Be wary of the hypersensitive narcissist! I wasn't...

[SamC]

So apparently there is a term for a person who is super narcissistic but at the same time higly sensitive ( empathetic) The hypersensitive narcissist. Dun dun duuuuuuun

I didn't know this existed untill very recently when I stumbled on the term. That's why I am sharing it; cause I know a lot of my people pleaser gals and girls would benefit from hearing it and chanses are, you won't find it yourself.

Here are some common signs:

1 - Subconcious gaslighting. They always deny your experience/ opinion/ feeling and project the problem on to you. This happens not because they want to hurt you neccerly, but because they use projection to avoid the shame of seeing the problem within themselves.

2 -  Hypersensitive to criticism. This goes hand In hand with the first point. They can't handle any form of criticism that doesn't fit with their desired self image/ view of the world. Projection is used, and it will always, always according to them be you that needs to change.

3: Intense rage outbursts and feeling of resentment towards other people when they don't feel like they are treated like they are special.

4: Felings of entitlement and superiority over other people 

Now to the fun part. * listen closely if you're a person who has low self esteem and tries to become something in someone's eyes to be accepted ( play a role, have emeshment trauma) 

The narcissist will always say that it is YOUR fault and you will belive them because you fundamentally believe that you always is the problem. That's why you're so scared of making mistakes and asserting yourself.

It is therefor extra important to become aware of this, because otherwise you will always belive that it is your fault... when it is not.

There is nothing wrong with you or your experience. Hypersensitive narcissists exsists too. Develop self trust and learn to assert yourself - cause your feelings, opinions and thoughts are valid. There is not something wrong with you. Feel free to add more thoughts and comments about this, cause this is something that really needs to be discussed!

 

Love

 

Here is some recorses about this topic for those who are interested!

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201905/three-signs-highly-sensitive-narcissist

 

 

Edited February 4, 2021 by SamC

[Preety_India]

What you're describing is an example of what is known as a vulnerable narcissist. 

They will always tell you that everything is your fault. 

Also they will make victim playing scenario to trap you. 

I had an ex like that. 

It's difficult to spot 

One thing they do is always try to tell you that they are better than you and teach you every little thing. 

Also they are very contradictory. They will oppose anything you say. 

 

[Barbara]

This is a great tool, especially when used from above (as Leo puts regarding criticism).
These types of individuals will run away from assertive people. So, it's really valuable to learn how to be assertive. Thanks for sharing!

[SamC]

9 minutes ago, Barbara said:

This is a great tool, especially when used from above (as Leo puts regarding criticism).
These types of individuals will run away from assertive people. So, it's really valuable to learn how to be assertive. Thanks for sharing!

Yeah, and or get's left/ abondend. That's why all narccissts gets abondend sooner or later.  One girl I really liked was like like this in a matter of fact and she would always complain about people leaveing her. This is especially amplified if the other person is not assertive because than that person will be drawn to leave in order to regain a sense of separate self which only can happen if the unassertive person is by himself.

Now I know why our relationship went to hell lmao.

Edited February 4, 2021 by SamC

[SamC]

21 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

What you're describing is an example of what is known as a vulnerable narcissist. 

They will always tell you that everything is your fault. 

Also they will make victim playing scenario to trap you. 

I had an ex like that. 

It's difficult to spot 

One thing they do is always try to tell you that they are better than you and teach you every little thing. 

Also they are very contradictory. They will oppose anything you say. 

 

Very sneakly sneak. They can be everywhere around us

[Preety_India]

28 minutes ago, SamC said:

Very sneakly sneak. They can be everywhere around us

They are very sneaky. They try to plot to get you to feel guilty no matter what how much ever you help them.. 

For example with my ex, when he asked me  for money and I offered him that, he would later tell me that it was my fault that I helped him even when he wanted me to help him 

They lay blame for every little thing. 

The biggest joke was when he told me that I will kill him one day. That is the day I decided to break up and leave him because he won't stop false accusations. 

I had reached a point in that relationship where anything that was bad that happened to him was my fault. 

If he fought with his parents, it was also my fault even when I didn't know his parents. 

It became impossible to deal with his behavior because he would plot things so that I can be blamed later. 

For example he would purposely tell me a different time to meet him and then pretend like I turned up late and that he was waiting a long time although I had reached the place at the time he had asked for, but later he would deny that he said that. 

Arguing with him was impossible because for anything, he will deflect and constantly change his story. The goal is to play victim in different ways even when the truth is different. 

 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Preety_India

[SamC]

16 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

They are very sneaky. They try to plot to get you to feel guilty no matter what how much ever you help them.. 

For example with my ex, when he asked him for money and I offered him that, he would later tell me that it was my fault that I helped him even when he wanted me to help him 

They lay blame for every little thing. 

The biggest joke was when he told me that I will kill him one day. That is the day I decided to break up and leave him because he won't stop false accusations. 

I had reached a point in that relationship where anything that was bad that happened to him was my fault. 

If he fought with his parents, it was also my fault even when I didn't know his parents. 

It became impossible to deal with his behavior because he would plot things so that I can be blamed later. 

For example he would purposely tell me a different time to meet him and then pretend like I turned up late and that he was waiting a long time although I had reached the place at the time he had asked for, but later he would deny that he said that. 

Arguing with him was impossible because for anything, he will deflect and constantly change his story. The goal is to play victim in different ways even when the truth is different. 

 

Ughh. Sounds like a super awful situation, it must have been hard to be around a guy like him.

To me he even sounds like full out grandiose narccisst tbh. Ughh, scary people

[ivankiss]

Another popular label for this type of personality disorder is 'covert narcissist'.

I am very familiar with it. Been studying it deeply for the past few weeks.

Still recovering from the relationship. 

[Keyhole]

Narcissism is the new witch hunt.  Places like this become polluted with anti-narcissism sentiment, while no one is willing to look for it within themselves, which, coincidentally, is exactly how narcissism functions.  Keep in mind that this is a very rare disorder and there are many disorders out there that can have similar signs.

I'm curious now and am going to start watching folks that seem suspicious, who get into these sorts of threads, because I want to see how many are talking about themselves.  I am genuinely curious to see how this plays out - coming from someone who had done over 5k hours of research on narcissism back in 2015/2016 after a relationship - I can scan for this stuff pretty quickly.

Narcissism will never vanish from society until people look within.  That's just how it goes.

I propose that anti-narcissism sentiment is being used to cause people further division and that idiots tend to fall into this trap.  No one can see that it has become a bit of a collective paranoia?  That everyone seems to be the innocent one who got duped by the horrible, terrible meanie?  Why is that?
I propose a experiment for you guys... don't become a part of... but observe personality disorder cults from a distance and how these people act in groups when discussing such things and see what sort of behavioural patterns you can glean from this.  It is much more insightful than reading on narcissism, to watch a pool of these fish interact in real-time.

Now watch how a new group reacts when one of these fish brings it's new parasite to another group.

The collective insanity could just be lumped under one category.  Wetiko.
You look for it from within.  Part of it's mechanism is to keep you looking outwards.
That's how narcissism works... like... duh. 

 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Keyhole

[SamC]

10 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Narcissism is the new witch hunt.  Places like this become polluted with anti-narcissism sentiment, while no one is willing to look for it within themselves, which, coincidentally, is exactly how narcissism functions.  Keep in mind that this is a very rare disorder and there are many disorders out there that can have similar signs.

I'm curious now and am going to start watching folks that seem suspicious, who get into these sorts of threads, because I want to see how many are talking about themselves.  I am genuinely curious to see how this plays out - coming from someone who had done over 5k hours of research on narcissism back in 2015/2016 after a relationship - I can scan for this stuff pretty quickly.

Narcissism will never vanish from society until people look within.  That's just how it goes.

I propose that anti-narcissism sentiment is being used to cause people further division and that idiots tend to fall into this trap.  No one can see that it has become a bit of a collective paranoia?  That everyone seems to be the innocent one who got duped by the horrible, terrible meanie?  Why is that?
I propose a experiment for you guys... don't become a part of... but observe personality disorder cults from a distance and how these people act in groups when discussing such things and see what sort of behavioural patterns you can glean from this.  It is much more insightful than reading on narcissism, to watch a pool of these fish interact in real-time.

Now watch how a new group reacts when one of these fish brings it's new parasite to another group.

The collective insanity could just be lumped under one category.  Wetiko.
You look for it from within.  Part of it's mechanism is to keep you looking outwards.
That's how narcissism works... like... duh. 

 

 

@Keyhole Not sure what you're trying to get at here. This threads goal is to picture and cover highly sensitive narccism.. not cause division. Covering this topic is not a witch hunt.

Many people who get into relationships with highly sensitive narcissists are in fact the opposite to a highly sensative narcissistic person. They are often people pleasers and therefor look for the problem inside cause they belive that they are flawed/ wrong. The Higly sensative narcissistic person do the opposite, they project and deflect, and don't reflect. The problem for them is always outside, not inside.

The reason why this is important to cover is exactly because of that fact... many people believe they are the narcissist when in fact they are not. Looking for the narccism within yourself is only a problem for those who blame everything on everyone else, for those who project and not reflect.

[Keyhole]

@SamC You're parroting right now.
Narcissism is within everyone.  That is what wetiko is.
I would argue that the information I have presented would help people much more than what you are trying to do.

If you're not in a nondual state, then you have some narcissism within you.

As someone who has been down the narcissism trail, until you look within, these things are nothing more than a dead end leading to paranoia.  Narcissism is being split up into way too many different little subsects, when the mechanism of it - wetiko - can be easily summarized and looked at as an egoistic division.  A mechanism that makes people think that there is more to lose then there really is.  It is something that feeds on the illusion of loss.  And that is where people need to look.

The narcissism itself is not important, neither are all these different variations of it.

You can't actually see narcissism properly until it has been mended within yourself.  I say this from personal experience, that these things are a rabbit hole leading towards distrust of others.

I know how this virus of the mind works quite well, from personal experience and dealing with it in the outer world.  In fact, I am almost ready to move from a non-wetiko place, just finding the right spot to move from, and from there I will be able to move with flow - an internal compass.

That's what people need at that is what Wetiko bars you from is being able to feel and use that compass, and you have to look within to understand how this virus works.  It splits itself into many different names.  Categories.  It comes from collective trauma.  This beast needs an entirely different way that humans approach it.

 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Keyhole

[SamC]

@Keyhole Interesting points thanks for sharing. I belive it's super important to cover hyper sensitive narccissm though, becuase a lot of people have suffered from a situation where they have been blamed for being narcissistic/ being wrong by people who score high on this type of narccism. More awarness is needed around this so that people can brake out of this dynamic and heal from emeshment trauma + develop a sense of self worth, self concept and self trust in that one can operate for one's best interest.

Integrating and seeing your own narccism is of corse really important aswell and yeah all have narcissism in the psyche which needs to be seen, integrated and resolved if one wants to develop to the highest potential. 

The one doesn't have to exclude the other.

[NoSelfSelf]

You cant do anything with them i figured just starting to talk with them is a bad idea it wont end well its so tricky to figure out at first then you read them like a book really predictable...

[Nahm]

@SamC

Great share. Good to bring into the light and understand. In the vein of dealing with this societally it’s important to keep the following in mind... 

“While it's true that the recipients of the most annoying of the narcissist's traits—an inflated sense of self-importance, an overwhelming need for admiration and a lack of empathy toward others—suffer emotionally...the narcissist himself actually suffers physically from higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol...perhaps it's the pressure of trying to keep up a front: narcissists, although they come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious, often feel fragile and humiliated on the inside. “

https://www.healthywomen.org/content/blog-entry/narcissism-bad-your-health

Like many psychological issues involving a front, it’s important to recognize the suffering going on as what is seen & heard most often tells the opposite story, which can be manipulative or intimidating without the understanding and knowledge of what to look for. 

It’s also important imo, to be mindful of the distinction that the behaviors do not define the entity. Seeing who one really is, through the behaviors can be very empowering, especially if one is inclined to help. 

 

@SamC @ivankiss @NoSelfSelf @Keyhole @Preety_India

Maybe you guys can offer some clarity... I’ve worked with narcissism in sessions and found much healing & change in being more sensitive. With others, but more specifically in terms self talk / inner monologue. Every time (so far) there was a physically limiting ailment which got worse over time, and they ‘hardened’ in ignoring it, rather than being hypersensitive. It has always turned out to be a previously un-inspected unresolved offshoot of a parent(s) / upbringing. So I’m finding the hypersensitive and narcissist facets to be at odds. What am I missing there? Thanks! 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm getting good at detecting a hyper sensitive narcissist. Recently I had a conversation where they made a strong false accusation and I could smell the mindset to put me in the "monster" box and gaslight, I immediately said no, no and walked out. Never again. The experience with the second ex was more than enough, it got burned in my memory, not gonna have someone like that again around me.. 

The best solution - walk away after knowing. 

They don't change and you end up losing a lot if you don't detect early. 

[SamC]

5 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@SamC

Great share. Good to bring into the light and understand. In the vein of dealing with this societally it’s important to keep the following in mind... 

“While it's true that the recipients of the most annoying of the narcissist's traits—an inflated sense of self-importance, an overwhelming need for admiration and a lack of empathy toward others—suffer emotionally...the narcissist himself actually suffers physically from higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol...perhaps it's the pressure of trying to keep up a front: narcissists, although they come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious, often feel fragile and humiliated on the inside. “

https://www.healthywomen.org/content/blog-entry/narcissism-bad-your-health

Like many psychological issues involving a front, it’s important to recognize the suffering going on as what is seen & heard most often tells the opposite story, which can be manipulative or intimidating without the understanding and knowledge of what to look for. 

It’s also important imo, to be mindful of the distinction that the behaviors do not define the entity. Seeing who one really is, through the behaviors can be very empowering, especially if one is inclined to help. 

 

@SamC @ivankiss @NoSelfSelf @Keyhole @Preety_India

Maybe you guys can offer some clarity... I’ve worked with narcissism in sessions and found much healing & change in being more sensitive. With others, but more specifically in terms self talk / inner monologue. Every time (so far) there was a physically limiting ailment which got worse over time, and they ‘hardened’ in ignoring it, rather than being hypersensitive. It has always turned out to be a previously un-inspected unresolved offshoot of a parent(s) / upbringing. So I’m finding the hypersensitive and narcissist facets to be at odds. What am I missing there? Thanks! 

 

Awsome insights.

What would you as someone who have worked with narccism in sessions argue is the core reason why people develop hypersensitive narccissm?@Nahm

 

[SamC]

9 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@SamC

Great share. Good to bring into the light and understand. In the vein of dealing with this societally it’s important to keep the following in mind... 

“While it's true that the recipients of the most annoying of the narcissist's traits—an inflated sense of self-importance, an overwhelming need for admiration and a lack of empathy toward others—suffer emotionally...the narcissist himself actually suffers physically from higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol...perhaps it's the pressure of trying to keep up a front: narcissists, although they come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious, often feel fragile and humiliated on the inside. “

https://www.healthywomen.org/content/blog-entry/narcissism-bad-your-health

Like many psychological issues involving a front, it’s important to recognize the suffering going on as what is seen & heard most often tells the opposite story, which can be manipulative or intimidating without the understanding and knowledge of what to look for. 

It’s also important imo, to be mindful of the distinction that the behaviors do not define the entity. Seeing who one really is, through the behaviors can be very empowering, especially if one is inclined to help. 

 

@SamC @ivankiss @NoSelfSelf @Keyhole @Preety_India

I've worked with narcissism in sessions and found much healing & change in being more sensitive. With others, but more specifically in terms self talk / inner monologue.

This is huge I think. I as a person who have emeshment trauma heavily judge myself and that is than reflected outwards to other people.

This gets even more clear when I judge narcissists because I not only judge the narccism, I judge the narccism/ assertivness within myself because that is the shadow that I deny within myself in order to get love from other people. Fuck that's it - I deny my identity for it.

Maybe this was what you meant before? @Keyhole

[Nahm]

31 minutes ago, SamC said:

What would you as someone who have worked with narccism in sessions argue is the core reason why people develop hypersensitive narccissm?

A parent is suffering but suppresses rather than inspects. Their child creates an idea of who they are, like all kids, but it includes who ‘they must be’ based on unknowingly coping with the emotional suppression of themself and the parent. The child grows up doubly suppressing, and doubly copes by creating an over inflated self image. The become stuck in an inner tug of war between seeking the good feeling, and upholding that self image. They inevitably choose how they feel over their concept of themself, either from the toll this takes on their relationships, or their health. The hypersensitive part still eludes me. They seem to go from non-sensitive to realizing sensitivity, understanding & changing behaviors, and the body of course follows in terms of healing from within. As to why they would have let it go so long, there is a unique increasing avoidance of people and relationships, due to the opportunity for self understanding. Maybe you mean they are hypersensitive toward others, in terms of mechanisms like deflection & projection...?

[Preety_India]

25 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Maybe you guys can offer some clarity... I’ve worked with narcissism in sessions and found much healing & change in being more sensitive. With others, but more specifically in terms self talk / inner monologue. Every time (so far) there was a physically limiting ailment which got worse over time, and they ‘hardened’ in ignoring it, rather than being hypersensitive. It has always turned out to be a previously un-inspected unresolved offshoot of a parent(s) / upbringing. So I’m finding the hypersensitive and narcissist facets to be at odds. What am I missing there? Thanks! 

You're making some errors.

Narcissism and sensitivity are two different things. There is an overt narcissist and then there is a covert narcissist. I've had the pleasure of dealing with both. Covert and vulnerable narcissists have a lot in common, they are quite subtle in their control and power mechanisms.. Covert narcissists are always looking for someone to latch on to.. They want a power figure in life to feel better about themselves. 

Overt narcissists are your regular run of the mill bossy Trump type narcissists.. 

Vulnerable or hyper sensitive narcissists play or engage in excessive victim role and you have to be the monster to make them feel better (excessive blaming, a key identifier is when you apologize deeply and they still don't forgive you and keep larping, and followed up with stalking once you leave them - in some ways its parasitism) 

Even hyper sensitive narcissists don't have enough sensitivity. They just pretend to, to have a sense of control or disguised authority over your emotions. 

The inherent lack of sensitivity (both in the overt and the pretentious hypersensitive narcissist) can be fixed through therapy where they can be told to integrate sensitivity and greater understanding of people around them and also be encouraged to develop more empathy for people around them. All of the subtypes of narcissists have a fundamental lack of both sensitivity (tunnel vision syndrome) and lack of empathy (zero emotion for another  or lack of understanding) in some form or another. The vulnerable or hyper sensitive narcissist tends to beautifully mask this lack by superficial displays of sensitivity and empathy. This is only discovered when you scratch the surface and subject them to understanding other people's emotions and they fail the test because they try to play a victim instead of an empathizer. 

That's the crucial difference. That's what you were missing. 

 

[Keyhole]

@SamC That's true, can't argue there.
Looking over my own posts, I can see some inconsistencies with my words.
It comes from a good place - I've been questioning my own narcissism for a while, and got stuck in a personality disorder cult and fought it for a good part of 2020, and during that process I learned a lot.  It is as though folks get stuck in a mud slinging paradigm.  And these things can also kind of worm their way into you, even if your personality is initially different.

I have been having a hard time gauging my personality because I don't have a good sense of self.  A lot of the symptoms you posted I relate to, except that I tend to look into them openly, as in, I am aware of my flaws.  Although I question if I can change them.

My biggest fear is that people will get stuck in this, and that folks will forget to look inwards - it can become addictive looking for these signs.  I feel a bit wary now, when I see this, because I found that many in the communities for recovery happen to actually be these sorts of people.  And so that is why I wanted to broaden it a bit to include the entire spectrum of what this mind virus entails so that this situation does not happen.  I have a tendency to be talking to people and also working through some mind problems within myself at the same time - so when I see similar threads, I feel the need to reenact it to get a better understanding of what it means experientially.

I genuinely believe that there is something going on with humans that is causing a form of almost psychotic like division that people are not paying attention to.  And I am both victim and perpetrator of it - I think it is a uniform energy - an archetypal type of energy.  I am worried that the human race is going to become very weak if we can't see it, and that something major could happen and none of us will be strong enough to face it, or even see coming because we will be too busy fighting each other.

I feel a strange pandemic when it comes to this.  I worry that no one is immune to it.
Here is a good example of what I did that could be similar to this situation - so I was arguing with someone on here and I was triggered by, basically a slew of traumatic things that I have been running from for years - I kept all the signs of it, and listed them outwards on this person - and instead of throwing it back, they internalized it and looked to see if it was within themselves.

Just like with what you have done.  So... what if I am wrong?  And in these moments of blindness and not seeing myself, someone takes to heart what I say and then affixes that onto themselves?  And then it just spreads.  But I don't feel narcissistic.  I don't want to be more special, or more important, I just have a series of actions that I grew up with and was raised around that have solidified.  So in this case, how do we make people so strong within themselves, that when this happens from others, they do not then become carriers of that person's pain?  Because it is not my intention to have people carry my pain for me, it just seems to be how this plays out.

I score lower than average on narcissism tests also.

@Nahm@SamC Yes, as I was writing this, that is it.  it is like, to heal it, you have to have a strong identity.
The thing that creates narcissism is the same mechanism that allows it to control you in a relationship.  It is an actual energy that can be interacted with, it works through the collective shadow as a whole.  It is something that has gotten out of control in human beings that we need to see not from a divisive standpoint, but from how it can come about within you, and then you won't be subject to it's influence. It works through co opting the inner monologue of human beings.  It pretends to be a part of the personality.

Have you noticed that when it works through people, that those who have it all talk and react the same way?  it has a similar thought and writing structure?  Like a legion almost.  So yeah, I am thinking that the inoculation for it is a different sort of internal monologue as Nahm is saying.

Quote

You didn't question all your motives
When you thought that this was highly beneficial for me
You then in turn began to think
That it was cute to rub my face in all these made up stories

Roman Empire is what you are
Roman Empire is who you are
You're an empire
Darkest of empires
The Roman Empire

You're building cities on the backs of all the people
Working hard to build a home with memories
This moral ground you think you own is frankly dangerous
When you're ripping kids away from what they need

Roman Empire is what you are
Roman Empire is who you are
You're an empire
Darkest of empires
The Roman Empire

Roman Empire is what you are
Roman Empire is who you are
You're an Empire
Darkest of Empires
The Roman Empire

What if God's not real?
And everything we are
Is just a moment here
Where we're only growing older?
What if God is real
And everything I've done
Pushed me down this path
And it's only growing colder?

Roman Empire is what you are
Roman Empire is who you are
You're an empire
Darkest of empires
The Roman Empire

Roman Empire is what you are
Roman Empire is who you are
You're an empire
Darkest of empires
The Roman Empire

What if God's not real
And everything we are
Is just a moment here
Where we're only growing older?
What if God is real
And everything I've done
Pushed me down this path
And it's only growing colder?

To give an example of this - because your inner reflects your outer, sometimes the shadow can take on seemingly a life of itself.  I woke up half asleep in the middle of the night to see a dark shadow, which is my exercise equipment, but in that moment it was a reflection of my fearful internal state and it told me point blank, "You can see me because you have an unaddressed darkness in you that you are not working through."

I am and have been building up momentum for a new train of thought, but I am not quite there yet.  It is on the very tip of my fingers, and I want to try it and move with it and see what happens.  What Nahm was saying about LOA with his dream board is what machine elves told me as well in this video here:

Do you see the way they are moving like that?  They are a unified centralized point of awareness that can split itself into many, and they weave consciousness/love and coat themselves in it equally and move with universal flow. 
Our emotions work in the same way - so rather than being run by them, we are supposed to feel into the very depth of it and have the same level of nuance, from a heightened place.  Our species should be moving in that similar pattern.  They are legion, and we can be, too.  They say for each human it is an internal process.  But we each have an immense amount of power to shape the future simply by being aware of our emotions.  (I suck at the btw fyi)  You can see all the various nuanced feelings that they have created, like a show, everything is a meme that we are supposed to be gathering to share knowledge with one another in this choreographed way.
The thing that is stopping us from seeing this and working in such a way are these false defense mechanisms that humans have been infected with.
When LOA works its best, we synchronize.  We dance.  

(I'll try to live by what I say but it isn't the easiest thing...)