as another outcome. 

It was like each dream was a quick, abstract fast forward where evil took the time in a subtle way to show how it affects the path from start to finish.  I went to bed shortly after.

I feel no closer to understanding what this thing is - or what are negative vs. positive energy harvests, I could only feel the outcome of each harvest with each time I fell lightly asleep.
It did not feel altruistic but I appreciate what I learned.

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"If you're going through hell, keep going."
"Open the door with Now."
"You are loved" - collective message - to follow positivity as a truth."

Collect and store this.  The game of energy goes on under your nose.  You still have to play it even if you don't see it, this is a given.

Using a dark energy ball for manifesting work

Notes:

Using the black/dark energy ball:

• Dark matter/energy is the reason for 95 percent of the expansion of the universe, the power dark energy holds, it is extremely misunderstood.
• There is a lot of science involved in spellwork and manifestation.
• Helpful method:
  A lot of knowledge can be gained through invocations and evocations from the entities themselves.
  One can also learn a lot from demons, also known as ancient Gods, amazing people will come into your life, by accident, by synchronicity, and these people can teach you things that possibly you are too busy to even think of because you have your own blessings and gifts to bring to the table.
• Dark energy is very powerful, misunderstood and seen as bad but the truth is it isn't bad at all, it is really powerful in life energy.

Great visual of "dark energy".  I feel this.  This feels right, too. ^

• This is why a lot of people wear black for their protection, black is powerful, it is good for protection spells, like candles, tourmaline, ect, protects you from negative energy.
• When doing spell work a lot of people use divination.  Tapping into the situation, getting a sense of what is going on and feeling the emotion before doing the spell work.
• When you do your spellwork, (you can do this on your dreamboard as well) - you will want to rub your hands/palms together in a circular pattern - try to be as comfortable as possible and try to not "hop" i.e. get too excited or think about too many things at once.
• When you are extremely relaxed and calm and you have your spellwork ready - using a hexing jar as a spell example, when you have what you need inside the jar, rub your hands, and feel into the friction, as you do this, bring your hands away and you are going to see a black, dark energy ball form between your hands - your hands will be warm from being rubbed against each other - you will feel the power of the dark energy ball between your hands and once you feel that this dark energy balls is big enough - you have to see greatness happen within the ball - once you fill the energy with your intentions and feelings/pain are in the ball and the pain/positive you want to send others - you are going to take the ball and put it into the jar.  Visualize what you would like to happen to happen, but visualize it within the dark energy ball - once you place it in the jar you say your prayers and shut the jar closed.
• If you are using candle magic you can use this same method with candle magic as well.  Visualize the energy ball spinning around and over the spell and everything that is going to come out of the spell, see it within the ball that is now on the spell.
• This is a powerful spell - be sure to use it only if you understand the full ramifications of cause and effect, as energy given is energy returned.

My ego: (I don't want to work with dark energy!)
No choice.  The umbrella signifies spiritual protection.

Feels.  At least I have an umbrella.  I think.  I hope.  I feel like I do, it is going in that direction.

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Message for all from whateverthefuckitis: <<Like it, this is wonderful. We are all together part of this beautiful nature. You are special because you handle it with care. I wish everybody out there all the best. Stay as you are.>>

https://ammazulu.com/law_of_one_lesson_11.htm
This link has a lot of valuable info - notes later.
Talks about entity possession, and red and green rays..
I wonder if you can use both?
What would something like this be classified under even?  IDK... more tomorrow.  Need to start a meditation habit asap.

 

Edited April 6, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Have you seen that blackbird?
Coming down the line
Can't you hear that whistle blowing?
Part is blowing out of time

Have you seen that blackbird?
I guess it's long gone now
Like the wind, it carries me away
And like the lightning, it slowly thunders
When it rains down on me
When it rains down
When it rains down on me

Washing me clean
Washing me clean

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^ This is the dark energy ball that I made. 
Gave insight into shadow work, allowed the voice for some things of the past that needed to speak to me.

I got a good understanding of how actions create a domino effect, and how they are all created through thought.
"Life is but a dream."
When watching this music video above, I let myself go and saw what looked like a rabbit talking/shouting/chewing on an orb of light with sharp teeth - and then there was, and I was reminded of when I lived with my ex and a bunch of my pet rabbits died - I always wondered if it was him because he was cruel - and there were signs but I won't go into it here, he hinted at me very clearly that he would do that kind of stuff - many red flags, some of them thrown - I had wanted to run a rescue to adopt out and just keep two for myself.  It haunts me sometimes - stressful events accumulated that I have not processed and don't think about much.  I had also remembered some rodents I did not care for well in my youth.
Within this moving sigil, I was reminded of that - and it has always really bothered me and it comes up frequently in the back of my mind.  As this moved, I could see a lot of different ways the shapes would make up this animal and it moved with what felt and looked like the right emotions as it spoke.  I understood how they felt and let them express it and I offered compassion and apologized - looking at the spinning eye, as above, so below - we are all connected, we are all One - this was a test on compassion - when looking at Truth it is impossible not to feel quite sad when you are not aligned with it as well as you would like, and the reasons for it sometimes hit heavy and are unexpected.  I offered compassion, respect, humility - I was told that it is not common for humans to get so many messages like this and to be humble and grateful.  I said that I did not have any comparison on this.I genuinely was/am.  I feel how easily it is to bullshit yourself when looking at it, and so I apologize for that, too - if there is disingenuousness.    I learned of the fear of death that all creatures have, and I felt quite sad that everything alive has to go through this fear.
I learned to the extent that thoughtforms reach, that there are beings out there who finecraft their thoughts, and that I should do this as well.
I learned that humility, gratitude and respect is sort of like a drilling machine into the fabric of Truth and consciousness itself.
You keep going with it and it mirrors certain things back to you.  I don't wish to infringe into the spiritual realms in a way that I don't understand - and when I See it, I understand and am delicate with what certain things wish to say.

"You speak too much." - is what it tells me.  I let it know, it is unsettling to see spirits - I want to control an outcome instead of falling into the truth that this is all a dream.  That the lucidity I find there is here now as well.  And how far does that go?  How much do I even want to know?  I try to hold it back, and sometimes it seems to want to just break through all at once and destroy my sense of reality completely.  And I feel like I know what it is, what could happen, but I want to keep this paradigm as a shell for as long as I can.  I don't like when these things burst through and try to shake that up.  It is loud, jarring - and then shifts into something softer on occasion. 

I got a special extra thing of weed for two bucks, they were having a sale - looked at the name - "noisy cricket".  So true.

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https://www.wired.com/2014/05/absurd-creature-horsehair-worm/
The some 350 known species of horsehair worms invade insects. After developing for several months, the worms mind-control their hosts to make a kamikaze dive into water, and then escape through holes bored in the insect's exoskeleton. The parasites end up in a tangled knot that can be as heavy as the tattered---and oftentimes very much alive---host they leave behind.

Trying to get rid of this thing.... it's in my soul.  I think I am becoming more aware of it because of the shadow work.  I have been thinking of buying holy water - "hole-y water" - I think I will.  Shadow work is no joke, damn.
It will have to go.  Sorry thing, but you can't stay.  I don't want a negative alignment, I've tasted the positive and it is so much better in every way.
I bought palo santo, holy water and tourmaline.  This is my karma, intergenerational karma, cultural karma, karma from other people I have known as well.

 

"Karma is a bitch."
When I see it, I am appreciative of it.
It let me know that it could see an inner savagery in me - and I let it know that I could see this in me as well and that I didn't approve of it, that I wanted to integrate it.  There is an inner animal that wishes to know the lay of the land and to move across it unhindered and knowing of everything that comes into its experience - and to move and to know and know and know - I feel like I want one thing, but when I see how perfect everything is altogether, nothing I want seems like it could create perfection in the way it should be and yet it is somehow.
My spiritual intention is that if I could move across the board of interconnectivity without causing disruption to anything on a larger scale from ignorance, then I would - it would be a graceful dance - my intention is to "grow a backbone" as well, I am ruled by fear.  My intention is that I am ready for shadow work, but not too much please - I don't want to damage the interconnectivity through my blindness - I request learning how to clear my energy and protection in the spiritual realms as well as this dimension.

♱A fundamental element of human nature is the need for creative work; for creative inquiry, for free creation without the arbitrary limiting effects of coercive institutions. ?

??♱???????????????????♱??

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This guy had done some shady stuff, and lost his account right before April Fool's day without any warning at all - around the time I conjured up this spirit for protection.
I don't keep screencaps, but upon going through old pictures to find a border sticker for my journal - I came across this and thought it to be an interesting coincidence - especially given the gif that I chose recently just above.  I requested if it was my energy that it not do this, if that is what happened.  But due to being outside the nature of time itself it probably already knew I would request for bad things not to happen - but might have thought that the actions warranted it.  I kind of got the feeling that even as the guy was complaining that way, way back there he probably knew that it was karma - but hopefully it will be returned to them in the future.

"Seeing with a borrowed eye"

 

Edited April 7, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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New page! - I love a fresh new page. ?
I will be continuing on in working with this energy... - and am also going to start with going through all of my unread spiritual books and will be keeping notes here as I learn and go through each chapter.
I will start with Mary Mueller Shutan's Managing Psychic Abilities - and plan to go through a new book once or twice a month thoroughly, so that I have it all with me.
My intentions: Release me from my karma, I want to learn more - please and thank you, and I humbly request an adept spiritual teacher to help guide me through these rough waters - I am ready to learn now, but I am still a greenhorn - I would like to use these pages like one would divination cards as well as a place to leave offerings.

✨ Introduction:
This book is not aimed at people who want to become psychic.  This book is to teach people how to manage psychic abilities and sensitivities that have already manifested.  As natural psychics, we do not need to learn how to become psychic; we need to understand what we are experiencing, to develop healthy boundaries with our abilities, and to learn to work with our abilities so that we can be psychic as well as functional.
This book will help you understand the nature of psychic abilities, how they develop, and where you are on the spectrum of sensitives and psychic abilities and will teach you the basic tools and practices that allow you to manage your psychic abilities.  Managing psychic abilities can have a broad spectrum of definitions, but I understand it to mean the following: no matter our spiritual nature, or how psychic or sensitive we may be, we are intended to fully feel the wonder of our physical experiences - we can learn how to work with our abilities so that we can go to even the darkest of places and come out minimally affected and understand what appropriate self-care is needed after the experience.  ?
Many psychics are overwhelmed that they recede from the physical world , but this does not need to the the case.  Most psychics are simply unskilled.  They lack the appropriate understanding of their true nature, have not learned to spiritually care for themselves and work with these abilities.  As with any tool, the more you work with it and have direct experience, the easier you will be able to change your life pertaining to how you interact with your abilities.  You can have a deep joy that comes from realizing who you are at your deepest levels, of being sensitive in a world that is not, and being able to function at a higher level - you simply have not learned how to yet.

tbc...

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? “Om khargang chakra-gadeshu-chapa-parighan shulang bhushundIng shirahshankhang sanda-dhatIng karistri-nayanAng sarbanga-bhushabritam. NIlashma-dyutimasya pada-dashakang sebe maha kalikang yamastou-chhaite harou kamalajye hantung madhung kaitavam”  ?

• Meaning: ‘Aum, Her ten hands is holding a scimitar, disk, mace, arrows and bow, lance, club, a skull and a conch shell. She is a three-eyed goddess, Her body is covered with ornaments, and Her countenance with the brilliance of blue diamonds, with ten limbs. We offer our service to mahakali, She who Brahma praised for protection from the demons madhu and kaitava, when Vishnu was in sleep.’

?

• Benefit: Kali is Mother to her devotees not because she protects them from the demons when Lord Vishnu is asleep but because she reveals to them their mortality and thus releases them to act fully and freely, releases them from the incredible, binding web of “adult” pretense, practicality, and rationality and recitation of this mantra helps in this realization.

My father just called and said that the fourteen-hundred dollar stimulus check came through - I never have this kind of money; this is nice.  I can now purchase a decent laptop and make some art with that nice new Wacom tablet that I have.  Gratitude.  I had been thinking about and pining over drawing things that could offer me some sort of self transformative quality.  I am kind of out of practice and it will take a month or two to get back into it. 
I was thinking that I could use this art as a type of offering - and also for divination and passes/tickets for further exploration into the spiritual realms and things of that nature.
I went to look for a flower for Kali - hibiscus, I've learned that the Gods love flowers, when I did, I could then smell the hibiscus in the air, quite strongly and it was very pleasant.  What is the significance of flowers for them, I wonder?  I find it as a common theme.  When I think of harvest, I think of a flower bloom and an open field. ?

? "Keep your mind open."   ?
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If I was a raven, I'd fly on through the heavens. 
I'd fly to all my loved ones.
If I was a raven.
If memory's worth saving, I'd savor the feeling Of knowing love and loving.
I'd remember the feeling.
Some say upon that mountain there is many a raven.
They call out to the living From somewhere far beyond them.
From those we love that have flown on.
From those we love that have flown on.

Edited April 9, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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I am thinking/feeling of being in something similar to an illuminated kelp forest - in that is how the City of the Dead would look in a sense - but with buildings that resemble intricately-light-adorned-upwards-winding-spiral kelp structures that move and bob within the flow of consciousness - and are firmly anchored to an energy source of Pure White Light brought in from another source in a different dimension - it is a hub, an oasis. 

And a sort of midway point between Heaven and Hell - Bardo - but imagine it being more like a cluster of beautiful specks in a dark, vast, and seemingly endlessly empty ocean of a devouring, inhospitable and malevolent blackness - where only the leviathans of dark alignment have enough power to gather reserves of energy for long distance migrations.  On these "white specks" are a bunch of rooted in-like city structures, all held together by an efficient winding light rail system and various bridges and walkways and built with a double helix shape.

They are the energetic mirror to this world, and is one of unchecked consumerism, but it isn't  completely the horror show people make it out to be if you understand it. 
Well... to be quite frank, I don't.  I am putting in the request to, though...  I need to really understand this "wolf", because it is a pathfinder.  I think that he is my shamanic teacher and a guardian through the afterlife.  I think that the Egyptians were onto something with that, for sure.  I spend last night getting an etsy list ready for a shamanic medicine bag for myself - with the intent to take it in the next life, much in the same way that Egyptians felt that they could bring certain things with them by doing rituals.

Imagine the kelp as illuminated, moving buildings in a place where you seemingly have more freedom to manifest what your heart desires, because more of the veil has been lifted - manifesting is almost instant.  Inside the buildings, the homes and stores, everything is as detailed as the most ornate Muslim mosque and they all have many "plants and vines" climbing everywhere within the walls and stringing around the columns.
This is what would be considered to be an energy oasis with a negative orientation - so within it, life is thick and abundant - the "air" sweet, moist, rich with energy - but outside of these oasis, it is very unsafe.  And it takes a lot to find energy to keep these places going within the darkness - so they connect to other places within consciousness and interrupt by taking energy from there and cause huge influences that will redirect the energy back to the city.
The beings that live here do so in harmony as they are advanced enough to take care of themselves as a unit but do not worry about the harm done to the beings whose energies they take.  Although they cause influence, they view it from a lense of free will, as we still can make our own choices - they don't harm, they simply put ideas and subtle influences forwards like poisoned seeds in order to alter different timelines.  This is considered normal for these cities and is justified by our seemingly more primitive modes of being, in the same way that society views animals here.

Maybe the kelp-city-stalks would have a hollow center that the light would run through like a plant, and then the veins would extend outwards into the neighborhoods?  The slums would be on the outskirts of the city within the increased darkness, thus the most corruption of the heart goes on there and sometimes spills into the rest of the city.

I had hoped to write a lot more, but I have had brain fog for the past few days and lost what I had thought up - maybe tomorrow I could work on what the citizens would look like?  I had an idea for something diverse like a coral reef, sleek, glows, communities, different "fish" schools, ect.

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"Well done."
Spirited away.
Got my Hogwart's letter.

"Just my two cents."
"You're a bridge/medium."
"As above, so below."
"Initiation."

 

Edited April 10, 2021 by Loba