Deal with the very hardcore of pain.

[Kuba Powiertowski]

I'm from Poland. II World War touched every member of my family. Both from mom and dad sides. Most of them were fighting. They had been killing. They were imprisoned by nazi and communist authorities (after the War).  Some of them were brutally tortured during Gestapo or SB Service (Communist Security Service) interrogations. On some, nazi tested a chemical weapon in a concentration camp at Stutthof, that destroyed their health for good. I had had this incredible privilege to listen to some of these SHOCKING stories from first-hand till my uncles, aunties, grand or grand grandparents lived.
You can't help, tears, goosebumps, shivers, and the nightmare dreams afterward. It has been strongly resonating with me till today. It wasn't about some heroism. Not at all. It was about almost infinite pain of the body and foremost of the soul... You cannot imagine it. You have to live through that, to have any idea, what are you talking about...
Till my teen ages, I had spent about half a year in different hospitals overall. Some of my health issues were severe, some not. But once, after a very nasty surgery, I got pain that fulfilled my whole body. I was on the edge of losing medical consciousness, which would be a relief. But I didn't. You want to scream, but You just can't. You sigh heavily. It had lasted for a few hours till I was taken back to the hospital, and some strong painkillers I was given, started to work. 
Now imagine the same pain that Your torturer holds up for three months and does everything for you, neither to lose your consciousness nor to sleep too long. 
Do I afraid of death? No, I don't. I've faced death a few times in my life. It is scary from far, but as you approach closer and closer, it seems more natural and obvious moment that has to happen.
Do I afraid of the hardcore pain? YES. VERY MUCH.
For me, it's like the final frontier in this process of awakening. How to meditate on it? How much love and understanding you need to have to melt it down? How to accept it? How to love it? 
And the story at the end.
My grand auntie Iza is 90 years old. Nazi had tested some chemical shit while she was held in Stutthof Concentration Camp. Communist Security Service had tortured and killed her husband. She has two daughters, my aunties. Younger is mentally disabled and lives with her mom. Older is a sports teacher in high school and takes care of over a whole family.
Auntie Iza has been completely paralyzed by a stroke for fourteen years now. They all live in a 30m2 flat in a very shitty block of flats. They don't have enough money. We all try to help them as we can.
Auntie Iza's mind works impressively well. And she smiles all the time... She doesn't blame the world, she doesn't blame nazis, or communists or everybody. She emanates kindness and loves all the time. I know it's possible, but at the same time, it's somehow impossible. She is much further than I dare to suppose that I'll ever be there.
It's one of the hardest things to work with for me.
What do You think guys? I'm sure that there are many of You here, with the same or very similar experiences and stories. How do You cope with that?
I'll be very thankful for every shared story.

Lots of Respect and Love to Everyone

[Nahm]

35 minutes ago, Kuba Powiertowski said:

How do You cope with that?

I’ve broken many bones and had hundreds of stitches. Broken both collar bones twice even. Might seem very counterintuitive, but I don’t cope. I find coping to perpetuate. I instead feel it, release it, let it go from mind, and focus on what does feel good to me. I found the Buddha’s teachings of the distinction between pain & suffering most insightful. Wishing you the best.  

[mmKay]

Basically this. In a nutshell, to cope with such fears you have to surrender to them. Imagine experiencing, feeling and happening every single terrible scenario that you fear or wish that would never happen. Feel deeply into it . Surrender and embrace. Let it be. If it happens, so be it .

And that's also the gate to Unconditional Happiness as well.  Unconditional Happiness is not simply  getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want.

It's being  completely at ease with what happens. Think about the power and ramifications of such stance.

This is from the more spiritual perspective. It's not the complete story not the absolute truth. It's a multi-dimensional topic and it must be pondered and felt in your personal experience.

[Kuba Powiertowski]

Thank You:)

 

[Kuba Powiertowski]

I know it's a very delicate, complex, and very individual subject.
I connect dealing with hardcore pain with courage, which directly links with internal integrity at some almost superhuman level. For example, my great-grandfather on my mother's side was one of the commanders of the national army that fought the Nazis. After the War, he was imprisoned and tortured to death in a way I'm not able to describe. During the torture, he did not release his comrades. That's why communists killed him.
Do You remember when Leo describes his talk with God in the Outrages Experiments episode? When at some point, God asks Leo does he have enough love, enough capacity to incarnate in somebody being raped or tortured? Fuck sake, I thought then as I got shivers. How much pain I can endure maintaining my inner integrity, not to fall apart. Stay true to yourself in these moments before you die. I don't know, but there may be times where the ego backlash is pulling as much breath in the lungs. Therefore, I see it as the ultimate or one of the last frontiers.
Thank You once again for all Your suggestions, all Your experiences. I need to dig much deeper.
God bless You,

[blackchair]

11 hours ago, Nahm said:

I’ve broken many bones and had hundreds of stitches. Broken both collar bones twice even. Might seem very counterintuitive, but I don’t cope. I find coping to perpetuate. I instead feel it, release it, let it go from mind, and focus on what does feel good to me. I found the Buddha’s teachings of the distinction between pain & suffering most insightful. Wishing you the best.  

im in love with you.

[Nahm]

@blackchair  ?? 

[mmKay]

Embrace this guys. 

 

 

Edited February 5, 2021 by mmKay