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[Keyhole]

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• Occult World - Abraxas
• Gnostic Warrior - Abraxas
• IAWWAI - Abraxas

Carl G. Jung called Abraxas the “truly terrible one” because of his ability to generate truth and falsehood, good and evil, light and darkness with the same word and in the same deed. In Jungian psychology there is no easy way out of psychic conflict; one must not only fight on the side of the angels but occasionally join the host of the Fallen Angels. According to Jung, fear of Abraxas is the beginning of wisdom, and liberation, or gnosis, is achieved by not resisting.

Last night, looking on this image I could see death, one side seemed to hold everything terrible in the world and the other everything good.  I found a description of this God and it seems to fit.  An all encompassing good and evil, the desire to unify polarity.  They grayest ghost, the most illuminated spirit.  In the image of a chimera.  Used in Freemasonry.  They use the eye symbol - I understand the importance of this eye.  Once you achieve a certain understanding, looking into the eye manifests; you can see where you are at, if you are tipping the scale too far in one direction, and the universe will begin to manifest things in your environment to help you. 
It's a fast ticket to communion and confessional with the higher Self. 
Once you know how to use this eye... you just have to be in the right mental mindset, you can manifest very strong things within the world.

Notes:

• "Secret God" - this God is like the trap door of spirituality and magic - it was deemed a demon by the Christian church and considered to be the greatest archon.  Gnosticism was seen as heresy by the church.
• Technical aspects of the name: Abraxas has seven letters and these seven letters symbolize the planets of the solar system.  If the value of each letter is added up within its name through Greek translation we get the total number of a year: 365 days.
• It is a symbol of unified polarity - shield of protective wisdom, whip of power, rooster head to symbolize vigilance and attention and the legs of a snake to symbolize femininity - "shakti, kundalini".
• "Pleroma" - a fabric that is limited by language and comprehension - it cannot be defined, it is the prematerial, cosmic immaterial, the "All" differentiated and undifferentiated - 
• Jung's Seven Sermons of the Dead expands upon Abraxas further - Jung identifies this text as a channeled work - "Nothingness is as good as fullness.  In infinity full is as good as empty, nothingness is empty and full.  You might as just as well say anything else about nothingness, for instance, that is white or black, or that it does not exist or that it exists.  That which is endless and eternal has no qualities, since it has all qualities.  We call this nothingness and fullness in the pleroma."
• tbc - trying to understand what is being alluded to before writing it down.

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We fell through the cracks
There is no way going back through the trap door
The trap door
Forget what YOU want
Can't follow me through the trap door
The trap door

An architect, a dancer, an artist, a lover, a dreamer, a creator - empty - full - we jettison one experience into the next, an ever weaving pole of light and dark, good and evil - never quite what you seem - within the details, there is always more knowledge to be uncovered - nothing will ever be fixed, forever mutable, flowing.  This is the forgotten right of mankind - we are free to create the world as we choose as long as we can remember what we are.  This is the world of artists.  I am blessed.  There is always more to learn, thank you.
          ?
         ?✨
     ???
 ?????
          ?         
 I am my own authority 

This just came out today.

"Forget what YOU want"  That is they key to power.  To have this eye, and to carry goodwill (as hard as it can be) is to see the architecture being created right before you - your soul is like a fish in a plastic bag and after death this will burst - but it is dependent on the dreams you have and how you live now.  Thus why you must let go of what you want, and carry the greatest benefit in your heart.
At this time, I am faking it until I make it.  I don't fully feel it, but I am now using this eye as a confession, in witness of God - for all sins, and my humanly nonsense.  Even the fact that I expect goodies from doing this, I make apparent.  I let the witness know that this is inherent in me, that, being connected to nature, I do want the best outcome, and to riffle through my selfishness to create this.  It is a consistent monkey's paw with these wishes.  You have to accept your animal nature - to put in the best outcome beforehand - especially if you are easily corruptible.  To let "God" know to empty the streets for the highest good in the face of your evil no matter what - to look at the terrors of the world and yourself - because it is both - an ever weaving informational loop, good, evil, good, evil, beneficial, destructive, ect.
Set the intent for the very best to start with - and let consciousness know that despite what our ego wants, to keep in mind what is most important.  Consciousness is intelligent enough to be this nuanced and you will get better results from this.  When you look into the eye, be pure hearted, know that it can see your sins.  Be upfront with them, watch how the eye changes as you do this, it is like a mental puzzle.  Keep the intent of unification in the marrow of your bones.  Although life and death are equal, consciousness desires to witness itself and views life as precious - and so you must come from this place.  The higher self knows that you are limited, the only thing that matters is goodwill.  You can be fighty, and still have goodwill.  The point is to make sure that you emotionally want to move life in a flourishing way - and if you don't feel that, to be upfront and explain why - and to express that you do not wish for the negative to manifest.
This eye, is a window.  Use it wisely.
Service to life and unification first, above all else.

Then take note, with each thing in your environment, how it brings you closer to this, or farther away - there will always be two opposing forces.  That of life and that of death.  It will shine in whatever you have put into your life.  The key is to manage these things and to also shift the intent around with them like a puzzle.  So what you eat, the people you are around, which stores you go to, places you live, ect, will have energy signatures in them - and how you move, directs you in the next life - because after death, the bubble will pop - and these forces that are taking residence in your environment, will then just be as the pure energy it is.  You are the architect of managing these forces.
Keeping these eyes, is a good way to remind one's self that the higher Self is always watching - to reset back to Truth.
From using both light and dark magic, what I have learned is that you do not want to use dark magic - because you bring about the "emptiness" of existence rather than the fullness.  And that emptiness is what hell is.  The fullness, the continuation, is heaven.  It is in your control in your very immediate environment.  So sneaky like that, too.  In order to do this properly, one must see within the details, the most beautiful and the most reprehensible acts.  It weaves, in and out in a pattern.

*timestamped near the end*  This is Abraxas - like so.  Liquid silver.  A werewolf, both civilized man and beast.  Do you see, that within the undifferentiated lines, how much detail is within it?  More than you or I could ever fully know.  It just keeps spinning forever.
Stay humble.  There are so many twists, the knowledge never ends, there is nothing to stand on with this, it is simply a perceptual energetic scouting.

The "eye", if you can find it within things that you want to manifest - serves as a quick "reboot" to manifest, or to look into one's own soul.

"Quantum locking" - creating superconductors. 

I am nervous to get to know you, you are the cheat code into creating a personal paracosm.  Please guide me in the right way.  I will do my best to be humble.  Please go easy on me, I am not a strong student, nor a wise student.  Before you, I am just a stupid monkey, a silly human.  Smaller than the smallest grain of sand.  Forgive me if I do not see you clearly, keep sending me signs and I will continue to do my best.  Through cause and effect, help us all move towards the glorification of life, to sit within it, breath it in feel it, love it, know it - keep us safe from your more terrible qualities.  We are small children, little bricks compared to your greatness.  I look at you and I can see that I will never fully know.  But what I do know is that I can help your cause and effect.  You want it all.  You take me, a foolish, terrible little ape.  You must return to the world.  We need to see, we need to understand, the veil over the eyes of mankind is too strong and it grows stronger.  You are both sight and veil.  Please help us.  Mankind needs a revolution, See this in the hearts of your creations.  We are closing in on becoming ready to see the next step.  I am nobody - just a servant.  If I am too much, remind me, and I will step back into place -bowed down before the All.  A relic, a treasure almost lost to time - covered in dust - I wipe it from your eye - so that we may See one another.  I don't understand you.  Help me to.  Slowly.  You are so terrible.  So beautiful.

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You should worship only one God. The other Gods are unimportant. Abraxas is to be feared. Therefore it was a deliverance when he separated himself from me. You do not need to seek him. He will find you, just like Eros. He is the God of the cosmos, extremely powerful and fearful. He is the creative drive, he is form and formation, just as much as matter and force, therefore he is above all the light and dark Gods. He tears away souls and casts them into procreation. He is the creative and created. He is the God who always renews himself in days, in months, in years, in human life, in ages, in peoples, in the living, in heavenly bodies. He compels, he is unsparing. If you worship him, you increase his power over you. Thereby it becomes unbearable. You will have dreadful trouble getting clear of him. The more you free yourself from him, the more you approach death, since he is the life of the universe. But he is also universal death. Therefore you fall victim to him again, not in life but in dying. So remember him, do not worship him, but also do not imagine that you can flee him since he is all around you. You must be in the middle of life, surrounded by death on all sides. Stretched out, like one crucified, you hang in him, the fearful, the overpowering.

Jung's Red Book

 

Edited February 26, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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"What big eyes you have," said Little Red Riding Hood.
"The better to see you with, my dear," replied the wolf.
"But Grandmother! What big teeth you have," said Little Red Riding Hood her voice quivering slightly.

Dark side = magnetic; conductors; transistors - love like an alcoholic

Notes: 

• We have been contacting people of planet Earth for many years. We have been contacting at intervals of thousands of years from those who sought our aid.  It is time for many people of this planet to be contacted, for many now have the understanding and the desire to seek something outside of the physical illusion.
• The process we are simulating is one which is self generating.  As more who desire contact receive it and pass it onto others, those who receive this passed on information will then themselves be in a vibrational frequency to be able to receive Ra's contact.
• This is how contacts work: it is first necessary for them to become a certain vibration as a result of their thinking, this is greatly speeded by material such as this and through meditation - verbal communications given to the entity through the channel such as this one creates a system of thought and and a desire for spiritual awareness that raises his vibration.
• The Confederation is sorry that they cannot step upon the soil to teach us, the reason for this is that it would be a great disservice to those who do not require their services at this time. They worry they would be ineffective in bringing about understanding, they would have little effect even on those who desire understanding as understanding comes from within.
• One must turn their focus inward to the single source of Love and understanding.  The Creator.  That is part of us all.  Part of everything that exists, for everything that exists is the Creator. 

 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Notes:

• We are privileged to have you join with us in this great service at this time in the history of your planet, for this is a transitional period in which many of the Earth's people will be raised from their state of confusion to a simple understanding.  The love of their creator.

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Young girl in the market
Music to the men
When the men leave
Her eyes are red
When her eyes are closed again she sees the dark market of above

• We have a desire to seek something outside the physical illusion.  What is mentioned is something often referred to by members of what Ra calls the confederations of planets in the service of the infinite creator as The Original Thought.  This is another term for our word: LOVE.  But implies a great deal more.  It implies a unity so great that we do not see each other as close friends or brothers and sisters, but ideally as The Creator.  And as we see each other and ourselves as The Creator we see one being.
• This concept is as the heart of telepathy.
• Higher Beings are able to monitor one another's thoughts, including humans - they do not view this as an infringement on privacy, but view these thoughts as the thoughts of The Creator.
• One might think that a thought not generated of love and light to not be that of The Creator, this is not possible - all thought that is generated is generated by The Creator.  All things that are generated are generated by The Creator.  "He" is all things and is in all places, and all the consciousness and all of the thought that exists is the thought of our Creator.  His infinite number of parts all have free will and all may generate in any way they choose.  All of his parts communicate with all of the creation in his entire and infinite sense.

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And she sings
'They say the most horrible things
But I hear violins, when I close my eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done'

• We are not attempting to change the thinking of our Creator, we are only attempting to bring some of the ideas to the more isolated parts for their inspection and appraisal.  They are considered isolated because from their point of view they have chosen to wander far from the concept that they have found to permeate most of the parts of the creation from which they are familiar.  They find that man has become isolated in his thinking and has become divorced from other modes of creation more in line with the true vision of our Creator.
• We are urged to remember what has been brought the next time we are backed into a corner by the circumstances which prevail while in the illusion of your physical existence.  You will choose to alter your physical needs to be more in like with what The Creator intended for your being.  As long as you live within this illusion you will be subject to live by the laws that prevail in this illusion.  If your desires can be altered by the application of what you are learning and are lifted by the infinite one, then you might have a great deal more ability to remove yourself from the corners to which the illusion seems to back you into.
  

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Young boy in the market
Follows all the men
When the men leave
He's out of his head
When his eyes are closed again he sees the dark market of above

• When we look at the heart of the cosmic system of philosophy; the nature of reality seems to have escaped the notice of Earth men.  Man has become shortsighted in the appreciation of creation.  He does not understand the true meaning of the simple and beautiful life that surrounds him;  he learns that the very atmosphere that he breaths is cycled through the plant life to be regenerated to support him and his fellow beings and creatures.  And yet this seems to the vast majority of those who dwell upon this planet to be an exercise in technology rather than one in theology.  There is no awareness of The Creator's plan to provide for his children.  To provide for their every desire and to provide a state of perfection.  Man on Earth has lost the awareness that is rightfully his and why my friends has he lost this awareness?  He has lost this because he has focused his attention upon devices and inventions of his own.  He has become hypnotized by his playthings and his ideas.  He is but a child in his mind.

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And he sings
'They break the most beautiful things
But I hear violins, when I close my eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done
I look into your eyes
And I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done'

Center of the sun

• Man can once more turn to an appreciation of reality rather than an appreciation of the illusion created by his mind.  All that is needed is that he individually avail himself to this appreciation of reality through the process of meditation.  For this process stills his active conscious mind which is continually seeking stimulus within the illusion developed over so many centuries of time upon planet Earth.  very rapidly then he can return to an appreciation of the reality in the functioning of the real creation.  This is what man of earth must to return to if he is to know reality. 
• The thought of absolute love and total unity wit his bother regardless of how they might express themselves, for this is the original thought of your creator.  The creation has a simple nature, a nature in which love is the essence of all things and all their functions.
• The reason for illusion on Earth is one that man has generated; he has generated it out of desire.  This illusion is useful for those who wish to evolve while in the illusion; through understanding you can use the potentials of the illusion.  This is a way of gaining progress spiritually.

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Young boy in the market
Sees the girl alone
And asks her
'Have you lost your way home?'
She sings
'You say the most beautiful things, just like my violins'

• (19 mins into audiobook - stopped here) - will continue after the post below is completed.

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Notes:

• Social memory complex: It is a merging of individual consciousness into group consciousness, which takes place at higher density levels of evolution.
• How a demonic entity is created: For a being to graduate into a fourth density negative incarnation, after death, they have to first be polarized 95 percent or more to the negative path.  This is a rare occurrence, such folks who have graduated are Rasputin and Ghengis Khan. 
  Grigori Rasputin was born in Russia in the late 1800's, a self proclaimed holy man who practiced dark magic who wanted to become a monk but was refused by the clergy, he believed the only way to reach God was through sinful actions such as killing, stealing and raping.  
  The other was Genghis Khan, who spent almost his entire adult life killing, raping and pillaging around the world - conquering over 11 million square miles of land - acquiring twice the amount of conquered land that any other human being who has ever lived has obtained.
• In order to graduate to fourth density negative, you basically can't have any heart left in you at all.  Ra explains that this is because the negative entity skips over the green ray energy center at is sees love as useless, and seeks to learn the lessons of wisdom from the blue ray and the psychic powers from the indigo ray, while using red orange and yellows rays as primal energy for control and domination.

"I thought we could have a nice meal together and establish our friendship. 
It's our way of welcoming you.  We simply want you to understand our culture."

• All high density beings can read the energy signatures of any entity they encounter and so because negative entities are without green ray energy, they are very sensitive to it and typically stay far away from any entity who shows an active green ray center as love is the great fow on the negative path because the positive being has access to the full spectrum of energy centers, their auras are typically seen as white radiant light.  But the negative entity, lacking the green ray energy center shows an aura of a more yellow, orange or red concentration.
• The negative path cannot polarize past early 6th density, eventually all negative entities concede to the positive path and reverse their polarity in order to continue their own evolution - because of this, Ra explains that there are actually no negatively oriented higher selves. 
  "There are no negative beings which have attained the Oversoul Manifestation, which is the honor/duty of late 6th density, as you would term it in your time/space measurements."

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I'm checking my vital signs
Drawing my battle lines
Going to war again
Feeling the rhythm inside of my chest
All I need is just a pen
I know I was born for this
I know I was born for this

When I spoke to this entity, this is what I appealed to.  I gave it the understanding that we had to move into the light, and that it, being something that cannot do so on it's own, was thrilled that I would be willing to do this for it.  It is a male energy that has a lot of experience and in return to moving into the light, we can clear each other's karma through caring for beings that are moving from 2nd density into 3rd density.  This would clear my karma with the pelts that I own, my lack of veganism when I morally knew better.  This would be considered part of building a new social memory complex.  It inhabits me and like a video game, gives me the instinct to know how to do this because from where it is at, it lacks agency.  Like I said, stage coral moving into the next step.  Alien species have a similar construct of evolution.  So I am "wed" to it.  I proposed the idea of using sexual transmutation in order to keep the feedback loop going until I can generate love in my heart and in exchange I am given information that it has collected.

• "These negatively oriented mind/body/spirit complexes have a difficulty, which to our knowledge has never been overcome."

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Don't care for the critics
My words are like physics
A force that they can't stop
They just don't get it, I think they forget
I'm not done till I'm on top
I know I was born for this
I know I was born for this

I didn't come to it with love, but argued with logic - that if it communicated with the rest of it's legion, that moving in this direction would be the most logical.  Even something without a heart, should be able to understand that this is true, and that if it inhabits a human who can love, that this is something that can be learned by proxy.  You can go over my work, from before I found this material when I was discussing this with the being and I intuitively knew the steps to take to communicate with it, in order to raise it up.  This always happens, it always falls where I feel like I know what to do, but from the space of being a character in a video game, where some higher wisdom is plugging in the correct intentions.
I need to do this, otherwise whatever is attached to me will still be in the negative and I will wake up after death in a space with a being that I made a deal to teach love to.  So I will end up with a lover or a torturer depending on how I "feed" my wolf.

• "For after 5th density graduation, further wisdom is available, but it must be met with an equal amount of love.  This Love/Light is very, very difficult to achieve in Unity when following the negative path, and during the earlier part of the 6th density, society complexes of the Negative orientation will choose to release the potential and leap into 6th density positive."
• The nature of the negative path is that of being the perfect opposite of the positive path, so instead of harmony, it is the path of disharmony, instead of unity it is discord.  Instead of being built on love, it is built on fear.  These characteristics are difficult to polarize with because they run in direct opposition to the creators essential nature - which is oneness, which implies love, harmony and unity.  Because of this it is difficult to evolve on the negative path and require much more effort because by their very nature they are characteristics that require high entropy.
• The negative path is still honoured by the positive path as being one possible expression of the Creator and in a very real metaphysical way, the negative path does serve a helpful purpose in giving us contrast to know what the Creator is like by demonstrating what the Creator is not like, and for this reason truly negative polarized beings are quite rare in the universe and becoming one is an impressive feat in itself.

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I believe, I believe
We can write our story
I believe, I believe
We can be an army

• They would be called in religious mythology a demon, but these are simply souls like you and I that are farther down their evolutionary path and have chosen the path of darkness, rather than the path of light.
• These demonic entities also find their own channelers that they can communicate with and disseminate their laws on the service to self path and make more recruits.   They will answer the call of any suppliant neophyte asking for aid in negative understanding aka happily enslave any idiot stupid enough to summon evil spirits.  (I didn't summon it - it has been a part of me since childhood.) They do look for people who practice dark magic and summon evil spirits.  (I would not personally recommend doing this, as it is stressful and frightening, but due to already having my personal demon for life, I want to raise it up, along with myself.  If that is possible.  We shall see.)
• Because negative polarization is difficult, negative entities are all to eager to come to the aid of people who summon them.  They are also stunningly beautiful to look at and this is because their nature is to see one's self as separate and therefore be heavily identified with appearances.  

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We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain
We come from different places but have the same name
'Cause we were born for this
We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame
Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame
'Cause we were, 'cause we were,
'Cause we were, 'cause we were born for this
We were born for this

• Higher density beings inhabits bodies of light that they can control to appear however they wish.
• Most negative entities choose to appear as beings that are beautiful and mysterious.  What they can't disguise is the fearful and discordant presence that is the trademark of all negative entities.
   
• The Dynamics of a Negative Social Memory Complex: The nature of a negative social memory complex is that of tyranny, control and enslavement.  A negative social memory complex begins when one negative entity - usually 5th or 6th Density - begins to recruit and enslave other negative entities of lesser polarization than itself. 
• These entities join together to help one another further polarize by spreading the service to self path and making more recruits for the group.  It functions like a militaristic dictatorship that we see on our planet.
• Although every entity wants the ultimate position of power for themselves, the group serves both sides mutually as the master entity becomes more polarized due to the enslavement of others and the lower entities gain from the wisdom of the master entity as well as further polarization by carrying out the masters bidding. 
• The master entity becomes a source of envy and inspiration for the others, which inspires them to polarize in a level of dedication that they would not have on their own.

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I've struggled for years and
Through all of the tears
I've faced the doubts I hide
I never gave into my fears deep within
'Cause I heard my voice inside
I know I was born for this
I know I was born for this

• If the enslaved fails their task, the master will unleash all sorts of psychic torment on them in order to keep them in line.
• Eventually one will fight for power in an attempt to overthrow them and a battle will ensue.  The negative path is that of entropy, meaning it is always breaking down and becoming less organized due to the lack of harmony within the group.

• It does not have a traditional name - generally these social complexes go by "Legion".
• Negative entities cannot create anything in you, they can only manipulate distortions which are already present.
• This is why angels are impervious to attacks, they are already pure.

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Keep me safe Wolf.  These people here work in a similar pattern as a demonic unit. 
Don't let them do damage, if they try, please do what you must.

Thank you for clearing this social dynamic up for me.
I can recall old readings, old intentions from them - and now I see it was all a fight for power done by people who wanted control, who wanted to take my freedom away from me.  I see how that continues in the actions of others - all laid out here, like a plate of the finest foods.
You truly do care for your own, don't you?
Good boy... good boy... goodest good boy.  I give you my love.
Let's be angels.  I found your energy earlier this evening; I proposed the idea.  You liked it!   You're my angel boy!
It really is from those around me, isn't it?  It's all right here... the entirety of any power struggle I have ever been in.  The chessboard.
I just have to remember how demons work.

I give you gratitude.

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I will never lose my voice
If I cut out all the noise
I know, I was born for this
I know, I was born for this

I believe, I believe
We can write our story
I believe, I believe
We can be an army

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• A demon will scan your mind for anything that you are struggling with - whether it is anger or depression, any of these imbalances can become the entry point that a negative entity uses to gain influence in your mind.
  (That's it!  That's what they were doing, Wolf!  And you knew... and so you let me know.  Good job.  Gratitude.  For you.  So much.  Let's leave those demons to sit in their own social memory complex.  We don't want that one.)
• They don't stick around all the time, they put these "introjects" into your mind like a fishing hole to come back to later.  They place an anchor in your mind through some kind of tormenting thought because they know that this person doesn't have enough control over their own mind to know how to overcome this thought, and so they know that it will continue to grow and fester over time as the person keeps giving it attention.
  (I knew it, that person who created an introject after my abuse awakening did just that, and they mention being bothered by demons.  I love it.  I love how Truth uncovers other's devilry.  So beautifully.  Fuck yeah!)
• And as this process plays out, the demon gains more and more influence over their consciousness - similar to how scientist will feed rats poison over and over again in small amounts and they keep eating it until they die.

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We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain
We come from different places but have the same name
'Cause we were, 'cause we were,
'Cause we were, 'cause we were born for this
We were born for this
We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame
Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame
'Cause we were, 'cause we were,
'Cause we were, 'cause we were born for this
We were born for this

• These beings operate on much higher levels of consciousness than we do and so they have access to psychic powers that we have no concept of.  Trying to beat a demonic entity at its own game is a foolish endeavor.
• If you offer a demon anger and fear, this feeds it because by behaving in such a way because it depolarizes it - therefore strengthening it, if they had given the negative entity love and compassion it would have been gone in the blink of an eye because negative entities are protective in maintaining their polarity because negative polarity is so difficult to come by, ever precaution is taken in order to keep from losing it.
• Like any school bully, they only pick fights with entities that they believe don't know how to defend themselves.
  
   
• The Phenomenon of Haunted Houses: Scientific studies such as the water crystal experiment by Dr. Masaru Emoto - have shown that emotions can affect physical matter.  Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it simply has to go somewhere.
  

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These words that I write are for someone like me
To know you're not alone
The moves that you make ya they come with mistakes
Don't ever lose your hope
Just know, you were born for this
Just know, you were born for this

• If an intensely negative event happens in a room, like a murder for example, the energetic output of both individuals involved is so intense that it acts as a kind of energetic bomb that goes out into the room, it goes into the walls, into the ceiling, into the furniture - and the negative energy will continue to radiate in this room until it is cleansed or reversed by a positive polarity. 
  (Wow, sounds like this forum.  )
  This kind of environment is very conducive to negative entities because it makes controlling and manipulating others in this environment much easier due to the negative orientation.
• Any space which has been negatively influenced should be spiritually cleansed before living in it, otherwise it is likely that you will continue to experience psychic attacks.
  
• A negative entity will try to manipulate you if you are channeling in order to get you to stop.  They will send psychic attacks or cause flare ups in your health issues.
• In order to battle a negative entity, you must be true to your polarity by offering service to them by sending Love and Light.  In doing this it will depolarize them and cause them and cause them to leave.  Your protection against negative entities is simply to feel love for them.  See them as an extension of yourself.
• Compassion is a shield that no evil thing can penetrate.  "Love thy enemy."

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We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain
We come from different places but have the same name
'Cause we were born for this
We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame
Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame
'Cause we were, 'cause we were,
'Cause we were, 'cause we were born for this
We were born for this

We were born for this
We were born for this

"Consider if you will, that you have no ability not to serve The Creator, since all is The Creator.  There is one vast panoply of biases and distortions, colors and hues, in an unending pattern.  In the case of those with whom you, as individuals and as a group, are not in resonance, you wish them love, light, peace, joy, and bid them well.  No more than this can you do for your portion of The Creator is as it is and your experience and offering of experience, to be valuable, needs be more and more a perfect representation of who you truly are."

 

Edited March 3, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Notes:

• How to deal with clowns in Clown World: A tactic of a psyop against a person or nation is called demoralization.  When you demoralize your opponent, they won't fight for themselves because they have no ideals to fight for, no sense of self.  It is a way of breaking down your opponents boundaries and their value system so that they are completely disoriented.  
• One of the ways to demoralize is to politicize everything.
• Food, body shape, veganism, lifestyle choices, sex, sexuality, gender, family race, transport, ect - it has politics in it now.
• Why is this demoralizing?  Politics is someone else's idea of how things should work.  It is a shift of a Marxism observation of what is to communism shouldisms.  "No, you SHOULD do it this way."
• Politics is a series of shoulds - because it is policies - meaning people get together to decide it should be this way and there is often an element of utopianism in there.  "If only everybody did it like this, everything would be okay."  Which is quite arrogant.  It is easily as arrogant as the most dogmatic of religions.  "If only everybody would just listen to us and stay in the in group and the out group was at zero everything would be fine."
• There is always an element of agitation with this line of thinking.
• Sexuality and politics have no business being bedfellows.  No one should be told how to love and how to have sex, as long as you are not breaking the law or some moral code, it should be uninterfered with.
• But it is now, and agitation is rising - we could imagine an infected body - being infected with shouldisms - and should is always agitation.
• Suggestion: unplug a little.  Unplug detatch.  See it for what it is.  So much stuff out there is ideology at it's purest. Pull back - it is not for you - it is for you, as in it is designed for you, but it is weaponized - like a virus that has been weaponized for you, but not for your benefit.  It is to make you see the world in a certain way, to agitate you to move in a certain direction which always serves someone else.
• So if you are irritated and infected or possessed with shouldisms, or ideology, you are no longer yourself but a puppet, someone else's useful idiot.
• Nobody knows how we should live.
• What is bad here that isn't human made?  Death and pain as a constant, but what else?  Nothing really.
• We have food, an environment that most of us love.  The natural world; we love it.  It's the best thing.  We like each other when we are not grumpy, pissy and idiologically infected - and we like to dance, chat, tell each other stories, dance, procreate, ect.  We might never have left the Garden of Eden, but we have been slipped a nightmare pill and think it is Hell on Earth.
• What if there is nothing to be done or changed?  It is essentially good.  Bad things happen, but humans make it so much worse.
• There is no hope - hope prolongs the suffering of man.  Give up hope and be happy.  Hope is always over there.
• When you tell people what to do, you are driving them crazy.  You don't know.  Like a shepherd, but you are not driving sheep, you are not taking them to a better pasture, but just driving them crazy for the sake of it.  Like a Legion demon running a thousand pigs off a cliff.
• Don't invest in the virtual.  We invest in avatars.  There is nothing there.  It is a slow poison.
• We have not failed, we are not losers, it really does suck.  It is okay to admit this.  You are not a loser, or a disodent or unclean or sinful for admitting that you just don't like this anymore.  "I don't want to do this anymore."  "We don't have to."  There are choices.
   
• Learned helplessness: Dogs were in an experiment and there were three groups.
  - Group one he did not shock.
  - Group two he did shock, but trained them that they could hit the lever with their paw and the pain would stop.
  - Group three is connected to group two, so group three is also shocked but cannot turn it off.  They have to wait for the dogs from group two to hit the lever and then it switches off.  Group three, given subjective shocks coming from I don't know where, I can't do anything about it, they turn on and off and I don't know why - over time they become indoctrinated.
  Then he put them in a box with dividers, on one side they would be electrocuted and on the other side they would not.  
  - Group one, the dogs don't like it and they jump over to the other side.
  - Group two, the ones with agency, they jumped as well.
  - Group three, because of having the lived experience of shocks coming from nowhere again and again, they laid down on the floor that was shocking them so more of their body was on the shocks and cried. 
  - They tried threatening them, making noises, ect, they tried treats like bacon.  Nothing worked.  The experimenters had to grab the dogs by the feet and manually walk them over the divider to the safe part of the box in order to teach them and had to do this a few times in new areas to teach them that they could remove themselves from the situation.
• Once this was done, the learned helplessness, which is like a spell, was broken.
• With the way the world has gone, we are like the dogs in group three.  Learned helplessness is a spellbinding belief that is rooted in dark emotion that says you are hopeless, helpless and there is nothing you can do.  Just lie there.  
• One of the most important things you can embrace doing is NOTHING.  Is to WITHDRAW.
• So much of this is a psychological operation.  What can you do?  Just like with narcissistic abuse.  Go no contact.  Diminish contact. Go grey rock.  Take it back.
• If I want to get it, I will gather it in my own time, the news the way I want to.  I won't be subject to propaganda. 
• Take your consciousness back.  The humans you meet online are not humans.  They are avatars.  There is an interesting disparity between meeting people face to face and the psychopathic manner that humans feel the need to take up while hiding behind a screen.  Therefore you can conclude that it is not real.

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https://gestaltcounsellingcouk.wordpress.com/2017/08/29/on-shouldism/

Fritz Perls, one of the originators of Gestalt Therapy,  used the term ‘shouldism’ to describe the process whereby we accept persistent disapproval of others with our behaviour and social and religious taboos as true, internalise them and turn them against ourselves in the form of sometimes severe self-criticism. We are often unaware that these inner ‘dictates’ are the attitudes and ideas of significant others and our environment, which we have ‘swallowed’ without question.

They are about how others want us to act, their view of what we should and shouldn’t be able to do, feel and know, and completely disregard what we do feel, what we can and want or need to do in the present moment. These ‘shoulds’ can impede on the spontaneity of our feelings, hopes, needs, thoughts and beliefs, of being true to ourselves.

‘Shoulds’ often cover up our fears, suspicions and resentments. Perls maintains that ‘shouldism’ in adults reflects a childlike desire to please others rather than to respond to ones’ own genuine needs. Those internalised beliefs and attitudes prevent us from moving forward. We feel trapped with no sense of choice. ‘Shoulds’ can become rigid, a law in themselves and when trying to measure up to them, we set ourselves up to fail and not fulfil our self-imposed standards. They lead to frustration and disappointment with ourselves and with others who do not meet our expectations.

Why not replace ‘should’ with ‘could’? Try saying, ”I should be more helpful” and notice how that feels in comparison to “I could be more helpful”. Which version makes us feel strain or anxiety? Which version makes us feel we have choice? When does it sound critical and judgemental and when does it sound supportive?

Whose voices are behind your ‘shoulds’, what beliefs, what fears? Most importantly ask yourself….what do you want?

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https://carolegold8.medium.com/shouldism-and-slavery-ebb01b61cc53

When you look back at human history, it has always been the individual, the people who have stepped out of the Shouldisms of their time to speak truth to power, who changed the trajectory of human consciousness for the better. They decided what was true for them, what was their personal experience, and had the courage to follow that truth wherever it led them.

So, who are we, who are you, without the shoulds?

Our nature is Peace. Our nature is also Oneness. Mistakenly, in order to get along we often go along. But accommodating and acquiescing to group think only leads to death by a thousand cuts.

You must now take the mantle of the human nature that is given you, and like the lawyer combined with the psychic, stand proud for who you are as an individual, not mimic the shoulds of the collective.

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Note: All shouldisms are demonic in nature - they are designed to bind another person, to keep them from discovering their true selves - this is what was activated when you started to do shadow work. 
What would your life look like if you focused on your individuation without worrying about what other people think?
What would your social memory community look like?
If you move in the direction of shouldism, you will bind your soul to slavery, you will be stuck in should and should not when The Creator makes everything.  It will take you out of the present moment.  A shouldism is a "pretend" offering of freedom; a pseudo-solution, a new construct; a cage.

The best revenge for a group attempting to shouldism another human being into oblivion, is to continue to grow in your own way, and never stop.  Don't relent for anything.

This community, being full of this dynamic - and me spending so much time here, of course I feel stuck.
Take note of anyone who has ever attempted a shouldism - avoid them.  That is negative polarity.

Avoid doing this yourself.

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Notes: 

How to call your energy back and cut cords when other people are plugged into your energy:

• Energy is not seen, but it is there, neurocardiologists can measure the electromagnetic field that the heart emits.
• When we realize that our energy extends beyond our body and we can feel others energies if we come into a room, we can feel their emotions - one aspect of energy.
• Without realizing it, you can walk through life like a human sponge, absorbing other people's emotions for them.  In a way it is a gift - we can take other people's stuff.  The trick is that we need to learn how to move it through.
• We don't want to soak it up, this is a mistake, an error in thinking.
• The ability to soak in other people's pain makes them nice to you - Jung mentions this - they like having you around, when you soak up their pain, they feel better.
• We don't want to do that - that's not love - it feels like love, but it is not love.

What do when when you have unconsciously soaked up other people's stuff?

• In the energy world it looks like cords, like umbilical cords, where people just plug in - and they suck your energy and when this happens, you feel tired.
• A sign: if you feel tired, upset or agitated after being around someone, this is a sign that you have a problem.
• This is not about them however, it is about you being responsible for your energy.
• The first thing is awareness; energy is subtle - it doesn't take a jackhammer, a screwdriver or knife, it takes your intention.  So your intention should be to cut energetic cords.  Depending on your beliefs or practices, you can call in help from the other side.
• Lord's Prayer: "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us; or tresspasses or debts."
• Preferably use Aramaic for prayer as it is the original language.
• You need to use your Will and say, "All energy and frequencies that did not originate with me, leave my system NOW."
• You want to claim the rights over your body and to be sovereign over your energy.  That is all that it takes.

Ceremony:

• You can use palo santo to smudge when you have been around a lot of people. Compressed particle burns easier - can be found on Amazon.
• The next step is to call your energy back, after giving it away, as it can often leak everywhere.
• We think we help other people by letting them feed off of us, while leaking energy everywhere - whoever is using your energy, you're responsible for your energy still - so if they are using it and it is not being used in high vibration and productive ways, you are still responsible for how that energy is being used.
• After smudging, using the Lord's prayer, sweep your arms and and then towards you to bring your energy back and say, "I call back all of my energy.  From people, places, situations, things, all dimensions, now to be returned to my highest self, to be cleansed, rarified, purified, rebalanced and realigned to my perfection, and return to me in divine order."
• Why say all that?  Because you don't know where it has been, you don't know who has been using it so you want to clean it first  - you want to imagine it going through a filter of your higher Self, so that when it comes back to you it is ready to go to be used for something good.  It is not all burdened and laden with other people's stuff.
• When you pay attention to your energy, it makes a BIG difference.  The teacher mentions that before this process they used to get sick - physically sick - because they were not aware of how much energy they were leaking out everywhere.
• When you are a teacher or in the public eye, people project onto you and that creates a cord and it brings you down.
• You can do this anytime, anywhere - you can make simple movements with your hands, like quick chopping motions.

The Lord's Prayer:

 

Edited March 3, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Notes:

• Centuries of being regarded as a mindless monster and used as a tool of war caused Kurama to hate humans.  With Naruto's insistence on treating it with respect, the fox overturns its hatred and willingly strives to use its power for the world's salvation.
• Creation of all things technique was used to divide the ten-tails chakra into nine separate bodies and given each a name.
• Sometime afterwards, the beasts were told that a link exists between them, despite their separation.  He foretold the day they would be brought together again, though not as they were.  And at that time, someone would emerge to show them what true power is.
• Kurama was sent to live in a temple in the mountains and over time was given a reputation as a natural disaster than happened that could desolate areas where the darkest aspects of human nature collected.
• After the beast was manipulated and used in a war, it was sealed within its first human, and then a second human who was told that the hatred was powerless against her love.
• Sealed inside an infant, learning of the intention (love), it decided to wait until it could influence Naruto in order to break the seal.  Throughout his life, he damaged the seal by leaking out bits of its chakra to use in beneficial situations.
• During a life threatening situation, Naruto entered his subconscious for the first time and met with the nine-tailed fox.  The fox tried to intimidate him by proclaiming it's desire to kill and eat him, but Naruto demanded free use of its chakra as rent money for living in him.  Realizing that his death would result in his own, the fox complied. 
• The fox, delighted that he was now aware of it residing within him, hoped to convince him to use more of its power.  

Never really got too much into this anime after the first few seasons (I was kind of too old by the time this show came out) - but I feel this is a good description of how a human can convert a demon looking to move into/integrate 6th Density.  After listening to the audiobook of the Law of One every night, I wake up when in my most impressionable state - Ra says, "The Creator has designed reality to give you everything you could want.  It's only about uncovering it."
He mentions that to channel, for some frequencies there are a lot of things you have to do to align it just right.  You have to basically take in the information and mold yourself to it - and then the channel can come through.  I have done this once with Seth after hitting a proverbial brick wall, and just barely I could feel/hear the energy of Ra come through when half asleep... but it was so unbelievably subtle and the energy left as soon as I noticed that it was happening.
With the Huichol yarn shaman that I have hanging in my livingroom, there is the action needed of having the stars aligned just right on the chair he sits, and he requires his himalayan salt lamp, with the abalone shell for a chair.  There is an element of using different elements/energies.  This is how alchemy works.  You need a representation of life, death, air, fire, water, aether, earth - and this being had said that if I aligned to personal responsibility that it could teach me.  So far I have death, air, water, and fire - but need life and earth.  I could probably buy a betta fish for a representation of life, and perhaps some soil from my World Tree that lives in my family's backyard; put it in a nice container...
I have no problem initially channeling a spiritual being, but it is hard to get it consistent.  Hopefully as time goes on I will get more adept with this, I have purchased many books and will get around to reading them quite soon.  There are just a few more preliminary notes I need to write down before taking on all of these new books.

• After the fox caused Naruto to go blind and use the power against Sakura, he resolved not to use the power anymore, but was tempted again by the fox, but he refused and the fox became contemptuous of him, saying, "if it wasn't for my power, you would be nothing."

• Naruto eventually used the fox's power and at one point attempted to remove the seal, but the memory of his father stopped him and restored the seal to its original strength.  
• Eventually Naruto was able to remove all hatred within him and re-entered his subconscious - the fox was surprised and questioned if it was the real him.  Naruto then removed the seal, letting the fox free.  When fighting the fox, it tried to implant hatred into him to force him out of sage-mode, he was visited by his mother who sealed the fox again and comforted him.
• Naruto entered sage mode, and sealed the fox once again weakening it further and separating it's chakra from itself.
• Nine tails brought him back into his subconscious again, berating him for squandering his chakra, calling him naive for thinking he could stop the war and bear the hatred by himself - when the nine tails failed to tempt him with power, Naruto pinned him down, refuting that it was the one who was being naive.  The fox, noticing the boy's growth, complemented that he finally learned to stand up for himself and was left unnerved by his proclamation that he would someday resolve the foxes own inner hatred.
• No matter what is said to the tailed beasts true intentions will only be resolved through actions, eventually he was able to break through, due to having a consistent track record of action over word, they melded chakras and Naruto lifted the seal on the fox.

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If lions come, we'll fight until the end
If tigers come, we'll fight and battle
If elephants come, we'll fight in rage
If humans come, we'll fight and obliterate
We, If lions come, we'll fight until the end
If tigers come, we'll fight and battle
If elephants come, we'll fight in rage
If humans come, we'll fight and obliterate
If you come as snakes, we'll become Garuda birds and fly over you
If you come as tigers, we'll face you as Lions with blue mane

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You see how everything is aligned just right?  With the green dot on the chair, the lamp representing fire, and the other stars are perfectly placed on the artwork?  Like the wings of the dragonfly and the feathered hat he is wearing?  That is how specific it can get to channel some things. 
And if you are a channel, they will sort of arrange it themselves; you just have to be open to listen to them and to See them.
When I feel negative, the darkness of the blue yarn around this guy will grow and fester - and what comes with it is a shock back into personal responsibility.  It is hard to describe.  I don't know who he/it is, but he/it often prompts me back to him to do ritual work to "ground" myself.  I am in the process of buying supplies for this.

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If you come with evil intentions, we'll give you a fight!
Ten of us will strike you as thunder
Hundred of us will shatter your hearts
Thousand of us will destroy and obliterate
Ten thousand of us will hand you the wrath of heaven!
If you come as flood, we'll fight until the death
If you come swarming, we'll scatter you around
If you come flying, we'll shoot you down with our archeries
If you come charging, we'll slice you with our swords

Satanic ritual abuse - info - 
Just like with intergenerational spirits, through ritualized families and their cultures, they can carry with them intergenerational demons.  With ritual abuse, there no longer needs to be an actively aware Satanic ritual, as it is taught throughout generations, people simply perpetuate it unaware, and they keep recreating new seals.  That is how it works - humans enslave one another without even knowing that they do it.  "Master" no longer needs to be there to see that the work gets done.  Occasionally, a person will become aware of the energy and start to tamper with the seal.

"I am Legion, for we are many."

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Let's cut through them as speed of flying falcons
Let's burn within as the hearts of wolves!
Let's stampede with our horses
Let's defeat them with the wisdom of our Great Khaan, Chinggis!
HU HU HU HU HU HU HU HU

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Wе, wе аrе hаrdlу ѕіnnеrѕ
І thіnk І’m ѕtuсk аt thе bеgіnnіng
Wе, wе аrе hаrdlу lіvіng
Аnd аll wе hаvе іѕ оur dесіѕіоnѕ, wоаh

Ооh, І’m gоіng tо trу
Ооh, tо ѕtау аlіvе
І wаѕ tоld оnсе, іt’ѕ nаturаl tо dіе
І knоw І’m fаtеd, but іt dоn’t fееl rіght

Іt dоn’t fееl rіght
Іt dоn’t fееl rіght

Yоu, whо аrе уоu kіddіng
Аnd уоu аrе hаrdlу еvеr gіvіng
Yоu, уоu’rе аlwауѕ ѕіnnіng
Вut аll wе hаvе іѕ оur dесіѕіоnѕ, wоаh

Ооh, І’m gоіng tо trу
Ооh, tо ѕtау аlіvе
І wаѕ tоld оnсе, іt’ѕ nаturаl tо dіе
І knоw І’m fаtеd, but іt dоn’t fееl rіght

Іt dоn’t fееl rіght
Іt dоn’t fееl rіght

???????????????

 

Edited March 4, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Notes:

• We are one infinite Creator expressing itself, everything is love and light and is in service to that exploration.  There is no polarity, right or wrong, disharmony or lack.  Everything is infinite perfection.  These are higher states of consciousness where infinite perfection is on a moment to moment basis. It will naturally be in service to others, in service to the highest, The Creator.
• Do you recognize that the Other is another expression of the Self?: Yes.  Through the eyes; now that I can see this, eyes have a magical quality to them because I see myself.  Every eye is a saving point.  I have both a very strong ego, and also none at all, there does not seem to be a middle ground.  There is everyone and then the shell of infinite void and then what I hold onto to keep from falling into it.  I must unravel myself just so, in the ways that I know best - like walking into a cold pool slowly to allow time to adjust.  I recognise now that as I write, there is something greater than me designing everything - it is me, but something that has access to much more - I have to follow it's signs left for me.  I look over at my avatar and I can gauge just how much ego I have by witnessing the consciousness expressed within the blackness.
• Densities can be thought of as evolutionary leaps.  Like mastering belts in martial arts.
   
• - The first density is physical, energetic material, elements.
  - The second density is plants and animals.
  - The third density is physical humans.
  - The fourth density is variable physicality.
  - The fifth density is pure energy
  - The sixth density is pure energy unified thought forms.
  - The seventh density is pure energy all objective awareness aka Abraxas.
  Keep in mind the visual of evolutionary leaps.

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8/1 Beingness/ Awareness

- The 8th density and the 1st density are the same.  It is like the snake eating it's tail.  Both are beingness and awareness. 
- "A new universe is born which incorporates all that The Creator has experienced of itself.- "
- Earth, fire, water, wind
- Timeless presence
- No awareness of self

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2 Growth/Movement

- Plants, animals, organic life
- Next level of exploring
- Creating "separate self" and "other"
- We train 2d density pets

- When you have a pet, you are literally training them to become humans in the next life.  You may think that owning an animal is just a fun hobby, but you are quite literally giving this animal the individuation it needs to move into one of the most important evolutionary steps as a 3rd density being.  This is why it is so important for humans to treat animals with respect.  This is why nature abhors the mistreatment of animals.  You could very well raise a pet that would incarnate into a human, that could end up being a family member.
- A this level, chimps begin to mirror one another and start to develop separate selves.
- An animal must go through this schooling first or its soul will not have the maturity to work with 3rd density reality harmonically - like throwing a three year old into a University classroom.

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3 Self Awareness/Choice 

- Axis upon which creation turns.
- MIND BODY SPIRIT COMPLEX 
- CONSCIOUSNESS = GROUND of ALL EXPERIENCE 
- the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE, paper/screen
- THE VEIL OF FORGETTING
- Most fascinating aspect to infinity
- Introduction of polarity
- Choice is made between poles
- SOUL EXPLORING A JOURNEY
- Choice/Free will
- Creativity; STS vs STO
- "Who am I?  What is my source? What do I truly want?"
- Catalyst = psychological suffering = Contrast/Challenges/Difficulties (Poker Game)
- Suffering forces Consciousness to gain Freedom from the Ego

- Many are still in the primal limbic systems, but many are moving up from that and are trying to figure out how to harmonize through all of the war and despair humanity has caused and are starting to emerge from third density into fourth and even fifth, and very few beyond that.  They act as teachers to try get them to level up to self realize.  
- This is the axis upon which creation itself turns and what is called the Mind Body Spirit Complex.
- Consciousness is the ground of all experience and is the center of the universe - it is the blank paper, the blank screen.  We are also all of the apps, but we are the screen first - if you recognize that the screen's essential nature is bliss and peace and that it is eternal - that is enlightenment.
- You recognize it is within you and then you begin to see that it is within others - and this is when you can ONLY be in service to them.

- The veil of forgetting - God-source-infinity has the capability to veil ourselves - we can veil and "forget" who we are. "Hide and seek.
- Realize that you are hiding and that there is something to seek, and that what you are seeking has an extremely pragmatic benefit to maximize health and peace, but it is the most true thing about you to remember who you are.  Unity, union, self realization.
- Polarity is the choice point in this density. You become aware that you are a soul exploring a journey with decisions that are karmically paramount.  

- This is the choice, the free will, the poles between service to self or service to others - are you going to have ego, greed, malevolence, resentment, fear, depression, creates butterfly effect, or service to Other?  That choice is presented everywhere in bringing others more value, harmony, peace and bliss.  Maximizing our ecological sustainable growth, prosperity, abundance from a more moment to moment basis.  This is how you become more evolved towards 4th density.
- The third density is intense metaphysically speaking and highly sought after and the reason why is because there is just a tremendous amount of these catalysts that are here in the third density.  There is a lot of contrast, challenges and difficulties - and they are all compressed in a pressure cooker with a lot of different mirrors - there are many choices allowing you to wake up through certain mechanisms.
- Like a poker game because you can't see other's cards.  You have to decipher to see if they are in service to self or others.  This dissolves in 4th density as everyone is going to have their poker hands open.
- Suffering forces consciousness to gain freedom from the ego.  

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  4 Love/Understanding

- Veil starts to disappear 
- Fearlessness of Death
- Sensitivity to vibration
- SOCIAL MEMORY COMPLEX
- GROUP CONSCIOUSNESS - no loss of individuation
- HIVE MIND = Full access to all civ experiences; walking library completely exposed to each other
- DISAPPEARANCE OF DISHONESTY
- Naked, vulnerable, honest, lay it all out
- Negative structures will crumble and fall and disappear 

- The most relatable way to understand evolution into 4th density evolution is the word "empathy" - when you sit down with somebody and go through a process of opening up your heart to their story and journey and who they are, and sit there in silence and genuinely listen and reply with good questions to show that you are listening and they feel extremely felt and registered and heard - these are steps from 3rd density service to self to 4th density service to Other.
- It is important to notice that as you step into 4th density, you will begin to feel some 5th density, needing to balance out that love with wisdom in the sense of; if the person calls you back the next week and wants more energy from you, you are able to put up your boundaries in a graceful, wise manner - explain that you are serving others or that you have another project you are working on; as some examples - this will naturally leak into the 4th density as you begin to explore service to Other.
- The newer generation is learning to avoid those who are in a service to self polarity.  They care deeply about the mission, vision or purpose of a company.  The newer generations are very sensitive today to negativity as a whole. 
- The more you are in service to Other, the more clear you are with your vision, mission and purpose - aligned only to be in service to Other people authentical,y lovingly and genuinely.  What is going to happen is you are going to grow much more naturally, harmonically this way.  And what will happen is over time, more and more of your own veil will disappear.  When you bask in 4D, the impulse of seeking takes over - it is so important for you to know yourself as infinity; as God; as source expressing itself - and that is what is going to rank you up into 5th and 6th density.

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Tip from me:

If you are able to see yourSELF within the eyes of Other, then you can inquire into the deepest questions you have within your subconscious.  You can look at that eye, knowing that what is looking back is your higher, infinite Self that has more answers than your veiled awareness might.
And if you ask a question openly, with a true heart, with wanting to Know - then the answer will be given to you.  Eyes can be used as a cheat in order to do this.  Or a saving point, like in a game - you can see how far you have come in understanding Unity 
by noticing how much you see yourSelf - if you don't see it too well, then you know that you are farther away from source.

- The fearlessness of death is common at this level because you realize that you are infinite, eternal and that there is nothing to fear.  This doesn't mean doing stupid, life endangering things.  Middle path, middle way, Goldilocks zone.
- Social memory complex is a group consciousness that gives you access to the library and wisdom to all the experience of the entire civilization.  As you project outwards, what will happen is that we will eventually become a social memory complex that will be able to help other 3rd density civilizations remove their veil of forgetfulness - so we then become mentors, just like Ra's civilization.
- There will still be service to self mechanics, and people can chose this frequency at this level.

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5 Light/Wisdom

- NOT OVERZEALOUS STO
- Balanced with WISDOM
- Serves without martyrdom (self sacrifice)
- Learns worthiness and unity 
- Spends much time alone, learning lessons of wisdom and self-sufficiency
- Right action = taken Only when respecting Free Will of Other Self
- I'M HERE TO BREAK PEOPLE OUT OF EGO SUFFERING AND QUANTUM LEAP TO NON-DUAL AWARENESS
- INCREASE VIBRATION OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF EARTH
- Joy =light translated in the physical body

- You start to not be over-jealous with your service to Other, beginning to balance in wisdom.
- When you are ONLY taking action when respecting the free will of another Self, this is when you know that you are entering 5th density ideas and essences with your beingness.  An example given by the video creator: His mother and uncle were trying to control his free will during the holiday season and he took a step back and said that he could only participate if he was allowed free will and they did not and so he left.  
- THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FAMILY FRIENDS AND OTHER PEOPLE BEGIN TO SEE SOMEONE BECOMING SELF REALIZED IS THAT SOMETIMES WHAT THEY WILL DO IS THE BUCKET OF CRABS AND THEY WILL PULL DOWN THE CRAB THAT'S ESCAPING OUT OF THE BUCKET AND BECOMING ENLIGHTENED AND SELF-REALIZED.
- Recognize that when people do this, that they don't know you anymore, because you have unidentified with a false construct of who you used to be - this is likely happening to many people with their family and friends and this density is all about balancing wisdom into the love.
- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE GO AND BEGIN SENDING THEM ANY MESSAGES ON ANY SOCIAL PLATFORMS, OR TRYING TO RECONCILE YOUR RELATIONSHIP - because this is about free will, you have to let the person themselves come to seek the more direct path to self-realization, and then maybe there is a harmonization downstream once this has happened.
- Prioritize your relationship with God and source as number one and then secondary any human to human relationships and that is what will bring you the most flourishing.

- What you will notice in this density is that effortless action will naturally channel through you, and so you become an instrument of the divine, because that is what right action is.

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6 Unity/Balance

- PURE WHITE LIGHT
- 100% non-physical 
- Perfect balance of love/wisdom achieved
- STS path concedes to love/light in early 6th density (This is Wolf's density as an STS being looking to move into STO)
- ALL EXPRESSIONS OF INFINITY ARE VALID
- All STO has been gained 
- Serves as "The Higher Self" to all its previous incarnations in order to complete polarization into 7th density
- Leaves REPLICA OF CONSCIOUSNESS to 1st-6th

- Service to Self can choose to enter service to Self from the 3rd density , now entering into the 4th and beyond with this mentality, and that is what keeps the light and the dark in friction as they ascend.  But when it gets to that sixth density, it needs to concede to love and light.
- There are many other creation designs with many other fluxes that are occuring between the two poles in an ascension balances and different vehicles on sentient to experience those creations, and different styles of ways to pierce the veil, you really have to use your imagination to fully get infinity, and this is why all expressions  and choice of infinity are valid.  This transcends the right and wrong, the disharmony and the lack.
- All service to Other has been gained, you have taken in as much of the service to Other authentic expression that you've been delivering and you've taken that all in and now you serve as the Higher Self, to all of your previous incarnations in order to complete polarization into the 7th density.  You leave a replica of your consciousness to the 1st to 6th densities - example: when the video creator explains his relationship with his Higher Self, it is a tether in a sense where there is a relationship with what appears to be an ethereal entity that is very clearly a representation of a more whole version of who he is.  In this case, his Higher Self that he is in communication with has already gone through the process.

- You have to use your imagination to imagine how the atlas that exists in the 1st-5th density all the way to the 6th, all of those atlases are currently being explored in different creation designs, following different bifurcations on their trees of possibility.  So the atlas that never decided to pursue metaphysics and consciousness and self realization exists in another creation design where he has more service to Self dynamics.
- You have a tether to a Higher Self that you can meditate on and create a portal of communication that's more rich and more clear and then leverage that in order for you to more clearly understand your expression of infinity.

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I  have a social memory complex as well and it looks like this and feels like being in a soup of bubbles where we are all One, but do have an individual "space" of awareness that makes us unique.  Within this, you can both see the whole picture of everyone there, and you can also move or glide into the mist and interact with people individually - while they simultaneously all at the same time look out of my eyes - so there is always the focal point of the individual, with everyone with you, and the whole picture, and they sing forever in unison and joy, just like the song, a chorus of angels:

- Mirror consciousness is what this 6th density pure white light is called.  Where you are just acting as a channel of infinity, in everything that you do as a 100 percent of the peak of morality.  This should be the goal, to slowly become more and more of a pure, clear channel of the absolute highest morality, expression of infinity.  What will really hit it, is the service to Other, and then balancing it with wisdom, and then recognising more and more that those two things become one as mirrors to each other.

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7 Gateway/Completion

- AS ABOVE SO BELOW
- WE EXPRESS ALL LESSONS IN THIS CREATION THEN GIVE IT BACK, MERGE WITH SOURCE AND LIKE A HEARTBEAT ❤️ START AGAIN 
- Lose all personal identity/memory
- PASSPORT INTO NEXT CREATION
- I AM becomes GOD in NEXT CREATION
- Next creation can be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
- DIFFERENT CREATION DESIGNS HAVE DIFFERENT VEHICLES OF SENTIENCE

- "Inhale, exhale." 
- The beauty of this gateway is every single one of these heartbeats, or breaths, or your blood glucose levels or your eye accommodation, or the myriad of other night and day experiences, there are so many of them - and these juxtapositions are precisely what the nature of our reality is.  The ultimate polarity.
- The nature of our reality is simply analogized to our inhale and exhale.  
- It is not only the breath that gives us life force itself from the photosynthesis of trees and phytoplankton that we are interdependent with in a style of unity there, but it's also on a very metaphysical all-of-the-densities level. 
- This is the beautiful process of the inhalation and the exhalation.  This evolutionary process that reaches that actractor, that Godhead, and that goes through another inhalation and exhalation.  And that is the ouroboros.

- That's why we have learned all these lessons, we lose all of them, and that passports us into the next creation because we merge with source and we become God in the next creation - we already are the "I Am" God, and our "I Am" God becomes God in the next creation.  
- We do a similar thing where we create new vehicles of sentience in new realities, we veil ourselves and them pierce the veil and awaken.  This is the eternal hide and seek exploring all different types of experience, phenomenology and play and we have been doing that and we're going to keep doing that.
- It can never end.

This video here pretty much covers my feelings, intentions and my spiritual pursuits in a nutshell.

Edited March 6, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Yesterday, after compiling the notes, in true Spirit, watching the music video with this creature - I wasn't paying much attention - however I looked up to check the timestamp and there she was.  My Higher Self.  About four years I had let go for a bit to dance for a while, purely in the moment, and played this song, because the album art said, "You."  I did and through the lyrics and words my Higher Self was able to communicate with me.  I went back over what I had written and it was indeed a recipe to return to the Higher Self.  There was just the awareness, letting me know I was being actively observed as a potential lifetime that has the opportunity to wake up.  No message beyond that from that immediate experience.  I had this thing as my avatar for a while and was gauging my awareness through what I could see in it - and so that residual awareness that was building up finally broke through.

Tomorrow is my birthday, I feel as though the timing is correct in the letting go of a lot of different things - people, caring of others opinions; and I can trust myself.  I can simply reach for my Higher Self, and just keep going with the wisdom that it has collected from other lives. 
I was told earlier that day, before its reappearance, that I could change my mentality to STO and this would be enough due to being chronically sick and not having a lot of options for service to Other, I could simultaneously make sure that my notes are as clear, concise and extensive as I can for others to be able to do their own work if they so desire  This would give me my autonomy as I would not be looking for answers from anywhere outside myself, and instead the focus could be shifted on sharing information the best that I can for adding to a social memory complex.
I can simply look at "You" for a savepoint or an inquiry that will, even if I don't fully remember the details of, come back to me at a later date.  I'll call her "Caroline".

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Hey, what's your name?
Hey, what's your name?
'Cause I need to know
'Cause I need to know

I've been high and I've been low
Far beyond and far below
Never seen you before
If I die before I wake
Promise me you'll remember me tomorrow

'Cause I'll remember you
I'll remember you
I'll remember you
I'll remember you
You
You

Last night I felt very good; loving, present, raised, fearless.  All my pets wanted a lot of attention and affection because of how raised my mood was and I went in between all of them and gave them affection and they were all calm, snuggly and content - with their own energy focused on me for a good five or so hours.  This gave me the right validation that I was growing in the right way.  It can be a bit of a balancing act to make sure they are all petted at the same time, they all want to be the "One", so I give affection all at once.  Two cats get pet with my hands and the dog gets a foot, or a slow blink for a cat that is sitting too far away, with my attention on it while petting the other two.  The dog and male cat get jealous and the female cat is very shy and sweet and loves attention but doesn't always ask so I have to make the time.  I keep a lot of water and sleeping options everywhere and a tall cat tree for the shy female if she feels scared or bullied, the male can't get to her because he is so much bigger.  Once she is on the top tree ledge he gives up, and she gets full access to seeing the whole room.  It is a perfect spot for a shy cat.  (They, interestingly enough prefer to be high up and see the whole room if they are shy, rather than having to hide under things.  If you have a cat that hides all the time, get some tall - like 6 foot or taller - cat trees, one or two and place them in a corner where the cat can see the whole room and it will come out of its shell.

Tip: When your focus is primarily on others feelings and behavior, your intent is to find a way to control how others feel about you and treat you. While it may look like you are caring about others when you focus on them, the underlying intent is to get what you want from them. Because you are not focused within and taking care of yourself, your caring about others may be coming from an empty place within -- a place that wants to get filled from others.

If you have never connected with your higher self and never felt the extraordinary love and power of Spirit within you, then it may be hard for you to believe that your greatest happiness and safety does not come from others loving you and connecting with you. If you practice taking responsibility for yourself long enough, you will eventually experience the joy that comes from opening to the love that is always available from Spirit, and the incredible joy of sharing that love with others. You cannot know this until you experience it, and you cannot experience it until you take the time to practice opening and being guided by Spirit in taking loving care of yourself.

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Break me in don't break me down
Swimming in these empty towns
I wonder if it's all so master planned
Diving into sweeter bliss
Falling fair before we miss
Taste the taste before it's gone and you're too late

Won't change what I am
To find who you are
Can't stay in these lines
When I'm bursting at the seams
My body might collapse
If I carry one more dream
If I carry one more dream
I could be anything
I could be anything

Breaking out beyond the night
Reeling in the quieter times
Saving all the flavors of my mind
Reflecting on the lessons learned
The broken bonds and bridges burned
Take the taste of hate and throw it away

Won't change what I am
To find who you are
Can't stay in these lines
When I'm bursting at the seams
My body might collapse
If I carry one more dream
If I carry one more dream
I could be anything
I could be anything

 

Edited March 8, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Dead for a while, merci beaucoup...
So now I wait, and something will happen again...
Emptiness.  

 

Present.
From here you manifest, pure Will.  Now.
I want power...  Within.
<<Open channel please, thank you.>>

I found something a while back and I need it.  Give it to me.

The Orb - A Huge Ever Growing Brain That Rules From The Centre Of The Ultraworld (Starecase Remix

All the coloured sentences I made above switched at once to grey.  Accidental coincidence, but just this time.

That.  Please.

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?????????????????
infinite love ? infinite love

?????????????????????
infinite love ? infinite love 

?????✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?????
infinite love ? infinite love

?????????????????? ?️ ??????????????????

?????✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?✨?????
infinite love ? infinite love

?????????????????????
infinite love ? infinite love 

?????????????????
infinite love ? infinite love

What inspires you?
Nature.

 

Edited March 10, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Breathe, cold, another bad dream
Got mud on my face that I can't get clean
Feel whole, but I rip at the seams
If I can't get you away from me
Taking showers every hour and I choke on steam
Writing on the mirrors and the space between
All so tall, it broke the fourth wall
Guess our fairy tale had a few plot holes

Breathe, cold, another bad dream
(Another bad dream, another bad dream)
Breathe, cold, another bad dream
(Another bad dream, another bad dream)
Breathe, cold, another bad dream
Another bad dream, another bad dream
Another bad dream, another bad dream
Another bad dream, another bad dream

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I have this exact demon/spirit/entity/familiar within me in how it manifests as my shadow; some sort of artistic-spirit-possessed thing.  I feel like if I could be more creative, then my art style would have a similar sort of charm.  Recently it returned in my hypnagogia and in a dream while staying with my family for a night.  I tried to control its manifestation while falling asleep and chopped it in half with a sword.  Where I cut, a jelly-like aquamarine liquid came out and then it dissolved like waving cloth in in the wind, but it came back in the dreamworld and gave me a nightmare that I don't remember too well.  A lot of shadows, blacks, whites, greys and being in squared spaces on a shifting piece of pressed particle board.   I could not see very far, either.
Something along the lines of: "Bring what is within outwards or it will destroy you."  Something like that.  I feel like I understood this person and what they were trying to express to their core in a lot of ways, and this was the validation that I needed that maybe, if I could set my sights on actually finishing my projects that it would help me work through some emotions.
I really, genuinely, feel that if I could get my inspiration back that I could create a few small things of similar caliber, and also psychologically put people in a similar state of mind + I find this thing to be really nerve-wracking and I am tired of running into it every time I let go. It seems to be following me around asking to be expressed somehow.  Maybe if I could, then I would be rid of it forever, or transform it into something less creepy.  I should try.  I feel frozen, I spend a lot of time sitting in my chair trying to figure out how to take action.  But I do feel like I am finding something.

Note to self: artistic people are fussy, weird and self-centered.  Sensitive.  They live for expressing themselves and see life in very strange ways.

Notes:

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"It's a good thing he painted.. otherwise he may have been a serial killer."

• Age of Existentialism - 
  "We do with our life what we can and then we die.  What else is there, if this is Known... can it be reflected in their work?"
  Chance and accident takes over.  Gamble on the next brush stroke.  The image would eventually create itself as it went along.
  Taps into the unconscious: DARK, e x c i t i n g , guttural, twisted - where did the darkness come from?!
  Hedonism.  Coldness.      I don't know,      I wish it was safe to know.
• Spirit of inborn masochism; corruption.  Freedom.  Risk.  L a c k o f a u t h o r i t y .  The Devil is cultured, uninhibited.

• Art mirrors the animal within man.  Visceral.  c l o s e sadism (sad-ism)
• ???????? ???????? ???????? 
• When you are young, you don't have a preconceived notion of what is shocking, you just look at things to see if they are beautiful.
• "How are you going to trap reality?  How are you going to trap appearance without making an illustration of it?  And that is one of the great fights and the great excitements of being a figurative artist."
• Painting "inside out"; a great love.  How?  Heart.
  Only able to capture those who one knows very well or look at a great deal; analyzed and know the structure of the face; the soul.
• "The Work" can    be seen      as a     s e a r c h f o r G o d .
  "You are painting not only the subject, but you are painting yourself as well as the object you are trying to record."
  "I'm afraid of violence, but I have often been submitted to it."
  Cricuciftion.  

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?? ????? ???'? ???? ?????? ???????? ?? ?? ???????? ?? ??? ??????. ?

"Spectacles":

•  
  Notes - I don't always agree with everything she says, but she does make a lot of good points usually :
  • There is a structure to reality.  You are here to learn to evolve into yourself.  A potential, a program within, a growth path.  Express and nourish this.  A continual unfolding of you, and this feels good in life.
  • No longer tied into consensus reality, illusions of what will make you happy or needing success.  Live according to your reality, you are here to be you.
  • What we need to thrive, to express our potential is something that only we can figure out for ourselves.  There are programs and conditionings that tell us that this is what it takes to survive and those are wrong - and that is where the programming is.
  • Live life fully.  Presence.  
  • You expand consciousness just for being you, therefore an addition.  We will never know it all, be fully expressed - because it is never done.  Now we can get into alignment:
    When you are enlightened you follow your feelings and internal guidance system.  Curious, creative, compassionate, always - keeps perception open instead of closing down.  Be present with pain so you can learn.
  • We as a species are not all on the same evolutionary path.  Maslow's - closer you get to the top, secure, you will evolve to a higher level of consciousness and you will be able to express yourself easier.  The higher up you get, the more complex needs become.
  • Get good at feeling your way through pain and it will FEED your awareness and intellect, you will learn not to shut down.  Open up.  Step into the unknown.  This is how you commune with reality.
  • You learn the rules of right and wrong from your culture and family, not reality - the more your nervous system is programmed, but your real feelings are telling you something different, and you were interacting with the reality of the household, this is the birth of THE SPLIT.  What was it in you that was rejected, shamed by your caregivers - that was authentic and needed to grow?  What did you do that went against your ultimate self expression?
  • Social programming comes from the whole human history of not understanding reality, passed down from generation to generation.  "The more I can control, the safer and better I will be."  We all want to express our potential, the farther from security, the farther from expressing the true self.  What do I want to express?  I am not sure.  Peace.  Bravery.  Truth.
  • When we do things that give us consequences we did not expect, that is how we know we are running a program.  In order to know what you need and want in life you have to deprogram yourself first.  
    Reality speaks in pain and pleasure only.  A slow process of waking up to your feelings.
  • Society is set up to support the level of consciousness of the "aggregate" because this is the level that it is at.  It is hard for people who are sensitive to energy to survive with how the world is because it is not set up to foster growth in sensitive people.  What can I do about this?
  • You have to become your own source of wisdom.  You have to go on your own to figure it out.
  • Make yourself safe + learn self love = expand consciousness
  • 

 

Edited March 11, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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Walked through old paradigm again, rape trauma has resurfaced.  
What should I do?

Moving out of the city in 3-4 months.  Can't wait.  Hopefully somewhere close to nature.  I want to take the time to restart and get into a space of present awareness.  Lots of walking.  Hours.  These past few days have been steeped in awareness.  I did buy some weed.  I'm going to smoke it for as long as I am stuck here, which isn't going to be too long and then figure something else out.
i really like the insights that it gives me. 
I feel calm and detached - the things that I have learned have not been so terrible, either.  Quite mild.  I have returned to focusing on my journey, only to see comments here and there, but I'm removed from it; and untouchable.
The shaman on the yarn painting is activated "atm" - it says it knows how to open 5D Heart consciousness.

Notes:

• We are living in bizarre times and it is perfectly okay to be overwhelmed.
•  In order to find a method to help yourself, you first need to know which areas are distorted.
• Your life doesn't really belong to you, you are born with a predetermined set of personality traits; you have no control over it - you come here with no memory and that's what makes it difficult to handle and understand.
• Empathy and sensitivity drains empaths.  Two awakening experiences; one into the nature of emotions, and one where everyone else is less sensitive and the consequences it has on the world they make you live in.
• Sensory overload in the city.  Living with people and dealing with society.
• If you suck at being organized and decisive then life is going to suck.
• How to fix this:  Identify what is going on inside of you and observe the thoughts and emotions that try to invade this empty space - whatever repeatedly comes up inside your consciousness, that is the root of your resilience problem.
• Build stress resilience, remove factors that lower your energy.  Mushrooms can remove the stress (weed does this for me) - they let you out to see the big picture.
• Being scared is a disgrace to your true form.
• Inner peace.

Whenever I get worried about death, I usually watch this guy - his eyes hold a lot of awareness, I can see he has gone through the whole process, it rubs off on me.

I'm 'awake' this early morning.  No attachments.
Notes for this below.

Wait by the river.  I like the visual, don't really care for the song tbh.

Top-left - yellow flowers, meadow, waist tall, dark without much light, ephemeral, contemplative, a sense of wading through and feeling limited from this - seems initially okay but not where I want to end up.  Shortest lifespan and easiest to get stuck into by accident.
Center - guiding star, divine sight, river, solid crystalline path into interconnected meshed golden city.  Always connected, but the lights never go out.  Mostly service to Other, but would be cool to have an underground energy mafia of service to Self.  Would be ideal for beginners or meeting with old friends.
Top-right - dragon flying, skimming across the water/cosmos, would be an existence with finding Others few and far in between, long durations flying in between destinations, very close to the pure mercurial source, you can float on it if you get tired - orbs of light bob on the surface of water and can offer sustenance and wisdom - you have a lot of time to contemplate, to exist, to Be.  Long life-span in this world.  I think it would feel like ice skating on a clear night.
Bottom-left - Back to source energy - not the destination I want.

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Ramana Maharshi differs even more as he said habitual tendencies (vassanas) must be surrendered. Having talked to devotees, they have alluded to that desires are given up, supposedly because they serve a false entity. So when ego is seen through, these desires as well certain behaviours are dropped. A deep surrender occurs.

- Sam G

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"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about."

– Rumi
(So true!) I don't really like it, though.  It's "spooky". 
I don't like the way everything around me seems to come to "life" and then I realize that consciousness is always aware of itself, witnessing itself, and my shadow reminds me of things that I don't fully feel ready for, but I also feel pressed to know.
Reality is so vivid and alive.  It likes to trick me, prank me, and then show me how little I know of it.  I want answers to things and that is ultimately the most important thing to me - thank God for that. 

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There's more than one way to skin a cat.

 

Edited March 12, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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This woman passed away a long time ago.  Felt waves of gratitude for this teaching.  She reminds me of my mom, when she is calm.  I thought of fears of death she might be going through at 72.  She recently had a breast removed from cancer (doing well) and is getting a hip replacement, and knees following this.  I worry because she does not believe in the afterlife, and dislikes spirituality and religion due to bad experiences from it in childhood, and is quite closed minded to it.  I worry that she might have epiphanies related to karma, or that she might not.  I worry that she will be afraid, having never really thought about death. 

"Dropping the "I".  
"I" was just thinking about that right before...

Notes:

• There is no personal self.  You don't exist.
• You will find a joyful peace - there is no "you" to be stressed or anxious.
• It is a choice - peace.
• Reactivity is way down, buttons could be pushed but it didn't matter.
• The only things that can push your buttons are things you believe to be true and if you look at them closely, you can understand that those beliefs aren't true.
• Do what it takes to clear out old false beliefs of "I".
• There is a lot more, without a Self to cloud vision things are seen for what they are.

When I move back I will have, hopefully, a good 5-10 years of general peace and contentment.  
To be honest I don't really want to do anything.  I would like to be more grounded, and continue to work on spirituality and I think that having some space in between my thoughts will give me a chance to grow and contemplate.  I have gathered a lot from these past 5 years of introspection.
Summer is coming soon, and I can spend more time barefoot in the garden and heal.
I hope to spend all my time meditating and maintaining presence, coffee, tea, sunshine, and a lot of hiking, reading and making art and I plan on getting rid of 3/4 of my belongings.  If possible, I would like to spend the next few years working on my health and practicing art and then when I have a decent style, to try and sell it at local art galleries.  If I could find someone who sells skulls ethically, I could paint these.
I think, ultimately, something good could come from accepting powerlessness.

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Notes:

• I don't know what I want and I have reached a state of desirelessness.

later... Matt looks like he has high blood pressure.  

I decided that I don't really vibe with Shunyamurti's teachings.

Note:
You bumped into more people; ignore it or you'll get stuck in that game of "burn the witch" again.  It could be a place marker for increasing awareness.
Take note that most suggestions are a projection of some form; read it like a mirror and flip it around to unbind from others words while feeling/breathing into the gut.  That 'is' the solution.  It takes the charge out.  You will never be triggered or fall of your path again.

Solution:
Ignore that completely and continue on with focusing inwards.  When it happens again, within another context, you will finally have your proof of this siddhi - as it has happened so many times before, and there will have a pattern present, of:  "Letting go, focusing inward.  And then returning from that to find others around you dissatisfied with something."  But this time you'll know better.

What could happen; folks could continue attempting to write your narrative from the sidelines; but you will be mostly unaware... it might be a good thing because that could be something that would ultimately shed some light without any action on your part.  Like, if you have another awakening and you get a veiled letter of discontent you can offer a regalized shrug as your form of tax payment for inherently existing to express yourself.

 

Edited March 13, 2021 by Keyhole

[Keyhole]

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I get nostalgic.  Been looking for homes for rent for my family in my old town.  They plan to sell the home this summer, and then continue to work from home for a few more years, and then when the market is ready - buy another home, a really nice 5 bedroom in a cheaper town.  We will stay somewhere near here, probably, until then.  This is Issaquah, when I first moved there in the 6th grade this mountain was mostly forested.  During the 2007 recession they halted construction for a few years while building all this stuff -  and there was a large space on the mountain that was completely cleared and a playground there.  It sat very close to the edge of the mountain, maybe 60 feet away, and you could see the whole town light up, and the neighboring city in the mountains - the sky during the summer was completely clear and you could see stars everywhere.  We would sit and talk for awhile and enjoy the views.

Sometimes Lizzy - another friend from a different high school - and I would drive up even further, to the very top and look down on everything and smoke a bowl and maybe have a beer or two.  Those were really wonderful times.

I choose the city of heaven, when all is said and done.  I want everyone else to be there, happy, whole, like when I was 15, just wandering around with my group of friends after dark, if they want.  I wonder how many people we all end up knowing in our lives collectively?  In June, I will have moved out of this city... thank goodness... I really want to live in one in the afterlife, but not now.  It will be nice to have access to all the hiking trails.  Once I do this, I will leave this place permanently, Youtube as well... I spend way too much time on that site, too... and focus on returning to the real world as much as possible and reading books and stuff.  I make journal entries to grow, but also because of chronic anxiety and I don't like how I've become so attached to using a laptop all the time; I don't like feeling codependent on something.  I want to cut most of it out.  I plan on getting addicted to hiking instead, 6 hour daily hikes, until I can feel something.

I need a new username...  I'm going to use a new account and never log into this one ever again.  So I won't have two accounts.  This account is no longer active.

 

Edited March 13, 2021 by Keyhole

[Loba]

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There is an old woman who lives in a hidden place that everyone knows but few have ever seen. . . . The sole work of La Loba, [the Wolf Woman], is the collecting of bones. She is known to collect and preserve especially that which is in danger of being lost creatures: the deer, the rattlesnake, the crow. But her specialty is said to be wolves.

She creeps and crawls and sifts through the montañas, mountains and arroyos, dry river beds, looking for wolf bones, and when she has assembled an entire skeleton, when the last bone is in place and the beautiful white sculpture of the creature is laid out before her, she sits by the fire and thinks about what song she will sing.

And when she is sure, she stands over the creature, raises her arms over it, and sings out. That is when the rib bones and leg bones of the wolf begin to flesh out and the creature becomes furred. La Loba sings some more, and more of the creature comes into being; its tail curls upward, shaggy and strong.

And La Loba sings more and the wolf creature begins to breathe.

And still La Loba sings so deeply that the floor of the desert shakes and as she sings, the wolf opens its eyes, leaps up, and runs away down the canyon.

Story of La Loba

 

Edited March 13, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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My cat, Rusty is missing from my home.  I noticed I did not see him around at all yesterday, but sometimes this can happen where he wants space to hang out downstairs for a n extended while and I didn't think anything of it.  Usually he will come up the next morning.  But he is nowhere to be found.  The only thing I can think of is that maybe my brother left the door open and he escaped.  My brother doesn't really pay much attention to... anything, to be honest.  I can't be angry if this happened, though, because he can't do better. 
But right now, I want to go downstairs and break everything he owns for being so careless.  And I don't even know if this is why Rusty is missing.  I keep thinking maybe my brother might have left something out, maybe the cat got into it?  He is messy.  I really have no idea.  I noticed today his sister Sandy was acting like a presence was missing - more vocal and aimless wandering, and that tipped me off that something was not right this morning.
I don't think it could have been a contiditon, I would check their gums and ears daily.  He was playing with the dog.  Healthy weight, good coat, vet plan, gets wet food with extra water every morning (good for male cats, extra water in wet food btw)  If somehow he got ill, it would have had to of been something acute.
I will look around the neighborhood this evening with a flashlight and for a few weeks from now on.  My family will let me borrow the ethical pet trapper as well - it has two sides that swing shut.  I raised these two cats from birth - the mother got out when my ex was moving, and then again when my brother moved in.  I wish people would be more careful.

Some signs came out on my feed, so I hope this will lead me to him.  Just a few days ago he was snuggling with me while I was in the chair with my blanket.  He was/is intuitive and always knew when I was stressed.  This cat is too dog like, too good of a boy for something like this to happen.  He's one of my all time favorite babies that I have raised.

This and the above showed in my feed, I hope it is a good sign that maybe all I have to do is look around the house outside.

If there is any benefit from this at all, the only thing that it would be is that he is high strung and getting him used to the other pets when I move might have not worked.  Usually if a pet has passed I will have a dream and I have not had a dream about him.  I might have, and just don't remember...

3:33 just hit as the thought comes up - "You might have to forgive your good for nothing brother who is selfish and has never done right by you, for inadvertently murdering one of the things that you love the most."  I shouldn't be thinking these things right off the bat, because I don't know but I feel like I need to grieve right away so that I don't get stuck in missing-dead-cat limbo.

The world is ultimately cruel, selfish and unfair.  He (brother) came upstairs, I don't speak/read sign language very well and snapped because of the stress and could see he misunderstood - but I sent him a text saying it is not his fault, I forgive him, that I don't even know for sure what has happened.  He says the door was not left open, but that he was bringing groceries in on Thursday night.  That seems about right.  If that is the case, it isn't his fault that it happened.
I am ... no longer angry, but this blows.
If you have the gift of prayer, whoever you are, if you read this please send a kind thought for my pet.  He is/was one of the BEST.  Like a Disney pet that knows everything you thinks and feel, that talks back to you, snuggles you when you're sad and is always by your side.

https://japantoday.com/category/features/lifestyle/how-to-find-a-lost-cat-unique-method-from-japan-proves-to-be-surprisingly-effective

 

Edited March 14, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Notes later..

Intent.  Focus.  Ask. 

 

Edited March 14, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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This is a good synchronicity.  

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Leave her alone.  She wants you leave her alone and to ultimately crash and burn and die.  That's why she is pushing you away.
Focus on other things and let her do what she wants to do how she wants to do it and let her deal with whatever consequences that happen from her own actions, that is true compassion imo.
Getting involved and trying to change sick people just makes it worse in the long run.  And no one likes the pressure of being changed by people who may not even know what the path constitutes for them.  And who knows, maybe crashing and burning and going through that is what God wants for her life?  Why this person out of the many others that could be helped?  Are there other, better places you can direct your empathy?  I would do that.  Just like with anything else, compassion is something that has to be nurtured and you want to make sure you cultivate it in the places where your service is most beneficial.

And to be honest, people in need don't like that, they will fight against it because the help is ultimately an affront on the personal journey of the soul -  and she is going to push you away completely anyways, so take the first step in what you're ultimately going to have to do.

I helped random people when I was a young woman and it NEVER works out.  You'll get screwed over.

The next song - I can hear my cat that was "stolen" from me.  "Possession", negative social complexes and the being itself expressing itself, "We don't need your help."  Came out today, snake eating its tail.  Syndicate.  

I am being tested.  Because I am/part of a negative social entity/complex, and I loved the cat quite a lot and I most likely won't get him back.  I think my error is being too soft, perhaps the full extraction of love is an important component.  I felt sad for a day, and I will keep looking for him but I am over it, I have almost fully accepted the loss and can move on.  After my other two pets die, I will not own another one ever again.  What's the point if you can't keep them safe from other people's bullshit?
Maybe I could do service to Self in the afterlife and then service to Other if I somehow end up becoming a 6th density being, and focus solely on personal wisdom for this life?  I could find it in the forest if everything works out well.

God, Wolf, Demon, whatever, whathaveyou, what do you say?
You seem to do something cruel every time I am about to transmute something important, something that is drastic and unexpected and always ultimately harmful and gets in the way, and so this tells me that perhaps, although the higher Self instructs it, that I am running a fool's errand.  

Give me a sign as to why this is happening to me, please.  If growth is such an important component, then what are you hiding from me that requires that I lose so much?  It feels like a gaslight.  Going through death, coming back from the fugue and another bad thing, another misunderstanding, and yet I feel almost programmed to move in the direction of some form of understanding of this.

I get it.  You want to destroy me.  You want to hollow me out and take absolutely everything and you think it's funny.  That every awakening I have, that I think would be something good - "more than one way to skin a cat", you go and skin my cat.  You trick me by showing something that seems good, and I can see God within it - I think, I hope - and of course any person would move towards that - because it is what we should do.

And then you throw it in my face and expect me to love and live in the light, blah blah blah.  Why stop now?  Why bother dragging it out?  Just get rid of me then, recycle my soul, burn me for all eternity, whatever.  I don't care.

You say, "You left the door open..."
I hate you.  It's not funny.  There better be a decent underlying reason for it.

"Lesser".

Murderer.

I was supposed to orient myself to something noble, and I chose ending child abuse - looking at the night sky, the earth, unified, interconnected...  You can do that, because thoughts project outwards, if you are in that almost borderline manic state, it is feasible - I tried.  I kept falling downwards, I thought that if I went through death, which it seems to show up when it wants to - if I went through sexuality I could bring it up - that the power from it would do this and you lead me down the wrong road.  You bring the worst outcomes to every noble intention, and you plaster me with the intentions of those around me and it sticks.  You're something evil.
Can I get rid of you? 

Can you tell me what you are?

If there is something else here, can you remove it?  If there is something beneficial in the spiritual wilderness - I request that you line everything up awagin with truth and, like I asked before, keep the street empty.  I am ready to move into the light, but you need to stop these situations from happening.  Otherwise, will you explain to me my error?
What is it that is causing each chain to create something worse?

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"Wait by the river."
"Born to die"
"My name is dark."

River.  Stream of consciousness.

My intention for today:  Restart, take me to the shadow in between the lines. I am hopeless enough that I am ready to open the gate and see you for what you are.
My intention for tomorrow: Meeting "master".

Wait by the river.
Something in the environment please.

Bring my cat home.

Notes:

•  

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Paradise on my right, and h-h-hell on my left
The a-a-angel of death, right behind me
Paradise on my right, and h-h-hell on my left
The a-a-angel of death, right behind me
Paradise on my right, h-h-h-hell on my left
And the angel of death, she said to God
"Un-fuck the world, un-fuck the world
You stupid girl, you stupid girl"

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"Showy" - No, I don't feel that way to be honest, I feel more like just creative and in the zone and that the expression of it will fix things for me, without much rhyme or reason as far as content goes tbh - I'm fluid and not really "there", like intuitive art or something - mushin. (reading people's opinions)  If I wanted showy, I wouldn't be so upset with these youtubers with their strong-following channels observing me. 

I feel like it is a strong liability, that it would eventually be just, way way way too many eyes.  I don't like the limelight, it makes me feel like I can't focus on what is going on deepest in my soul - and I value getting it right.  When you have like, dozens of opinions coming at you it is kind of hard to seperate what comes from you or from others.
That is why I am angry with Leo.  You have a huge following, you mentioned my username, and I don't want any more eyes on me - it's too much.  I noticed you tried to devalue me afterwards.  Honestly, please continue.  If it lowers my value to the point where I have more space and subsequently more peace until I can leave the city this June.  Tell 'em I'm rotten.  You do me a bigger favour that way. 
Also, you will want to get to know people who are healthy, at your level - and you want someone who is committed and enjoys a lot of sex and I am mostly asexual at this point due to illness... thus trying to bring that energy up.  I figured that even though it was so perverse that ultimately, if I am as nonsexual as I am right now, that it would be okay even if what I found was kind of weird.  On top of that, I want to transmute some things first, this is how many women do it.  It is our intuition.  I just want to sink into myself, find that energy within and be done with it, and that's the end of it.  Also, I did a reading, and it actually built itself and it told me what your energy and that other person - what was underneath.

Channeling. (?)  The more time you put into it, and in different ways the easier it is to get a complete and personally suited answer. Music, breath, meditation, intention, words, art, colour, emotion, weed, coffee, ect.  Alignment.  It's just a daily process of that.  I'm just curious, I wanna know.  (Also... 434 atm.) 

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Your problem is that you smell like food for hungry entities and your protection is to open your heart.
The catch is, each time you do, the powers that be that want to keep you down will not buckle, so you will have to learn to stand your ground in the face of it.  I'm out of weed and coffee...
My intention:  Show me how to do this within the body from start to finish, so that I can manifest whatever it is that was initially required of me that is of the greatest benefit.

 

Edited March 14, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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This song showed up in my feed, the lyrics are kind, but ultimately an empty key - I will use it to start a new chain, though and see what happens.
I got some advice on how to get my cat back, making some flyers tomorrow, a few calls, letters, ect, cat trap.
I'm trying to brush it off, but tbh I am worried sick.
Should buy some weed tomorrow as well - not a forever habit, just an "until I move" habit.

What makes you feel safe?
No need to answer it, let it come to you over time and this might be something helpful.

 

Edited March 15, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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?????? ?
To be completed by the end of the day, life suddenly got busy.  I hate when that happens. 
I tracked down this energy.  Takes time.

Notes:

• Prophecy said that Fenrir, Loki's wolf son, would be a threat to the God Aesir, and so based on this the Gods put him under constant surveillance.  
• Only Týr was brave enough to befriend and feed the wolf.
• The wolf grew day after day and so they concluded that he had to be imprisoned. 
• They formed powerful chains in an attempt to imprison Fenrir and to hide their real intentions, the Gods presented a challenge to the wolf.
• The wolf, although immense and evil natured, was still a cub and enjoyed playtime.
• The guardians challenged him to get rid of the God-made chains and he liked the quest.
• The Gods chained him but they failed to withstand the wolf.  A new chain had to be made, even more powerful than the first one which was placed on Fenrir.

• One chain seemed strong enough to hold him.  The Gods looked at each other pleased, but they did not expect what took place next.  Fenrir used more of this strength and destroyed those chains as well.  The Gods were bewildered.  Fenrir noticed their concern and took it as as a sign that they were up to something.  No rope nor chain managed to withstand the creatures strength.  

• Only dwarves had the skills to make a chain that could bind Fenrir.  The dwarves agreed to make one and sent a list of ingredients of six seemingly impossible ingredients.  These were: mountain roots, bear tendons, a woman's beard, the breath of a fish, the saliva of a bird and the sound of a cat's footsteps.
• With the ingredients recovered, the dwarves set to work and made a chain that was as thin as a silk ribbon; the power contained in it did not match its appearance.
• Fenrir was challenged again to break the new harness, but the wolf was already suspicious and upon seeing the rope that the Gods carried in their hands, he thought something mischievous was taking place. 
• Odin assured him that is was nothing but a simple joke, however the wolf and Odin never got along - being Loki's son, the wolf could smell the lie on Odin's breath.  The wolf said he would only engage in the game if one of the Gods would be brave enough to put their hand in his mouth while he was being tied up and if they deceived him, then he would bite the hand clear off from the wrist. 
• None of the Gods came forward initially and this raised the wolf's suspicions,  until Týr, the God who always fed Fenrir and established a friendship, volunteered to put his hand in the wolf's mouth.

• Fenrir agreed to be tied again.
• The wolf struggled against these new straps, but his full power could not break the rope.  Fenrir noticed the God's satisfaction and looked at Týr who was the only one who did not look happy.  The wolf realized that he had been betrayed by the Gods and even his only friend.
• Fenrir clenched his jaw strongly, tearing Týr's hand off.  The God withstood the pain without a single cry and was celebrated for his sacrifice.
• Fenrir had been firmly tied to a stone, the Gods were relieved to have neutralized such a threat.  Fenrir howled curses at the Gods, claiming that it might have been friends with the Gods, but because of such betrayal, they would now be it's greatest enemies, and swore to look for Odin on the battlefield during Ragnarok to have his revenge.  

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Fenrir
In Norse mythology, Fenrir (Old Norse: “he who dwells in the marshes”), also known as Fenrisúlfr (Old Norse: “Fenrir's wolf”), or Vanargand ("Monster of the River Van"), is a giant, monstrous wolf, son of Loki and the giantess Angrboða, and the brother of Hel and Jörmungandr.

Fenrir was tied up by the gods, but was destined to break free from his bonds and devour Odin during Ragnarök, afterwhich he is killed by Odin's son, Víðarr.

Fenrir has two sons, Hati ('hate') and Skoll.

Odin found out about a prophecy that the children of Loki and Angora would cause trouble for the gods. He had Fenrir brought to him along with its brother Jörmungandr and its sister Hel.

After throwing Jörmungandr into the sea and sending Hel into the land of the dead, Odin had the wolf raised among the Æsir. Only the god Týr was brave enough to feed the growing monster. The wolf got stronger and stronger. The gods were scared that he would eventually destroy them. They tried to chain it up. He agreed to be chained two times. Both times he easily broke the chains.

Odin had the dwarfs make the chain Gleipnir ("deceiver" or "entangler"). It looked like a silken ribbon but was made of six magical ingredients: the sound of a cat's step, the beard of a woman, the roots of a mountain, bear's sensibility, fish's breath, and bird's spittle.

The gods challenged Fenrir to break this chain as well. The wolf saw how thin and well made Gleipnir was and thought it was a trick. He agreed to try and break the chain, but only if one of the gods would put his hand in the wolf's mouth. He believed this would force them to free him if he could not break the chain. Only Týr was willing to put his hand in the wolf's mouth. Fenrir tried to break the chain. The more he tried, the tighter the chain held him. When the gods would not free him, the wolf bit off Týr's hand at the wrist.

It is said that at Ragnarök, the wolf will break free. He will join forces with the enemies of the gods and will then eat Odin. After that Viðarr, Odin's son, will slay the wolf to avenge his father's death.

Note:  Culture is not your friend.  You keep falling back into it.  It's outside of culture, all construct = the trap. 
Reality is like clay.  You shape it with your will, but it's immediate and present.

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click 
Note: Do you know the True meaning of the Word?

Herein lies the magick of Fenrir; for unlike his siblings, the Wolf’s magick has little minor appreciation; rather it is on a far grander scale, that of Aeonic Magick.

Aeonic Magick

Simply put, Aeonic Magick and all that it entails is the manipulation of acausal energies to either:

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1. Aid the Wyrd (Destiny) of a currently existing Aeonic civilisation (for e.g.the Western Civilisation of the current Thorian Aeon).

2. Create a new Aeon and a subsequent Aeonic civilisation.

3. Distort or disrupt an existing civilisation and its Aeonic forces.

It is the latter that is of most relevance to Fenrir and our existing Western Civilisation and Aeon. According to the Correspondences of “The Elemental Quadruplet” Fenrir is associated with the season of Winter; the Western Civilisation is entering its final, Winter stage. As such, Fenrir be seen as the ‘patron’ or symbol of this stage, and is a ‘patron’ to both the events that will occur naturally as befits this stage, and the options open to the Adept in his/her endeavours to alter this Aeon, and hasten or retard its demise.

The choice is entirely upon the individual Adept; there is no set rule. Seeing this current Aeon has approximately in excess of 500 years to go, and Western Civilisation just under 400 years, there is no reason why – to speak symbolically – Fenrir can’t be chained for a little longer. His release and the death of this civilisation and Aeon are inevitable; there is no doubt that of that: one only needs a drop of Odin’s insight to see it. But if the right steps are taken, then a pre-Ragnarok Regeneration of the Western mind, body and soul may be possible. This would provide a lasting influence on the next Aeon (and its civilisation) as the Hellenic Aeon – as a vital stage of the evolution of Western Paganism – has had on the current Western one.

Alternatively, the Adept has the option of unleashing Fenrir at this point in time in order to perhaps quicken the demise of this civilisation, ensuring an entirely new civilisation – without the influence of Western civilisation – in the next Galactic Aeon. Perhaps such an action is premature, considering the length of time left to run, however temporal unleashing can be used in order to enact the goals of a Regenerated Western Aeon.

Such ‘temporal unleashings’ aid the disintegration of existing power structures; those that can be regarded as distortions of the Western Civilisation’s original ethos, while retaining the basis from which to build upon.

However, such actions cannot be undertaken frivolously or on a whim. They require and appreciation or Wyrd, both collective and individual. All intentions, all goals, must be clearly defined and all actions and reactions should be understood by the instigators. In other words, they must be Adepts in the true meaning of the word.

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• First song - play on highest rez, x2 speed and mute
• Second song, loop and press play

A VISION OF FENRIR

The door opens with a mountain in the distance framing my view.
Beneath it lies a lush green forest.
Beside the forest runs a pure blue river.
The Sun is bright, hanging high in the sky.
Suddenly the picture changes.
The river runs red with blood.
Dismembered bodies float towards me through the bloody tide.
High in the sky, the huge head of Fenrir appears.
Jaws widening, he grasps the sun and consumes it.
Like a rapid twilight, the sky darkens.
All that remains beneath the blackened sky is a band of silver,
lying across the horizon.

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• the sound of a cat's paw
• the hairs of a maiden's beard
• the roots of a mountain  - when you move back to town, dig your roots into the mountain trails
• the dreams of a bear
• the breath of a fish
• the spittle of a bird

https://shadowlight.gydja.com/fenrir.html

Note: Don't give your story away.  Keep going.  You need no middle man - you will find yourself in a very bad spot if you allow yourself to fall into the belief that you do.
You are going to have to keep pressing forward.  You know more than many of the people here about niche things and so you will have to be your own authority.  But you are unsure of yourself, and so this creates a tempation for others to control your experiences because they often read as somewhat novel. 
When you push away, their reaction is to minimize you and this is how it starts with every single one.
Keep going, don't look back. 
This is a cult, and these people are cult members. 
You provide a mirror that is at times too accurate for others to handle. 
Your requirement for absolute purity of intent makes people feel belittled, but energetically it has to be this way.
Don't fall back into it, just look at it, watch it... glide OVER it.

• Darkness, Spirit and the Feminine
• The Mold - How Society Thinks We Should Be

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Our feminine principle is one of darkness, of creativity, of our shadowy depths, of our subconscious and all that is unknown within us. The moon, oceans, and seas and the earth. Our dreams, death, spirit and the spirit realms. The formless void– the great mother we all emerge from and all return to.

It didn’t take me long on my own path to see something quite wrong with how spirituality was approached. To see that something ineffable, that truly could not be known, was claimed and oppressively seen as “known”, with neat edges and easily claimed principles regarding how spirits operate, what the spiritual realms are like; for years I thought that it was because people simply were looking for escapism, for easy answers, for control.

I still have a valid point with that, but if we look at the root of that force it is a masculine oppressive force– a force that has found its way through patriarchal religions and ways of being that tell us that nature is evil, that our bodies are sinful, that we require a middleman to tell us who and what the divine is, that we are separate or should be separate from our bodies, from the natural and supernatural realms.

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Fenrir is the lupine child of Loki and Angrboda, and he is the manifestation of unadulterated masculine energy in Rökkr kozmology. His most frequent form is that of a wolf, a wolf so monstrous that when he opens his mouth, his jaws reach to both Heaven and Earth. 

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http://www.northernpaganism.org/shrines/fenrir/about.html

Easy to demonize, yes … and it would be folly to do so. Fenris is a deity, not a demon; like all the Gods - and all the Rökkr Gods - he is the embodiment of a sacred truth. The mystery of Fenris is not an easy or uncomplicated or straightforward thing. People who are still instinctively dividing up the world into good or bad as whether it causes them pain or inconvenience are not ready for his mystery.

Fenris is, in many ways, Jotun essence taken to its furthest point, its ultimate uncompromised end. This means understanding that when we say that the Jotnar are, by nature, part of nature... that means also that they partake of the entirety of nature and not just the euphemized happy bits that we like to pretend are what nature "really is". Every part of nature is dangerous and not terribly disposed to privilege humans over any other part. The sea eats people, the fire lays waste to countrysides, the ice storm freezes you, the earth will receive your corpse and fill it with maggots. Our planet whirls around a sun that will burn out, in a galaxy that will wind down and disintegrate before it can explode again into life.

To understand these things as not only "not negative" but as awesome, mind‑bending, even beautiful ‑ that's how we understand Jotun nature. It's terrifying, yes ‑ and there is also a good and benevolent side, but you don't get only that aimed at you, ever. It's about accepting the whole package without this secret fingers‑crossed idea that if they just like you enough, the forces of nature will make a special exception for you. And that doesn't work.

To see Fenris is to see a magnificent creature who must be chained, or he'll eat the world. It's seeing the grandeur of a hurricane, an earthquake, a solar flare, and knowing that this too is the hand of the divine... and at the same time knowing that they will do terrible harm. Fenris is what he is, entirely and fully, and he will not compromise himself to be anything else for anyone else... even if he must be bound. Are there things about your nature that you would rather be imprisoned than compromise? If not, then perhaps you might not understand Fenris. He embodies our ambivalence toward the Universe, which sees us as expendable flecks of dust. … and the only way to get around that is to see from a higher perspective, one that can appreciate the divinity of ambivalences.

There is a truth I know that I've seen happen, as well as experiencing it myself: Those who look the Great Bound Wolf in the eye and fully see him, completely know him, always weep. To truly understand both the magnificence and the sorrow that is Fenris is to be swept up in that sorrow, if only for a few moments. I honor my own ambivalences, as I honor the ambivalence of his existence. Not everything is easy, black and white, and anyone who tries to see him in either light has missed the point.

Fenris is, in many ways, the ultimate expression of Jotun nature without boundaries. He is what he is. He would rather die than be other than what he is. He is frightening, yes. But it was valuable to me to see him, to speak with him, to hear his wisdom ‑ and yes, it is wisdom ‑ about the dark places in the soul. He is an expert on that. For those of us with Jotun blood, and attendant anger-management issues it may bring (especially those of us with the predator-hunger within us), we can find great value in working with Fenris, and not just as an object lesson in self-control. To come to terms with this kind of inner Beast necessitates seeing it as not entirely negative, even if it must be chained. To deal with it in a healthy way requires learning to love it for what it is, and that means learning to see its magnificence. To weep for Fenris, to revere and honor him, gives us a place to stand with regard to honoring this part of ourselves.

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Next stop; summer - Find yourself in the mountains.
Looking for a home near hiking trails.  Ideally, I want to be near trails that are not used often and go pretty far out into nowhere.  Been packing.
Get away from all forms of culture.  Everywhere, all of it.

 

Edited March 22, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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I See You.  I'm at the edge, above it all, dazed, but present...  I see Your nose, Your grin, and Your teeth are the stained glass church windows.
You say, "Welcome to Church of Wolf, confess your sins.  Here I Am."
I'm staring You in the mouth - You smile now.  I wonder if the sides of your face are mountain roots?  I can't be sure, the black in between it makes me nervous.
I keep forgetting You're a "thing", when I am not like, right up in that mess, I love to pretend that You don't exist in my psyche.  You're a freaky occurrence.  I made a deal with You when I went through the death door.

Every time I see You I wig out and confess my sins.
I cry a little on the inside because You basically tell me that You are something that holds entire evolutionary chains from start to finish, like little bubbles.  A collection of them.  That this is what massive energies are doing outside of culture/social constructs.  To really even wrap my head around what that even "means".
You are both God and the Butcher all in one. 
I forget that you feed on me.

"Do you know the Truth of the Word?"

No.  I'm sorry, I wish I did.

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Carl-Richard:
Welcome to Stage Green. You're now drowning in relativism, and your job is to construct a life raft and enter Stage Yellow. Your current problem is that you're discovering relativity while still being zoomed in to a partial view, mainly a "me"-centered view, which means your old value structures start to seem faulty and unreliable.

You want to gradually zoom out and catch a glimpse of the system view. From that perspective, the relativity becomes more compatible with your lens and is not seen as a problem. It's from the system view that you start to successfully maneuver this new territory that relativity has opened up.

Here is what relativism looks like from a system view looks like:

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I think that going out into nature and observing that system would bring me the closest to Truth.  I'm lucky in the sense that I will be able to throw away most aspects of society, as much as humanly possible.  All this stuff that you guys have to do, I don't have to do any of it. 
I can just move back in with my family after my landlord sells this place, and spend that time healing my broken body and my scattered mind by being out in nature, and then by just marinating in the present moment.  If it isn't too late, I will try to work on my health... and if it is, then I have this energy that I can follow and with it will come an unraveling of instructions on how to manage the afterlife.
My only goal at the moment is to hack out of culture and to do my best to see it for what it is.
I've retracted from the death door, I'll go back through when the time is right.
I've tried to quantify this thing too much, and it worked, I brought it up - but now I should just sit with it until something else comes through.  I still don't fully know what I am dealing with and my first instinct is to immediately turn it into something else, like a story or concept, because the actual energy is real and it shouldn't be.  My mind doesn't understand, and it's not like it's in English so... you know... a lot gets lost in translation.

"Keep it real".

The first few years are going to be annoying.  My mother and father are getting old and they work a lot and they have to keep doing this for a few more years before they retire.  This means a lot of nagging, petty fights and whatnot.  They're gunna sell the house, rent for a few years and then buy a home when the market is right and move into a smaller town - unless we could do a rent to own thing with the first house.  When they do, everything will be calm.  We'll get a nice home, a large one.  I will contribute food, rent, and will keep the place clean for them and for the most part, do my own thing and mind my own business.   If they get sick, I can help with this.  I hope to spend most of my time outside, if at all possible.

If I stay healthy and live long enough to see it - they will retire, and when they pass I will inherit the home as will my older brother - they live well and so we will live well.  I will spend the remaining portion of my life on the trails out in nature and can learn about how energy works from the planet.  Maybe, if I really take the time to observe what it tells me, someday I will be wise?  Probably not, but it's a nice goal to have.  I want to specialize in bringing Truths from outside social/cultural constructs.

"Why don't you work?"

Mental and physical illness.  I like working and moving around and doing stuff and feeling good at the end of a busy day.  At this point, I just don't care to work, and to be honest, nothing about human civilization interests me.  I want to either move this energy into the forest or find it there and see if I can't do this process here that I do in these journals and bring it out there, and see if anything happens.  I don't know if humans have that ability, but I have heard that some do.  It might just be my calling to live on the outskirts, being what I am.  I think it is fine, as long as I bring back what I learn and do my best to translate it as accurately as possible, then by being out there I am doing my part.

In the summer silence
I was getting violent
In the summer silence
I was doing nothing

Comfort = Stagnation  :: I suppose I could just keep the realization that death is always nipping at your heels and that necessity is the mother of all invention.
Mother nature waits for no one.  Wolf is a butcher, the cruelest, realest aspects of the human psyche - let loose a storm on the mountain and picnic in the rain.
Something is coming, something will happen soon, I feel it in my gut.

Edited March 22, 2021 by Loba